The weather is at its finest with the sun shining bright but without the scorching heat as the cool summer breeze blowing and gently touches my skin. Anybody would be happily frolicking under the beautiful weather after a week of violent rains. Some would spend the day doing outdoor activities like biking, hiking, jogging or some other sport. While there would be others that will take this as an opportunity to spend some quality time with their love ones and have a picninc or go to amusement parks. There would be some that will gladly have road trips to wherever the road leads them. Others might enjoy bathing under the sun in the nearest beach and play around without a care in the world. But there would also be souls that prefer to just stay inside the confinement of their homes while reading a book, playing video games, surfing the net, watching a movie or simply sleeping. Relaxation is something that people would definitely do during days like this. On the contrary, here I am sitting at the corner of my room as I hug my knees while I rock myself back and forth with tears slowly flowing from my eyes towards the floor.

Usually, by now, Taeyeon Unnie would be hugging me as she tries to comfort and stop me from crying but right now, I’m all alone in my room without the warmth that she always gives me at this kind of moments. Well I can’t blame her for not being there because I’m sure that I was the one who brought this suffering to myself.

He was already there. He was already ready to make me happy. He was within my reach but instead of pulling him closer, I just pushed him away. I pushed the one I love away and for what reason? Just because I’m not sure if he really loves me. Pathetic  right? I have the love of my life and yet I choose not to have him. He tells me he loves me but I doubted his words.

Let’s go back to how my miserable ending started.

--

Just like any other day at school, I was hanging out with my friends slash Unnies; Taeyeon, Jessica, Sunny, Tiffany, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Sooyoung with our beloved maknae Seohyun. We were having lunch at our table in the center of the school cafeteria where all eyes were looking at us, marvelling at the beauties that are in front of them. Yes, we are the most popular girls in school. Everyone admires us because we’re a mix of everything. Besides being beautiful, we are also part-time honor students, student leaders, athletes, performers and charity workers. We are dubbed as perfect but we’re not. It just so happens that the 9 of us crossed paths and started to fill in what the other lacks.

In contrast with elegant beauty that everyone seems to be in awe with me, I was being my usual choding self. I was teasing and annoying the unnies when I stopped and turned my head to where I heard a sudden and loud clash of utensils and gasps. It was once again him. Kwon Jiyong.

The unnies and maknae stayed rooted at their seats without moving an inch but I’m different. I won’t just sit and watch without stopping some horrible scenes from unfolding.

Walking towards the left side of the cafeteria where the scene is, I can feel every eye on me. They’re following my steps and each one of them is holding their breaths until I reached my destination.

I didn’t pause for even a second after reaching the scene. Immediately, I slightly bent down and offered my help for him to stand up with a kind smile and as shy as he can get, he grabbed my hand and whispered a word of thanks. After making sure that he was alright and that he’s not hurt anywhere, I turned towards the man responsible for this whole situation. I did not frown or scowl or creased my eyebrows. All I did was flash him a smile and I saw him buckle a bit just like every other person that I showed my “killer” smile to.

“Anyeong Ji.” I greeted him still with the smile on my face. I was waiting for him to greet me back or something but nothing came. “Aren’t you going to say something?” I asked.

“What are you playing here Im?” As if regaining his composure, he said in a flat tone.

I laughed and once again I elicited the reaction that I wanted from him; a twitch. “Playing? Are you seriously asking me that? Isn’t supposed to be me who’s asking you that question?” I paused. “What are you playing at Ji?”

I received no response from him besides a scoff and a raised eyebrow.

“Answer me while I’m still being nice.” That’s when my face started to look serious. “Why are you still playing the role of a bully when you’re far from being one?”

“Pathetic question.” He smirked. “I’m not role-playing Im. I’m acting as I should be. Can you remember lunch time 3 years ago during our freshmen year at this exact spot? Or have you already forgotten?”

A laugh escaped my lips. “Of course I remember Ji! That’s the time that you did the exact same thing that you did today to me. Who would forget that right? ”

I saw his face lit up and form a victorious smile but he celebrated too early.

“Wait.” I stopped laughing. “Isn’t that also the last time you even had friends?”

His smile faded and his eyes were about to bulge out of its sockets.

“Oh! I hit the bulls-eye! Yipee!” I clapped my hands in glee or better yet satisfaction. “You lost all your friends after bullying an innocent and beautiful transferee like me. You became a loner after that right?”

“Stop.” He said.

“Didn’t you also stopped being an after that? Why are you returning to your old ways all of a sudden?” I pushed further.

“I said stop.” He repeated. But I won’t be stopped. I just can’t.

“Is this some sort of last hoorah? After all we’re going to graduate next week. Do you want to leave a different mark on this school besides being an all-time loner?”

