Fixing Us

 Jessica didn't know when she started falling.  

 

Was it after the fights? No. Before the solo vacations? Whatever happened --whenever it happened, she liked it. She could be more than her crying shoulder; more than simple friends. But, she needs to show it first.  

 

#  

 

Carefully, Jessica sneaked out of her room and inside Sunny's. She glanced at the tidy but dark area.  

 

Where is she?  Jessica thought.

 

 She heard small whimpers that became her GPS. Sunny was curled up like a ball underneath the blankets. Jessica kneeled and caressed Sunny's face. She knew immediately that the girl had been crying. Tear stained cheeks; they don't belong on Sunny's face. Smiles should envelop the girl she liked, and she would be the reason for that.  

 

Yes, Taeyeon might be the reason you cry, but I will be the reason you smile, Bunny, Jessica thought, glancing at the opened laptop with Taeyeon as the wallpaper.  

 

#  

 

"Is it just me, or is Jessica...clingier to Sunny?" Hyoyeon asked the other 6 girls beside her. They all glanced at the duo and saw the happy smiles and content faces of Jessica Jung.

 

“You know how bipolar Sica is,” Sooyoung responded.

 

“Yeah…but, this seems different.”

 

Yoona looked at the two, and glanced at Yuri. Could it have happened? Did Jessica…finally move on?

 

“Hey guys,” Jessica called, with Sunny in hand.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“We’re going out, okay? Don’t wait up,” Jessica replied and dragged the confused Bunny out the door. With a slam, the girls turned to each other in wonder.

 

What happened to Jessica Jung?

 

#

 

“Sica.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Why are you doing this?”

 

“Doing what?”

 

Sunny stared deep into her eyes. It wasn’t hard to decipher that something was wrong with her. The girl that wanted to be, alone, to only read, and sleep is now jumping happily with who was considered the “energy pill” of SNSD, well, something isn’t right.

 

“Why are you with me?”

 

Jessica let go of Sunny’s hand quickly and stared at the ground. “I like spending time with you,” was Jessica’s soft reply.

 

Sunny smiled and latched on to warmth. “What about Tiffany?”

 

“What about her?” Jessica asked.

 

Sunny snickered and softly and started to swing their intertwined hands. “I’m not blind of your feelings for her, you know.”

 

“Uh, yeah, I guess…”

 

“Your secret is safe with me, Sica. I promise I won’t say anything to anyone. Now, CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!” Sunny said as she ran away.

 

Jessica smiled and simply walked.

 

“BUZZ KILL!”

 

#

 

The next time Jessica and Sunny went out together, Jessica made sure it was a date.

 

“Date?”

 

“Uhhh yeah.”

 

Sunny laughed lightly and Jessica can’t help but grin.

 

“Sure.”

 

#

 

“Why are you panicking like this, unnie?” Yoona—Jessica’s current favorite dongsaeng, asked.

 

“I don’t know either; I just can’t give her a bad impression of me.”

 

“She’s seen you , snoring and drooling, what more can—“

 

“SHHHH. Just help me pick.”

 

Yoona sighed and ran her hand across the clothes. “You helped her up when she was down and—“

 

“That’s not good enough,” Jessica responded. “Nothing’s good enough until she’s mine.”

 

“What about Fany-unnie?”

 

Jessica stopped shuffling and looked at Yoona.

 

Again with Tiffany.

 

“What about her?”

 

“Is it really that easy to forget?” Yoona asked.

 

You’re too innocent, Yoong. “No, but it’s not impossible.”

 

“Aah, well, I’m sorry for taking your time.”

 

“What?!” Jessica started to panic when Yoona pointed at the clock that read 6:55.

 

“YOONAA!!!”

 

#

 

Sunny was nervously shifting inside of her room. She was actually scared of her “date.”

 

“Why are you so dressed up?” she turns to see Taeyeon by their door, staring at her.

 

“Oh,” she managed to squeak out. “Jessica asked me out.”

 

Taeyeon stopped walking around and stared at the flinching Sunny. “She what?”

 

“Asked me out. Why?”

 

Taeyeon said nothing and shuffled to her bed, before flopping down.

 

“Why are you upset?”

 

“Who said I was?” Taeyeon replied.

 

Sunny gripped her dress tightly and whispered. “You lost your chance, Taeyeon. You’ve hurt me too much.”

 

“I know. That’s why you deserve better.”

 

Sunny snickered and stopped talking.

 

Silence filled the room and awkwardness spread. They used to be there for each other, what happened?

 

“S-sunny?” Jessica knocked.

 

Sunny opened the door and Jessica stood there like a nervous wreck. “H-hey.”

