~~~~~~~~~~

To: Jongin; Hey Jongin…

From: Jongin; Yeah what’s up? So odd to have to texting me something like that. Should I be worried?

To: Jongin; No. You shouldn’t…

Chanyeol sighed and strung his hand through his hair.

To: Jongin; I’ve got a question.

From: Jongin; Ok, shoot.

Chanyeol buried his head into his covers. He took a deep breath.

To: Jongin; Why did you stay friends with me?

From: Jongin; Stay friends with you? What do you mean?

Chanyeol bit his lip.

To: Jongin; When I came out. Why didn’t you just ditch me.

He waited. After five minutes without a response his nerves started to increase and he began to hope the response just wouldn’t come. But then after another five minutes later it did.

From: Jongin; I suppose cause none of that mattered to me. I knew you a long time before you came out and we’d been friends for all that time. I knew you well enough to know that you would never hit on me cuz you knew I was straight and it never caused any issues between us. So I dunno. I guess cuz you’re my friend and all that ‘gay guys can’t be bros with straight guys’ stuff was below me.

After Chanyeol finished reading Jongin’s somewhat-heartfelt message he could tell that he had that scrunchy face on that meant he was trying not to cry or smile at the same time.

From: Jongin; Plus your Mario kart collection is beast.

From: Jongin; Only kidding. Haha.

From: Jongin; Kinda.

God he loved that kid. Even if he was a sometimes.

~

It had been a week or so since the Jung’s party and Chanyeol was starting to get over himself. He could actually go a time period longer than five minutes without thinking about Baekhyun and the events that had unfurled with him that night. A couple days ago thinking about Baekhyun would have caused Chanyeol to roll up in a ball and clutch his stomach in discomfort, but now he felt only mildly sick whenever that…kiss…popped up into his head.

It really was such a great kiss. It was absolute perfect, but it only lasted until its end when Baekhyun pulled away and everything Chanyeol had hoped for chattered into a million pieces.

His birthday had happened, but it was absolutely y considering his state of emotional distress. The Jung’s came over for supper and they all had a celebratory meal. Baekhyun didn’t come, which Chanyeol was both relieved and disappointed for. Jiyoon seemed better than she had when Chanyeol left her at the party and had even brought him a gift. A book of short stories written by the one and only Ahn Seungho, Chanyeol’s favorite writer journalist. He didn’t remember telling her about him, but he figured he must have at some point during their time together. It was a sweet gift, but he wished Baekhyun had gotten it for him.

But now it was December and it was getting even colder outside. His and Jiyoon’s engagement ceremony would be taking place next week and the date for the wedding would be decided soon after. He was in a state where he was just letting his life move on without so much as standing by the sidelines. No, it was more like he was completely off of the field and heading away from it without looking back, not even caring what happened with his game of life.

The nice thing about it being December was that he was off school for a month, which was absolutely fantastic. The bad thing was that he had been hoping to spend a greater portion of it with Baekhyun. But like that was going to happen now.

Chanyeol had tried to get Jongin into going out this evening, but Jongin said he was busy. With what, Chanyeol didn’t know. It made him feel suspicious. It was a Saturday night and Jongin had plans. Chanyeol knew he shouldn’t feel left out, but, especially now, he was feeling quite lonely.

So no better way to drown in his loneliness than to drown himself in alcohol. He took a bus downtown so he didn’t have to drive home—probably drunk, which was not good for driving—and started walking. Somehow he found himself in front of the same pub Baekhyun had brought him. Just as Baekhyun had found Chanyeol as a good person to cry on, maybe Chanyeol would also find a willing stranger to open up to. How fitting.

The pub was pretty much the exact same as it had been roughly a month and a half ago, save the people had on more layers and the smooth jazz band was different. Chanyeol was even surprised to see the exact same bar tender serving rounds behind the bar counter. He sat down and the server—Minseok, Chanyeol thought was his name—came over to take his order. When Minseok got closer he seemed to recognize Chanyeol.

“Oh. You’re the guy who was with Baekhyun, weren’t you?”

Chanyeol smiled timidly. “Yeah, I am.”

“I was so surprised to see him with anyone else that time. He only ever comes in alone.” That sent a pang to Chanyeol’s gut. Alone? Why would he have to come here so often alone?

“Has he been here recently?” Chanyeol hesitantly asked.

