A wild scenery of pure golden stalks of wheat formed a large field around him as he drove along the crunchy dirt road. The radio DJ was observantly announcing today’s weather in Seoul, but he was no longer in the city. He was somewhere out in the countryside, somewhere he’d never been before.

The clouds swept by overhead casting shadows over his car every time it blocked the sun from view. He thought good of it and remained patience since it kept the rays from blinding him. Making a U-turn with a deep sigh he started back down the way he’d come from upon realizing he was driving into a rice field.

Everywhere around him were gardens and more gardens. It was almost the rainy season, which meant the dirt roads would soon get muddy. It would then be difficult to drive along the roads without getting trapped in the mud and he last wanted to wait for a tow truck to rescue him.

Sehun wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for the hard month of rumors behind his back. It first started at the high school group reunion his friends wanted to have after completing their service in the army.

“Did you hear? Remember Kim Namjoo, the girl from our grade?”

“What about her?”

“I heard she has a kid running around.”

“What?!” Someone voiced in astonishment.

“Really! Someone saw! Her kid’s this big,” the man whispered loudly, “maybe three or four years old.”

“Wasn’t she dating Oh Sehun during that time?”

Upon feeling a nudge from his friend he turned. The gossipers quickly turned away upon catching his eye.

“You hear that?” His friend asked.

Sehun stared at his longtime childhood friend baffled speechless. Ever since he broke up with Namjoo they never talked again.

“I heard Taejoon went to the countryside to visit his grandparents during his military vacation,” Chanyeol explained, “he saw her there.”

A kid?

Namjoo?

“Hey man, I don’t know what happened between you two, but men who leave their girls when she’s pregnant are despicable,” someone shot the comment out at him before leaving the table with his drink.

“What the heck…hey, leave him alone!” Someone retaliated.

“Yea, leave him alone,” someone else agreed, “who knows, the kid’s probably not even Sehun’s. Maybe she was so heartbroken she slept around after the breakup. The kid could be anybody’s.”

“Slept around?” A roar of gossip and whispers immediately traveled around the room.

“It’s true. I saw her with a different man every night at the club,” someone stated.

“Please, she wouldn’t…”

“Do you even know how wild she was in high school? Even Sehun couldn’t control her!”

Annoyed with the back talk he gulped down the rest of his drink before walking out with Chanyeol calling out after him.

But it was true. When he dated Namjoo she was wild and crazy. She drank and smoked whenever they were alone at her place. She had no father and her mother was a night time bar girl, but she wasn’t a bad person. Namjoo’s mother always wanted her to go to school and would even take to making her breakfast when she got home before heading to bed. Namjoo though, always rebelled.  

Sehun was interested in her because she, unlike him, knew so much. He was silently rebellious too, and would follow her around; sneaking illegally into clubs. Namjoo though, was too far-fetched from him, he realized one night. When she got interested in drugs, he wanted to stop her but Namjoo would have none of his righteousness. An argument ended their relationship and he left her.

She never came back to complete high school.

That was about…four years ago.

After the first time hearing the rumors, they slowly started spreading behind his back. Every time there was a group gathering he’d hear them talk about him and Namjoo behind his back. They’d call her a , a , and laugh about it because she’d been a nobody. Then they’d call him names and tell him how irresponsible he was to abandon his kid. They’d tell him he wasn’t a man; that he was even lower than a who’d never abandon her young.

The rumors made him really upset, so he started avoiding them.

It didn’t stop there.

They gossiped about them even on social networking sites.

It became that bad that he barely went anywhere but to work until one day when they even suggested putting her address up; thinking that going to see her and ridicule her might help her. The comment was quickly taken down when Chanyeol, one day, gave him the countryside address where Taejoon had spotted Namjoo.

It was stupid. The whole thing was stupid itself.

Throughout the period he’d dated Namjoo he barely touched her. Whoever this kid was, he’d find a solution. He just wanted to make the rumors stop.

Driving past a moist green field he spotted white homes closely connected, each one separated by a small gate. They were tainted with dirt and the outer walls were chipped. It looked like repairs hadn’t been made to the homes in years and Sehun thought about the many insects that might infest a house at night. It creeped him out.