I was about to continue lashing at him when I felt 2 of the oldest unnies holding my arms.

As Taeng unnie squeezed my arm gently she said, “Yoong. That’s enough. You’ve gone too far.”

That’s the only time that I was bolted back to my senses. Oh Goodness. What have I said and done? I didn’t mean to go that far. I was about to say my apologies but Jiyong already went pass the 4 of us with his head bent low. All I was left to do was follow his retreating figure and feel the shame and guilt of my rudeness.

--

Graduation happened and still, I feel utterly horrible for how I acted towards Jiyong. I know I did the right thing about helping the other kid but telling Jiyong to apologize or at least scold him was enough. I shouldn’t have made things personal. Honestly, I don’t have a personal vendetta against him even after the humiliation that I received during our freshmen year but after seeing the exact same thing happen to another person and seeing that it was him doing it again, my emotions just can’t be contained and I said those terrible things. My unnies and even the maknae scolded me so bad after that.

Everything that I said to him are all true though. Right after that incident, his friends turned their backs on him because they were afraid of my Oppas Leetuek and Siwon. They were seniors that time and after hearing about what happened to me they made sure that whoever is Jiyong’s accomplice at that time will get in big trouble so they cowered and stopped talking to Jiyong altogether. I felt really bad after knowing what happened. I asked the oppas to undo what they did but it was all too late. Jiyong refused to return with being friends saying that he doesn’t need friends that are going to leave him in times of distress. He stopped making friends as well and was dubbed the campus loner. During our sophomore year, I tried to approach him and tell him I can be his friend but he just ignored me and brushed me off. I even went to lengths to get him new friends by telling others that he’s a good person but he just shrugged each one of them off.

Actually, if there’s someone who should hold a grudge between the two of us, it should be him because if it wasn’t for me he might still have his friends. And I’m going to make sure I make it up to him if I’m given the chance. I hope it’s not too late yet.

--

During and after graduation, I wasn’t able to even get a glimpse of Jiyong. Actually, nobody in school saw him after the commotion at the cafeteria. I didn’t even get to say sorry for all the things that I said and did. Maybe someday I can make it up to him.

It was our first day as college students. All 9 of us got accepted at Seoul University but we took up different courses though some of us have same classes. We agreed to live with each other and our parents got us an apartment with 4 bedrooms meaning 3 rooms will be roomed by a pair and the biggest room will have to fit 3 people. Hyo and Sica unnie in one room, Fany unnie and Maknae at one, Yul and Sunny unnie at another and Taeng and Sooyoung unnie are with me at the big room. We we’re all walking towards the university together just like when we were in high school. We separated after finding a good meet up place for us which is a small round stone table near the field.

Maknae and I were the ones going to our first class together since we have the same class. I can see that we were kind of early because there are just 5 people inside the room meaning we still get to choose a good seat. I chose the seat a little to the back because I don’t like getting the professors attention while maknae chose the seat up front. She really is eager to study no wonder she’s a consistent honor student. I was fixing my things when I noticed the person who was seating next to me stir a little from sleeping with his head on his folded arms on top of his desk. I know it’s rude to stare but I can’t help myself from doing so. I’m having that unusual feeling that I know this person who is sleeping and I was right! I do know him. I saw his face after he shifted his head’s direction to my side and I’m sure it was him. Finally, I can start making it up to him. “We’ve met again Kwon Jiyong.” I whispered with a wide smile on my face.

--

Seohyun and I were talking as we wait for the professor to enter the room and right beside me is still a sleeping Kwon Jiyong. He’s really something. It’s the first day and yet he’s already sleeping in school. We heard the professor coming in so Seohyun returned to her seat and I started putting my plan into work.

Gently, I tapped Jiyong’s shoulder to wake him up but he was still sleeping. I tried shaking him but I still got no response. I whispered in his ear yet he’s still in deep sleep. He needs to wake up before the professor notices him so I raised my right hand and stretched my index finger up. With a quick poke at his side he jerked and raised his head with a very confused look on. I tried hard not to laugh at his expression but after having him stare at me with a knowing look, as if saying that he knows that I was the one who disturbed his deep slumber, I swallowed back my supposed to be laugh.

“T-the professor’s here. T-that’s w-why I woke you up.” I defended myself even before he accuses me. But why am I stuttering? Accidentally, my eyes gaze went to his and I had to look away.

“So it’s you Im.” He whispered after finally recognizing who I was. “Don’t ever do that again.” He said sternly. “And don’t talk to me ever again.”

His last statement sent shivers down my spine as if warning me that something bad will happen to me if I talk to him again. I was afraid for a second but I was determined to make things right. I’m going to be your friend Kwon Jiyong, whether you like it or not, I’ll be your friend. Just wait for it.