“Yeah, and frequently.” Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m actually surprised he’s not here now. Looks like he’s finally broken his six-day streak.” Chanyeol felt horrible. He couldn’t help feeling bad for Baekhyun, not with the stress that Chanyeol was sure he had put on the poor boy. Enough stress to make him go drinking six days straight. “But anyways, what can I get you tonight?” Minseok asked.

Chanyeol snapped out of it. “Give me a coke with a shot of whatever’s the strongest thing you’ve got.” Minseok smiled and gave him a nod. Leaving and appearing a few seconds later with a full glass.

Chanyeol sat peering at his drink he held in his hand, twirling the liquid around in it. “Cheers.” He mumbled under his breath.

Later he switched to straight up vodka shots with a bottle of beer to wash it down. He was starting to feel happily warm inside and almost forgot that he was supposed to be wallowing.  He was mid swallow when he noticed two people sit down a few seats away from him. He didn’t really pay them any attention until a very whiny, and very familiar word rung out from one of the guy’s mouth.

“WaaaEEEaaaeEE?!” Chanyeol couldn’t believe it. He peered closer at the duo. The one who had just sputtered an obvious complaint unfortunately had his back turned towards Chanyeol, so he couldn’t see him quite right. But with he turned slightly and prominent cheekbones popped out along with one side of his upturned corner of his mouth, Chanyeol had no doubt.

“Jongdae?” He said, and wow, he was really slurring his speech.

The one known as Jongdae turned in his seat to face towards the person who had said his name, face immediately brightening at finding it was Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol! Oh my god. It’s good to see you!” Jongdae came over and gave him a tight hug that could never be seen as awkward because it was Jongdae. Even if he was still standing and Chanyeol was sitting down and drunk enough to practically fall off. “Damn, it’s been a long time. How long now? Like two years?”

Chanyeol scrunched his eyes off into the distance and thought. “Mmm. Uh uh. It’s been four.”

Jongdae looked surprised. “No kidding? Wow.” Chanyeol laughed at him. He really hadn’t changed at all. Jongdae peered at him. “Say Chanyeol are you drunk?”

“Yep.” Chanyeol drawled out, popping the final ‘p’.

Jongdae assessed the situation while the guy—holy scratch that as Chanyeol looked closer— god he came with watched on. “And you’re alone?”

Chanyeol merely slowly nodded, eyes blinking languidly.

“Ah, well, I suppose whatever floats your boat.” Jongdae came up with. He glanced at the sharp-chiseled gloryness next to him. “Ah Chanyeol, this is my boyfriend, Wufan.”

The hunk that was now given a name bowed his head and smiled. “Nice to meet you.” He said in a smooth voice. Chanyeol extended his hand and they shook.

“Babe, this is Chanyeol. He and I go way back.” And if Chanyeol wasn’t so intoxicated he would have noticed how Jongdae had bitten his lip. “We did our service together.”

Wufan looked surprised. “Ah, really?” He said, and maybe it was just the booze, but he sounded like he had a slight accent.

Chanyeol laughed. “Yep. Us two, serving the nation. Those were the days.”

Wufan leaned in a little closer from his seat. He and Jongdae had come sat right next to Chanyeol—he didn’t know when that had happened—and was now smiling in a mischievous way. “So what was Jongdae like back then?”

“Hey! Nobody wants to hear about that. It’s boring anyways.”

Yet Chanyeol couldn’t help his mind drift off into his memories of the past…

~

Military training was usually a thing of dread, but for Chanyeol it was a thing of paradise. He signed up soon after high school had finished. Right after the conversation with his parents that made him lose all sorts of respect for them, but that story’s for a later time.

He was now fully decked out in all of his gear and heading towards the barracks. Tonight would be the first time he had to sleep in the barracks and he was a little nervous. He and the rest of the men in his company all marched into the barracks and into their shared room. Chanyeol was dispirited when he got to see how small it was. It was definitely going to be cozy.

They all lined up and stood straight as their Corporal entered and walked up and down the aisle. He was shorter than Chanyeol and had a glint in his eye. But like everyone else, he was clean cut and dressed in the average military garb, with the addition of two more stripes on his chest.

“Welcome privates. I am you Corporal, Kim Jongdae. I will be leading you for a portion during time here. These are you living quarters that you will call home for the next 22 months. Let’s get on with introductions. Starting from the beginning of the line.”