Pulling the car to a stop he stepped out and peered once more at the unfolded paper in his hand. He had to smooth out the creases a bit in order to read Chanyeol’s messy handwriting before finally starting down the walk.

The house plates along each home were so rusty he almost couldn’t read the numbers. He finally found a barren white home with worn shoes sitting outside the footsteps. The gate had been left open so he took a step in to look around. There was nothing, but a short dirt yard with patches of green grass sprouting around anonymously.

The house frames were starting to ruin and the house barely had any real color to it. It looked desolate, old, and bland. A storm of strong rain and gusts would probably make the house collapse, he imagined. For a few seconds he thought this was what poverty was like.

“Anyone home?” He called out.

No one answered.

“Hello?”

Sehun glanced around once more before turning upon hearing voices float over the wind. Turning he saw a little girl with short hair and curly bangs jumping and laughing. He finally spotted the laundry line on the dry dirt field and a woman draping a white sheet across the laundry line.

“Mommy! Mommy!” The little girl shouted. “Look at me!”

He watched the little girl shake out a tiny blanket in the air before smiling up at who she was calling mom.

Tilting his head a bit to the side he stared at the woman before walking toward them. As his footsteps crunched against the ground she soon turned upon hearing him. Their eyes met and her stare remained defiant without word. He guessed she probably hadn’t imagined seeing him step foot there. He himself wouldn’t have ever foreseen this. As much as they were alike, they were different too.

“Can we talk?” He greeted.

The little girl stared at him curiously before Namjoo spoke, “We’re done here, why don’t you run home and eat that candy now?”

A smile beamed across her face before she dashed away on her small feet. Sehun turned to watch her run toward the house he was just at before he turned to face her.

It was true after all, this thing about this kid. He was almost distraught, but he was most confused; maybe even unhappy to see that it was real. It either meant his friends had spoken the truth about Namjoo knocking herself up or it meant something else. And that something was something he wasn’t sure about.

“What are you doing here?” Namjoo asked.

She still looked the same. Nothing had changed about her, but the tiny lines underneath her eyes.

“Who’s that?” Sehun questioned.

“You don’t need to know.”

“Is she,” he started, “really yours?”

Her stare remained unchanged, but her lips were now in a firm straight line.

“Do you know what they’re saying about you?” Sehun questioned.

Namjoo only stared back.

“They’re talking about you; calling you a and a who slept around,” Sehun yelled, “is that what you really are? Is she…one of those jerk’s kid?!”

A strong wave of silence swept over them when a horrendously strong wind flushed over them. He could hear it roaring in his ears. Namjoo’s eyes, again, remained unchanged.

“Are you done?” Namjoo asked.

She waited for him to speak for five seconds before she picked up the basket and started walking by. Twisting around to stare at her wondering why she didn’t understand her situation he raised his voice in order to be heard over the next wave of wind.

“It’s your fault they’re pulling me into this ! Do you know what I have to deal with?!” Sehun shouted.

He watched her stop in step.  

“If she’s not yours, why don’t you leave her? That way no one can say anything!”

Namjoo twisted her neck to look back at him, “Why don’t you leave?”

With just that she turned to head back toward the house.

This was absurd, he thought. Namjoo was crazy for raising a child by herself. She was stupid and blind if she wanted to let those people talk about her, degrade her. Fine, whatever, he’d leave her be. It wasn’t his problem to begin with. Yet, he groaned a second later annoyed with how it irked him still.

Pressing the beeper to unlock his car he stopped in his steps when he heard someone call out.

“Mistah!”

Turning around with his keys dangling from his hand he watched the little girl from earlier bounding toward him in her flowery dress.

“Mistah!” She called out again when nearing him.

Sehun peered down when she held out a small pack of candy to him.

“Me give,” she spoke and as she smiled her round cheeks squished her tiny eyes into bulbs.

When Sehun took the tiny pack of candy she waved to him before turning bounding toward her house again. Sehun turned around to get into his car, but paused and glanced back down the empty road to Namjoo’s home.

Heaving an annoyed sigh he locked his car before stepping toward the home again. This time he found himself knocking against the plastic window on the door. Namjoo opened it a short second after and they stared at each other presumably again.