He was still looking at me with piercing eyes but I’m not scared. I gave him a bright smile and said, “Anyeong Ji. Nice meeting you again.”

With a sharper look he said, “Didn’t I tell you to never talk to me? What the hell are you doing?”

“What I’m doing? Talking to you.” I grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep talking to you until you feel like you don’t want me to stop.”

“Are you not yet contented with humiliating and ruining my high school life? You still want to continue doing it here in college?” he scowled and without meaning to, I saw the pain in his eyes and I felt horrible at that instant. “Fine. Do whatever you want. Ruin my college life as well, I’m used to it.”

I was about to correct him but I heard the professor addressing us.

“Im Yoona-ssi and Kwon Jiyong-ssi, I see that you’re well acquainted with each other since you’ve been talking this whole time. Why don’t you do the honors of introducing each other to the class?”

Darn. First day and first class and I’m already getting scolded by the professor.

“So this is the start huh Im?” I heard Jiyong snarl.

“It’s not how it looks…” I was cut off when he went in front and introduced me following the professor’s instruction.

“Her name is Im Yoona. She’s 18 years old. Her friends call her Yoong but her admirers call her Deer Yoona and Goddess Im obviously because of her doe-eyes, long neck and goddess-like beauty. Her favourite hobby is dancing and eating. That’s all.” And he walked out of the room.

Everyone was in shock. Even our professor was left dumbfounded after he walked out. I’m not stoned in my position because of his walk out but because of the knowledge that he knows those things about me. I never thought that he knows that much about me. All along I thought he never paid attention to me. It turns out I’ve been mistaken.

I was shook out of my reverie when the professor coughed and asked me to do the same thing. I did as I was told and started by clearing my throat.

“He is Kwon Jiyong.” I stopped there. I was trying to think of his age, nicknames, anything about him besides his name, but I had nothing.

“Please continue Yoona-ssi.” The professor prodded but I have nothing more to say. I don’t know anything about Jiyong but he knows a lot about me.

“T-that’s a-all.” I stammered and slowly walked back to my seat.

I feel so bad, so ashamed, so guilty.

--

It’s just like the universe was helping my cause because as it turns out Jiyong and I have the same classes. And I don’t mean 1 or 2 classes but all of our classes. I mean what a coincidence right? Even Seohyun and I don’t have all of our classes together and we’re in the same program.

After realizing that there’s a lot that I need to make up for to Jiyong, I stopped using the gentle approach. I’m going to do everything in my means and I won’t stop until I get to become his friend. I don’t care if he will continuously push me away, I will keep on pushing myself to him until I become his first friend and hopefully until he gets more friends.

Since we walked out of our first class, we were the only ones around since everyone is inside their classes. I saw him sitting on the stairs and I don’t care if he sees me as rude but I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the corner.

Shock was evident on his face and I was ready to say just about everything that I have to say.

“Look, I know our history is bad and that you think I ruined your life and I don’t blame you for thinking like that. But please let me say this to you.” I paused and breathe in deeply. “I’m sorry ok. I’m sorry because I cause you a lot of pain. I tried to stop Siwon and Leeteuk Oppa from scaring the out of your friends but everything was too late.”

My guilt was eating me up that I found it hard to continue.

“Is that all?” he asked in a monotonous tone. I didn’t even realized that I was still holding his arm when until he shoved my hands away. “You don’t have to say sorry. Just.” He looked away from me. “Just stay out of my life.”

He tried to walk away from me but I blocked his way. I can’t let him walk away again. He needs to know that I have good intentions and that I’m not going to wreck his life.

“Get out of my way.”

“No.”

“Whatever.”

I stopped his attempt to leave once again.

“Don’t leave. I’m not yet done talking.”

“I don’t give a damn.”

“Why can’t you just let me talk?!” I’m starting to get frustrated. I’m not known to have long patience.

“Why can’t you just let me leave?!” he was getting as hyped as I am.

“Why can’t you just stay for a minute?!”

“Why are you going through all of this trouble?! It’s useless! So get out of my way!”

He tried to shove me away but I stood as firm as a rock determined not to let him leave.

“What do you want from me?!”

“I want to be your friend!”

And that’s when he stopped moving. I saw his eyes widen and his body stiffen from my pronouncement and I took that as an opportunity to say my piece.

“I want to be your friend Ji. I want to make up for being the reason why you don’t have any. I want to be your friend.” I looked straight into his eyes and continued. “Please Ji. Give me a chance to make it up to you. Give yourself a chance to have someone there for you.”

He averted his gaze from mine and said, “Do whatever you want.” And he left and I let him.

