~*~

The number you have dialed has been disconnected.

I have been listening to that same voice recording the whole day. What was the point? I foolishly held on to the hope that on my next try, no recorded voice would play, and instead, one of my best friends would answer. But even on the umpeenth try, still I was informed that the eight phone numbers I've been calling were no longer their wireless numbers. Of course it would be easy to find ways to contact them, if only I was not much too ashamed to call their families, or the other people from SM.

I had no face, no confidence, to even talk to anyone to ask for Soshi's new numbers. It had only been less than a week since the scandal broke out. Outside Jiyong's house, I was still Kim Taeyeon, the 25-year old superstar who ed up by getting knocked up by another super idol outside of wedlock. Though my supposed "romantic relationship" with the father of my child should give me the confidence to hold my head high, the knowledge that it's all an act killed my self-esteem all the more. Because it's all a lie. What the public thought were all true. So I couldn't face anyone yet. Not Soshi's parents or siblings, not the staff of SM, not the other SM Town idols, not the Sones, not the public.

The number you have dialed has been dis--

The recording got disconnected, because someone took the phone out of my hand and turned off the speaker, putting the device back to its cradle. It was the owner of this house, the very same person who disappeared for three days, only to come home last night, drunk and crying. Then he disappeared on me this morning too. Now, it was 5pm on a Monday, and there he was back home. His home, not mine.

"Y-you have to stop just appearing out of the blue," I mumbled, looking up at him who was standing before me. Instead of answering back, he just handed me a package.

"What's this?"

"Just open it."

I did as he said. Upon opening the paper bag, I took out a box with a very familiar logo and photo on it. I was surprised at what he just gave me. As I opened the package, he sat beside me on the living room sofa.

"I'm sorry that SM disconnected your line. I know this can't replace the old phone, the memories, or the people in it. But it's something new. Maybe that's what you need, a brand new cellphone, a brand new device."

I was speechless. How did he even know of my struggle in the last few days to contact my members? I quickly brought the phone to life, but the moment I unlocked the screen, I was immediately brought to the Contacts page. And in there, I saw the names of the very people I have been missing for the past week.

"Are these..."

"Seungri and I worked really hard today to obtain those numbers. Now you can stop dialing and dialing the old numbers only to hear the same message."

True enough, as I scrolled down, new numbers appeared under the names of Yuri, Jessica, Tiffany, Sunny, Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, Yoona and Seohyun. By instinct, the first person I attempted to call was Hwang Miyoung.

"I'll give you a moment to call them," Jiyong said, standing up to give me my private space.

But Fany's phone just kept ringing, and there was no answer. Sunny next, and it was the same. Then Yoona, also the same. I realized that there could only be one explanation. Today was only a few days before SNSD's third Japan arena tour kicked off.

"There's no point. They're probably on their way to Japan, and then they'd be busy practicing for our tour. I mean... their tour. The managers confiscate our means of communications during such busy moments," I shared, and I was surprised why I expressed it out loud. Why would Jiyong care about SNSD's schedule? But of course, he stopped walking, and came back to the living room.

"Dress up. I'll take you out," was all he said.

"What? Why? You don't have to," I defensively answered. Was he pitying me? What for? For the first time in a long time, I wasn't crying for something shallow. I didn't look pitiable, so I didn't appreciate him still feeling pity for me.

"We haven't seen each other, nor talked to each other, since I came back. Let's eat out," he casually answered.

And whose fault is that? Yeah, we talked. We talked real good last night. Wait a minute, why am I so indifferent to him since he arrived? I realized my bitter treatment and thoughts of Kwon Jiyong, and I have realized I wasn't as on grip with my hormones as I thought I was. For no reason, I was irritated at his presence. Or was there really no reason?

"Come on. The fridge's empty anyway. There's nothing to eat. Let's just go," he egged, pulling me up from my seat. I still resisted, but the he said, "For going to LA and abandoning you, for being drunk and not taking care of you, please let me make it up to you..."

"You don't have to apologize for having a life, or for following your heart."

So he knew where he lacked and when he dropped the ball. Somehow, that acknowledgment diminished my irritation, so I heeded his request and dressed up for a night out. At least he knew he abandoned me, that he missed hearing the first audible source of our child's heartbeat, that he came home to me drunk and even asked me permission to cheat. Uh-oh. No way. That was the first time I acknowledged that Jiyong's behavior last night made me... angry?

Do you even remember what you asked me last night?

"About last night," he spoke first when we were already cruising down the busy night of Hongdae. Just as I was set to put last night behind, since this was technically our first night out, he brought it back. Shoot. Is this a date for the public to see?

"...did I say anything stupid?" he inquired.

"Nothing that didn't make sense. Nothing that I can take against you."

With my answer, he did not respond. But since he already reminded me of the very thing that made me wake up in such a bad mood, I figured now was the perfect time to discuss it.

"Jiyong..."

"Hmm?"