He later found himself sitting on the hard yellow floor looking at the blank walls and into the rooms. There was a little television in what he guessed was her bedroom, but there wasn’t a mattress. From what he knew, Namjoo always slept on a mattress and the TV in her house was always of average size. He had to wonder why she was living like this.

Namjoo brought over a tiny circular table with a glass of water and placed it in front of him before sliding the bedroom door close. She came back to sit in front of him, but didn’t say anything. Unsure about how to start he grabbed the cup of water and took a long sip before setting it down.

“Taejoon,” Sehun told, “saw you here.”

“I know,” Namjoo didn’t sound at all surprised.

She was really calm about all of this.

Had she expected it?

“Then…” he started, but she cut him off.

“, , , e, tramp, wench,” Namjoo listed, “I know.”

Sehun’s mind blanked as his eyes dulled on her.

“She’s not yours,” Namjoo told, “so even if they speak about you, it shouldn’t matter because you know she has nothing to do with you.”

He still couldn’t get his brain working.

“She’s mine,” Namjoo claimed, “and that’s all you need to know.”

They sat there quietly without saying anything as if she was allowing him to process the information into his head.

“Please leave,” Namjoo finally said, “I have to go work at the market.”

Work?

The Namjoo he knew didn’t work. She drank, smoked, and partied. Where was that alcohol? Where were those cigarettes?

He listened to the door open and close before turning to stare at the weak brown door. After slipping into his shoes he stepped through gate and paused when he saw the little girl squatting in the field. Instead of heading toward his car he started toward her and saw that she was plucking flowers from the garden. Unlike the other fields he’d come across, Namjoo’s field was almost barren with small plots of vegetables successfully growing.  

“What are you doing?” He asked.

The girl looked at him surprised, her big round eyes illuminating the sun. That smile grew on her face again before she held up the crooked ring she’d twisted together.

“Ta-da!” She shouted. “Is it pretty?”

Sehun wanted to laugh at the ugly ring, but only nodded.

“It’s pretty,” she peered down at the ring and slipped it on her finger before showing it to him proudly. “Auntie has ring, but mommy no. Why?”

“Hmm?” Sehun raised his brow almost unable to understand her.

She held up her hand with the ring again as if to show it off.

“Ah…” he nodded before she pulled it off and held it out to him. Sehun became confused again.

“Give you,” she told.

Upon holding out his palm she dropped it into his hand before turning away to run off into the distance. Sehun watched her go before he finally treaded back to his car.

He didn’t go back the next couple of days nor did he go anywhere else. The rumors were still hot and heavy among his high school group. Avoiding them was the best he could do.

One day while stocking up on his grocery he spotted a pair of children’s clothing and shoes on sale. He first pushed his cart past it before pausing halfway down the aisle. While his eyes roamed over the ice cream in the freezer ahead he could hear the little girl calling him ‘Mistah’ and thought about the little sandals on her feet.

What kind of clothes did Namjoo buy for her? What kinds of clothes were available in that small village? What exactly did Namjoo do at the market and how much did she earn?   

Turning around he peered back at the children’s clothes and found himself with a pair of little girl’s sandals at the checkout aisle.

“Th…these,” Sehun started slightly embarrassed, “they’re for toddlers, right?”

“They’re so cute,” the cashier commented, “are you buying them for your daughter?”

Sehun felt embarrassment flush through him, “Well…”

“I’m sure they’d fit her,” she smiled at him.

But even so, Sehun never really went back there. Those shoes sat on his shelf untouched for almost two weeks next to that pack of candy and that wilted flower ring.

“Are you serious?” Chanyeol asked over a drink that weekend.

Sehun nodded shaking the ice in his cup of juice.

“Is it really hers?”

Sehun shrugged, “I can’t tell. You know, sometimes kids don’t even look like their parents.”

Chanyeol laughed, “Are you sure about that?”

Sehun nodded certain of it.

“But why is she living all the way out there and not here?” Chanyeol wondered.

Shrugging again he said, “I don’t know.”

“You didn’t ask?”

Sehun recalled those defiant eyes that had looked at him that day and how the both of them had forgone a warm greeting and small talk.

