"Get in line, motherers," Heechul declared as he slammed the door behind him. "Kim Heechul is now officially loaded."

The members, who had been having amiable conversations until that moment, fell silent as soon the words were out of Heechul's mouth. 13 heads (excluding Zhou Mi, who had gone shopping) turned toward him: some curious, some frightened, some nervous, and one barely visible behind the monitor of his brand new computer.

"What do you mean, hyung?" Ryeowook asked, tilting his head to one side. "Did you go grocery shopping or something?"

"I don't see any groceries," Eunhyuk pointed out. "Maybe he means he's gained weight? Tough luck, hyung."

Heechul stamped his foot in exasperation. "No, you idiots, that's not what I mean." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10,000 won banknote. "See, 'loaded' as in rich. Deep-pocketed. In possession of cold, hard-earned cash."

"10,000 won is hardly enough to buy 3 of us a meal," Kibum noted, taking his position as the only practical member of Super Junior. "If you wanted money, I could have lent you some."

"Wait, Heechul," Jungsoo frowned, ever the responsible leader. "Where did you get that money? We don't get our paychecks until next week, and if I'm not mistaken, you already spent all your money on Wonder Girls merchandise."

"He stole it!" Donghae screamed. "He's evil!"

Siwon, who had been eating a bowl of Hankyung's homemade fried rice, choked on his food. "H-heechul-hyung," He coughed. "Come to church with me tomorrow. You must repent for your sins."

"Shut up, Ma Siwon," Heechul huffed, crossing his arms. "And you too, Donghae," he added. At the moment, Donghae, restrained by Eunhyuk, was attempting to make a break for the door, shouting, "I knew it, I saw this coming, oh god, he's evil, Heechul-hyung is evil--"

"Anyway," the diva continued. "To answer all your questions...I did not, as a matter of fact, steal this money. I earned it fair and square."

"How did you earn it?" Shindong called from his reserved spot on the couch. "Are you running a business or something?"

"As if he even has the intellect to start a business," Kangin scoffed. The other members murmured their agreement. It was most definitely something Heechul could not do, much less in a successful manner.

"Eh, but then how did you get the money?" Sungmin asked. 

Heechul grinned, and that was never a good sign. "So I went down to Apgujeong, and you know how there are, like, a lot of street artists and stuff like that?"

"You became a street artist?" Yesung questioned. "Now that you mention it, Heechul-hyung is pretty good at drawing..."

"Well, no, I didn't become a street artist," Heechul replied, still grinning. "But I saw this really cute girl with an easel, and she kept on looking in my direction as she was drawing, so I thought maybe she was drawing me, you know? And then I thought-- oh my god, I think she likes me." 

Kyuhyun burst out laughing at his computer. "Oh, Heechul-hyung, only you would be so arrogant-- ah, , I lost my game!" He cursed as he pounded the keyboard. "This noob just rushed me and I didn't even see him."

"So then I was like, 'oh , what do I do' because I'm already with Sohee, and I don't wanna get this girl's hopes up or anything, right?"

"Time out," Henry said. "You're with Sohee? I thought it was just one-sided." He turned to Hankyung, who was just as confused as the rest of them. "You told me it was just one-sided."

"It is just one-sided," Yesung muttered, eyes wide. "Isn't it?" When no one answered, he proceeded to lapse into a state of chronic anxiety. "Oh god, there's gonna be a scandal, everyone's gonna hate us, I won't have any more fans, I'll be all alone, oh gosh..."

"What are you all talking about," Heechul snapped. "Sohee said she liked me. Remember that episode of Family Outing?" He was beginning to panic. "She said she liked me. She did."

"Sorry to break it to you, hyung, but your 'like' and her 'like' are two completely different things." Kibum sighed, picking at his nails. 

"Wha-what do you mean?"

"Well, obviously she doesn't--"

"Shh!" Leeteuk, who had carefully observed a tinge of red in Heechul's cheeks, slapped a hand over Kibum's snarky mouth. "Shut up, Kibum," he muttered into the usually-quiet-maknae's ear. "You'll drive him over the edge. You know what Heechul's tantrums look like."

"What?" Henry, who was in earshot, hissed, looking much like a prepubescent boy who was receiving 'the talk' for the very first time. "What do they look like?"

"Remember when Kyuhyun, Shindong, Eunhyuk, and I had to go to the hospital?"

"Yeah? Yeah?"

"...that wasn't because of a car accident."

Henry shivered.

Heechul, who had decided to shake off Kibum's sensitive remarks, continued blindly with his story. "And then I notice-- people are actually giving this girl money! Like, they would look at her sketches as they walked past and hand her wads and wads of banknotes. Literally, every two seconds, someone would walk by and just hand her another pile of cash. It was ridiculous! Almost unnatural..."

"Please don't tell me..."

"So I'm like, 'geez, she can't be that good, can she?', right? I mean, I was pretty sure I was ten times better than her. So I felt kinda pissed about the whole situation. Like, here's this girl who's not even that good at drawing, and she's earning more money than I do in a whole month, and obviously I can't stand for that, so..."

"Oh god, Heechul-hyung..."