"Let's not get married in a Church," I clearly declared, looking at him while he drove. The traffic light turned yellow, and he slowly stopped by the intersection. Then, he met my gaze. I continued, "We can lie to the public, we can lie to ourselves, we can lie to our families and friends, we can even trick and bypass the laws of society. But can we leave God out of it?"

"What are you saying?" he asked, looking down as he did so. Did my words hit the home run?

"If you and Kiko get back together during the marriage--"

"Forget what I said last night. I was drunk," he immediately cut me off.

"No. I want you and Kiko to get back together!" I exclaimed, a little worked up. There came the bipolar tendencies once more. I truly felt what I said about wanting them back together. But that didn't mean I didn't feel bad about it. "So I'm giving you the permission to commit-- I mean to chase after her... even during our marriage."

"I'm sorry I asked you that. I was drunk and foolish," he muttered, resuming his driving.  We finally entered the area of Jukpo, the heart of Hongdae.

"You were heartbroken. That, I understand with all my heart," I sincerely told him. "Let's not wed in front of God. That's my only request."

Unless you promise to uphold the eighth Commandment. If not, I won't have the conscience to play an act in front of God.

"Our mothers are not going to like that, especially since they just recently settled on the perfect Church after much debate."

"Please, Jiyong."

"I'll... see what I can do," he answered half-heartedly.

"Thank you."

And just as I thanked him, I didn't realize that he already made the turn for the parking. He stopped his car, unbuckled, and declared, "This is us."

"What are we doing in..." I looked around to figure out where we stopped. He opened the passenger door for me, and when I was assisted outside, I confirmed just where we were. "...a strip club?!"

"It's only seven days until our wedding day, so my bride deserves a bridal shower," he declared, with a smirk on his face.

"You didn't?!" I exclaimed in disbelief, completely forgetting all the heavy talk we just had while driving.

"I did," he answered playfully, dragging me to enter the dark and loud establishment.

"Jiyong, you didn't have to! This is crazy!" I shouted in his ear because the music was too loud for us.

"This is normal! We need normal, Taeyeon!" he shouted back. He stopped me from walking so that he could lean forward and speak directly in my ear, all while holding my waist close. "Might it be a bridal shower, or a grand wedding, let's take the most normal we can get as much as we can. Now I already had my bachelor's party in LA, it's only fair you have yours."

"In a strip club?!"

"What's a bridal shower without y strippers?" he answered back with a question, resuming his walk, and inviting me to the largest room in the last part of the hallway. When he opened the two doors...

"Oh. My. God," were the only words that left my mouth.

"HERE COMES THE BRIDE!!!"

"Hi Taeyeon!"

"Nice to meet you Mrs. G-dragon!"

"Finally, we meet!"

"Welcome to your shower Madame Kwon!"

Tens and tens of women my age, and a few years older or younger, welcomed me with hugs, kisses, smiles, and greetings. Some of them, I've never met before. The others, I only knew by name and association

"Honey, these are my girl friends," Jiyong said to me, pointing at the crowd of women surrounding us. "This is Gummy noona, Bom noona, Dara noona, Crazy noonas, Minzy, Crazy hoobaes, and of course, Dami noona's friends!"

I greeted Jiyong's friends politely, then I felt Jiyong's grip on my waist. He brought me close to him, a move that would surely fool the unknowing crowd about our relationship. He had become such an expert pretending about our romatinticism.

"Ladies, there are three house rules please! One, don't make her cry. Two, don't make her drink. Three, don't make her flirt. Arasseo?"

"We will take care of her, don't worry Jiyong," Gummy unnie answered.

"Get out of here, kill joy! This is strictly for us, ladies," Park Bom unnie shouted at him, taking me away from his grip.

"Out! Out Kwon!" one of Dami unnie's friends said, pushing him farther away from me. "It's awkward to watch the male strippers with you around."

"Believe me, it's most awkward for me," Jiyong replied. But he slipped past the women and came to me once more. "Tae, come here please."

He took hold of my two arms, a gesture I have noticed he always did, as if he was talking to a rebelling teenager. He said, "Enjoy the night and please relax. Don't take any alcohol. Don't dance too much. Best of all, please don't stress out."

I just nodded.

"I'll pick you up at 9pm. Okay?"

"9pm? Are you kidding?!" Dara unnie exclaimed, interrupting our moment together. "This is a strip night club! Who goes home at 9pm?"

"The party ends at 9:00, no exception!" Jiyong told the crowd of whining women. "The bride is ing pregnant. I'll be back in two hours."

"Will you be okay honey?" he then asked me, Dara unnie finally leaving us alone again. I wondered why the word honey was still utilized when nobody was within earshot.

"Of course," I answered with an excited nod.

"Hold on to your phone. These aren't your only guests," he said, his eyes sparkling with much meaning. My eyes widened, and my stomach lurched at my understanding of what he said. "You mean..."

He nodded at me and chuckled, and this caused me to force myself on him. I became overly-excited that I embraced him all of a sudden.

"Whoa," he said to my ears, but I only buried myself deeper and tighter in his warmth.

