They always say, no one is perfect. Donghae thought so, too. That was until his first year of university where he met Lee Hyukjae.

Handsome face with beautiful eyes and flawless skin. Unruly fire-red hair, and a dazzling smile always gracing his lips. He even had a great personality of being kind and humble and just simply nice.

And Donghae fell. Without anyone noticing. Without having someone to catch him.

♦

It was his best friend, Kyuhyun who introduced them to another. The younger attended the same musical classes as the redhead and after spending some time together while a great friendship started to bloom between them, Kyuhyun knew that Donghae also would like the latter. 

Donghae almost gasped out loud when his friend and a certain redhead took a seat in front of him at the canteen table. He couldn't help but stare for a moment when Hyukjae met his eyes and gave him a wide smile.

"Hyukjae, this is Donghae, the friend I told you about. I hope you two will get along well," Kyuhyun grinned happily.

"It´s very nice to meet you, Donghae," the redhead spoke with a tender voice, offering his hand for a handshake.

Donghae needed a few seconds until he realised what was happening, trying to hide his flustered state when Kyuhyun gave him a sceptical glance. He hastily accepted the other's hand, shaking it while his lips formed into a small smile as he felt the redheads soft skin against his own.

"Yes, it´s nice to meet you," he said quietly and ducked his head when Hyukjae's beautiful smile widened even more.

Kyuhyun watched the two of them in relief, knowing that his hunch had been right.

Just that Donghae didn´t like Hyukjae as much as Kyuhyun thought he would. Because he came to like him more than anyone could have imagined.

♦

Time flew past summer and autumn, stopping right at the cold yet cosy winter. Donghae and Hyukjae got closer with every day, even having some classes together and both attending the dancing club where they showed their talent with breathtakingly body control, meeting up in their free time whenever they could.

Kyuhyun sometimes was with them, along with Sungmin who had been his boyfriend of a four-year relationship.

But mostly, it was only Donghae and Hyukjae.

They had a lot of fun together, fooling around and acting like boys that never grew up. They created wonderful memories over the time, of whom they had been sure they would tell about once they were older.

They also got to know a lot about another. Until Donghae even was able to proudly say he knew the redhead like the back of his own hand.

It was odd though, because the latter didn´t know him as much as Donghae knew Hyukjae. But the younger preferred it this way. He didn´t want his friend to know about his real thoughts. About his real heart. He was afraid the redhead wouldn´t accept him anymore and to be left alone without him. So Donghae took the risk of hurting himself every day, taking Hyukjae as his friend and only a friend.

♦

It was the first time Donghae considered someone as perfect. Yes, funny since how can a person ever be? But to Donghae, Hyukjae was. Blame the light feeling in his head whenever he would hear the other laugh. Blame his giddy legs whenever Hyukjae would touch him. Or blame the warmth that spread within his body whenever he looked into the redhead's eyes. Blame whatever you want but still, Lee Hyukjae was perfect to Donghae.

Many people wouldn´t agree, he knew that. But even if there were things others would see as flaws, Donghae took them in as perfect. They made Hyukjae human. Perfect yet human. Not like a robot or an unrealistic person from a movie.

Lee Hyukjae was real. And it was the imperfection that made him perfect. Maybe because he just was. But maybe because he was Hyukjae.

♦

"Donghae, I have to tell you something," Hyukjae spoke up through their comfortable silence, stopping in his track and fiddling with his fingers nervously.

The fluffy snow crunched under Donghae's steps as he continued to walk a few more steps forward before he stopped. "What is it?" he asked.

He heard Hyukjae take in a deep breath and letting it out again, hesitatingly speaking again. "C-can you turn around? I-I feel a little awkward telling you this with your back facing me," he chuckled coyly.

The words made the brunet smile and he did as the other requested of him, eyeing his red-haired friend.

"Tell me what is going on," Donghae said and the latter nodded.

"You know-" Hyukjae cleared his throat- "God how do I say this?" He chuckled at himself, scratching his nape in embarrassment.

"Hyuk, come on. You know you can tell me anything," the brunet laughed, walking up to the latter and grinning up to him. "Mhm?" he nudged the redhead a bit making him smile.

"Yeah, I know. It´s just kinda weird, Hyukjae answered.

He then heaved a sigh, eyes starting to sparkle with excitement as he opened his mouth and let out the words. "Donghae, I think I fell in love," he whispered.

Donghae felt his chest tightening. He knew this day would come but he didn´t think it would be this soon. His heart began to speed up and beat painfully while his mind slowly started to panic. He wasn´t ready yet. He wasn´t ready yet to hear those words. He couldn´t. He didn´t want to.