But before he can put too much distance I yelled. “Is that your way of saying yes?”

I’m not sure if my eyes are playing tricks on me but I think I saw him nod.

--

That’s how I started hanging out with him. Well it’s not exactly the kind of hanging out that normal friends do because we’re just together but no one’s talking. I tried to start some conversations but all I get from him is either a nod, a shake of the head, yes, no, whatever and silence. If I remember correctly the longest phrase he ever said to me was “Im, Seohyun’s looking for you.” And that was it.

Others might have already given up on him if they were in the same situation as I am but I’m not like the others. I won’t give up on Jiyong. Somehow, I’ll be able to make him more social. In the process, I asked my unnies and maknae on what to do.

“I’ve done everything I can to make him talk but all my efforts were futile. Unnie what am I to do?” I ranted.

I felt Sooyoung unnies pat on my back and I’m grateful for it because it helped me relax a bit. “Now, now Yoong. Don’t lose hope. I’m pretty sure you still have a lot of tricks up your sleeves.”

“She’s right Yoong. You might think you’ve done everything but there should be something that you still haven’t done.” Taeng Unnie added.

In confusion I tilted my head. “What do you mean unnie?”

“I mean, have you really talked to him? And I mean REALLY talk to him.” She emphasized on the word really as if it were to make a difference to my situation.

“I did. I asked him how his day was. I asked about his likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. I even talk to him about school.”

“That’s not talking Yoong!” I yelped in pain after Sooyoung unnie said this along with a smack on the head.

“What was that for?!” I protested.

“That’s for not talking to him!”

“Then what do you call me asking him all those things?”

“Interrogation!”

“Slum book!”

“Questioning!”

“Interview!”

Out of nowhere, Sica unnie, Yuri unnie, Fany unnie and maknae shouted their answers.

“Woah!” I said in surprise. “What brought you guys here?”

“Well, we can’t stand the curiosity.” Sica unnie stated.

“We want to know the progress with Jiyong. And you’re not telling us anything.” Fany unnie pouted.

I sighed. “That’s the reason why I’m not saying any progress. There’s no progress.”

“But you’re always with him Unnie! You even leave me behind after our classes.” Now it was maknae’s turn to mope.

The sight of Seohyun’s expression made me laugh and hug her tightly.

“Is it that uri maknae is jealous?”

“Of course not Unnie!” she yelled.

“See Yoong! Even Seohyun’s complaining with the time you spend with Jiyong. We hardly even see you besides here in the apartment.” Yuri unnie complained.

She’s right, I haven’t spent time with them after I started tagging along Jiyong. I can’t blame them for feeling a little jealous especially Yuri unnie and maknae since they’re the ones that always sticks to me.

“Alright! Fine! You can come with join us when you have free time. Happy?” I submitted.

“YES!” Maknae and Yuri unnie shouted at the same time.

Their celebration was cut short when Sooyoung unnie blocked their mouths to stop them from shouting.

“Yah! That’s not the concern of this meeting!” she said.

“Sorry.” The two bowed their heads in apology for their noise.

“So Yoong, do you now understand the reason why you can’t strike up an actual conversation?” Taeng unnie asked.

Still with the look of confusion from a while ago, I shook my head.

“I never thought the day would come that our choding wouldn’t know how to actually talk to another person.” Fany unnie face palmed.

“Why don’t you start by telling him stories about yourself? That’s a conversation that doesn’t need any reaction. You just need someone who will listen.” Sica unnie suggested.

“Sica’s right. At the same time, he’s getting to know you better. We don’t know, maybe he’s start to open up as well after he gets the feeling that you actually trust him with your personal life.” Taeng unnie agreed.

“Then he would start trusting you to!” Yuri unnie concluded.

So does that mean that all this time I’m doing it wrong? Ok. I’ll take their advice! I’m going to start tomorrow! Or should I start now? Maybe I can give him a call. That’s right! I’m going to call him now.

“Thanks unnies and maknae!” I gave each of them a hug and a kiss before I went out of the room.

Running as fast as I can to the balcony, I dialled his number (yes I have his number after a very long and tiring tug of war) and waited for him to pick up.

After 5 rings he finally answered his phone.

“Hi Ji!”

“Im?”

“Ji are you busy doing anything?”

“Nope.”

“Then I can tell you a story right?”

“Wrong.”

“But why?” I don’t know but I started pouting after hearing him say ‘no’.

“Don’t.”

I got confused with what he meant by don’t.

“What do you mean don’t? Don’t tell the story? Or don’t talk? Or don’t ask questions?”

“Nothing.” I heard him sigh.

“So I can’t tell you a story?” Still with a pout on my face.

I heard nothing from his side for a minute or so, then I heard him heave a deep breath.

