The ice cream began to melt and drip onto my hands, and I ran faster. Disregarding my mother’s warning about keeping my dress clean, I watched as the ice cream trickled onto my dress and onto my shoes.

I can’t be late. He must be waiting for me.
 

When I reached the amusement park, I was glad to see that he was still there eventhough I was late for almost an hour. I immediately regretted buying that ice cream. It became all melted and also ruined my dress and my shoes. My mother would be so angry. I wanted to cry. Why am I so stupid?
 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.
 

 I looked up and saw him watching me. The smile on his face disappeared when he saw my eyes brimmed with tears.

“I dirtied my dress and my shoes. They’re all ruined now. I’m an idiot.”
 

What was I going to say to my mother? My new father bought me the dress and shoes, and she told me to keep them clean because we didn’t have enough money to buy new things. Why am I so stupid?

Avoiding his eyes, I looked down at my stained shoes and compared them to his. I was not surprised to see that he wore designer shoes. I remembered what his mother said to me before. Our appearances define who we are. I guess she didn’t really like the old dress I had on during his birthday party not long ago. But it was the best one I had and one that I loved dearly.
 

Without a word, he knelt down and took out the handkerchief from his pocket and wiped away the sticky ice cream drippings on my dress and shoes. He made them look presentable again, but I felt sorry for dirtying his handkerchief.
 

“Now,” he said as he got up, looking at me again with a warm smile that reached his eyes, “they’re all pretty again. And no, you’re not stupid. You’re far from that. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever known. You are my… beautiful person.”
 

“Thank you,” I muttered shyly. When he was about to put his handkerchief back into his pocket, I snatched it away from him.
 

“I’ll wash this and return it to you later,” I said with a determined face, making him chuckle a little.
 

“That’s my favorite handkerchief,” he said as he took my hand and we walked to the ticket booth, “but you know what? You can keep it. Take it as a gift from me. Whenever you dirty your dress or your shoes, use it to clean them. And you don’t have to worry about getting punished by your mother anymore.”
 

He bought the tickets to enter the amusement park for the both of us, and I had a blast that day. We went on so many rollercoaster rides, and I was extremely thankful that I didn’t throw up like last time when we came here. It was painfully embarrassing, but he was there to caress my back and hand me water afterwards. He was and would always be there for me.

6 years later...

The loud thump outside my room woke me from my slumber. Rubbing my eyes, I searched for my phone to check the time. I smiled when I saw the picture of us as my phone’s wallpaper. It was taken during our senior year in high school. Unfortunately, there weren’t any prom for us, but luckily we had senior trips, which were mostly to Japan. I couldn’t afford to go, but he surprised me with flight tickets. I had refused at first, but I only accepted when he said he didn’t spend his parents’ money to purchase our tickets. I worked for a period of time after school and was then able to earn enough money to afford going on the trip. I had such a wonderful time while I was in Japan. My cheeks grew warm at the memory of our first kiss.

The loud bang brought me back to present, and I wondered where the noises came from. Tucking the phone in my pajama’s pocket, I left my room. The light coming from my mother’s room momentarily blinded me before my sight recuperated. I stood frozen when I saw what my new father was doing to my mother. I’d have to be stupid to not know what they were doing, and it disgusted me to know how my mother just let those men did whatever they want to her without any objections. She’d just met him a few weeks ago, not long after my ex-stepfather divorced her. My mother cursed when she saw me and rushed to close the door but not before her new boyfriend leered at me, giving me goose bumps. I didn’t like that feeling at all. 
 

After heading back to my room and making sure the door was locked, I went back to my bed and try to sleep again by stuffing my earphones and blasting our favorite songs in my playlist. I didn’t know what time it was when I woke again, but it was still dark. My throat felt dry, so I went out to the kitchen to get some drink, but I was stopped by my mother’s boyfriend. I didn’t realize he was in the living room.

I remembered the grin on his face earlier, and it was repulsive. I steadied my legs by reminding myself of all the self-defense moves you had taught me before. I remembered them in a heartbeat, and this man in front of me was going to be in a trouble if he ever laid his hands on me.
 

“I know you like to watch us.”
 

I felt my hairstand on end. I stood my ground, my eyes swiftly surveying the distance between the living room and my room.
 

“I know you want it too. Don’t you, kid?”
 

When he took a step closer to me, I took a step back. The fact that he referred to me as “kid” made me want to puke that instant. When he took another step closer, I bolted to my room and locked it. I heard his soft voice ordering me to open the lock and threatening that he would punish me if I didn’t obey, but I’d kill myself before I comply. He kept on pounding at my door, and it frightened me because I knew it was just a matter of time before the door gives up and opens. Sliding myself off the bed, I quietly opened up the window and made my way out. I didn’t care about the cold weather anymore. All I wanted right now was to be with him, so I ran to his house. He’d moved out of his parents’ house not long ago. I was already freezing to death by the time I arrived at his house. The shocking look on his face was the last thing I saw before my legs gave out, and I fell to his embrace.

Home.

“Oh my God! What happened?”

He lifted me and brought me inside his house, and I welcomed the warmth of his arms around me.
 

“Baby? Hey, what’s wrong?”

I shook my head repeatedly, and he finally stopped asking.  I didn’t realize when he laid me on his bed and wrapped me with his blankets. I could finally feel my legs and hands again. When he got up, I reached for his hand, and he sat beside me.
 

“You can sleep on the bed. I’ll be on the couch.”
 

“You know that I trust you, right?”
 

I smiled at him and made room for him on the bed. The drowsiness started to take over, and I yawned. I heard him laugh softly before he lifted the blanket and got into bed. He brought me into his arms, and I snuggled closer to find the warmth I’ve always preferred more than what the blankets could provide me. He tucked one of his arms below my neck and another one wrapped around my shoulders. I’ve never felt so safe before.
 