 

Sunny giggled and extended her hand for Jessica to take. The older complied before leading Sunny out. “Y-you look pretty today.”

 

“You do, too,” Sunny’s reply was the last thing Taeyeon heard before the door closed.

 

#

 

Sunny was smiling. Jessica was cute when she stutters is shy. She normally was, but this was slightly different. She tried to have everything perfect but…things don’t usually go as planned.

 

“It’s fine, Sica,” Sunny finally said when Jessica started dropping coins on the floor as they enter the theater.

 

“O-okay. I just...don’t think you were enjoying...” Jessica mumbled.

 

“Why would you say so?”

 

“You’re barely talking and always zoning out,” Jessica reasoned.

 

Sunny suddenly realized how mean and insensitive she was being. Smiles were not enough to convey ones feelings sometimes.

 

“Are you jealous?” Sunny joked.

 

Jessica’s eyes widened. “What?”

 

“’Cause that’s your job,” Sunny paused a while, letting Jessica’s brain sink that in. She laughed when Jessica’s face turned tomato red.

 

“Shut up.”

 

They started picking out movies they wanted to watch. Sunny wanted horror, Jessica wanted rom-com. Usually, Jessica would’ve let Sunny do whatever, but this was something Jessica took a stand. In the end, after several weighing of pro’s and con’s, they decided to watch Disney’s Frozen, the talk of the town.

 

Jessica slyly took hold of Sunny’s hand as they lined up for the ticket booth. Sunny gave her a knowing grin and held on tighter.

 

So this is what heaven feels like.

 

They bought seat tickets to the “couple booth.” A booth in where you are separated from other couples around you; only made for the two of you.

 

As the movie progressed, Jessica was poked by Sunny. She tore her eyes away from the screen and asked the Bunny, “What?”

 

Sunny pointed at the screen and she saw little Elsa, making snow. “She’s just like you, the ice princess.”

 

Jessica frowned. She didn’t like being called that anymore. She tried her hardest to break away from that image, cold and soulless, everything she wasn’t. But when Sunny laid her head down on her shoulder and cuddled on her arm, she realized that she hasn’t watched the end, not yet. Everything will change; she doesn’t know what will happen to Elsa, and will she on her and Sunny’s relationship.

 

She patted the younger’s head before turning her attention back to the two girls on the screen. They somehow reminded her of Krystal and herself.

 

#

 

The movie finally ended and Jessica was smiling all throughout. Disney made this movie right, it’s not always about love, but family. They are sometimes all you need in life. She remembered Krystal. “I should treat her better.”

 

She stretched a bit and turned to wake Sunny up. “Come on, Bunny, the movie’s done.”

 

She waited patiently, admiring Sunny’s beauty underneath the dimly lit room. She saw Sunny’s mouth open and mumble out a few words. Jessica’s world stopped.

 

She stood up, fighting the tears in her eyes. She shook Sunny once more and the younger finally woke up. Sunny stretched a bit, missing Jessica’s blank face.

 

“Is it done?”

 

“Yeah, hurry up, manager-oppa’s outside already.” Jessica walked out, leaving the confused latter behind.

 

#

 

Jessica kept mum during the entire ride. Sunny kept glancing at her, the girl looked very interested at the outside view.

 

“We’re here girls,” their manager said.

 

Jessica went out first, Sunny followed closely behind. They walked towards the entrance of the dorm and stopped in front of the gate. Sunny watched Jessica’s controlled face. She knew Jessica wanted to cry, but she doesn’t know why.

 

“I had fun,” she decided to break the silence.

 

Jessica gave a curt smile and patted her head. “I won’t be home tonight. I’ll stay at my house.”

 

Sunny frowned. She wanted to spend a little more time with Jessica.

 

“Did I say something?” Sunny asked. Jessica was sensitive, she knew, so she must’ve done something to offend her date.

 

Jessica visibly flinched, remembering those 4 words Sunny mumbled unconsciously. “No.”

 

“Are you sure?” Sunny came closer, trying to close that 4 ft. gap.

 

Jessica moved back.

 

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.” She took longer strides towards her own car parked near the van, thinking of Sunny’s words.

 

I love you, Taeyeon.

 

#

 

Jessica drove away from her pain; her eyes fixated on the street light. She shouldn’t be too sad, right? It was one date. It wasn’t like Sunny knew of her feelings, and by how things turned out today, she never will.

 

Jessica grunted and slammed her hand on the steering wheel. “Damn it.”

 

She maneuvered the car to park next to an ice cream shop. Nobody would be there in this weather, so it was the perfect time to be alone.