“Fine.”

“Fine what?” I asked in confusion.

“Start.”

I’m as confused as ever. What does he want me to start?

“Story.”

And that’s when I put two and two together. He wants me to start telling him the story! Yes!

“Really?! Yey!” I said.

“Please sit back and relax while I tell you the story about my first act of rebellion.” I started my story.

I was actively telling him the story until the end. “We used our exam sheets to roast those gogumas. Can you believe I did that?”

I was expecting some sort of reaction but I got none. “Ji?” I called his name but still got no response. “Jiyong?” nothing again but I heard a weird noise from his end. Wait. Is that a snore? Is he snoring? “Kwon Jiyong! Did you just sleep while I was talking?! Ugh I can’t believe you!” But knowing how deep of a sleeper Jiyong is I’m sure he won’t answer any time soon. “Alright then. Good night Ji. Sweet Dreams.” And I hung up. I guess he was really tired and sleepy. Or was it because my story was too boring?

“Did I bore him to sleep?” I mumbled to myself.

“YES!”

I turned around to see who yelled and I saw all 8 of them by the doorway with scowls on their faces.

“How could you tell him that story Yoong?!” Hyo unnie complained.

“Worst part is that was the first story that you told him! I’m pretty sure he will think all of your stories would be as lame as that one!” Sunny unnie shouted.

“Sooyoung! You better teach Yoong how to tell a good story! She should never be left alone telling another story such as that or else all her chances with becoming friends with Jiyong will be gone!” Sica Unnie commanded.

Wow! Based on their reactions, I must really have messed up with my story telling skills.

“Was I that bad?”

“Yes!”

“Worst ever!”

“Awful!”

“Yah! I got it already! Stop saying anything more!” I stopped their tirade of insults for my story. “Geez. You’re such supportive friends.” Sarcastically I said.

“That’s why you love us. Now get you asses in your rooms and go to sleep! We have classes tomorrow!” Taeng unnie ordered and everyone followed.

On my bed and under my blankets I stared at the ceiling reflecting on the mistakes that I did. I sighed. “I’ll try harder next time.” I mumbled before I went to sleep.

--

The following days, weeks, months, I continued my quest on befriending Jiyong and with my unnies’ advice I kept on telling him stories about myself but this time round I did a better job than the first one. I made sure that my stories were entertaining or at least I tell it in an amusing way to get his interest and attention. And thank heavens! I can actually see him smiling weeks of only seeing his poker face and after a month or so, I heard him laugh. Yes! Though it took me months to make him smile and laugh and get reactions from him I can say that I was successful! I can tell that he’s starting to ease up on me. He stopped with the one word answers and head gestures. Now, he actively talks to me and even makes fun of me after hearing some stories about my embarrassing moments. I don’t get mad though, as a matter of fact I laugh with him. Maybe that’s why I don’t get angry when he teases and makes fun of me, because instead of feeling that he’s laughing at me, I can feel that he’s laughing with me, which makes it a whole lot of fun.

We started having normal conversations after that. He also started making jokes and sharing stories about himself. I can safely say that we are now friends.

“Ji.” I called his name. We were at our usual spot near the lawn tennis court under the big Sakura tree.

“What is it Im?”

I stayed quiet for a while because I’m afraid that what I might not get the answer that I’m looking, longing for with my question. After gathering enough courage to take whatever his answer may be, I asked him the question that started this weird relationship of ours.

“Are we friends now?”

He was quiet. Still. Unmoving. And I’m holding my breath waiting for his reply.

“What kind of question is that?”

I took that as a ‘no’ so I retracted my question to avoid being awkward.

“I’m sorry for asking. Just forget I ever asked.” I bowed my head in embarrassment but I looked up at him in surprise after hearing him laugh hysterically.

“W-why are you laughing Ji?”

“You’re just too cute when you get embarrassed.” He pinched my cheeks and showed me his mega-watt smile. I started feeling my face heat up and my body stiffen from his gesture and his smile. That smile is something that I have never seen him wore before. What was that smile for? What does that smile mean?

“Of course we are friends! Did you think we weren’t before all this?” he continued laughing and smiling at me. “Aigoo! Uri Im is blushing!” he said while ruffling my hair.

I was stunned. I don’t know what to do or to say. What is this I’m feeling right now as he ruffled my hair? 

“I-I’m not blushing! And would you stop messing with my hair!” I turned my back to him out of sheer embarrassment but he was still laughing.

I cleared my throat as I stood up and got my bag. “Good to know. I just thought that maybe you still don’t see me as your friend after everything. So uhm, yeah. I should head to class now.” I was about to leave when I felt him grab my hand.

“Wait for me then. We have the same classes right?” I can still hear the amusement in his voice and it’s not helping whatever this is I’m feeling from going away.

