To Kim Jongdae,

                Loving you has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I remember seeing you for the first time.

“Done practicing?” Luhan asked as I fix myself in front of the mirror. “Yeah, how about you guys?”

“We’re almost done! Oh have you met our new member?” He asked.
 

I really don’t know why but when Luhan mentioned that they have a new member, I became curious about you. But when they introduced you to me, I was too shy to even look at you. I didn’t know that my ultimate crush is their new member. So I kinda ignored you. Weeks passed by, my friends started texting me about you being EXO’s new member. They were more excited than I am until that time of the event. They all ganged up on me. Setting me up to meet you and introduce us to each other formally. I ended up running away from you like you’re a monster or someone who has a disease.

“I’m sorry Suji.” I heard my friend said and with that my heart started beating three times faster than normal. ‘Oh no.’ I thought. I saw Xiumin on my far right side talking to someone. ‘Just run to Xiumin.’ I turned to look at my friends smiling at me like an idiot. ‘Turn. Turn. Turn and run.’ I quickly made a turn and to my surprise, Jongdae’s standing there. My face an inch away from his.

“I – I---“ stuttering and embarrassed, I absent-mindedly bowed my head and said “I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m a fan of you.” I then maneuvered my way out of the crowd and held onto Xiumin’s arm.

I was seriously embarrassed that time. I want the earth to open up and eat me right there and then. But after that we became close… sort of. We became close online. You started telling me your secrets and even problems. Until one day, you pm-ed me telling me that your friend wants to court me. I asked you for clues but you said you’ll tell me someday. Days later, JR confessed to me. I pm-ed you saying that I know now who you’re talking about. I noticed that you’re shocked but shrugged it off since you said that it’s really JR you’re talking about. Til then on we never mentioned about those things again.

The night before New Year the topic about love opened again.

“Remember that guy I told you who wants to court you?” Jongdae asked.

“Yeah, I remember that! You said that’s JR right?” I chuckled;

I was actually disappointed back then. I really thought you’re that person you’re talking about. I assumed too much. But then again…

“That was actually me but I decided to not continue. I was confused between you and Sooyoung. I can’t court