War, huh, Good God?

One evening, an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself.

He said, "My boy, the fight is between two wolves."

That certainly got the boy's attention.

"One is evil," the old man continued. "Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego."

"What of the other, grandfather?" the boy asked.

"The other is good," he said. "Joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Do we all have such wolves fighting inside us, grandfather?"

"Yes," the wise old man said.

"Then, which wolf wins the fight?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Kris remembers the stories that his father had told him when he was young as clear as day. Sometimes, when he can't sleep at night, he replays his father's voice in his mind, recalling his stories which had morals so deep and true that Kris would often feel ashamed of himself.

Kris doesn't consider himself to be evil.

At least, he didn't when he was a boy. 

But sometimes, unlike the story that his father had told him, no matter how much you try to feed the good wolf, the evil one ends up being more powerful. And that is exactly what happened to Kris.

Kris didn't know how it happened. One second he's teaching his younger brother how to build a strawhouse and the other, soldiers suddenly barge into his home and demand that he follow them, shouting things like, "The country needs you!" - but Kris wasn't really listening. All he could remember was how his younger brother had been slapped when he had tried to stop the soldiers from dragging Kris away.

Kris guesses that that was how it all started. In an instant, Kris's reputation had turned from a newly graduated scholar to an honorable soldier who had left his family and friends for the sake of the country. 

Honestly, Kris found the whole war ridiculous. What was the point of killing each other? How would that help resolve anything? Couldn't the leaders of South and North Korea come to a consensus without the need for a war?

Kris's life as a soldier would be considered something that all boys should dream of having. 

Unbeknowsnt to Kris himself, he was actually quite gifted in the area of combat skills. He even dared to say that he was better at combat than studying, and he was a newly graduated scholar. Of course, even though the army didn't need scholars as much as they needed good soldiers who were swift on their legs and hands, Kris's knowledge did come in handy. 

Kris was able to think of strategies quickly, and his strategies would often come out to be efficient and successful. Needless to say, the higher-ups favored Kris, and that meant that many other soldiers were envious of him. Soon, Kris was able to climb the ranks quite easily, and he even obtains the title of Jungwi (First Lieutenant), which is considered quite a feat by his fellow soldiers considering the little time he had spent in the army as compared to the others.

Kris never meant for everything that happened to occur. After all, Kris was just being himself, and apparently, people liked him. 

Before the war, Kris had constantly been feeding the good wolf. 

He was the ideal son, brother and husband. He helped out in the village whenever he could, he would cook for his family and sometimes even neighbours, he was skilled in the area of crafting and of course, Kris was incredibly charming and handsome.

Standing at a proud 1.87 metres tall, Kris had the physique that every girl swooned over and every man wished for. 

Many confessions had came to him, but Kris didn't accept any of it.

Truthfully, Kris never had high expectations of people. When he loves, he loves.

The person that he loves doesn't have to be the prettiest, the kindest or the most loyal.

But yet, somehow, Kris can't find it in him to fall in love. Sometimes he wonders if he has a curse, if he's doomed to not love another for his entire life, but then he realizes that he's just cursing himself.

Somehow or rather, Kris believes that he will find the right one, and the only concern is when the right one will be found.

After he had joined the army, Kris tried to keep on feeding the good wolf, but it was extremely difficult, especially in times of a war. 

The first time when he had stopped feeding the good wolf was when he and a group of soldiers had been honoured the task of eliminatingseveral captured North Koreans. Kris hadn't really been too psyched about it, but what good would it have been to have declined the offer? Instead of being the one eliminating others, he himself would be eliminated.

When Kris had reached the 'eliminating ground', he came to understand that when they meant 'several', it was five hundred.

Kris and his group had been trusted to eliminate these people; three were to aim at the head, three at the heart. Reluctantly, Kris chose to aim for the heart, knowing that at least he didn't have to see the look in their eyes when they got shot.

The first group of prisoners were led up to a ditch, and once they were all in position, shots rang out and there was a fireworks display of blood and brains.