But Hyukjae always had been stronger than him. He wasn´t able to stop the redhead from anything. And so he did let Hyukjae say it out loud. 

But Donghae regretted it, badly. He didn´t expect it to hurt this much.

♦

Love is a sickness, Donghae knew all too well what people meant by that. You don´t want feel like this because it makes you tired and takes all your strength away. But it stays, until the very last day. Even though it is hurting you, ripping the heart in two and causing a mess within your brain, it won´t leave. It just won´t leave.

♦

Breathe in. Hold it. Hold it. Go on. And calm down. Donghae kept on repeating those words to himself.

He straightened up, hid the tears and forced a smile. His heart getting locked up.

♦

They fell into a long silence after talking about their Christmas holidays, taking a glance at another every now and then, enjoying each other's company and the warm atmosphere within the café they sat in. Hyukjae soon finished his cold drink while Donghae kept on blowing his hot chocolate, eyes smiling like those of a child. The redhead softly chuckled to himself seeing the younger's expression, popping his elbows on the table to support his chin as he stared at the other.

"What?" Donghae spoke up after a while, raising a teasing eyebrow. "Am I that good looking?" he grinned.

"Yes, you indeed are," Hyukjae simply answered with a tender voice, his stare never letting go of the other's eyes. 

Once those words left the redheads mouth, Donghae couldn't help a blush from spreading over his face. He tried to cover it up with a smile.

"But you are perfect," he said as if to mock him, meaning every word though.

Hyukjae laughed, showing radiant teeth and lovely gums while his eyes each turned into a twinkling demilune. "I´m not even near perfect."

"Yes, you are," Donghae insisted.

He roamed his eyes over Hyukjae's flaming red hair which embraced the boy's face in a consummative way, creating a breathtaking contrast to his smooth and milky white skin. A sharp and attractive jawline, plump and full lips, an adorable nose, elegantly curved eyelashes, beautiful almond-shaped and shining eyes. Yes, he truly was perfect. 

Lee Hyukjae the embodiment of perfection.

And the fact that Donghae was sitting right in front of this wonderful human creature, made him feel weird on the inside. Warmth exploded in his stomach and flowed through his whole body, causing his heart to hammer against his chest as if it wanted to jump out, right into the redhead's hands.

Donghae wondered. Would Hyukjae accept him? Would he ever feel the same?

Did he know what kind of effects he had on Donghae? Had he ever noticed Donghae's feelings?

The brunet felt a wave of sadness wash over. He didn´t want to think of the answer, yet he knew.

He knew the answer to his questions was no.

No, Hyukjae would never feel the same way. He had a pretty, smart and especially loving girlfriend and Donghae knew his friend loved her just as deeply. No, he didn´t know what kind of effects he had on Donghae. Every time Hyukjae would hug and hold him tightly against his chest, kiss his head in a comforting way, lean on his shoulder when he felt tired, play with the other's fingers when he was bored or when he would tap Donghae's nose while stating how cute the younger was, Hyukjae never knew. He never knew how every touch, every glance and just everything he did had Donghae's heart in panic.

Donghae couldn´t blame him though. Hyukjae was perfect and he was not. They didn´t belong together, it wasn´t right. Hyukjae was too good for him and he knew it. So even though his heart was clenching in the most painful ways, he had to accept it.

He couldn´t blame Hyukjae for not loving him back.

"Hey, what is wrong with you?" Hyukjae's voice pulled Donghae out of his thoughts.

He blinked a few times before the blur in his eyes was gone and he could see the redhead's face again.

"Hae, are you okay?" Hyukjae spoke again, his expression full of worry.

"Ah, uh, sorry. I spaced out a bit," Donghae forced a smile but he could tell by the frown on the other's forehead that Hyukjae didn´t buy it.

Donghae gulped down a heavy lump that formed within his throat as the urge to cry became stronger. How come he was like an open book to Hyukjae, yet it seemed like the latter skipped a few of the pages?

"Didn´t you said you have a date with your girlfriend later?" the brunet said.

"Donghae, don´t even try to change the topic. What is wrong?" he asked, reaching out to hold the boy's hand.

Donghae watched the redhead's hand coming closer to his, blankly staring down on them when Hyukjae took his cold hand and interweaved it with his warm one.

"You know you can tell me," the redhead said softly as he the back of Donghae's hand.

The younger bit his lower lip, eyes burning caused by the sting of the unshed and hidden tears. It felt as if all those hurtful memories he gathered over the time he loved the man in front of him came together at once and hit him full-blown into the face. Was this what a breakdown was like?

