Blank eyes, trembled hands, something digging in my heart, something made my lungs heavily did their functions. That's all I got this morning. The morning that I knew it would came. The morning that even I prepared a lot to face it, I still couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. 

Tons of regrets wrapped me all of a sudden. Giving more pain that made this morning worst. 

My thumb running along his photo on my smartphone. That photo in that news. Him, the one who took my heart with when we ended everything in the past. Everything that stupidly I still hope I could get it back. 

I grabbed my key and my coat. I have to go as soon as I could or else the members would got me in this such worst condition. But damn, Krystal was there, just came out from her room. She looked me straight on the eyes. I knew she's worried me. I knew she also had read those news. No, we two already knew everything. That news just made it more clear, slapped me to the reality.

"Unnie, neo gwaenchanha?" she asked me, almost like she whispered it. As if the usual voice could hurt me even more. 

"I'm ok, Krys," a fake smile appeared on my face. "I just want to go somewhere. I'll be back before two," without let her gave any respond I went out from the dorm. Rushing towards the basement and got into my car. 

*

I let the wind blew my hair. I closed my eyes as if all this pain would go with them. But those regrets came again. More than before. Regrets that haunted me everyday. 

"Hei..." a voise interrupted me. 

Those voise. I was frozen. I wasn't drunk, I bought coffee instead of soju. Still with eyes closed, I could feel someone sat beside me. 

I opened my eyes, turned to my left side. I gasped. Even he was wearing the cap I could see his eyes looked at me with the way he used to years ago. It suffocated yet paralyzed. This eyes couldn't help but showed pain in their blink. 

I hate the way I unconsciously always be the opened book in front of him, be the one who too easy to be read. I tried to look away but I couldn't. 

"Khun..." I finally got my voice. He smiled. 

"Seems like you're waiting for someone, huh?" he looked at the two cups of coffee between us that I grabbed before arrived here. 

I gasped. For God's shake. Why did I still do the old things? Bought two cups of our favourite coffee and went to this place. The place that we used to be here whenever we wanted to met each other in the past. 

I looked away, not even wanted to answer him. The past was replaying in my mind like an old film. The way we--me and him--loved each other. The way he carried me. How we shared happiness, the comforted hug while one of us having a hard time. How we struggled to keep that relationship as a secret. Until I was the one who gave up at first. I gave up then stupidly ended everything a year ago. I sighed, didn't want to faced him. 

"I'm sorry," he broke the silent. I looked at him, straight in his eyes and found out he's serious about it. "This heart had chosen by another heart and I can't avoid it even once," he pointed to his chest somehow made me felt heavy to breath. I knew what he mean. 

He leaned closer then I found his lips on my forehead, his right hand on my left cheek. We stayed for awhile. I could do nothing. I couldn't deny that I missed him. Missed every single care that he gave me. 

I suddenly felt so empty as he made a distance between us. "Hope you'll get a better person than me. More better. Who can keep and protect you by his side," He got up, without said any goodbye he walked away. Left me behind, not looked back even once untill I really lost his figure when he entered his car. 

A tear fell down to my cheek. He knew it. He really knew that not even a single day I spent without loving him. He knew how Song Qian will always love Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. 

FIN