(AN: You should probably read the lyrics to Be a Man )

            Things have changed and Changsun can't really say he knew when they had. Maybe it was between their busy schedules and the lack of 'I loves you's' being shared, but who can really say? Changsun only knows that they meet less and less, and the bright eyes that use to form into crescents when he was around have turned dull. He knows that when he's around Jinki his heart still beats just as fast as it did when they first met. He knows that he still holds so much love for the man that he calls his. The only problem is he doesn't know for how long he'll be able to call Jinki his. He knows what is coming, he knows what the younger is contemplating, he can see it on his face when they are together.

Maybe it was because Changsun could read Jinki like a book, but that didn't help the situation, not at all. Jinki was a closed book, off limits to the public. He only showed a glimpse of his real self from his cover which was through his appearance and his brief summary from the back cover through his eyes. He only showed his pages to the people he loved and trusted, and once upon a time that was Changsun, however lately the number of pages he's able to access have been so very limited. He can predict the end to their story but nowhere can he find the cause or the solution to the impending doom.

The hardest part of this whole situation for Changsun is the waiting. The days that went by were torturousand it took a toll on his mind.  He's known for quite sometime, almost 2 months he would guess. After he had taken his beloved on a special date for their anniversary, you could say that was the beginning of the end. Jinki smiled but it never reached his eyes, he went through the motions of loving Changsun, but Changsun could tell he wasn't there completely. He didn't have all of Jinki, he could tell the open soul he use to have access too was closing off to him and he had to try to stop it, so he did.

He texted Jinki every morning and every night, whenever he had an ounce of free time he began to text or call the younger, just how he did when they first became friends, but the replies that ensued only were notices of Jinki's busy schedule. He'd say he'd get back to Changsun but he never did, and when questioned about it he forgot because he was to tired. However Changsun knew Jinki was avoiding him, he tended to ignore the things he had problems with confrontating. Changsun knew because he was the person who helped him come out to his parents, but it took months to do.

With every meeting they have now, he calls them meetings because he knows Jinki feels obligated to see Changsun, he can tell the rift between them both is growing and it begins to eat at him inside. How long does he have to try and fix things? How long does he have until the end of his sanity? Jinki was the one thing that held him together. He had a fragile mind state and his busy schedules never helped with that, but Jinki did. They helped each other you could say, they both had mental problems that they needed help with and they both gave each other strength but somewhere along the lines Changsun had gotten left behind. It seemed like the more he tried to fix things the worse it got along with his mental state got. He couldn't sleep and he would often break down whenever he was alone.

It was a Thursday at a press conference when Changsun officially lost it. He began to panic when he saw Jinki in the crowd. He saw Jinki look him the eyes and walk away from him. Changsun got up, disrupting everything, and tried to follow Jinki. His band members had to hold him back, they somehow snapped him out of his hallucination, they were able to play it off as Changsun showing off his newly enhanced acting skills and luckily the press ate it up. Once it was over though he went to the bathroom alone, telling s that he was fine and that he just needed to take his medicine. It was true, he did need his medicine. He hadn't taken it since he had began dating Jinki, but he didn't need it then, Jinki was his medicine. Jinki had stopped the hallucinations, he stopped the craziness that was plaguing him but now Jinki was breaking him.

He entered the bathroom and locked it. He faced his reflection and sighed, he needed to get a hold of himself. He was losing his grip on reality and it wasn't good for him. He needed to get his sanity back, he needed to get Jinki back. "Jinki" he mumbled to himself, just the name of his lover caused tears to well up in his eyes. He was suffering so much, he just wanted a solution, he just wanted things to be how they were. "Things aren't the same anymore Changsun" he heard from out off the blue and suddenly Jinki was in the bathroom with him, staring at him with the dull eyes he always had when he was around Changsun. "Jinki..please I'm sorry, I don't know what happened between us but we can fix it" he pleaded with the hallucination but Jinki just stared at him silently before he turned and faded away. Changsun tried to reach out for him but he was gone. The rest of the afternoon was spent with Changsun crying in the bathroom and pleading with someone he wished he could reach, while s tried to coax him out of the bathroom but Changsun was too far gone to hear them.

After that day the members had be on watch with Changsun. They all watched him to make sure he took his medicine, they even got his schedules cancelled but it didn't help the pain in his heart, it only stopped the mental pain. Days started to become like a blur to him, he couldn't think straight while on his pills, they just slowed things down for him and suppressed his feelings. He couldn't think properly on them, he wanted to stop but they wouldn't allow it, not after what had happened.

Somehow he was able to get to his old self again, the Changsun that everyone loved. He found a way to just act through it all, act through all of the surrealness of his life. The funny thing was, Jinki never called to check up on Changsun. s had all tried to get in contact with the male, but he never answered the calls or responded to the texts, until Changsun sent one himself. He was sure it was going to happen any day soon, he thought that maybe the pills could help with the pain he would feel since they suppressed everything else Changsun felt.

It took almost a week from the text Changsun had sent Jinki for him to visit. Changsun had asked to see the younger, he claimed he missed him terribly, and he did. Jinki just replied saying he would try his best to come over. Changsun didn't know how much effort was put into actually trying to find a day to come over, but he didn't say it out loud. No, he was with Jinki, he just hoped that today wouldn't be the day. He knew it was coming, but he needed more time to prepare himself. However he knew he would never have enough time to prepare himself for the end.