“I don’t think she wanted me there.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well you know, those guys like to talk,” Chanyeol told. “I don’t think it matters what anyone else believes anyway. Didn’t she say that she knows they call her names?”

He nodded.

“Maybe you should go talk to her,” Chanyeol suggested. “Besides, you’re the only one who really knew her. Don’t you think if you brought her back to the city, it would solve everything? I mean, you can show everyone that the child’s not yours and the rumors would die down.”

Sehun couldn’t sleep that night.

Yes, it was true he wanted to stop the rumors. He wanted the guys to stop looking at him as if he’d abandoned Namjoo. He wanted to shed his past, but there was also something that bothered him about it. It was difficult to discover what it was.

He ended up twisting and turning in his bed before his eyes landed on the sandals sitting on his shelf.

Waking early the next weekend he drove back to the countryside at last. He wouldn’t have seen this coming at all. If it hadn’t been for Chanyeol’s suggestion he probably wouldn’t have found it in him to go back at all.

When he found Namjoo’s house it started raining. Dark clouds had formed overhead and he could see lightning forming in the foams. Jogging from his car to the house he hurriedly knocked on the plastic window. Namjoo opened the door slowly and stared at him plainly when she saw him.

“What are you doing here?” Namjoo asked.

Holding up the sandals he brought with them he said, “I actually saw these in the store.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Your daughter gave me a ring and some candy; I should at least pay her back.” Sehun told.

Namjoo peered at the shoes before taking them, “Thanks.”

She set them down on the porch, but remained blocking the entryway. It was almost as if she didn’t want to invite him in.

“Can I come in to dry off?” He asked. “It’s raining kind of hard out here.”

She only looked at him before stepping aside. After seating himself on the ground Namjoo handed him a flat white towel that had gone gray to dry himself.

“Do you want something to drink?” Namjoo asked.

“No, I’m fine.” Sehun replied while peering through the unclear windows. The wind was pounding on them hard and he felt like they might break the windows.

“Soo Ae’s asleep, I’ll give them to her when she wakes up,” Namjoo told walking over with a glass of water for herself.

“Soo Ae?” He repeated.

“It’s her name.”

“It’s pretty.”

She sat down by him, but with a gap between them. Clutching onto the cup she stared at the closed bedroom door.

“Can I ask you something?”

She nodded.

“Why is it that you’re here and not in the city?” Sehun wondered.

Namjoo pressed her lips together and slightly shifted her chin up. He waited, but she didn’t take to his question.

“If you come back and tell them what really happened, the rumors might stop. You can live peacefully then.”

A short laugh in the form of a snort left her as she tilted her head down to look at the floor.

Biting onto her tongue she turned to look at him, “Are you asking me back for your sake?”

“What?” He asked confused.

“Oh Sehun,” Namjoo called, “do you know why we broke up?”

He raised his brow. What was going on now? Why didn’t he understand? He just asked her about returning to Seoul, hadn’t he? Why…how did she become upset?

“This,” Namjoo stated, “you want me to return to the city to put your rumors at peace? You want to use me to show the others that you aren’t despicable, so therefore you can face them again. You want to use me…again.”

He slightly frowned at her. “What are you talking about?”

“You know well what I’m going on about,” Namjoo declared quite seriously. “When we dated you only wanted me as an escape into the world you had no guts to enter. And now, you have no guts to face them yourself, so you want to use me to calm them for you?”

“That’s…”

“Completely what you’re after,” Namjoo stated. “I…don’t care what they say about me. I can face them head on. Go ahead, Sehun, use me; you can go tell them I had a jerk’s kid if that will help you. But if you want me to bring my daughter to Seoul to listen to them, no. My daughter, I won’t have her hearing that kind of stuff. Do you want me to make a few phone calls or something? Will that put you at peace?”

“No…Namjoo…” Sehun stared up at her completely at a loss.

Setting the cup onto the floor loudly she stood up so quickly he could barely catch her in time. Pulling the door open she held her chin up high and seemingly stared at the ceiling.

“Please leave,” she ordered stiffly, signaling the end of his visit.

Biting his tongue he stood up to walk out. A mass of guilt was slowly growing in him. It was a pit of horrible feelings.

