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I met him when I was in grade 2 elementary school for the first time. Yes, I’ve just moved to the city.

He’s shining, full of energy, and cool. I don’t know why, but I’m attracted to him. I want to get closer to him.

But the fact, it’s not easy. Of course, cool guy are always being surrounded by cool guys as well. Me? I wear casual clothes, my hair looks like a bowl; it’s so outdated. My body’s short and a lil bit fat. I almost got no friend. Even though they’re still in second grade in elementary school, most of the students here wore expensive clothes. I don’t really care, really.

I’m not wearing any glasses, and I know these two round eyes of mine got beautiful color. I’m very proud of my eyes and according to what my mum always says, my smile is sweet.

With my friends that I can count with fingers, we—or I can say, only me—went to the canteen to buy some food. Others always bring lunchboxes, but not for me. Mum’s working as well as dad. Moreover, dad told me to be independent.

Stepping to the 3rd grade, I unconciously started to get closer to the boy. I don’t know why. Things I remember, when I wanted to go home, I was having a problem with my brother so I didn’t want to go home early. I stayed at school. When the class’ finally empty, I moved my hands slowly. I love to dance. Suddenly that cool guy appeared and stayed silent in front of the door. I stopped.

He suddenly asked, 'can you do this?' He moved his hands. I nodded and do the same. He looked amazed and asked again, ‘how about this?' he moved his legs, I copied him. Slowly we moved together. Finally i know his name; Lee Hyukjae.

He’s someone precious for me that time. I’m happy I can meet someone like him. He introduced me to one of his bestfriend; Kim Junsu. They’re very close.

4th grade in elementary school passed so easily. In the end of semester, to congratulate the seniors who’re going to be graduated, the three of us; me, Hyukjae, and Junsu showed some modern dance and people gave us positive respons.

Grade 5, I, and Hyukjae decided to make a dance club in our school. Of course with Junsu too. Sometimes, I’m a bit jealous of their friendship. I do want to be with hyukjae like Junsu did. Most everyday Junsu and hyukjae play football together. Btw, the teachers finally let us use the classroom after school.

But unfortunately, the club didn’t go well. Grade 6, we closed the club. We’re sad, but the teachers said that we can perform in every school programs. I feel relieved. One day, we’re eating lunch together. Hyukjae and junsu said that they couldn’t keep the routine dance practice because they had to practice more for the football competition and also because of the upcoming exams, their scores weren’t as good as mine so they had to study more. I understand it. I asked them if i can help them with their studies and they accepted it. I’m happy that my days won’t be as boring as the past.

We finally became hghschoolers. My body’s getting taller and slimmer.  We went to the same school. unfortunately, only hyukjae and I who got the same class. Junsu got a different class. I’m sad but also happy because I can get more time with Hyukjae. Because if there’s Junsu, I couldn’t join their conversation. In the middle of the year, I decided to cut my hair. I didn’t cut it bowl-style anymore, I cut it way too cool than before. I went to school with pride and hyukjae praised me. His words made my day.

Grade 2 in junior high was a bad thing for us. Hyukjae, me, and Junsu, none of us got the same class. But we keep our routine practice; we even added some vocal practice too. We haven’t even reached the middle of grade 2, I had to stay in the hospital because I got into a car accident and got some severe injuries. It takes 3 months for me to recover. At the first hyukjae and junsu often visit me, but entering the 2^nd month, they rarely do this, they told me they got so many things to prepare for exams and tests. 3rd month, they stopped visiting me. I wondered why we can get close before. I felt that he never got close to me. He’s way too far from me. He’s way too popular. I was just a kid who got his attention from dancing. Maybe ’be close to him’ was just me who think like that.

I passed the 2nd grade even though I skipped school for 3 months. But I rarely attended my class in grade 3 because of my condition. Dokter said that this was their fault when they did the surgeon to my legs. Their fault ended to paralyzed my legs, they promised to take all the responsibilites. I don’t really care about the doctors, I was just wondering about, when will I started to dance again with Hyukjae and Junsu.

When we’ve graduated from junior high, my dad asked me to move again to our hometown, Mokppo. The air is fresher there than here. The doctor said, fresh air will help my recovery because it’s hardly to get stressed. I got a surgery for my waist and legs bones again and the doctor said we just had to wait for them to be healed themselves. I nodded; though I didn’t want to leave Hyukjae and Junsu. Especially Hyukjae. I decided to go without saying anything to him. My dad’s the one who went to school to take care of it. he asked me to come so i can say goodbyes, but I rejected. Somehow I was reluctant to meet Hyukjae, Junsu, and also my friends in junior high. I was reluctant to meet them while using a wheelchair.

