二。Concerns

"Kim Jongin." A serious looking man shouted from the dreaded door that would determine the  future career of many.

The booming voice had everyone in the room jump in shock. Each time the man came out, he seemed to be even more serious and even more frustrated. Everyone felt the pressure of perfecting their audition as each kid who walked in looked defeated as they walked out. A young Jongin began to calm his nerves by taking deep breathes in and out before abruptly standing up where the serious man called him from. This would be his second time to audition for SM as a trainee and he was just as, if not more, nervous than he was the first time. The first time they had told him that he potential but it wasn’t enough to compare to some of the other trainees they had seen. After that comment, Jongin trained harder for even longer hours. With all the effort he had put into practicing since that fateful day months ago, he had a gut feeling he would succeed this time. He hoped his determination would show through his minute and a half performance.

"You may start whenever you are ready." One of the judges told him as he walked to a spot in front of them. She was lazily watching him behind her ugly spectacles and clipboard.

Jongin inwardly said a prayer in his mind before taking his beginning pose, shyly nodding to the judges to start the music. As soon as the music began Jongin allowed his body to move freely, perfectly flowing with the soft melody of the music. Everything was going to be okay because he spent countless days and nights practicing the choreography until it was polished to perfection. He could practically dance to it in his sleep without missing a single beat. Without sounding too cocky, he could confidently say that his dancing was enough to get him into SM and on his way to stardom. He was glad this time they had him dance first. Dance was his passion, something he was good at, something he was confident in. Whereas singing was another story. He certainly wasn't tone deaf but it was definitely not his forte, for lack of a better word. His vocal teacher in school said he was bearable, whatever that meant. Bearable singing and excellent dancing was all he needed to at least pass the auditions, right?

When his minute and a half dance performance ended, he was deeply out of breath. The judges let him catch his breath as they wrote things down on their clipboard. After a minute or so, he straightened his posture to perform the song he prepared. For good luck, he chose to sing his mom’s favorite song, a song he knew by heart. Jongin tried not to look at the judges through his performance in fear that he would see the lack of interest on their faces as sung his heart out to the best of his ability. When they told him to start, Jongin closed his eyes and began singing to his heart’s content. The singing portion, thankfully, was only thirty-seconds unless stated otherwise by the judges. So just as quick as it started, it was over.

"Okay thank you, please wait outside until the end of auditions." The same lady who had told him to start informed him. Jongin stiffly nodded and nimbly left the room in haste. Once he was outside he was finally able to release a sigh of relief. Either it was really stuffy in the room or he was more nervous then he let himself believe. Once he was back in the lobby he sat in an empty chair next to some lanky guy.

"How'd you do?" Jongin gave the boy sitting next to him a perplexed look before looking to the other side of himself for the person the boy was talking too. Nobody was there so maybe he was talking to Jongin?

The boy chuckled, clearly seeing the confused facial expressions on the boy who just sat down, "I'm talking to you, just so know."

Jongin's mouth dropped in an ‘O’ shape. This was the first time anyone had said anything to him. Even though this was his second audition he knew well enough that fellow auditioners didn't talk to each other, him included. It’s not that everyone was stuck up but rather everyone was so concentrated on going over their routines and lyrics in their mind that no one spoke. It also didn’t help that everyone was competing for the same thing. The tension, although unspoken, was extremely high. It was a dog eat dog process and the only time you should be making is friends is when you become an official trainee.

"Oh I think it went well." He answered, mustering up more confidence than he felt. It was hard to tell how he did when all of the judges had on their poker faces from beginning to end. He wondered if the other boy could tell from his face that he was lying through his teeth. Surely, he knew how the judges only stayed stone faced.

"I don't think I did so well." The lanky boy admitted, lower his head in disappointment. “It didn’t seem like they had any reaction so I’m not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Well there's always next time if it doesn’t out this time around. This is actually my second audition." Jongin awkwardly patted the boy on the shoulder, taking the time to look the boy over. The boy seemed to be what SM was looking for when taking physical features into account. He had the flower boy type face that could be considered pretty and maybe, just maybe, handsome if you stared at him long enough.

