Zitao has a rough day today and all he wanted to do right now was to sleep— the really long one where he won’t wake up every hour or in the middle of the night for no apparent reason at all. Zitao hated it because when he wakes up, all he would do was to think and think and think. It pained Zitao, not just physically but emotionally as well. The physical thing that was his body was exhausted all the time even though he didn’t do anything all day. The emotional thing was…he’s getting messed up more. No. He doesn’t want that. Not now, not ever.

Zitao was now lying down on his bed while wearing his night clothes which were a white tank top and some black sweatpants. He pulled the sheets up to his shoulders and closed his tired and sleepy eyes slowly, trying to sleep the problems off for now. All he wanted to have was some long night sleep that he hadn’t done for days now and he would do everything he can just to have one. After a few minutes, he fell asleep.

As he was sleeping for about an hour or two now, his mind wandered off and then he had a dream. What was the dream about? It was about her— Miss Seukhye.

The dream was so real. All of the movements, the surroundings, the emotions. It all too real like he was experience all of it again just like before while he was sleeping. It was one of his good memories— the days when someone can really tell that he has a genuine smile etched on his lips. But those were the days and he doesn’t want to remember it because that was when his heart was broken for the second time. He doesn’t want to feel it anymore. For him, it was a weakness, not a strong point— well he believed that it was a strong point but not anymore.

The dream was his memories of her… It was about the days when he was with her all the time like Zitao’s world was only revolving around her. Her smile that ZItao loved, the spark in her eyes that made Zitao happy when he sees it, her soft hands that fitted onto his hand. They went on a coffee shop while they drank coffee together, the walk going to the park that only the two of them knew while they were on a date. The first time they kissed and got intimate with each other.

After practically remembering all of his memories of her, he suddenly opened his eyes and sat up on his bed, turning the nightstand lamp on. He leaned on the headboard of his bed and felt himself having cold sweat and his heard was rapidly beating as if he was afraid of his dream. He didn’t know why but he doesn’t want to find out. He looked at the clock that was on the top of the nightstand to see when time it was. 3 am. That was always the time when Zitao will wake up in the middle of the night.

He ran his fingers through his hair a few times and thought. Those were the days. It won’t happen anymore. I don’t deserve all of it. He repeated it to himself over and over again, trying to make himself forget all of it but he can’t. He placed his hands on both sides of his face and tightly closed his eyes. “No no no no no!” he repeatedly said that made his pets wake up, that was sleeping on the edge of his bed, and moved closer to him so they can comfort him. They bumped their heads on Zitao’s body and snuggled close to him and Zitao’s eyes started water. He didn’t know why but he violently wiped his tears away as if it was the last thing that he would do— to cry for someone. He was a demon, why would he cry for something so trivial?

He tried to calm himself down and hold all of his pets close to him before he lay down on his bed again. He wished it was just a dream that he could forget but no, it wasn’t. It was reality, the beautiful but painful reality that should have just been a dream for him. A dream that’s unreachable for a demon like him.