“I’ll always protect you, Hyojin. I will never let anybody hurt you. I promise.”

3 years later...

You don’t seem to have time for me anymore.
 

I looked up and searched for his gaze, but as usual, he avoided my eyes. He also ignored my calls and my questions. His answer would always be the same.
 

I’m busy.
 

And that went on for months. I couldn’t remember when the last time we had even talked. I didn’t know what went wrong. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something that made him mad at me? I didn’t know.

We went to the same university, but we enrolled in different courses. However, I knew that wasn’t the reason why we’ve become like this. Everything was just fine during the first two years after we were enrolled in different classes, but why now?

I was on my way to class when I was stopped by two men, and I recognized them from my classes. The first insult was about my mother. Everyone knew about my mother and what she did as her job. I didn’t even remember the last time I saw her. I’ve moved out years ago, and I’m much happier without her in my life now.
 

The second insult came when they questioned where I got the money to pay for my tuition. They didn’t know, when they were burning the briquettes they bought from the shops, I was the one who made them. They didn’t know, when they read the newspaper and drank the milk for their breakfast, I was the one who delivered them to their doorstep in the early morning before I prepared to go to class. They made fun of the hat and the scarves I wore. I wanted to defend myself, to say that I earned the money by working nonstop, but my brain froze the moment I saw him from the corner of my eyes. He snapped shut the book he was reading, got up and left.
 

Sunggyu I knew would never just leave me. Sunggyu I knew would never let anyone hurt me. Sunggyu I knew would defend me because he knew me.

But I guess I was wrong.

The walk to the classroom felt different this time than it used to be. This class used to be my favorite class because he and I were in the same class. We used to sit together, but ever since he started to avoid me, he would take to the farthest seat from me.

I glanced at my watch that I bought with my first salary and still kept although it became all worn out now. There were still ten more minutes before class ended. When our teacher began to discuss next week’s oral exam, I raised my hand. The oral exam had to be an essay based on our life. My life became dull now, but it used to be colorful because of him.
 

“Can I read mine now? I’m afraid I won’t be able to deliver it next week.”
 

I saw the teacher look at his watch and nodded at me. There was sadness in his eyes, but I smiled at him in return. Nervously, I got up and walked to the front, and I tensed all over because I knew all eyes were on me at the moment. I’ve never liked to be speaking in front of the class before this, but I had to do this. It’s now or never.

After clearing my throat and taking a deep breath, I started.


“I lost my dad to leukemia when I was eleven years old. I loved my dad more than anyone else in this entire world. He was my world. When he died, a part of me died with him, and my world collapsed. I could only watch as it was crushed and burned. I became insecure about everything. I felt insecure about what other people thought about me. I felt insecure about myself.”

My chest throbbed with pain, and I forced myself to look up at him. When I did, I saw him looking at me. His face hardened, and his jaw tightened. As I hold my gaze at him, I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued.
 

“And then you came into my world. You brightened it like no one else could. The part of me that died with my father came back to me whenever I was with you. I’ve never felt so alive before. You gave me hope. You made me realize I could be happy again.”

I smiled at the memories of us when we were kids.
 

“You taught me how to be strong. You taught me how to not cry every time my mother would hit me when I dirtied my dress. You taught me self-defense, and I remembered every technique because I was afraid of my stepfathers, and I would use them whenever they tried to touch me without my consent.”

I heard gasps from the other students, and I exhaled, removing the burdens off my chest.
 

“But all of sudden, you avoided me like I was a pathetic pest you wanted to get rid of badly. My heart hurt whenever I saw you avoiding me. My world became dull again. That person... that person who once brought color to my world was no longer there for me when I needed him the most. I was hurting again. I had no one else but you, and nothing hurts if I had you. But you were gone. You decided not to be a part of my world anymore.”

I wiped away the tear that rolled down to my cheek, and gathering my courage once again, I looked up to meet his intense eyes on me.
 

“I wanted to be your beautiful person again, but I know it’s not possible anymore. Do you remember what your promise to me was? You promised to protect me.”

My breath hitched and it was hard to breathe all of sudden, but I kept on reading because I knew I was chasing against time.
 

“You promised not to let anybody hurt me. When you were gone, I felt like I’ve lost my sunshine. I lost my knight in shining armor. But it’s okay because I’m used to being hurt over and over again. People said promises are made to be broken. I suppose it is true after all. And now, I think it’s time for me to let you go.”

Reaching for my pocket, I took out the handkerchief he gave to me years ago when we were still kids. I held it in my hand, and I didn’t wipe the tears that rolled down this time. With another hand, I reached for my scarf and pulled it down. There were more loud gasps coming from other students, but I only had my eyes on him. His eyes widened, and I watched as a tear rolled down his cheek.
 

“I lost my will to study when I found out about my disease. But instead of rotting in bed at home, I came to classes because I knew you’ll be there, even though you no longer look at me the same way like you did before. And… and it hurts to know that you are ashamed of me. Of whom I am.”

I swallowed the tight knot in my throatand exhaled a deep breath. My head hurt, and my body started to shake.
 

“In two months I’ll be gone, and I will take the beautiful memories of us with me. Thank you for being a part of my dull life once. I’m sad to let you go, but I’m relieved because soon I will see my father again.”
 

The ache in my head returned, and I held onto the table in front of me. “That’s all about me. Thank you.”
 

I tried to walk back to my seat, but all I could see were black spots and I felt my body become light as a feather and my vision blur. I saw the other students rushing to me, but the last thing I saw was him running towards me, but this time he didn’t manage to catch me in his embrace anymore.