"Don't use God's name in vain, Eunhyuk-hyung."

"Sorry."

"And then, I just, I have this sudden urge, like...hey. That money should be mine. And it didn't help that this girl was, like, smiling this stupid eye smile every time someone gave her money. It was like mockery. It made me so pissed I could just walk over there and rip the money out of her hands."

"Oh, god-- I mean, uh, gosh. Sorry, Siwon. Anyway, why do I feel like that's exactly what you did?"

"So you know what I do?" Heechul plowed on, ignoring Eunhyuk. "I get this brilliant idea." The diva's eyes were shining with a mixture of ridiculously unfitting emotions for the current time and place of day. "I think to myself, 'hey, she likes me anyway' and maybe she's even an E.L.F. So I walk over there and I hug her. Like this," Heechul grabbed Kangin, who let out a shout of protest, and wrapped his arms around his throat, squeezing.

"That's not hugging!" Leeteuk screeched, his eyes bugging out from their sockets. "You're going to kill him!"

"--and, as I'm hugging her, she lets out this little squeak. I'd like to think it was a squeak of joy."

"It was probably a squeak of pain... because you were choking her!!"

"So I hug her for nearly five minutes..."

"Heechul!!"

By now, Kangin was beginning to turn a little blue, Ryeowook and Sungmin were whimpering in fear, Eunhyuk had slammed his forehead into the table, Leeteuk was downright apprehensive, Yesung was still in his prolonged state of anxiety (I'll never be able to face Jongjin and Umma~), Hankyung was confused as always, Shindong was eating chips, Donghae was screaming, Zhou Mi was out shopping, Siwon was praying, Kibum was silent, Henry was rapping, Kyuhyun was cackling, and Heechul... was...still...talking.

"And when she's finally unconscious, I strip her--"

"What??"

"--of all her money and hightail it out of there. Of course, I had to run fast, because there was this crowd of adults standing about five feet away with a camera, and they were just gawking at me as I performed my stunt. I think one of them eventually called the police." Heechuls smiled with satisfaction as he finished his story and finally released the unfortunate Kangin, who dropped to the carpet, coughing. "And that's the story of how I earned this money. You see, I didn't steal it."

"Uhhh--"

"Wait." Leeteuk snapped, staring at Heechul. "You said there was a crowd there...with a camera?"

"Yeah, a really fancy one."

"Heechul." The leader said carefully, a vein beginning to pulse in his temple. "Did it not cross your mind that maybe, I dunno, she was filming?"

"Nope."

Kyuhyun fell off his chair, his entire body racked with laughter. The other members stared at their leader, not daring to breathe.

Conveniently, Zhou Mi chose that moment to return from his shopping trip. "I'm back," he sighed, dropping his bags on the floor. "I ran into Suzy on the way to Apgujeong. She told me a funny story. Apparently, she was filming a cf about art supplies, and someone ran up to her, started choking her, stole her money, and punched the living daylights out of her cameraman before running away." He paused and shook his head. "Crazy sasaeng fans, huh. Hm? What's wrong?" Zhou Mi asked as he looked from Heechul's uncomprehending stare to Leeteuk's face, which was slowly and steadily turning white.

Fitting, since white was Leeteuk's favorite color.

At this moment, Kyuhyun, still on the floor, was beyond salvation.

"What's going on?" Zhou Mi blinked.

"You didn't mention the part about beating the living daylights out of her cameraman," Shindong said to Heechul, who spluttered, "No, I didn't...I wasn't...it was a mistake!"

"Suzy," Eunhyuk groaned. "Of all people, it had to be Suzy. Manager-hyung will kill us."

"We're dooooooomed!" Yesung howled, tears streaming down his face. Beside him, Donghae joined in. "Doooooooomed! We're doooooooomed!" They chorused. Siwon prayed, pressing two fingers to the forehead of Kangin, who was currently out for the count.

In the midst of it all, Kibum decided this was too much for him, and retreated to his room to get some sleep. 

"I quit," Leeteuk muttered, deflated. "This job isn't worth what it pays."

That night marked the end of the legendary boy group Super Junior. The very next day, all members said their (I wish I could say tearful) goodbyes and went their seperate ways. Leeteuk became a school teacher, putting his experience with 5-year-olds to good use. Hankyung returned to China. Kangin, along with Sungmin, entered a martial arts university and began working towards their first degree. Yesung joined a gang. Shindong went into industry and has started his own Cream Cheese business. Eunhyuk and Donghae fled to YG Entertainment and joined Big Bang. Zhou Mi went shopping. Siwon went to heaven. Ryeowook became a pasta chef and Kyuhyun became a pasta consumer. Henry got married to Amber and flew back to Canada (This, of course, meant the disbandment of f(x) as well.). Kibum is MIA, and Heechul, well...

Heechul became the new CEO of SM, much to the horror of his dongsaengs.

He's debuting a group called . in September, and thanks you all for your support thus far.

A/N: Gah, it's so short. I'm sorry T^T I don't know what I was doing when I wrote this...it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment fic. Anyways, hope you enjoyed. Leave me a comment if you want.