“I-I mean I have to meet with the girls for lunch.”

“But lunch time is already over.”

Darn it Im Yoona! Why are you so lousy with making excuses? Of course lunch time is over! You had lunch already and not just once but TWICE!

“I mean not lunch. For snacks.” I corrected myself.

“Alright then. I’ll join you. It’s about time I meet the other 6 since we’ve hanged out with Seohyun and Yuri for quite a few times already.”

Why are you becoming friendly all of a sudden? Why now out of all the time in the world why now when I’m trying to avoid you?! What am I to do?! HELP!

“You can’t meet them yet. They still have classes.”

And he started laughing hysterically once again. I didn’t even notice that he was still holding my hand when he pulled me to him. And here we are, under the big Sakura tree with our bodies touching each other and our faces only an inch away.

“Why are you turning shy on me all of a sudden Im? It’s not like the Im Yoona that cornered me on our first day in college and told me that she would be my friend no matter what.” He said with eyes locked with mine.

“I-I’m not turning shy.”

“Then why are you stuttering?”

“Am I? I didn’t notice.”

He leaned his face closer to mine if that was even still possible without making contact with my face(lips). I don’t know why but I’m rooted to my spot and I know I should back away or even push him away from me but my body is not responding and obeying my mind. I wanted to look away from his mesmerizing eyes but I found myself staring right at it as if my gaze is glued to his.

“Im Yoona. Will you be my friend?” he asked with utmost sincerity.

My answer should be obvious since I’ve been doing everything just to be his. I mean his friend.

“O-Of course. Isn’t that my goal all along?”

“You’re a girl right and also my friend?” he asked but now I’m just confused. Where is he going with this? Of course I’m a girl. Why did he even have to ask…

My train of thought were stopped when I felt his lips on mine. My body went rigid and my eyes shot up open. Slowly though, I found myself closing my eyes and relaxing under his touch. The light peck that it was turned into a kiss that was full of passion and what is this feeling? Was this called the feeling of love?

We just continued kissing until we were out of breath that is the only time we broke apart. I was panting and so was he. That was the actual manifestation of the saying ‘you take my breath away’.

“What just happened?” I asked still in shock.

“I just asked you to be my girlfriend and sealed it with a kiss.” He grinned widely. A smile that reaches the eyes. A smile that you will know the moment you see it means he’s really happy and was in bliss. I was lost in his eyes when what he said finally hit me. Me? Girlfriend? Sealed with a kiss?

“I love you Im Yoona.” He professed with such tenderness in his voice.

“R-really?” I asked and looked at his eyes that seems to be talking to me saying that yes, he was serious and that he really does love me.

“I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. I know it doesn’t show because I barely talk or even smile or even look at you. But that’s only when YOU’RE looking at me. When you’re not, all I do is watch you and admire you from a far.” He confessed.

He held my hands and kissed them saying, “The real reason why I tripped you back then was because I find you irresistibly adorable when you’re embarrassed. I didn’t know that things would escalate the way it did and I felt so bad for doing that to you that I just stopped making friends because I’m ashamed of what I did to you. When I repeated the incident at the cafeteria, I just did it to get your attention and make you notice me before we graduated and I become someone that you will forget. To be honest, I was a bit hurt by your words but my heart swelled knowing that you still remember me.”

He paused for a second and breathes in deeply. “And when you woke me up the first day, it didn’t show but I was actually glad that we met again. I thought all along that we would never meet again but the fates were good to me that I even have all my classes the same as yours. But as I remember what I did during our freshmen years I get really ashamed and I distance away once again. This time though you kept on pursuing a friendship with me that I wasn’t able to hold it in any longer.”

“I love you and though I’m still being held back by the shame of doing what I did to you before, I will bravely tell you and let you feel how much I’m regretting doing that and that I’m truly and deeply in love with you.”

I don’t know what to say or what to do. I’m stuck but if there’s one thing that I know, it’s that I’m happy with everything that I’m hearing. My heart is about to explode with how fast it is beating the whole time Jiyong was professing his love for me. I’m not sure if this is what they call love because I have never felt it before but I’m not afraid to risk it if it’s with Jiyong.

“Is that why you know so much about me when the professor made us introduce each other?”

He nodded.

“Is that why you nodded your head when I told you I want to be your friend?”

He nodded.

“Is that why you let me tell you that lame story about my rebellion?”

He nodded once again.

“Is that why you kissed me just now?”

Shyly, he nodded again.