"Yeah you’re right. I won’t let this get me down," the boy murmured, "By the way I'm Taemin. Lee Taemin." He stretched out his hand in front of Jongin, al traces of sadness gone.

"Kim Jongin." He shook Taemin's hand.

"Jongin do you like being out in the sun a lot?" Taemin asked randomly when Jongin blinked in confusion, Taemin added, "Cuz you're pretty tan." The corners of Jongin's mouth tugged into a scowl and looked away. It wasn't his fault that he was naturally tan. He was not ashamed but he didn’t particularly like when people pointed it out. He actually thought that it was one of this more alluring features, along with his lips. It was strange that Asians preferred to be fair skinned while North Americans sought out to be bronzed. If only he was born in United States, then he could be worshipped for his sun kissed skin. Sensing the darker skinned boy's change of mood, Taemin widened his eyes and profusely apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I was just curious."

Sure you are, Jongin huffed. People were only sorry after they noticed how it upset him. Had he shown no emotion, that Taemin guy would have never apologized. Jongin silently hoped that the Taemin guy doesn’t make it while he does. That’ll show him, Jongin thinks. It took another hour of standing around before a staff came out holding a clipboard. "After careful consideration we have decided to enroll the following people as trainees, Lee Taemin, Kim Joongsoo, and Choi Nari. Thank you for everyone who auditioned. We hope to see you again next time."

Taemin's eyes widened in shock. "Oh my god. Jongin, please tell me I'm dreaming. Did they really just call me?"

"There must be a mistake. There should be a Kim Jongin." Jongin whispered to himself, rushing over to the staff member to ask. He worked harder than last time. He knew he danced and even sang better than last time. How could they not accept this time again?

The staff looked down on his clipboard again and then shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but there's no Kim Jongin. Better luck next time, kid."

Jongin's heart sunk, he gasped for air, suddenly feeling suffocated. How could this be happening? After all the hours he had put into practicing, gone just like that. Jongin’s mom had told him before he went to the audition to keep his emotions in check until he got home so that he could keep his pride if he didn’t make it this time around. His family always kept encouraging him and he only wanted to come back with good news to them. They too had made a lot of sacrifices for Jongin’s dream to come true. But in that moment, he forgot his pride and let a tear slip down his face. A hand was placed over his shoulder comfortingly. Jongin looked back to the owner of his hand and was surprised to see and saw a pitying yet comforting Taemin.

" Like you told me, there is always next time. Don’t let this be your downfall." Taemin consulted, giving Jongin a reassuring smile. Jongin was left speechless, mostly because he didn’t know how to respond.  He could be petty and brush Taemin’s hand off his shoulder or he could silently thank the other boy and leave it at that. Being raised as a polite boy, he softly muttered a small ‘thanks’ to the other before collecting his things. Taemin gave Jongin one more pat in the shoulder before walking over to the staff. Jongin could see him telling the staff that he was Lee Taemin and that he was called. Jongin only looked on in anguish before turning to leave.

Out of curiosity, though,  Jongin looked back over to the other kids that had their names called. He wondered what they had that he didn’t. Maybe it was more than just dancing and singing that went into being selected.  The reality was that doing your best didn’t guarantee success anymore. Jongin sniffled, hot tears sliding down his face once more. You needed good looks too, especially if you wanted a job in something as cruel as the music industry. Sometimes you have the ‘it’ factor companies are looking for and sometimes you don’t. It just so happened that Taemin had the ‘it’ factor SM was looking for that Jongin didn’t. There was nothing left for Jongin to do except try harder than the first two times or to just admit defeat and call it a day. The ball was now in his court.

