“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 

The 27th of June 2015,                                           

I came to loath this date since it marked the day my whole world turned upside down.

The day my smile was, once and for all, erased from my face (for how long? For as long as I shall live),                    

The day my whole existence seemed pointless,                                                                                                                    

The day living, more like simply breathing, became a task and not a given,                                                                       

The day my heart was shattered into millions of pieces, never to be restored to its rightful form,                                 

The day I simply stopped trying (after all, there was no point in trying anymore, was there?).

  (Was there?).                                                    

How do you expect me to keep on smiling, let alone, to keep on living as if nothing has happened.

As if  the sole reason of my happiness, of my laughter and joy wasn't forcefully taken away from me?

(2012)

The brunette was leisurely sitting on her sofa (eagerly awaiting her boyfriend’s appearance on a well known TV show) and as soon as her hazel orbs made contact with his black pools, she began grinning like a maniac (sure, he might not be able to see her, but whenever she simply saw his handsome face she couldn’t stop the smile that would make its way onto her face).

The Mc began complementing her lover on his acting skills, stating that they have improved over the years (and she couldn’t agree more) and that he was able to portray the character’s emotions fairly well, seeing how the story revolved around a man who, due to a tragic accident has lost his loved one and couldn’t help but ask him where he got his inspiration from, it would have been quite difficult to get into character seeing as he was (and still is) a young lad who hasn’t experienced much of life’s hardships (hinting ever so subtly that he might have a special someone who was the main source of his inspiration).

Myungsoo (Infinite’s visual and upcoming actor), lightly smirked before responding,

“I tried to put myself in the character’s shoes. How would I feel if someone I dearly loved slipped away from my fingers? Would I be devastated? Hurt? Torn? Or even angry?  And then I realized that I would have all of these emotions rushing through me, I would even consider giving up on my life since without her by my side my life would be meaningless”

Emma’s heart skipped a beat at his words; she could feel the sincerity that was laced in every letter, in every syllable and couldn’t help but feel the same. My life would definitely have no meaning without you by my side Myung.

The Mc raised an eyebrow in return, a sly smile on his face.

“Her?”

Myungsoo smiled (his dimple showing) before confirming his suspicions.

“Her.”

Emma’s eyebrows furrowed, what is he doing?

“So you’re saying that, you, Infinite’s Kim Myungsoo, is already taken?”

The young man simply nodded his head (that same smile never once leaving his flawless features).

“I am”

Emma was flabbergasted; did he just say what I think he did?

 “ For how long if I may ask?”

Myungsoo bit his lip, his eyes wondered towards the camera.

“For two years, three months and” he glanced at his watch “thirteen hours”

The Mc’s laugh resonated throughout the studio.

“Even counting the hours, huh?”

The young man nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders, still smiling ever so brightly.

Emma felt her cheeks burning “Aish, stupid Kim myungsoo” she quietly mumbled trying her best to keep herself from smiling (for the umpteenth time that day).

2 months have passed since their relationship had gone public (surprisingly many people were supportive of their love, defining them as “an overly cute and affectionate couple” and wishing them all the best in the near future).  Infinite’s fans were saddened by the news at first but as soon as they saw how happy Myungsoo looked, how he would often be his real self during interviews and variety shows and not his cold persona and how a bright smile would be drawn on his face whenever his girlfriend was mentioned, they came around and began to support this young couple, since all they ever wanted, all they ever wished for was for him to be happy.

Some were, of course, against the fact that their Myungsoo (who wasn’t, isn’t and will never be there’s to begin with) was dating a foreigner. A girl who wasn’t (in their twisted minds) worthy of a guy such as himself, a girl who didn’t fit in with their (ludicrous) definition of beauty nor was she accustomed to their culture and beliefs. Seeing how the two people who were concerned weren’t at all fazed by the unwanted opinions of some, they just kept on showcasing their love for each other just like any other normal couple would do.

At times, it was hard, especially for Emma since the hate that was directed towards her (by some so called “fans”) didn’t make her life any easier at all and was sometimes a little too much for her to bear. Seeing how she was hated for no apparent reason other than the fact that, she was a (none Korean girl) who was dating their precious L. But having Myungsoo by her side made things slightly easier, seeing how he would defend her and be there for her in a heartbeat.

The hardships they faced (to the dismay of some) didn’t tear them apart but (if possible) brought them even closer than they already were.

July, 2015

 I woke up to the sound of my annoying alram clock. I hadn't even realized that I was asleep nor that I was in my room (how did I even get here? I don't even recall being here). My mind is definitely playing tricks on me (I don't even remember anything) yesterday is but a blur to me.

I turned my head to the side, hoping to see you there beside me, sleeping ever so peacefully (your presence always made me calm and complete) but sadly you weren’t there.

And that’s when it hit me, from now on, your face wouldn’t be the first thing I see in the morning, your smile wouldn’t be the first thing that would greet me each and every day (rendering me all giddy and happy on the inside).

The space beside me (that would be usually filled with your presence, with your sweet scent) was empty.

And as much as I dreaded it, it will forever remain that way.

May, 2015.