“Well then Kwon Jiyong. You’re a very lucky man. Because within the months that I tried to befriend you and let you open up to me, I was also opening myself to you, putting all my trust in you. And as I got to know who Kwon Jiyong is behind his loner tendencies and one word replies, I found myself liking him and maybe falling for him.” I smiled at him with delight. “Who would have known that the loner Kwon Jiyong was actually funny, witty, understanding, caring and romantic? I’m pretty lucky to have been the one that he chose to show who he really is and to be the one who capture his heart.”

After what I said, we just looked each other in the eye while he’s still holding my hands and stayed there taking in the moment and loving it.

After a while, he was the first one to break the silence.

“So is that a yes my friend that is a girl?”

“Yes my friend that is a boy.”

With that, his smile got even wider than it already was if that’s even possible. Slowly, I felt him lean in once again we were kissing. This is definitely a day that I will never forget. Firstly, this day is when I made him my friend, then had my first kiss, then got myself a friend that is a boy and lastly got my second kiss. Who would’ve thought that I can get all of this in one day? I’m a very lucky girl.

--

Everything was blissful. Jiyong and I became the couple that everyone in campus envies. He is the best boyfriend a girl can have. He showers me with gifts, tells me how much he loves me everyday and proves it with actions, and most especially makes me happy. I even introduced him to my unnies and of course maknae and they all loved him.

“That was a quick progress! I’m happy for the both of you!” Fany unnie exclaimed making everyone laugh.

“Fany’s right. That was fast! You weren’t even friends yesterday and now here you are becoming a couple. But don’t get me wrong I’m not objecting.” Sooyoung unnie agreed. “Especially since he’s as handsome as he is. I’m going to violently hit anyone who is stupid enough to object! Hear that girls?!”

“Yes Sooyoung! We get it! He’s handsome that’s why you approve of this relationship.” Sunny unnie teased.

“But though we are afraid of Sooyoung’s violent tendencies, we would like to warn you as well Kwon Jiyong.” Taeng unnie started and everyone nodded their head. I can feel Jiyong’s tension as he was holding my hand extra tight when Taeng unnie started talking and I was just stopping myself from laughing at how adorable he is when he’s nervous. “Im Yoona is very precious to us. Though she’s not the real maknae, we treat her as the real one because she acts like one.” Everyone started to laugh including Jiyong but I was pouting since they were making fun of me, though I know Taeng unnie means good. “So you better take good care of our Yoong choding. Try to understand her weirdness and annoying aegyo’s. Be patient with her. Make her happy. And love her truthfully and with all of your heart.”

I don’t know why but I’m crying right after Taeng unnie’s little speech. I know that they love me but hearing them say it makes me utterly happy. I felt my tears being wiped away by Ji’s thumbs and he offered me a smile and I can’t help but love him even more.

“Thanks.” I whispered.

“You’re welcome.” He said as he returned to his seat.

“Look at how sweet he is! Yoong! Find me someone like him!” Sica unnie demanded and we just laughed.

“I’m sorry unnie. My Ji’s one of a kind!” I stuck my tongue out to her.

After the laughter subsided, Jiyong began to assure the girls of their worries.

“I just want to let you know that I will take good care of Yoona and I will do everything I can to make her the happiest girl alive.” After saying that he smiled at me and I smiled back.

“Fine. We believe you. Welcome to the family Kwon Jiyong!” Taeng Unnie finally said.

--

It just felt so magical. I’ve never been this happy and contented in life as I was now that Jiyong and I are together as a couple. But then as he started making new friends, I started noticing a change. A change that I wish I never noticed so that the magic that I was living in wouldn’t have been broken.

He’s laughter and smile and energy is so different when he’s with me and when he’s with other people. It’s like an upgraded version of what he has when it’s only the two of us. My insecurity heightened when I noticed how close he’s getting with another girl; Chaerin. Yes, I’m probably jealous but I just can’t help but notice the difference. Maybe, just maybe, he just thought that he was in love with me before because I was the only one that was there. I confronted him about this the first time I felt like this and he told me otherwise.

“Yoong. Don’t think that way, please.” He begged me.

“But I can’t stop it Ji. I don’t know. Maybe you’re just infatuated when you thought you loved me.” I was now in tears because it hurts so much to think that he might not be actually in love with me.

“No Yoong. That’s not true. I love you. I’m in love with you and you alone. Please believe me.” He was now crying as well as he was holding my tear-stained face and kissed me deeply.

“I’m not infatuated. I’m not just saying I love you because you were the only one I had in my life before. I love you and that’s the truth, that’s the reality. You can add billions of people in my life but nothing will change. It will always be you that I love and it will only be you until the end of time it will only be you.” He hugged me tightly as if I’d disappear if he loosens up even for just a bit.

He kissed my forehead and that was all it took to make me feel assured that he really is in love with me. That I’m not just some sort of filler in his one empty life.