The prisoners at the end of the line, they saw what was happening. They must've understood that as they turned towards the soldiers that they were facing their death and yet, for the most part, they neither ran or tried to escape. Kris didn't know if they were either very, very stupid, or incredibly brave.

Now this will be the part that Kris stops feeding the good wolf.

As Kris lifted the rifle to his shoulder, a teenage boy stared at him. He lifted his hand and pointed to himself. In perfect Hangul, he said, sibpal. Eighteen. 

After that, Kris stopped looking at their faces.

And at the same time, he could feel that his good wolf was dying from hunger, and that the evil wolf had seized the opportunity to ravage its hunger on the dying good wolf that Kris had tried to nurture for so long.

In the army, Kris has made quite a few friends, but the closest to coming through as a true friend would actually be Kim Jongdae.

Unlike Kris, Jongdae was unskilled in combat, rather short and not as smart. But even though Jongdae didn't possess all those fine qualities that a man should have, he possessed finer qualities that Kris secretly wishes he has. 

Unlike Kris, Jongdae had the heart of gold. War brings out the bad in Kris, but it brings the good in Jongdae. 

While Kris had stopped feeding his good wolf, Jongdae constantly fed it, subconciously or not. 

Whenever they had meals together on the streets while patroling and Jongdae catches sight of whole families starving, no matter how hungry he was, Jongdae would always give up his food for them. Be it a loaf of bread, or sometimes even the rare rice that they get to eat, Jongdae gave them all up to the more needy. Kris would observe this and then scold Jongdae for doing what he did, but Jongdae would just shake his head softly and smile.

"If you keep giving up your food, how are you going to have the strength as a soldier?" Kris scolds him one day. 

Jongdae plops down onto the floor next to Kris cross-legged and smiles the same smile that Kris's heart skips a beat at every single time and says, "It's fine. Besides, whether I have the strength or not, nothing will change. I'm still useless in a war."

"You need food to live," Kris mumbles, looking down on his bread. 

Jongdae sighs and rubs his temples. "Honestly in a time like this, I wouldn't mind not living anymore." 

Jongdae's words sting Kris like a bee and without saying anything further, Kris stops nibbling on his bread and shoves the whole thing into Jongdae's mouth, forcing him to gobble it down.

"I won't allow you to die," Kris simply says as he stands up, slings his rifle around his shoulder and walks away, shouting for a crying baby to, "shut up or I will pull the trigger on this bad boy."

On Kris's sleepless nights, Jongdae would often break out into songs - he sang traditional songs, war songs and even songs of his own.

War, huh, good God

What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing

Ohhh, war, I despise

Because it means destruction

Of innocent lives

War means tears

To thousands of mothers eyes

When their sons go to fight

And lose their lives I said,

war, huh Good God,

What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing

Say it again

War, whoa, Lord

What is it good for? Say it, Say it, Say it

Stand up and shout it

Nothing

Kris lets Jongdae's voice drift through the air, lulling him to sleep. Sometimes we wonders if Jongdae's a genius; how else would he come up with such solemn tunes and lyrics that are pleasing to the ears?

At times like these, Kris is just glad to be alive and well, and he thanks God for everything that he has been through, be it good or not. It is also at times like these that Kris remembers to feed his good wolf. Listening to Jongdae's voice makes him feel peaceful and blessed, and his good wolf nurtures from that. He feels his good wolf rising up again and his evil wolf shrinking away and he relishes the moment before the next day comes for his good wolf to disappear and his evil wolf to take over.

Kris had never said it out aloud, but Jongdae had the voice of an angel. Often, he would think about what could've happened if this war had not occurred. He would've been a fine teacher, teaching children with passion and joy, and Jongdae would've been a successful singer, composing and singing songs for everyone to enjoy. If the war hadn't occurred, they would have led two very different lives and would probably not have met each other. He knows that it is horrible to say this, but he's glad that there is a war.

For without it, how else would he have fallen in love?

yehet (the new the end)