⊹ ♕ ⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Empyrean

Large drops of perspiration fell all over Jongin's body as he continuously swayed his body to the beat. Even with drops of sweating rolling down his face and body, he kept practicing until he felt satisfied with his movements. He was in the definitely in the zone tonight. He had only made few mistakes compared to the many he made when he first started practicing the dance a few hours prior. After the uplifting pep talk from the main staff, he was more than ready to debut in the sub-group. He would show the world the dancer Jongin, the hardworking Jongin, the Jongin that was more capable than just being a y icon. He was so much more. His parts in his own group’s songs never let him stand out and prove himself. After years of practice, his hard work was finally going to pay off and he was going to do it not only with his best friend but also with people he admired since he joined the company. Life was good.

"No more." Tao cried out, dramatically falling onto the floor. "I'm too tired." As if to prove a point, he started panting out loud for anyone within a ten-foot radius to hear.

Without missing a beat, Jongin squatted down next to the panting boy and replied, "I thought you wanted to be the number two dancer in your group."

Tao frowned and then pouted.  "But I'm tired and so is Sehun." He pointed to the Korean maknae who finally gave up on dancing and started playing with his phone. Although not as dramatic, Sehun, too, looked extremely tired and out of breath, little sweat drops rolling down the sides of his face.  Sehun had been dancing so hard for so long that by the time Tao gave up, he wasn't sure even sure what part came next.

Choosing to ignore Tao's retort, Jongin danced for another few minutes before he felt his muscles go numb. He heaved a sigh and joined the other two dancers on the floor, letting his long figure sprawl across the hardwood floor. The minute his body made contact with the ground, any of the remaining feeling he once had in his legs and arms disappeared. Even after stretching for half an hour before dancing could help overcome the ache that was coursing through his muscles. Maybe Sehun and Tao had the right idea, he (well, they) should have taken a break in between the last two hours of dancing. The three of them lied motionless on the ground trying to catch their breaths and recuperate from their strenuous exercise.

"I'm jealous." Sehun broke the silence between the three youngest members of their shared group. Tao and Jongin arched their eyebrows and turned their attention to Sehun, who sat up and began stretching his muscles. "You get to work with Taemin hyung and Yoona noona." Jongin chuckled as he saw the younger boy jut out his lips into a pout. Leave to Sehun to jokingly complain or whine about something to ease an atmosphere.

"You forgot dui zhang. He’s also in the group, Sehun," Tao chastised, remaining faithful to his leader. Yifan had been the first one to put up with his childish and selfish antics when no one else would, even though sometimes Yifan would jokingly roll  his eyes.  He was also the one who helped Tao make his first set of friends. Speaking a foreign language had become a hindrance to him and until he mastered Korean he wasn’t able to communicate any of the other trainees. Yifan acted as his translator to some of the Korean trainees who had been interested in knowing Tao. He even introduced him to his circle of friends, mostly consisting of Chinese and English speakers.  And for that, Tao would be eternally grateful to his leader.

"Yes, yes. I guess Yifan hyung too. But technically, I’ve worked with him, Tao." Sehun answered indifferently, brushing Tao off with a wave of his hand.

Since K and M were often separated to do promotions, he and Jongin didn't really know the M leader all that well. True, they’ve had a couple performance as twelve, but every time Sehun and Jongin tried to befriend the leader, something would happen. Be it he being called away or another member starting a conversation with him, Sehun never had an opportunity for one on one time with the tall man. Afterwhile, Sehun just stopped looking for Yifan altogether. They would become friends eventually.

As far as Sehun knew the only members that were close with Yifan were Joonmyun, Tao and Chanyeol. Despite his cold exterior, one thing Sehun liked about Yifan was the fact that he treated all the members to dinners quite often. These dinners often led Sehun to wonder what it would be like to have Yifan be his leader. Not that Joonmyun was a bad leader or anything. He loved that small man. But Yifan seemed like the cooler older brother that was dependable and unsuspectingly nice when he wanted to be. He was someone Sehun could see himself looking up too. Plus, he was probably a lot less motherly than Joonmyun.

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