They went down the line, each man shouting out his name, age, and hometown, ending with a salute. By the time they were one guy away from Chanyeol he was already sweating bullets. His corporal came to stand in front of him and Chanyeol found he couldn’t look him in the eye. Instead he just looked over his head.

“My name is PARK. CHAN. YEOL! I am nineteen years old! From Seoul! PIL-SEUNG*!” Chanyeol glanced downward at his corporal and found him to be looking at him dead straight in the eye. Chanyeol looked back up and Kim Jongdae went on to the next person.

That was the entirety of their first meeting. It could have gone a lot worse in Chanyeol’s eyes. Eventually the fear that Kim Jongdae had settled in Chanyeol’s gut lessened and he regarded him as a good commander, and not a scary corporal.

Kim Jongdae taught Chanyeol and his company boot camp basics. After two months he was finally starting to warm up to the place and not be so stiff. Even though he could never get used to the guck they called food.

It was one day that he was on break that he was throwing a baseball around. Not having much to do inside the barracks, and not wanting to be around his company like always was, he decided to come outside. It was there that he found a ball and glove near the archery range. He didn’t know whose it was, but he thought it wouldn’t hurt if he played with it.

He was throwing up fly balls and catching them when he heard, “Private!” being shouted. He turned his head and saw Kim Jongdae walking towards him. Immediately standing in straight back position and removing the glove to hold it behind him, he heard the ball thunk on the ground next to him and waited for his corporal to walk up to him.

“What do you think you’re doing, Private?” Kim Jongdae asked.

Chanyeol didn’t hesitate to answer. He had found out early that hesitating wasn’t the smart thing to do. “Sir! I am currently on my break, Sir!”

“I didn’t ask if you’re on break; I asked what you’re doing.”

Chanyeol was getting nervous. Was he not allowed to throw a ball around on his break? “Throwing pop ups, Sir!”

“And where did you get this here ball and glove, Private?”

Chanyeol was in deep water now. His eyes looked around sporadically and he tried to think of an answer, finally stuttering out, “I found them here, Sir!”

Jongdae leaned closer towards Chanyeol’s face. Chanyeol didn’t dare look him in the eye.

“So you’re saying they aren’t yours?”

Chanyeol took in a sharp breath before biting the inside of his lip. “No. Sir.”

Kim Jongdae backed up and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “At ease.” Chanyeol only changed his position slightly, relaxing his shoulders and moving his arms to his sides. “I knew they weren’t yours, Park.” Chanyeol looked at him. He didn’t look furious, but not happy either. “I knew that because they’re mine.”

. Chanyeol immediate lowered his head. A few seconds went by without Kim Jongdae saying anything, making Chanyeol anxious with the blow that would surely come. But it didn’t. Kim Jongdae said, “Wait here.” and then left. Three minutes later he returned with another glove in hand.

“Gimme that.” He said and tore his glove out of Chanyeol’s hand. He bent down to pick up the ball that had been laying in the dirt and started walking away from Chanyeol. He threw the other glove he had brought with him at Chanyeol, whose limbs flailed in a rush to catch it. He held it, not sure how to proceed.

“Put it on idiot.” Kim Jongdae said. Chanyeol looked down at the leather glove and slipped it over his hand. When he looked back at his corporal, Kim Jongdae held up the ball to show him he was going to throw it. It landed with a smack into Chanyeol’s glove. “Now throw it back! God you ing stupid idiot.”

And thus came the tradition of playing catch with Jongdae during his break. Chanyeol eventually got used to the type of language Jongdae used around him, and didn’t take any insult whenever he got called ‘idiot’ or something worse. He even got to the point where he began to feel comfortable enough to talk to Jongdae as a friend. And Jongdae seemed to prefer it to being called ‘Sir’ all of the time.

It was one day that the two were sitting out under a tree on the complex because it was so hot outside that the conversation of relationships came up.

“What?! You’ve never had a girlfriend before?” Jongdae asked incredulously.

Chanyeol blushed and scratched the back of his head. “Not really, Corporal. I mean I enlisted right after high school got out and it wasn’t like there was time to date then.” Not to mention Chanyeol was gay and would probably never have a girlfriend (If only he knew).

“Yah I told you to call me ‘Hyung’. You need to get out more when you finish your service, Chanyeol-ah.”

Chanyeol balked. “Well how many girlfriends have you had before then, Hyung?”

Jongdae laughed. “Zero. Zip. However I have had more boyfriends than I can count on both hands, so I say I still win this round.”