 

As she entered, the bells chimed, indicating the staff someone was in.

 

“Good evening, how may I help you?” a waitress asked her.

 

She gave a small smile and just pointed to a seat. The girl understood her and just let her be.

 

She sat down and stared at the barely touched ice cream tubs on the counter. Some people were actually weird enough to eat ice cream in 0 degree weather.

 

She stared off even more when the waitress took some cookies and crème ice cream.

 

Who the heck ordered that?

 

She followed the cup of ice cream with her eyes, but was surprised when it landed in front of her.

 

She looked at the smiling waitress. “I didn’t order this.”

 

“I know, it just seemed like you needed one. It’s on me, staff privilege.” Jessica nodded as the girl took a seat in front of her.

 

“So,” the woman started, “what brings you to our shop?”

 

Jessica swallowed the ice cream before responding. “I just…wanted to be alone.”

 

The girl’s eyes widened in panic. “Am I disturbing you then?”

 

Jessica shook her head. “No, I need some outside company anyways.”

 

“So, what happened?” the waitress asked.

 

Jessica explained her story, censoring some details of how she was in love with a girl. She still was an idol, but the girl in front of her was neutral. It almost seemed like she didn’t care.

 

“So this ‘friend’ of yours, does she know of your feelings?”

 

Jessica looked at her with big eyes. How did she—

 

“You kept saying ‘they’ and not he. Which only meant that you’re hiding their gender, so why? That’s how I got it,” she explained.

 

Jessica smiled and watched how the waitress treated her nails with outmost care. “You’re very careful with your nails.”

 

The girl nodded smiling, causing Jessica to smile as well. The girl suddenly moved forward, causing Jessica to lean backwards.

 

“You…have pretty teeth,” the girl mumbled.

 

Jessica smiled awkwardly and said thanks.

 

“Well, I think you should just say it.”

 

Is this girl bipolar? “Really?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, if rejection is the only one keeping you away from her, then it’s better to know now than to fall too deep later.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

They continued to talk until Jessica’s phone started buzzing. The waitress led her to the exit, smiling all the way.

 

“Thanks for the advice,” Jessica said.

 

“No problem.”

 

Jessica was about to enter her car’s door until she realized one little detail. “Hey! What’s your name?”

 

The young woman simply smiled and responded with the utmost mystery, “Just call me Dev.”

 

#

 

“Unnie, where are you?” Krystal’s voice echoed through Jessica’s silent car.

 

Since she was driving, she put the call on speaker. “I’m about to go home, why?”

 

“Sunny-unnie asked if you were home. You weren’t picking up so she was worried.”

 

“Oh, well, did she say what she needed?”

 

“Um, no, she just said ‘Okay’ and hung up.”

 

“Just leave it be, I need to go now, I’m already outside the house.”

 

“Okay, I see you!”

 

Sunny’s acting weird.

 

#

 

Sunny was confused.

 

Jessica was the first one who asked her out, but then suddenly turned cold after their date. Who does that?! And now—when all she wanted was a goodnight—the girl could not be reached!

 

She grunted. Jessica was being difficult.

 

Her phone beeped, indicating a text message.

 

One New Text Message

 

Sica: Hey, do you want to hang out tomorrow?

 

Sunny grinned and quickly typed in her reply.

 

Bunny: Sure! Where to?

 

She waited a couple of minutes before Jessica’s name appeared.

 

Sica: I dunno. Where do you want to go?

 

Sunny contemplated. Where would be the perfect place to forget?

 

Bunny: Your house?

 

Sica: Okay. See you tomorrow.

 

Sunny frowned, No goodnight?

 

She sighed and started to change to her pajamas. As she was buttoning her shirt, her phone rang again, but this time, a phone call.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Sunny was smiling all night.

 

#

 

“Jess.”

 

Annoying voice, Jessica thought. Her sister was currently poking her back, trying to wake her up.

 

“Unnie…”

 

Go away.

 

“Jess-unnie, I’m serious.”

 

Shut u—

 

“Its fine, Krys, I’ll just comeback later.”

 

With that voice, Jessica jumped up and hugged the owner. “NO! I’M SORRY! I’M UP!”

 

Krystal gaped. Her unnie was…whipped!

 

Sunny laughed and rubbed Jessica’s back. “It’s okay. Do you want to go walk now?”

 

Jessica glanced at the clock, 8:30. What an ungodly hour. But, Sunny’s face seemed urgent.

 

“Sure.” Jessica moved away from Sunny and stretched.

 

Sunny’s eyes lingered a little bit too much on Jessica’s exposed abdomen. Too obvious.