"PDA!" the women teased from around us.

"They're coming, right? Please tell me they're coming," I begged of Jiyong.

"Stop the public display, jeez!" the ladies continued to tease.

"Tiffany said they will all come," Jiyong answered. My excitement turned to emotions. Overwhelming emotions. Before I knew it, I lost handle of the feelings I prided of controlling. I was bawling on his clean shirt, unable to keep ahold of the tears.

"Hey, ssssshhh. Here we go again," he comforted, embracing me.

"Thank you, Jiyong. Thank you so much."

"Anything to keep you from crying. Although you're still crying."

"COME HERE MRS. KWON! LEARN TO LET GO OF THE HUBBY AND LET'S PARTY!" Kwon Dami shouted, pulling me apart from Jiyong.

Jiyong just waved goodbye to me, and said his farewells to the crowd of his girl friends. With that, I was left in the company of ladies who were having a great time in such a celebratory event that was foreign to me. I have never been to a strip club. I have never partied with half- men. I have never danced with half- men. I didn't expect to find enjoyment in such a wild party, but I did. Dami unnie, her friends, as well the ladies from YG all made sure I was maximizing the thrill, the excitement, the freedom. And I did.

At least for the first hour. When eight o'clock came and went, my heart began to feel heavy, eager, agitated. Although the party was busy and enjoyable, I could only look forward to the arrival of my most awaited guests.

Where are you girls? I wondered while I danced awkwardly with Minzy and the half- stripper sandwiching me. Although I was on the center dance floor, I looked at the entrance door from time to time. For everytime it opened, my heart would jump with excitement and hope that the members of SNSD would come.

Please come. Please... I silently prayed. Hoped. Looked forward to. Then prayed again. By 8:30pm, when the door opened for the nth time only to reveal the servers, I found no more desire to dance and enjoy. I excused myself from the dancing crowd, then I found solace in one of the corner table. I checked on my phone, but other than Jiyong's text messages asking me how I was, there was nothing else. In my peripheral vision, I saw that the two-door entrance open again. I looked up, very much hopeful.

Please be them. Please be my eight best... friends... I muttered to myself in broken words. I was devastated once more. It wasn't them, but more of Dami unnie's best friends. This was not my party. Because my party should be about my best friends, my girls, my people. Instead, I felt like the odd one out tonight. For as long as Tiffany and Sunny were not the ones who prepared it, if Hyoyeon did not hire the strippers, if Sooyoung did not bartend, if Yuri and Yoona did not own the stage, and if Sica and Seohyun did not wince at the presence of the strippers, then it wasn't my bridal shower.

"Are you okay Taeyeon?" Dami unnie asked me while all the ladies sat down for the main event.

"Of course unnie. This is fun," I lied.

We all settled on our tables, while the group of four male performers presented us the main event -- the strip show. While the ladies became too engrossed with booze and , screaming and getting excited at the stage events, I just held on my phone and waited for at least one sign of my best friends. It was now nine o'clock, and still there was nothing. I decided to call them, only to be welcomed by...

The number you have dialed has been disconnected.

I felt unbelievable sadness hearing that recorded message once more. Never in my life have I ever thought that this automated voice would cause me such an uninvited distress. Just two hours ago, their phones rang. But now, when I have obtained their numbers, their accounts got disconnected again.

They're not coming. Of course not.

It took me all my willpower not to break down on the spot. I couldn't spoil such a happy event, especially seeing the red and happy faces of the ladies around me. Although they weren't my friends, they still came in celebration of my pretend-marriage. I still owed them these hours of their night. So I pretended well. For the next hour, I acted like I enjoyed it too, and was glad that I played it well until the very end.

"It was nice to finally meet you Taeyeon unnie," Minzy sweetly said as she embraced me.

"We hope you enjoyed partying with us," Dara joked.

"Let's hang out sometimes, okay?" Bom unnie invited.

"Congratulations on your marriage!!" Gummy unnie excitedly greeted, also embracing me. She was the most drunk of the bunch.

"Good luck being married to Jiyong. Aigoo," one of the Crazy dancers teased.

"Thank you everyone. I'm sorry that I'm such a boring bride-to-be. I'm not used to wild parties like this."

"You're too innocently cute Kim Taeyeon," another Crazy dancer teased.

"You have to get used to this from now on. If you're going to be the Madame GD, parties like this are normal!" Dami unnie's best friend commented.

"Not with baby Kwon in here," Dami unnie interjected, holding my belly. I finished saying my goodbyes and thanks to my guests. Kwon Dami walked me out of the place, holding my arms in assistance. "I'll bring home all the presents, don't worry about it."

"Thanks for everything Dami unnie. You acted really well in the days we were together."

"It was very difficult to plan the party in secret while I was with you, gosh!"

We reached the exit of the establishment, where Jiyong's Rolls-Royce was already parked. Jiyong opened the passenger door for me, and helped me get in the car. He even fixed my seatbelt for