Moved to Mokppo affected my recovery. I could walk when i entered grade 2 in senior high. I started to live my days as a normal person and I'm good at athletic. To be honest, I miss Seoul so much. I miss Hyukjae. But I didn't have any plans about visiting Seoul. I found my junior high's year book. I scanned page by page and found his photos. Also his address and number. I want to call him but I'm scared. I'm afraid he wouldn't recognize me . I've changed a lot since senior high.

Finally I stepped on the 3rd grade of senior high, I started to forget my wish to meet Hyukjae. I'm busy with the preparation for tests to universities, but unfortunately, my illness I got from before started to take control of my body. I have to go to the hospital oftenly and finally had to stay because of the illness. Of course I feel sad because I can't continue my studies and I've made myself as problems for my parents. One day, my dad came to me to visit. He asked, 'Don't you want to visit your Junior High?' I didn't know why he asked me that, But I nodded. 'Then, go. Aboji can't accompany you. You can take care of yourself, right?' He said. I smiled. He's the best dad ever! And so I got the allowance to go out from hospital for several days. In Seoul, I stayed on my father's friend. He got one child that have been my bestfriend since we're still kids; Kyuhyun. He's a good boy and we often played. He's just a year under me.

He accompanied me to the junior high when he got time. I felt happiness when I stepped in front of my junior high. I came in and some teachers still recognized me. I followed my steps to the senior high's building. I saw the football club's practicing over the field. Hyukjae and Junsu love to play soccer, right? I said to myself. I saw someone familiar in the blue team, It's Junsu and beside him was Hyukjae. So they stayed in the same school. They looked good together and I started to cry. I'm obviously miss Hyukjae. Kyuhyun saw me and asked why did I cry. I shook my head and returned to Kyuhyun's home.

Since my condition's not good, I came back to Mokppo straight to the hospital. My seniors in senior high, Sungmin and Shindong came to visit me. Sungmin gave me a text book with sapphire blue colored cover. He said he gave me this so I won't be bored. He knows my hands like to write or draw when I feel bored. Since he gave me this book, I started to write my days. Also my past memories. It’s amazing to know that I can still remember my elementary moments. One day, Kyuhyun called and say that yesterday; someone was asking my existence, He gave my address to that man. Of course I don’t know what to say, I tried to guess who it is. I believe it was Yunho hyung. I met him as a coincidence in a bookstore when I stayed at Seoul. He’s my senior in junior high.

It’s getting worse. My condition. I don’t even know why. I’m extremely okay when I entered senior high. Two days passed since Kyuhyun called and no one came to find me. I couldn’t write much these days. My eyes are so heavy. Staying at the hospital might sounds good, but for too long? Hell no. I have to do some fasting because of my illness. When will I be out from this hospital? I want to dance again. I want to sing again.

I feel so sleepy today. I don’t know why but I feel like saying every feeling I’ve just realized. I didn’t want to be Hyukjae’s bestfriend, I wanted to get close to him because I fall for him. Since the first time I met him. Love between men are like water and fire, they’ll never be one, anyway, it’s not like Hyukjae’s having the same feeling as me; Maybe I can say, it’s impossible. But I just wanted to thank him because he accepted me as his friend. I like Hyukjae. Hyukjae, do you like me?

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"How stupid." His tears flood his eyes. Soaking the white paper of the sapphire covered book in his hands. A hand poked his back.

"You’re just a little bit late, Hyukjae." Junsu said.

"I know. I wish I came earlier."

"Now everything’s over. We just had to pray for Donghae. Do you want to keep that book?"

"I... I just wanted to answer him." Hyukjae sobbed while reaching a pen on the table. Heading to the blank line below the messy writing. "But yeah, I’ll keep this book."

"Look, Donghae should be dying to write it. It’s so messy!" Junsu tried to smile and rub his bestfriend’s back.

"He’s such a fool. He pushed himself without caring of his illness." Hyukjae smiled. His hand started to fill the blank line below.

I like Hyukjae. Hyukjae, do you like me?

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Pabo. I love you.

-THE END-

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nyaan~ how's it guys?

This is my very first EunHae fic, seriously!

Please subscribe & comment <3 I love readers <3

Sudden ideas popped in mind. this is midnight already!

annyeong <3