I longed for something.

Mother prepared dinner and to my disappointment, it lacked protein. I now know what I’m longing for –deer meat.

I looked blankly at the meal before me, lots of green stuff. “So, that young man next door. Do you like him?”

“Mother, I do not.” I am obviously peeved at her desire to know what non-existent feelings I have for Sanghyuk but my meal is a bigger disappointment.

“He’s nice.” Mother eats like how a lady should--prim and proper, unlike males who just shoves food down their throats and never cares to chew.“He’s immature.” I added, after chewing every grain of rice to very fine pieces.

“Are you sure you don’t like him?” She queries after a long silence. “No, mother.” I silenced her, The Queen would’ve punished ‘mother’ if she joined us for dinner. She does not like babbling, ever, especially during meal times.

“I asked his mother to talk to him, about helping you to school.”

“I won’t be able to drive you to school.” “I can handle myself.” I concluded and left the table.

Queen mother will not be proud of my behavior. So the next morning I asked for forgiveness which mother quickly granted. I wish I could be forgiving like her, because I really have a problem travelling with males, they are a nuisance.

 “Princess!” Sanghyuk waved his hands as I approached the bus stop.

“Show me which bus to board and how I could reach the school.” I shushed him.

He complies happily and gives me each detail. I told him, I simply could not stand travelling with him for which he just smiled and told me—“Yes, princess.” I told him, it would be the same when going home.  He blew up his cheeks trying not to show sheer disappointment, he looks even younger when he does this, like a baby.

I rode the bus, minding my own business. The bus operator was stunned as he saw my face, he forgot to take my payment. The other males in the bus stood up with their mouths ajar, offering me their seats.

They should feel happy, after all not all men are lucky to ever set their eyes on one of us and they even get to travel with me and they all are fortunate to be alive after the voyage.

Of course, I still feel a sense of unease it’s only been roughly 48 hours since I’ve seen a male in almost 70 years, the looks they give me are the looks they give Queen mother, looks of admiration like they want to marry her, pathetic!

I remember my 18 year old self going to school like this, writing endless notes and listening to repeated discussions. I was such a nerd, wearing glasses and my lemon colored hair always tied in a bun. Only one person called me beautiful and that was my little brother. It felt like only a minute has passed but it’s like a different life.

My father was always away, my mother only cared for money and material things but my brother was beautiful and good, he filled a void that was left by our parents. If all men are like him, I would've embraced mortality.

He was taken away by men, he was so young, the men didn’t understand. Men whose only desire was to run towards war, and to run towards death. He survived with only but a scratch but by then I was gone. I was with Queen mother, I already belonging in another family.

“Hi.” Juri walked beside me, her glasses gleaming cleanly. “Good morning, Juri.” I looked at her, she looks more and more like Zoe, or am I just seeing things?

We thoughtlessly walked to the classroom, she smiled sheepishly at all the young males staring at us then imitates them and stare at me too. “Danbi, you must have been popular from your hometown.”

“Juri, I do not care about popularity. Do not mind them.” Juri looked on straight ahead and mumbles.

“So… do you like anyone of your admirers?” She sits at the empty seat beside me.

“No.” I simply answered. Never ever.

Our conversation was cut short when the class adviser arrived. Juri gave me occasional side glances. I knew that she wanted to tell me something, I felt it. Like how Zoe’s trying to hide something from me but I can clearly see from her expressions that she wants to tell me so badly.