“Happy birthday my love”

He whispered ever so sweetly, before landing a chaste kiss on the girl’s forehead. The brunette couldn’t be happier, having him by her side was enough but seeing the small event he had prepared for her (a quiet picnic by the sea) made her heart swell with so much joy and happiness.

They sat in each other’s embrace on the neatly arranged blanket (they fitted perfectly together like a piece of jigsaw puzzle), enjoying the soothing sounds of the waves as they crashed down onto the shore; taking in the freshness of the air. The coldness was unfelt by the both of them, seeing how their love for each other (as cheesy as it may seem, kept them cozy and warm) and the way their bodies were pressed against one another left no room for the harsh cold that lingered all around them.

Shuffling in his pocket, Myungsoo took out a silver necklace and placed it on Emma’s neck, the contact of the cold object on her skin, startled her but as she looked down and noticed the name that was skillfully engraved on it, a smile made its way onto her face, she turned around and planted a sweet kiss on her loved one’s lips, while whispering a gentle “Thank you”.

Myungsoo tightened his hold on her waist, motioning to the necklace that hung freely around his neck, as he deepened their kiss.

The warm rays of the sun shone brightly on the names that were engraved on both necklaces, accentuating the love both parties shared for one another.

(Who knew that this day would mark the last time they would celebrate this occasion together?)

Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I’m supposed to do right now. Right now I can’t sleep. It’s right now that I can’t eat. Right now I still hear his voice and sense his presence even though I know he’s not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now. 

Everyday, every single day I keep asking myself this question.

Why? Why did it have to be you?                                                                                                                                        

And till this day, my question hasn’t once been answered.

Early June, 2015.

Snuggling under the warm blanket, enjoying a movie that was playing on the television, the young couple was more than content with each other’s presence, seeing how they haven’t seen one another for three weeks straight (be it for Myungsoo’s hectic schedule and Emma’s demanding assignments).

The comfortable silence that was drowning them was cut off by Myungsoo’s odd statement.

“I want you to promise me that if anything ever happened to me you would eventually move on”

Emma was utterly confused; a light giggle escaped her lips as she responded.

“Where is this coming from?”

She turned around and locked eyes with Myungsoo who had a small smile plastered on his face.

“I just want to make sure, that you would, that you would continue to live on for the both of us”

Furrowing her eyebrows at his serious tone, she slowly whispered.

“Is there something wrong?”

Myungsoo shook his head no and she let out a heavy breath (she didn’t even know she was holding).

“Then how come you’re talking like this, Oppa you’re scaring me”

The young man chuckled at his girlfriend’s pouting expression (noting the fact that she looked extremely cute while doing so).

“There’s no need to worry, I won’t be going anywhere”

As he pulled her closer to him, encircling his arms around her waist, he added.

“But just in case, promise me you would move on”

Emma blinked a few times before burying her head in his chest, taking in his intoxicating scent before letting out a muffled.

“I will, I promise”

Glancing at the name that was neatly engraved on her necklace, her eyes b with unshed tears, she lightly touched the first letter which was a lovely "M"

Ever since that day, I haven't set foot outside this house, our house.

I haven’t been eating nor sleeping, I haven’t been living. But how can I when you’re not by my side?

I lied to you, I can never move on, I wouldn’t want to move on; I wouldn’t want to forget you, to forget every single thing about you.

I love staying here, locked up in our room, you know why? Because it smells just like you, your sweet intoxicating smell still lingers all around our apartment and I wouldn’t want to lose it since it’s the only thing that keeps me sane, it’s the only thing that I have left of you and I would never want it to go away.

“Emma! Emma, please open the door”

Go away, she wanted to yell but her voice wouldn’t come out, leave me alone. Maybe if I don’t make a sound, the knocking would stop. But it never did.

The brunette weakly got out of her bed and slowly made her way towards the door, as she turned the doorknob an angry and overly concerned Woohyun dashed right inside the house.

When his brown orbs landed on the fragile girl who stood in front of him, all of his anger dissipated into thin air, her eyes were puffy and red, indicating her tearful nights (and days); her skin was overly pale, the huge bags under her once lively and bright hazel orbs were visible, her body was sickeningly thin (informing him that she hadn’t been eating for weeks now). All in all, the broken girl in front of him was nowhere near the Emma he knew (and yes, loved and still does).

27th of June 2015,

"Oppa, don’t be late or else dinner will be cold”

Myungsoo’s lips curved upwards, forming a smile.

“How can I? My baby's cooking for me for the very first time, how can I be late?”

A giggle was heard on the other side, making his smile even wider than it already was.

“Just shut up and don’t you dare be late”

She playfully warned.

“I won’t, practice just ended and I’m on my way towards my car”

As his black convertible came to view, he fished out his keys and swiftly opened the door.

“I’ll be there in twenty”

“Okay, I’ll be waiting”

“I love you”

“I love you too”

After hanging up the phone and placing it in his pocket, he started the engine and skillfully made his way out of the parking lot and into the main road.

Emma smiled as she dashed into their bedroom, wanting to freshen up before his arrival.

(Who knew this would be the last time she would be hearing his voice?).

Two hours later,

The brunette hastily made her way towards the front desk; her heart was fur