He stopped right outside the door and waited for her to say something, but she just shut the door. Closing his eyes he let out a deep reprimanding sigh.

On the drive back to the city he ran her words over in his head.

That was right.

That uncomfortable, wrong feeling he’d suddenly had last night…was this.

He wanted her back in Seoul, so he wouldn’t have to listen to them talk about him. He wanted her back to secure his position in the group…and that had been all he’d cared about.

Laughing angrily at himself he pulled over to the side of the road with the rain pouring down his windshield angrily. That had been his intentions, but he hadn’t seen it coming.

It was…as stupid as those rumors.

Letting out an angry shout he slammed his hand against the steering wheel.

He spent his Sunday lying in bed in his entangled sheets. He hardly slept at all.

Actually, he was a little more than just upset so he didn’t want to do anything. It was all because Namjoo was right. He wanted the others to see him as worthy and successful. He wanted to look powerful in front of them, but this rumor had turned all that around. And it was all that made him angry.

As always, Namjoo was one step ahead of him. She knew what he was thinking.

Closing his eyes he sighed heavily.

He was in the wrong and he knew he should apologize. That little girl of Namjoo’s was the last thing he’d hurt.

He could hear her cute voice calling him ‘Mistah’ again and he turned to peer at the flower ring that had already died and the pack of candy he never opened.

After dressing and grabbing something nice to wear he headed back to the countryside again. To his luck, because of the rain last night his car got trapped in the depths of the soggy mud. No matter how many times he pressed the accelerator, the tires only churned more and more mud onto his dear vehicle.

In the end after waiting to see if any farm machinery might come by, he ended up walking toward Namjoo’s house. Along the way though, his feet sunk into the mud before it splattered over his pants.

Groaning loudly he tilted his head back only to blind himself when he met with the sun’s rays. Frustrated groaning again he shook his head, lost his balance and landed in the dirt road.

It felt like half a day went by before Namjoo’s house came into sight. Just as he entered through the gate that Namjoo never seemed to close she stepped out of her house in rain boots. This time she finally looked surprised when she saw him.

He felt embarrassed when he saw her eyes run over his mucky clothes and couldn’t meet with her eyes.

“My car…got stuck,” he mumbled.

A few minutes later he found himself sitting on the porch wiping himself clean with a fluffy orange towel this time. He slightly turned surprised when he felt a cold towel touch the back of his neck.

Soo Ae smiled at him and he caught sight of the towel in her hand.

“Hi Mistah.”

“Hi,” Sehun smiled and turned when Namjoo stepped in through the gates with a neighbor’s spare clothes draped around her arm.

A minute later after changing into the sweats and old t-shirt he saw Namjoo tossing his clothes into her basket. Without noticing him she pulled her door open to step out.

“Where are you going?” He hurried after her standing on the edge of the porch.

Namjoo was already halfway down the yard when she turned around; the basket at her hip.

“Going to wash these.”

“No, you don’t have to…”

“I’m not going to have anything dirty in my house.” Namjoo declared before turning her back to him.

“Wait!” He called out, but hesitated to step outside because his shoes were in the basket as well.

When Namjoo disappeared around the corner he felt hesitation to run after her filter through him. He would go…only if he had shoes. It was then when he felt someone tap his lower arm. When he turned around Soo Ae held out a pair of women flip flops out to him with a broad smile.

Even though this was what he’d least expected to be doing upon his sudden visit, he was later following Soo Ae down a short lane; his big feet tucked in Namjoo’s small flip flops. It was uncomfortable and his feet hurt, but it was better than running on muddy ground.

“Mommy!” Soo Ae called out when they neared a building where Namjoo was standing on gravel with a large silver bowl. His clothes were currently soaking in water running through an outside pipe.

“What are you doing here? Go back home,” Namjoo said when the little girl ran at her.

“Mommy! Look!” Soo Ae pointed back to the Sehun before he realized she was pointing to the flip flops he was wearing.

The little girl giggled and Sehun, flushed with embarrassment, realized the little girl was more mischievous than he’d imagined.  

Namjoo stared down at his feet unamused when he stepped onto the gravel. When she glanced up at him he caught that smile of hers she often used when holding back laughter.

“What are you doing?” She asked. “You’re going to break them.”

