When he fell in love with the younger, it was sudden and unexpected. He was only 20, them barely out for for 2 years, when he began to see the young rapper as something more than a shoulder to lean on. He never expected Minho to return his feelings, mainly because he knew what was going on between him and the youngest member, and he was nothing like Taemin. But then Minho was kissing him and telling him that he loved him. 

When they got together everyone was surprised, because if anyone was going to get the rapper's affections it was going to be their Maknae, but Minho just smiled and told them as he looked at their leader with a loving gaze and said that Jinki was the only one for him. The older man accepted the younger man's past relationship, and didn't allow it to bother them. He was happy, and he had Minho. That was all that mattered to him.

But now, almost 5 years later, as he watched Taemin grab his boyfriend and force him into a fake kiss he did care. He hated it. Hated the burning twisting feelling in his gut. He hated how pretty Taemin was and how 2min was so ing popular. He hated himself, because he was no where near what Taemin was, and the thought that Minho would be happier without him began to cloud Jinki's mind.

Of course he was Onew now, he couldn't be mad. He smiled and finished the concert with laughter and antics that the fans would dubb onew condition, but on the ride home he ignored Minho. He ignored every one, just contenting himself to pull up his hood and look straight out the window of the passenger seat. 

He just grumbled goodnight to s and headed into his room. He didn't care that they might be angry. He didn't care that Minho was pouting and standing in the living room watching him go. The fact that the younger man was calling after him, using the petnames that usually made the older man blush and giggle. Jinki didn't care. He was pissed off. More at himself than anything, because he hated the stupid emotion that was burning through his veins. 

So he walked into his room and slammed the door behind him. Normally he would softly close it, because he knew that him slamming it alerted the other members to his anger, but he didn't care about that either. He was pretty sure they already knew before hand anyway.

He just collapsed into his bed, not even bothering to take off his pants or shirt, and just face planted right into the pillow. He gripped his covers and screamed hard into the fluffy object, and because of this he didn't hear his door opening and closing. He didn't even hear the other man until he spoke.

"Baby?" Minho asked hesitantly.

"Go away." Jinki mumbled, not even taking the energy to look over at him.

The man's order hurt the younger, because Jinki never told him to go away. "..But Jinx." 

Jinki lifted his head, glaring at the younger man. "I said go away Choi." 

Minho gulped, because he hated that he was on the side of that heated glare. "Okay.. can you atleast tell me if you are mad at me?"

Jinki laughed, short and mocking. " I'd say so Minho."

A moment passed before he asked another question. "What did I do?" 

"Will you just ing leave me alone?"  Jinki hissed.

"What has you so pissed off Jinki?" Minho asked, anger flaring.

"What's goe me so pissed off? I'm so further than pissed off right now Minho." Jinki growled. "Go before we both say things we'll regret."

"No. I want to know what the is wrong with you." 

Jinki scowled, pushing off the bed and walking over to the man in quick steps. He jabbed a finger into Minho's chest. "What's wrong with me? You. You and him okay? ing looking at each other like I don't even exist." 

"Are you talking about the fake kiss earlier with Taemin?" Minho asked in disbelief.

"What else would have me pissed the off Minho?" . 

After a moment Minho concluded. "You are being stupid." 

"Stupid? I'm being stupid?" Jinki laughed, a mocking one as he threw his hands up. "I'm so glad that my feelings are stupid."

Minho froze, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to figure out what to say. "That's not what I meant." 

"Then again, apparently everything I do is stupid." Jinki mumbled. "Do you think me loving you is stupid?" 

Minho paled, "What?"

"You know what. Just get the out. I'm not in the mood to fight with you anymore."

It was that look on the man's face, that made the older man hate himself even more. The younger man just opened the door and slipped away. 

Jinki continuely slammed his palms against the wall, screaming to himself as he did so. Why was he so ed up? He was angry at Minho for something the younger man had fought to get out of. He slowly gave in to the numbness, the tears gently flowing out of his eyes and down his cheeks. He felt so alone, and it was only because of his own actions. He walked over to his window, and looked down at the street below. All he wanted to do was punch something, but that probably wouldn't end well.

It wasn't long after that Minho got the courage to walk back in. He hadn't gone far in the first place, having had just shut the door behind him and slid down it. He had never seen the man so angry, so pissed off and that scared him, but he also knew what his touch did to him. He gently stepped behind the man, wrapping his arms around the man's middle and kissed his neck. And Jinki allowed him to. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." 

Jinki hiccuped, and sniffled, making an odd sound as they melded together, but it still hurt Minho to hear. "You shouldn't be here." Jinki said with a quick sniffle.

"I always am here. Always. No matter how much you may hate me." Minho whispered, pulling the man tighter against him. 

"I.. I don't hate you. I could never ever hate you. " Jinki said slowly. "I hate myself." 

"Why?" 

"Because I'm so ing jealous of Him." Jinki admited as he scowled. 

"Who?" 

"Taemin." Jinki hissed.

This wasn't about the kiss, or what was said. Jinki knew that. He knew what it really was about, the fact he felt so insnificant compared to Taemin. He was so scared to lose Minho, so afraid that he would go back to the person he lost his ity to and played around with before him. He didn't want to lose Minho, because of the fact he wasn't good enough. 

"Baby.." Minho started, "Look at me. Tell me what's really bothering you."

"Do you love him?" Jinki asked softly, ignoring the man's question. 

"Who? Taemin?" The older man just nodded, and when Minho quickly turned him in the hold, he simply looked up at him. "Are you really hurt because of the kiss?" 

"I..." Jinki bit his lip. "He's better for you."