--

My insecurities didn’t stop there and the second time I let it eat me up is the reason why I’m now all alone crying and hurt. It was over the same old thing. I felt like he’s just thinking that he loves me when in truth he’s doesn’t. I don’t know why I’m so insecure like this when I’m beautiful, talented, smart and loved by many. I don’t know the reason but maybe it has something to do with how I got so used to just being the two of us. Back then it was only me and him, him and me, Ji and Im. But now, his attention is divided into his friends and me. I’m that selfish. I’m this sick.

“Maybe you don't really love me. Maybe you were just lonely since you were alone and it just so happened that I was there.” Tears are flowing like a broken faucet but all I heard was Jiyong sighing deeply.

“Are we going to go through this again Yoong?” he pinched his nose bridge, something that he does when he’s frustrated. “How many times do I have to tell you that I LOVE YOU!? What else am I supposed to do to let you know that I’m IN LOVE WITH YOU!? What do you want me to do to prove to you that I do, that I’m completely and truly in love with you IM YOONA?” His tears were now flowing as well and it breaks my heart knowing that I caused his tears. “I’m trying. I’m doing all I can. I’m doing everything just to make you feel how much I’m in love with you. Why can’t you see it Yoong? Why can’t you feel it?”

“How sure are you that you really do love me?” the moment this question left my mouth I regretted each word. His face was contorted and in utter disbelief. I can tell how in shock he was of my question. I’m shocked myself.

“Are you really asking me that question Yoong? Is your uncertainty for my love to you that big that you’re questioning how sure I am?”

I’ve never seen him this frustrated and aggravated before and it’s all because of me. I can feel it. Because of everything that I’m saying and doing and making him feel, he’s slowly slipping away from me and it’s all my fault.

“I love you Yoong. I love you so much that I’m willing to do anything and everything that you’d ask me to. I love you but I guess…” he paused trying to hold back more tears from coming out. “I guess, my love’s not enough for you. I guess my love is not enough to make you doubt it like this.”

He hugged me not as tight as he did the last time. It was a hug that is careful. A hug that is afraid that it might break the one inside it. A hug for a fragile heart like mine.

“I love you Im Yoona and I’m willing to tell you that every second of everyday. But I think telling you and showing you won’t make it work.” Like how he always makes me feel secured, he kissed the top of my head. And whispered in my ear. “Maybe what you need is time. Time to learn to be confident that a person will love you without any reason at all. Time to learn how to believe it when a person tells you he loves you and you alone. Time to fix your insecurities.”

He kissed my lips lightly and leaned his forehead with mine.

“Always remember that I love you. And I’ll love only you. I’ll wait. I’ll wait for the time that you will be sure of my love. I will wait until you’re ready to accept that I love you.”

With those finally words, he left me under our Sakura tree crying and broken.

--

It was the perfect weather. A perfect weather to be with the one you love but here I am alone in my room nursing my broken heart.

The grief of losing him was too much that if I stay inside my room for too long I might just end up going insane. So without fixing how I look, I walked out of the apartment and to the tree, our Sakura tree.

You’re probably wondering why I’m being like this on a day like this. Well it’s simply because it’s already been a year since he gave me the time that I need. It’s been a year since I last saw him. Within that year, I have never returned to this tree because it just hurts too much to be here. Knowing that he loved me so much but I still doubted him.

My unnies and maknae who had been there all throughout our relationship comforted me a year ago when he left. But later on, after seeing me weep a love that I lost myself, they started to give up. They just let me cry and embrace the sadness and sorrow of my loss.

I’m crying and longing to have him back but truthfully, if he were to ask me now if I’m sure of his love, I would still say no. But this time, even if I’m not sure I’ll just have to believe him. Because if there was something that I learned within the year that we were not together it is that I can’t be happy without him. That even if I’m not sure if he really loves me, as long as I love him I will make us work. I will put aside my insecurities and learn to be a hundred percent sure of his love for me, but I need us to be together. As long as we are together I’ll work hard to learn what I have to learn because I love him.

As I was sitting under our Sakura tree thinking of the what ifs of our relationship, my vision turned dark. No, I’m not fainting or turning blind, it’s just that someone’s blocking the sun. I looked up to who was responsible for blocking the sunshine when I saw him. There he is standing in front of me, smiling widely, and holding his hand towards me.

I don’t know if I should reach for it but I did as my heart told me too. He stood me up and looked at me in the eye.

“Time’s up?”                                                                                                         

“Yes. Time’s up.”

I smiled at him and he did the same. As the cool summer breeze was blowing, under the bright sunshine, and under our Sakura tree, he once again sealed the deal with a gentle kiss that is full of passion, and I’m now sure what the other feeling is; it’s love.