Have you ever wished you could stay as a child forever? I have. Isn’t ironic that when we were younger we wished to be a grown up? Now that we’re at the age we wanted to be when we were younger, we wish we could back in time and stay as a child forever. We always wish or want something that we can’t have or get. If only I could really go back to my childhood when I didn’t have to worry about school, ‘love’, friendships and other stuff that most adults worry about these days. Back when we were children we cried when we fell on to the ground and skinned our knees. When all we did were take naps, play with the other kids, listen to our parents’ tell us bed time stories. We didn’t cry over broken hearts, we had no idea what the ‘real world’ was really like. We had our parents protecting us.

We didn’t even realise what we had back then, we had all the time in the world. Time did not matter. But no matter how much we wish we could turn back time, we can’t. I only just realised this recently. Not about turning back time but how precious time is and that we should treasure every second because we’ll never get back those seconds. I realised this after losing someone I treasured dearly.

How long has it been since I first met him? 17 years? It was back in primary when I met this guy named Leo but his real name was actually Taekwoon, just like how I am called N when my real name is actually Hakyeon. Leo became my best friend and my lover. He had just transferred from Korea to America in second grade. I can still remember clearly when I approached him for the very first time. He was a shy one, he wasn’t as social or friendly as the other kids in second grade. Although he wasn’t very vocal, he liked sports. He really was quiet; he would stay where he was seated at the back of the class and scribble notes or draw random figures. At first, he wouldn’t talk to me or anyone, not even the teacher. I thought maybe this was because he probably couldn’t speak the language but I kept bothering him. I had one thing in mind; I wanted to be his friend. There was a time when I got so sick that I couldn’t go to school for a few days. When I came back to school, I approached Leo as usual.

‘Hi Leo!’ I greeted him enthusiastically

‘Where were you yesterday? No one bothered me,’ He mumbled very quietly but I heard it loud and clear. That was the most he had ever said to me then and that fact made me smile from ear to ear.

Since then, he started to talk to me more but he was still the shy kid that everyone knew. He became more active, he joined the soccer team and he also became friendlier to the other kids. Still he was quiet. We became really close as time went by. I remember inviting him over to my house to play and my parents liked him. We would play until we felt too tired to even move a muscle. We became best friends. I can’t recall a time when I wasn’t with him in primary. We were like Siamese twins, you couldn’t separate us. We were like that until we reached high school. I didn’t even realise how fast time went by when I was with him but I must say all the time I spent with him were nothing but good times.

Leo loved music, I did too but he loved it way too much. Loved.

When we got into 10th grade he would spend his spare time writing lyrics or singing. He started to join singing and soccer competitions. He was good. This was why he didn’t have the time to spend with me anymore because he was too good at what he did. He was still my best friend though but we just didn’t spend as much time together. We got into our senior year, our last year in highschool. We started to grow apart more but I still trusted him with all my heart. On the day of my birthday, he came up to me and handed me something wrapped. I quickly unwrapped it. It was a CD.

‘What is this?’ I asked.

‘Listen to it. I did it for you. Wrote, sang, composed… You name it’ he said before running off.

‘Happy birthday’ I could hear him yelling out those words. When I got home that day, I quickly listened to the CD he gave me. Even though it only contained one song, it was perfect. No, it was beyond perfect. Words couldn’t describe how perfect it was. His voice, the melody and most of all the lyrics he wrote himself. I was moved, it was probably the best present I’ve ever received my whole entire life. It made up for all those times we didn’t spend together or speak to each other. Oh how thankful I was I had him in my life.