 

“Sunny-unnie, wanna go eat breakfast while Jess-unnie changes?”

 

“O-okay.”

 

#

 

Why did she call Sunny again? Oh, right, cause she promised herself and the unconscious Sunny that she will never hurt her. Perfect.

 

“I need to tell her,” she told herself as she looked at the mirror. “It’s now or never.”

 

When she opened her door and went downstairs to their kitchen, she saw Sunny laughing with her family. If only I could do it.

 

“Sunny, let’s go?”

 

She nodded and grabbed one last pancake and shoved it to . Jessica smiled and held her chocolate-stained hand.

 

“Aigoo, dongsaeng of mine,” she mocked her before cleaning the sticky skin.

 

“Soweee, unnieee.” They both laughed and Jessica tugged her hand to leave. She waved goodbye to Jessica’s parents and started walking to…nowhere.

 

“Do you have any specific place?” asked Sunny.

 

Jessica shook her head and let go of Sunny’s hand. The cool breeze was still present, lingering of their skin just a tiny bit before being replaced by another one. She tucked her hands inside her jeans before thinking of response.

 

“You know what, let’s go snowboarding.”

 

#

 

With the amount of people lining up for snowboarding, Sunny thought Jessica would give up and leave. But, it so happens that the woman was persistent and kept on insisting to stay and wait.

 

“Do you even know how to…”

 

“Hyoyeon taught me a few pointers. She won gold medal, you know.”

 

“Against kids…and that was skiing, not snowboarding.”

 

“Few technicalities won’t hurt,” Jessica replied.

 

Sunny was worried. Jessica had an obvious pride, but what if this injures her?

 

“Next,” the instructor called out. Jessica walked forward with grace, and even if her face is covered with the gigantic googles and a face mask that you can barely recognize her, people still gawked.

 

The instructor cleared his throat—probably to keep himself from drooling—and began teaching Jessica the basics: how to stop, how to start, and how to move left and right.

 

 Does Jessica even know how to board?

 

“Okay, go!”

 

She watched as Jessica slowly lean forward and began descending.

 

“Are you ready Miss?”

 

Sunny reluctantly nodded and listened. Seeing Jessica leave her…hurt.

 

#

 

“SICA WAIT!!!”

 

“I CAN’T STOP!!!”

 

“I TOLD YOU TO SLOW DOW—AAAAAHHHHH!!!!”

 

“SUNNY!”

 

Jessica turned around in hope to catch the toppling Sunny in her arms. In result, they both skidded down the slope, crashing in to each other and going off-track. Jessica held on to Sunny’s hands as they go down. She opened her eyes and caught sight of a tree big enough to stop both of them. She pulled the crying Bunny closer and hugged her. She twisted her body to let her back feel the impact of hitting the tree. She closed her eyes tightly and held Sunny closer.

 

They both halted to a stop with a groaning Jessica. Sunny opened her eyes and panicked.

 

“Jessica!”

 

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Jessica muttered while sitting down. She rubbed her back while sitting down and leaning against the tree.

 

Sunny reached forward and held the sore muscle. “Do we need to ice it? What if your back’s broken?”

 

Jessica chuckled, “We probably should, but it’s already frozen and no. I don’t think the impact was bad enough.”

 

Sunny laughed and decided to unbuckle her foot from the board and her googles. She helped Jessica with the process and stood up. “We should start walking. It looks like we fell far.”

 

Jessica agreed and tried standing. She grunted and fell down as fast as she stood up. “I don’t think we’re going anywhere in my condition soon.”

 

Sunny nodded and gingerly touched Jessica’s face.

 

“This was one heck of a trip, huh?” she laughed and laid her head on the tree.

 

Staring at the snow-covered mountain, they moved and faced the horizon. Staring at trees can get boring. Luckily, the plain was flat enough for them to sit on without sliding down.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jessica started.

 

“Why?”

 

“This isn’t really the ‘escape’ you wanted, and I was a jerk on that date night…so, yeah, I’m sorry.”

 

Escape? “How do you know I wanted to…escape?”

 

Jessica stared at the setting sun, formulating a quick lie. “It’s not hard, you know. It’s too obvious when you always stare at her.” she decided against it.

 

“I-I don’t stare that often.”

 

Too often for me.

 

“Well, I guess it was enough for me to see.”

 

They quit talking for a minute or so after that.

 

Was I that obvious?

 

Was I too blunt?

 

“What about Tiffany then?”

 

Jessica let out a bitter scoff. “I gave up the moment she announced that she was dating him and that both their family knows. A person can only take so much pain in a lifetime.”