Chanyeol stared at him in disbelief. When he didn’t respond, Jongdae finally looked over at him. He closed Chanyeol’s jaw shut with his hand. “What?”

Chanyeol blinked. “How can you just say that?” Chanyeol asked a little too venomously.

Jongdae glared at him. “I don’t need to take your Chanyeol.” He made a move to stand up but Chanyeol quickly grabbed his hand.

“No, Hyung. I didn’t mean it like I was insulting you.” He sighed and bit his lip. “I’m more jealous of you than anything.”

Jongdae slowly sat back down and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

Chanyeol opened and closed his mouth four times before any words actually formed. “I—I’m gay too, Hyung. I’m jealous that you can say it so easily. I never could.”

Jongdae’s expression immediately softened and he rested a hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Chanyeol. I understand where you’re coming from.” Chanyeol smiled. “So then have you ever had a boyfriend?”

Chanyeol was taken aback. They had just revealed two very personal things about each other and Jongdae hadn’t made a big deal out of it at all. It made Chanyeol feel all giddy inside. I smiled down at his lap and said, “No Hyung. No boyfriends either.”

“Ahh, you’re such a baby!”

“Am not!”

And that was the start of an even closer friendship.

It was a few months later when Jongdae told Chanyeol the melancholy news that he would be discharged soon. “Yep, I’ve only got two more weeks.”

Needless to say, Chanyeol was going to be sad to see Jongdae leave. “I’ll miss you Hyung. You’ve been really nice to have around.”

Jongdae smiled. “Thanks, Chanyeol. Here’s hoping that your new corporal will be just a cool as I am.”

Chanyeol let out a sad laugh and gave Jongdae a tight smile. It was starting to get cold outside, so their baseball catching would have had to cease sooner than later. Chanyeol didn’t know how he was going to survive the rest of his service without Jongdae.

“You’ve gotta promise me though, Chanyeol. Get out and find yourself a nice boyfriend when you’re done. You hear me?”

Chanyeol pulled at the grass beneath them. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, Hyung. I hear you.” Then as an afterthought, he added, “Maybe you should take your own advice too, Hyung.”

Jongdae scoffed. “Yah, I’m not the one who’s never had a boyfriend.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe that, I mean how have you—wait. Then are you still a too?”

Chanyeol’s blush was Jongdae’s answer.

“Dude!”

“I know.”

“I mean, Dude! You’ve never ed someone?”

Chanyeol didn’t appreciate his harsh language, but nodded nonetheless.

“Well gosh. Ok here’s a tip. You just have to make sure that it’s not someone you completely care about. If you think you might be in love with them and it turns out you’re nothing more than a sore on their back, then you’re gonna be in a heap of hurt.” It was when Jongdae added, “That’s what happened to me…” under his breath that Chanyeol frowned at. “I tell you, you’ve gotta find someone who won’t mind a and will treat you right, and—“

He cut himself off short. Chanyeol was already thrown for a loop at where this conversation had ended up, but what Jongdae said next was like a slap in the face.

“You’re not in love with me, are you Chanyeol?”

“What? No!”

“Ok right. Right…” He looked like he was thinking. Chanyeol was afraid of what.

“Ok Chanyeol. Hear me out now. I’m gonna be out in less than two weeks. After that you’ve got, what, thirteen more months to go in this hole. So you won’t be seeing me anytime soon. I propose this proposition. I’ll take your ity (Chanyeol gasped at that) before I leave, and then there will be no awkward tension afterwards because I’ll be gone. Do it with anyone else, and you won’t be able to look them in the eye afterwards. But with me, well it’s just me. I don’t give a . Plus it has been way too long since I’ve gotten any, so you’d be doing me a favor just like I’d be doing you one.”

Chanyeol stared at his Hyung in mortification.

“I’ll give you some time to figure it out. Alright, Chanyeol?”

He simply nodded and said, “Okay, Hyung…”

As if they had never even had that conversation, Jongdae acted just like he always had around Chanyeol for the next week and a half. During that time Chanyeol was confused and didn’t know what to do about Jongdae’s offer. This was the best no-strings-attached possibility for Chanyeol, and somehow two days before Jongdae was scheduled to depart, Chanyeol found himself knocking on Jongdae’s single bedroom door.

Jongdae opened the door and a smile spread across his face when his taller dongsaeng popped into view.

