I feel sorry.

I do.

This might sound so sudden and heartbreaking, but here I’m trying to tell you that I’m going to deactivate my AFF account after 4 years of membership and spending unforgettable memories with other K-Pop fans who are undoubtedly awesome people at hearts. And this means that I’ll pathetically be the worst person for leaving most of my stories unfinished, for being an absolute liar. You can hate me for this, that’s completely fine, because I know I’ve done something unforgivable for being very irresponsible, for giving up before I complete what I’ve started. During my hiatus I kept thinking about it over and over again, haunted by my feelings of shame and guilt, but I know I have to make a decision. This is a very important decision, that might change me in return.

There are many reasons for why I quit AFF, but don’t worry, there’s nothing like internet bullying, plagiarism, or whatever you can say. It’s just... I think I’m tired. And there are many, many other reasons that I can’t spill here because I’m afraid of making you uncomfortable. Besides that, I think it’s not necessary to bring up any personal things here. And you know what? “HOME FOR THREE” is always special to me, because this fanfiction has received so much from my brain and heart and soul from the very beginning, and leaving it unfinished makes me feel like I’m being torn apart. And with this fanfiction too, I’ve met kind and inspirational people whom I wish I could meet in reality because they’re just too amazing. So sad that I will leave AFF soon, I need to. I will miss all of you so much, so so so much that I can’t stop myself from feeling this deep regret.

So I’ll be around AFF for one week starting from the day I posted this, because I still need to carefully remove my fanfictions from AFF and give my karma to any of you who probably need it, and because I want more readers to notice this “farewell” post so I won’t be like a ghost that disappears without any apology and gratitude. More importantly, I’m wondering if someone is interested to take over “HOME FOR THREE” and continue it. That’s why I will wait for a week for any possible responses related to this matter. If there’s nobody applying for the continuation of “HOME OF THREE”, then it will be withdrawn from AFF just like the rest of my fanfictions. And I also consider the option to reveal the actual plot of story and the planned ending that I can’t still pour into words yet so far.

Please, please let me know, if you need my karma, if you’re interested to continue or even rewrite “HOME FOR THREE”, if you have just anything you desperately want to ask me. One week from now, so you can just PM me anytime. Even if you want to scold me, criticize me or bash me for my decision, it’s okay, feel free to tell me whatever you have in your mind.

Alternatively, just in case some of you still want to keep in touch with me, I have this email ([email protected]) and this facebook account (Intan Christiani Ackerman). I’m never a “social-media” person, so I only have those two options. Feel free to send me messages there, one or two, because I’ll be more than happy to know that I can still talk to you outside AFF.

AFF has been a very beautiful place for me to run away to and I can’t believe that it’s four years already. There’s no denying that there are some controversial things about it, but every sweet and bitter moment that I have in AFF will always be unforgettable. Every experience is just awesome! Because of AFF my English has satisfactorily improved compared to how it was before I joined AFF (of course it’s not perfect yet; just better), and unexpectedly, I can relate myself to people here when in reality I really at making friends. But quitting AFF doesn’t mean that I quit writing. No, never, writing is the breath of my life, no longer just a side hobby. Sometimes I believe I love writing too much that I stray too far from reality, which is very bad of me. And despite my decision to deactivate my AFF account, actually, I’m still writing fanfictions although I don’t publish them (which confuses some of my close friends since I can spend so much time for something that doesn’t even give me money at all).

Thank you, thank you my friends. I won’t forget everything you’ve given me, everything that has lifted me up when I felt so down, everything that has encouraged me to continue writing for my own sake instead of pleasing people, and everything that has made me become a better person. In case you want to know how my writing goes outside AFF, actually I’ve recently joined Archive Of Our Own (AO3) with the same username as I’m using currently (yuu_sama), and there I’m working on a “Touken Ranbu” fanfiction. Just in case, just in case. I believe that nothing will significantly change after I leave, because AFF is always full of amazing and talented writers whom I forever admire. And I'm aware that I'm not included in that "popular" list, so I basically have no worry here. But I, too, will surely return to AFF to find amazing fanfictions to read, although next time I will be nobody but a guest. Perhaps I’ll rejoin AFF in the future, but for now I don’t know exactly when.

Once again, thank you for everything that I can learn from you, my friends and my sisters in non-reality.

Actually this isn’t a goodbye, because I’ve informed you how to find me, right?

See you again then.

And I’m sorry.

yuu_sama

(Intan Christiani)