"Donghae, talk to me. You know-"

"-H-hyukjae, I," the brunet interrupted the other, knowing he wasn't able to stop himself. "I-I have to g-go," he stammered, view unfocused and never meeting Hyukjae's gaze.

"What do you mean you have to go?" the redhead eyed him in confusion but Donghae just pulled away, freeing his hand from the grip. "Donghae what-" Hyukjae started but before he could utter another word, the sound of wood hitting tiles loudly echoed through the room as Donghae knocked over his chair to storm out of the café.

♦

He felt so stupid, he wanted to laugh at himself. What were all those tears rolling down his cheeks? He knew how Hyukjae felt and he was pretty fine until now. So why was he like this now? Why did it suddenly hurt so much? Why now?

Donghae heard the redhead's voice from behind, calling out his name. But he refused to let the other see him like this. To let him see broken. 

His lungs were burning as he continued to run, his legs slowly giving up and protesting against every step he took. 

And soon his strength was gone. He felt a hand tightly grab his wrist, pulling him backwards and turning him around. He came face to face with Hyukjae who was looking at him with wide, terrified eyes.

"W-what was that?" he asked breathlessly, searching for Donghae's eyes when the boy lowered his head. "Donghae talk to me! What is wrong?" the redhead raised his voice, his grip tightening.

The brunet chewed on his lower lip while tears fell uncontrollably. He felt all the walls he built around himself crack. Brittle material getting chapped more and more until they broke completely. 

He felt exposed, he had nowhere to hide anymore. To hide his feelings. To hide his heart.

"What should I do?" Donghae voice was barely a whisper, clenching his fists. "Hyukjae, tell me what I should do!" he shouted loudly, choking on a heavy sob and squeezing his eyes shut from the pain he felt. 

The redhead cupped his cheeks, making Donghae look at him. He them tenderly, his heart aching to see his friend like that.

"Donghae you need to tell me what happened. I promise you I will help you, no matter what. But first I need to know what-"

"-I love you" the brunet cut his words. "I love you, Hyukjae," he repeated, staring into the latter's eyes.

"I love you, Lee Hyukjae. And not in the way you love me. Or in the way I love Kyuhyun or Sungmin. I love with all my heart. With all my mind. With all I have. And I know I´m a fool for doing so but I just can´t help it. I tried everything I could but I just-" he took a deep breath-"I just couldn´t stop it. And I´m afraid I won´t be able any time soon." 

They fell into a moment of silence. But it wasn´t a comfortable one like it always had been between them, where they didn´t need any words to tell what they felt. It was a silence filled with confusion and pain. 

"Now tell me. What should I do?" Donghae said quietly, voice cracking.

His eyes found their way back to Hyukjae's, his heart shattering the second he saw the other's expression. Shock. Disbelief. Refusal. 

The brunet chuckled wryly. "Now you won´t be able to help me, right?" he said as he felt Hyukjaes hand slowly disappearing from his cheeks. "And that´s exactly why I could never tell you," he gave his friend a sad smile.

Because I would lose you.

♦

Donghae often thought about what if. 

What if Hyukjae never found out? What if Hyukjae did found out and felt the same way? What if he himself never had those feelings from the beginning with? 

And when he thought about those what if´s, he laughed. He laughed about himself for thinking about them. Since they wouldn´t happen anyways.

♦

The wind blew softly through the streets, bringing fallen leaves to dance beautifully. A small smile captured his lips at the wonderful sight of nature. Winter was over and even though it was his favourite season, he loved the transition from the cold to the new, warm and fresh season. Spring was coming with little flowers poking through the earth on the roadside while trees started to bloom, ready to show everyone their beauty. 

A breeze played with Donghae's brown hair as he walked up the stairs to his front door. He took his keys from his pocket, smiling at the little keychain he treasured since he once got it from a person he loved.

He unlocked the wicket of the postbox, taking out the mailings and looking through them. One of them instantly caught his eyes with its pearl white colour, golden letters writing elegantly Wedding Invitation. 

Donghae quickly stuffed the other letters into his bag, quickly opening the particular letter he held in his hand. He opened it. He read the card. And he smiled. 

He smiled brightly, eyes starting to shine from the warm feeling he felt within his chest. He wasn´t forgotten.

Even though they hadn't seen another in a long time, his friend never forgot him. Donghae hugged the card tightly, feeling stupid to be this happy about a letter but he couldn´t help it. 

Hyukjae truly found his happiness. And so did Donghae. Even though it wasn´t the happiness he always hoped for. But he could smile again, breathe properly and enjoy the little things life gave him.

Yes, he was happy.

♦