"Changsun-ah, you look well" He said softly as he looked over Changsun. There was a small smile on his lips, Changsun couldn't tell if it was sincere because the pills mixed with his anxiousness, made him a bit unfocused. "T-thanks, I really missed you..everything, everything just became too much, but I'm glad you're here now" he said honestly, Jinki was his everything and even though Changsun might not be his everything anymore, he wanted the younger to know how important he was to Changsun, but he knew it wouldn't make a difference.

"Yea..I'm sorry I couldn't visit, I didn't really know what was going on" he lied, but Changsun only nodded in reply. He knew s had left messages for Jinki explaining everything. He guessed today would be the day; if he wasn't on his pills right now, Changsun would have broken down in front of Jinki. "It's okay, I didn't want to worry you, I know you're always so busy" he said as he tried to smile at Jinki, he was starting to  feel the pain and the anxiousness of the next few moments. He knew his pills were wearing off. He tried to hold Jinki's hand but Jinki just pulled away, and Changsun tried to brace himself for the words he knew that were about to be uttered.

"Changsun..I don't think we should keep seeing each other, we just..I just I don't feel the same way I use too, but we can still be friends" Jinki said uneasily as he began to stand. Changsun could feel his eyes on him and it took everything in Changsun to hold back his tears. He confirmed that the pills had worn off, that or the pain was just too strong. "Jinki-ah..I..Okay, I-If that's what you wish" he struggled through his sentence as his throat tightened and his voice threatened to crack. Jinki didn't say anything else and Changsun watched him start to walk away, but he didn't want to let him go, Jinki was his world, his sanity, his everything he couldn't let that go.

"D-don't go please" he choked out as the tears began to fall. He had grabbed the younger's wrist and stood up as well. he pulled him into his chest and held him tightly as the tears began to fall more and more. "Jinki I love you, please don't go, I-I'm better..see? I'm better I take my pills I'm so much better, let me show you please" he pleaded through his tears while he held onto Jinki, but Jinki only pushed him away. "Jinki please I -I need you..D-don't go, I-I'll change, I'll be what you want just don't go" he said as he dropped to his knees in front of Jinki, but the younger just sighed and moved towards the door.

"We just don't work Joon" he said finally as he reached the door. "Take care of yourself" he said before he finally departed, leaving Changsun alone. He knew things were over, he never called him Joon, even when they first met, it was always Changsun hyung, something special, but now he was like evryone else to Jinki, just a person desperately trying to peek inside his pages to get a glimpse at how he was feeling and what he was thinking.

"H-He'll be happy" he mumbled to himself over and over as he held his knees to his chest and cried. It was the only thing helping him get through his pain. He felt so weak and in pain, he just wanted it all to go away, but it wouldn't no matter how many times he told himself Jinki was happier without him.

Changsun didn't know how much time had passed since Jinki had left but he hadn't stopped crying, not even when the door to his dorm opened and closed. He didn't move from his spot, he didn't care who saw him this way, his world, his everything had left him and he had to figure out how to live without him. It was like he had to relearn everything about the world again, he had to leave to live a new life, one that didn't surround itself around Jinki.

"Hyung-ah.." He heard a soft voice say, just like Jinki use to say. He figured it was another hallucination. "Go away Jinki, g-go be happy " he said weakly as he held himself tighter. Soon two arms were wrapped around him just like Jinki use to do to him when he was too stressed out or he felt like the world was too much to handle, just like now. "J-jinki p-please ..j-just go" he mumbled as more tears began to fall down his face, he hadn't looked up, he didn't want to see the face of his beloved, it would only cause him more pain. "Shh hyung, it's Mireu, remember me?" he said gently and Changsun looked up at the younger, it really was him.

"Mirreu..he left..h-he left..h-he doesn't want me..I-I tried so hard, what did I do wrong?" he said desperately as he looked at Mir, as if he had the magic answer. "I-I know I should be a m-man, let him go and be happy, t-that's what I should do, t-that's what a man does..b-but it hurts. He was my everything, he was heart ..Mirreu why..?" he cried out as he clutched the younger. Mir didn't know how to respond, he had never seen his hyung this out of it before. It pained him to watch someone so close to him hurt so much and not be able to help him. "I don't know hyung" he said softly as he pulled Changsun to his chest and his back as he continued to cry.

Be a man Mir thought of Changsun's words as he watched over him. He had cried so hard he ended up tiring himself out and falling asleep, but Mir could tell by the look on his face that he still wasn't at peace. "Be a man" he mumbled to himself. What was a man suppose to do when the one thing he loved tossed him away, surely it was okay to cry, surely it was okay to hurt. "You are being a man hyung" he said softly as he kissed the elder's forehead. He was entitled to hurt, to cry, to pine, yes he was a man but he was also a human. He had emotions just like anyone else, he was entitled to cry if he wanted too, he could cry, he could hurt, it was okay, because that comes along with being a man, being able to show weakness and being able to allow yourself to cry. "You are a man" he mumbled one last time to the sleeping figure, only hoping his words could reach him.

A/N: So yea that's it I hope someone enjoys it (?) It'd be nice if someone left a comment, but I don't know how many people will read this. I hope it's okay I even proofread so hopefully the mistakes are minimal. Oh yea one last thing support MBLAQ and watch Be a Man it's a really great song and video with good lyrics.