"Jinki.. Not this again." Minho sighed. 

The man glared and pushed the younger man away. "You tell me to tell you what's bothering me and then you judge me because of it." 

"I just don't know what else I can say Jinki." Minho pushed his fingers through his hair. "I love you. You. Not him, and I tried to get away from him today, because I knew you would hate it. I keep telling you over and over again that I only care for him like a brother, a friend. I keep telling you that you are the one I want and the one that I need. I don't need him Jinki. I never have." 

"You just don't understand." 

"I don't understand? What is there to?" Minho almost wanted to shout at him, but he held it back. Why couldn't the man just understand and accept that he was the only man he ever had eyes for?

Jinki sighed, rubbing his neck before looking up at him with sad eyes. "Lets just forget it okay? I'm tired." 

"We can't go to bed fighting like this." 

"We aren't fighting." Jinki states, before pulling on his shirt and sliding his jeans off his thighs. He stepped out of them and crawled into bed. How the man could just drop everything and pretend like they weren't just almost yelling at each other was beyond Minho.  He looked over at him. "Are you coming?" 

The younger man growled, because he wanted to end this. Wanted Jinki to understand, to feel his love and need for him, but he still got undressed and slid in behind him. "I so frustrated with you." He whispered against the man's neck.

"I'm frustrated with myself too Minho." Jinki mumbled, leaning into the hold. 

"Do you not see how much I need you Jinki?" The younger man asked quietly as he ran his hand along the man's stomach. "Do you not feel how much I depend on you to be in my life?"  

"Do you need me?" Jinki mumbled, probably too tired from everything to keep his eyes open any longer. 

"There's a reason I sleep with you, because I need you to keep the nightmares away. There's a reason need to hug you any chance I get, because without them my day is dark and gloomy. I need you, because you love me." 

"But you need Taemin too." Jinki shoots back. "I don't see you coming to me for dance lessons."

Minho chuckles then. "Because I'm pretty sure the only dance you know happens to be slow dancing, and that always leads to more." He moved his hips against him to prove his point.

Jinki just slapped his thigh. "Stop it. I'm still angry." 

"Then take it out on me." Minho whispered, laying a kiss on the man's shoulder. "I know you are upset and tired, but I know how you feel when we make love Jinki. You feel like you are the only guy for me, which you should feel all the time. Please. Be rough with me. You haven't in months." 

"That would be because I haven't be mad at you." 

"Well you are now." Minho said before biting the man's ear hard. Jinki yelped, scooting away from him only to be pulled back in. "I said take it out on me... Show me why I need you and not Taemin." 

That was it. Jinki was on the man and pressing his shoulders hard against the mattress before the man could say another word. "You want it rough? You want me to be pissed off? Fine." He curled his fingers around the man's boxers and ripped them off, the seams ripping and snapping from the force. He grabbed him hard and tight, causing the younger man to scream.  "You wanted this, and now you're getting it." 

"Yes.. Please." Minho panted as he was flipped over once again, his thighs pushed wide and a hand raised above his boyfriends head. A moment later the hand made contact, a loud slap vibating through the room and a big red handprint was left on the smooth skin. "."

"That's for him kissing you." After each smack he told him the reason for the punishment, and Minho just bit the pillow under him as he enjoyed every moment of it. As he continued to used and abuse the man's body, the way he knew Minho loved to be used, he leaned over the man's back and whispered against his neck; the tiny warm breaths sending shivers down Minho's spine. "Did he do this to you? Did he make you want it so ing badly?"

"Jinki please... " 

"Beg all you want." Jinki said without an ounce of emotion as he pushed a well coated finger into the man. "Won't change the fact that I'm going to give you what you actually need huh?"

This had happened before. A fanservice taken too far. The older man jealous and hurt because of Taemin, and insecurities, and it always ended with Minho on all fours on the bed taking every bit of anger and jealousy into a punishment. It was how Jinki got over it, it was how he finally felt that he was needed. It was a way for him to know, for that amount of time, that he was the only one that could give it all to him, because Minho didn't wither on the sheets for Taemin. He didn't beg for more, and moan Taemin's name. He begged Jinki for it, screamed his name when he reached his peak.

Taemin was his first, someone that he shared something no one else had gotten. He was the boy who he experimented with and finally came to terms with the fact he liked men, but he also was just a coping tool for him to get over Jinki, because at the time he honestly believed he had no chance to be with him. Jinki was his leader, their leader, the strong powerful man he looked up to. He was too perfect for someone like him, but that perfection took a chance on him, and how he had him.

If only both of them realized that they both needed each other, that at the end of the day they needed to kiss the other goodnight to sleep. If only Jinki would see that he's everything in the eyes of the younger, and how Minho doesn't see a single flaw in him. If only Minho could admit to him that Taemin was used, how he was just there to get over the thought of never being with him. If only.

But they had what they had, each other even if there were cracks. Minho knew this would happen again, another fake kiss or a whispered conversation that was too close for Jinki's comfort. Tonight had been the worse, the man finally yelling and cursing at him to leave, but with every touch the anger left Jinki and love entered him.

As he looked down at the man he loved more than anything come undone to his touches, arching off the bed and screaming against his shoulder, he knew. He had no right to be jealous, no reason to be. Minho was his. Always was but neither saw it. He felt stupid yes, but mostly blessed as he laid down next to him and kissed his forehead. Because he was blessed. Blessed to have Minho, to have his love and affection. To have him every night next to him, and blessed that someone as amazing as Minho took notice of him, because with Minho he was perfect.

It had just taken him awhile to see it.