“Sorry,” he apologized. “I’ll get you new ones.”

“Forget it,” she brushed him off and turned to switch the pipe off.

Sehun watched her swirl his shoes around into the bubbly water before calling Soo Ae over to help clean them. Namjoo stepped out of her rain boots before stepping into the bowl to stomp the towels and his dirty clothes clean.

“Let me do it,” Sehun hurried over.

“No, just go back. I’m fine.”

“These are my clothes.”

“My towels.”

They stared at each other quietly before Sehun stepped out of her flip flops and stepped in as well. He quickly squirmed and felt goosebumps crawl on his skin when he felt the cold water, but Namjoo only giggled at him.

“That’s why I told you to go back.”

Biting his lower lip to withstand the cold he grabbed the wall before stomping onto the cloths.

“Is this how you wash your clothes here?” He asked.

“Yea.”

Sehun glanced down at her and found her peering up at him, and he suddenly felt like she was much older than when he first saw her a few weeks ago. Namjoo was first to turn away, but he still found himself gazing at the roof of her head.

Her hair…smelled nice.

“Do it slowly, you’re getting water on me,” Namjoo told.

“Oh…” was all he managed, his heart pacing at a much slower pace when he realized he could feel the heat emanating from her.

After giving Soo Ae money to run off to the market for some candy he followed Namjoo to the house where she hooked up some laundry lines to dry his clothes and her towels.

“Namjoo,” he started.

“Go home after lunch,” Namjoo interrupted. “Your clothes should be dry by then.” Before turning to head into the house she pointed toward a small pipe in the courtyard. “You got mud on your feet. Go wash off over there.”

He stared after her and listened to the door close. She was still probably angry at him.

Lunch came quickly and he was stunned with the fact that Namjoo had learned to cook. Even though her food were basics they were satisfactory. Throughout the meal little Soo Ae continued playing tricks on him by stealing food off his plate whenever he wasn’t looking. She even slid him a Popsicle after Namjoo cleared the table and very soon after that Namjoo walked in with his stiffly dry clothes.

It was time…for him to leave.

After changing back into his clothes he stepped back outside with his still somewhat damp shoes. Namjoo followed him out explaining to him that the chief had helped tow his car from the mud.

“Thanks,” he stopped at the gate and turned to look at her. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

She said nothing, but nodded.

They became quiet with an air of awkwardness. He hesitated to leave, because he knew he had things to clarify. Sehun couldn’t tell on Namjoo’s part, but he knew he had things to say.

“I…” he started, “just want you to know I didn’t just use you. Even then, you were an inspiration to me and I liked you for that. I’m sorry that I’m still a coward.”

Pressing her lips together she raised her head up to look at him. “I…after I got kicked out after talking about drugs I stole some money and ran away. When I was walking down an alley one night, I found a baby buried in a pile of trash. She was thrown away, just like that.” A resentful smile grew across her bitter face, “And you know what I realized when I heard her crying?”

Sehun quietly waited.

“That no one really wants to be abandoned,” Namjoo finished. “My mom left me alone. My dad left us before I even knew his face. And when I picked her up, I knew I couldn’t leave her alone. That’s…my Soo Ae, my daughter.”

Sehun could see the emotions of sadness and happiness on her face. He could see that she was well and she was determined. He could finally see a light in her. He could see that Namjoo finally started loving herself so that she could give love to another. There were so many flaws and there were none at all.

Rebellious Namjoo had grown up to be someone’s mother.

Lucky…lucky Soo Ae.

“How old is she?”

“Four years old.” Namjoo answered proudly.

He found himself smiling along with her b happiness.

“She’s going to go to school soon.”

“Yea, she is.”

“You want her to go to a good school, don’t you?” Sehun asked.

The smile playing on her lips slowly cooled down when she wasn’t sure where he was going with the topic.

“Not for me, but for your daughter,” Sehun started. “To give her more opportunities and a good place to grow up in.”

“What are you saying?”

Sehun glanced at the ground before meeting with her eyes, “I…can find a place for you.”

Namjoo stared blankly up at him.

“Do you,” he asked, “want to come back with me?”

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***Sorry for the loong wait! But it's here! I hope you enjoyed it! :D

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