 

Sunny closed . The distasteful taste in her heart when Jessica seemed so affected over the girl gave her a slight uncomfortable feeling.

 

“Aren’t you over her?”

 

“I am, but it’s not that easy to forget. Not when you have loved the same person for years…”

 

They became silent again. The rustling of the wind against the leaves became their background music. They were isolated.

 

“Jessica…did I say something…that night?”

 

“What?”

 

“During that movie night we had, did I say something?”

 

Jessica pressed her lips. “Nothing that I do not know.”

 

The truth, but only a quarter of it.

 

“Was it something you didn’t want to hear?”

 

“It was something that I’ve heard millions of times.” In my nightmares.

 

“What…was it…?”

 

Jessica gripped the snow beneath her gloved hands. She took a hand-full before throwing it over the land and replying, “That you loved Taeyeon.”

 

“I—“

 

On our date? Really, Sunny? Really?

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Jessica intercepted.

 

“W-why? I-it was improper, how can I just—“

 

“That’s why it’s called a ‘Freudian Slip’ right?” Jessica started. “It’s what your subconscious wants that you, yourself is unaware of. But, I’m okay. It doesn’t matter.”

 

Does Jessica not care? Was Sunny only imagining a love she wanted? Was it really never there?

 

“Because…” she turned to face the wide-eyed Bunny, “I’m willing to get hurt over and over again to see you smile. I’m willing to be the crying shoulder you need, and I’m willing to wait for you to love me until you can.”

 

“Sica…”

 

“I know you need time…I know you need space, but you also need someone next to you. I don’t know what happened between you and Taeyeon, nor do I want to, but I’ll listen to it…when you need me to.” She watched as Sunny’s tears drop; catching them on her thumb, one by one.

 

“I love you, I really do.”

 

Sunny sobbed and Jessica moved to embrace her. “How will you be sure that you won’t hurt me? How can you say that you love me enough and that your love will always prevail? Will you just tell me you love me today then leave tomorrow?”

 

 “I can’t promise you anything, let’s be real, but I will try my hardest to make you happy.”

 

“Will you be like Taeyeon and just give me hope?”

 

Jessica pursed her lips. This will be the biggest promise she will ever make in her life. “Never.”

 

Sunny cried harder, and Jessica held her tighter. Under the setting sun, with the mixture of the colors of red, orange, and purple, a new relationship was made, and two hearts started healing. It was worth getting lost.

 

#

 

A couple of staffs found them at, what Jessica perceived as “too long.” Sunny kept on smiling even though they were stuck in the cold for a couple of hours. They were lucky enough to have thick jackets and not catch hypothermia.

 

They shared their first kiss on the porch outside the free hotel room the company gave them after knowing who they were. Sunny was outside, watching the sunrise. It was chili, to say the least, but she had no jacket on. The cold wind, instead of giving her the shivers, gave her comfort and peace after the drama yesterday.

 

“You know, we just got together and I really don’t want to deal with your snot-face,” Jessica said, as she covered Sunny with a comforter.

 

“But that’s what you’re going to go through forever,” Sunny replied and snuggled close to Jessica.

 

“Forever? Hmm, I like that.” They smiled at each other and watched the sunrise. Another chapter just began.

 

“Sunny?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

As she turned, Jessica captured her lips into a sweet melting kiss. It was as though it was her first, but it was better; love and care, it had all of those.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

#

 

They arrived at the dorm a couple of hours later, and the first thing they notice was a bouquet of roses and an ice cream tub.

 

“What is that?” Jessica shrugged and picked them up as they were named for her.

 

They entered and Sooyoung suddenly appeared right in front of them.

 

“Sica, do you, by any chance have a lover?”

 

Sunny and Jessica stared at each other. How did they know already?

 

“W—well, Sunny and I—are, umm, yesterday,” Jessica stuttered. Sooyoung’s eyes grew big and grinned. She uttered a “congratulations”, giving them both a hug.

 

“But, then, who’s that girl outside our dorm all this time?”

 

“Girl?” Sunny glared at Jessica and gave her an accusing finger. “You told me you loved me yesterday and you already scored yourself a girlfriend?!”

 

“W—what?! NO! H—hey! SUNNY WAAAIT!”

 

Sooyoung watched as Sunny ran inside her room and Jessica was in pursuit. Yuri came out of the bathroom and stared at the mess of flowers in front of Sooyoung.

 

“Who’s that from?”

 

They picked up a card that said “To: Jessica goddess” and turned the little paper.

 

“Who’s Dev?”

 

 

---

--for EVENING--

 

Are you happy now Dev?? 

 

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