“Chanyeol-ah, what can I do for you this fine evening?”

Chanyeol couldn’t tell if he was playing dumb on purpose or if he really didn’t know the reason Chanyeol was at his door past curfew. Chanyeol went inside and closed the door behind him, feeling the nerves trickle up his back.

“Um…I’m here to—god damnit. Take me Hyung.” He lowered his head in offering.

Jongdae guffawed and gave him a face. “What is this? Chanyeol you’re so dramatic.” And then Chanyeol found himself laying on his back on Jongdae’s bed with a very feline-looking Jongdae hovering above him.

That night Chanyeol lost his ity in the most productive way. Jongdae even “let” him top because, as Jongdae so eloquently put it, “You’re too awkward to configure your body around someone who’s screwing you.”

The next day Jongdae was still Jongdae and Chanyeol was still Chanyeol with the subtraction of one of his “firsts” but they didn’t really act any different. When Chanyeol woke up in Jongdae’s bed the other boy had one arm reached high above his head and his mouth wide open, snoring just loud enough to be more than heavy breathing. He smiled because, really, it seemed as if nothing had changed at all. Which was true in the broader sense.

When Jongdae had his sack slung over his shoulder, about to leave, Chanyeol almost got a little teary-eyed. Not because their relationship had changed because of what they did the night before, but because Jongdae was his corporal, his friend, his hyung. He was going to miss him.

Jongdae pulled him into a hug right before he left and slapped him on the back a couple times. He leaned into Chanyeol’s ear and whispered, “One more thing I forgot to mention when I was showing you the ropes. But make sure you cut your nails. Not saying that yours were long, but I’ve been with one or three drag queens in my day and having what feels like a knife up your doesn’t help in the prepping process at all.”

Chanyeol’s face was red as Jongdae saluted one last time and left the complex.

~

“No seriously now, what was he like?” Wufan asked.

Chanyeol put on his thinking face. “Mmm. Kind of an . But a nice .”

Jongdae laughed. “Chanyeol-ah, what does that even mean? You’re too drunk.”

Chanyeol leaned on the counter. “Yeah, probably.”

The two men spent another hour together, reminiscing about the past while Wufan listened in with awe. Neither one mentioned the big connection they had, but Chanyeol figured that was how it was meant to be treated as. Just not a big deal.

Jongdae boasted about how much he had taught Chanyeol and how their friendship had grown. When Chanyeol thought about it, even through his drunken state, he did realize how much of a change Jongdae had made in his life. He had knocked Chanyeol out of his sad stupor, gave him confidence in his uality, and overall just brought him out of his shell. Chanyeol would be forever grateful to him.

Eventually Jongdae realized Chanyeol was going to pass out sooner than later and he and Wufan drove him home, albeit it being difficult getting a comprehensible address out of him.

Before Chanyeol closed the car door though, he remembered what Jongdae had told him once and got Wufan’s attention.

“I know you’re tall like me, so you have awkward limbs too.” Wufan was confused, but didn’t interrupt him. “So just make sure you cut your finger nails. Bye bye…” And he closed the door leaving a very shocked Wufan looking at his boyfriend for an answer.

Somehow Chanyeol stumbled inside and up to his room. He didn’t realize until later when he was sober that he had gone the whole night without thinking about Mr. One Hundred.

*Pil-Seung (필승) It's the thing Koreans say when they salute. I'm actually not 100% on this, but that's what it sounds like and what naver said it was, so I think it's right. If not, can someone please tell me por favor?

A/N Hello. I'm sorry. I never wanted to be one of those authors who goes months without updating, but here I am. Sighhhhh. I suppose I could say I just graduated high school and got a summer job to give as an excuse. But mostly a certain Galaxy Hyung broke my heart and left me not wanting to think about exo so much, but to be honest it seems like that's all I did anyways. I feel like this update is ty but I don't know. I had this whole backstory planned but I didn't really know when to mention it, so I thought right after Baekhyun stormed out would be the perfect time. Right when everyone wants to know what happened next, I tell them what happened a long time ago! Maybe I'm too harsh. Whatever.

P.S.  Who the hell to people ship Chen with??? Like he couldn't be with Xiumin because he's the bartender, couldn't be with Suho because we already know he's straight, and Baekhyun will be doing something with Chanyeol, so I had no idea who to put him with at the bar. I eventually decided on Kris because I swear he can go with anyone. Maybe not Luhan.