OMG!! It's only foreword and I got 33 subs already *cry* It's a burden to write this, though. But still, thank you for your feedback^^

Anyway, before reading the story I suggest you to read the previous story :)

And please prepare your heart because like I said, I'm not giving you a guarantee of happy ending lol.

It will be in Hakyeon's POV :D

Here's the chapter. Enjoy :)

“After announcing the mourn of Han Sanghyuk’s death and the disbanding pronouncement the previous week, Jellyfish Entertainment once again held a press conference on Saturday, clarifying the latest issue of the disbanded idol group, VIXX. The representative of Jellyfish Entertainment, which is still taking responsibility of the boys group, revealed that the rumor about another death of the ex-VIXX member, known to be Leo, was not true. They asserted that the ex-member was hospitalized due to the recent incident and was in comatose state. There was no further information explained due to family’s demand of privacy.”

***

**

*

“Hakyeon-ah, you’re awake,” a voice faintly came to my hearing. I slowly opened my eyes; I wondered why they felt heavier than usual. I blinked several times, adjusting to the light that dimly came into my aching eyes. There were noises in background I couldn’t really catch. My throat felt dry, my body ached, and my surroundings were all foreign to me. There was something stiff on my neck, halting me from moving it around. I stayed still, listening to sound of footsteps approaching. A few faces came into my line of vision. They all wore white coats and maskers, hiding their faces.

“Hakyeon-ssi, how are you feeling today?” one of them spoke, I didn’t know which one. I knew that they’re all men. His voice was gentle and somehow relaxing, sending my tensed body at ease. The other one carefully put his fingers on my eyes and a bright light shone above me. Flashlight.

Suddenly a wave of vague images aligned in my head. Then the world was spinning; the room went smaller and smaller, the masked men disappeared. The environment changed; I was no longer in the white room. I was sitting in a cozy seat, looking at kind of road in front. Oh, I was in a car. I saw a big truck in front, honking out loud and I finally remembered. The accident.

The scene shifted again; the white room came back, masked men were still there. They were conversing at each other and I didn’t even listen. Ah, I’m at the hospital.

I was too focused in looking at the busy men before a warm hand suddenly swept softly on my head, caressing my hair. I tried to look up but I couldn’t until a familiar face peeped out. Taekwoon.

He gave a warming smile, still the top of my head. I was ready to open my mouth to greet him but one of the man in mask distracted me. “Hakyeon-ssi.” I set my eyes on him, to the one who looked at me in the eyes.

“Your vital signs are all stable.” He continued, reading a file on his hand. “But, there’s something we need to clarify about,” he stopped; closing the file and handed it to the other man. He went closer to my face, and spoke, “What do you remember about the thing happened this afternoon?” I almost immediately answered, “I had an accident.”

Then the man stayed still, didn’t give any response. Did I say incorrectly? Was my voice too low for him to hear? Should I say once again?

“I had an accident this afternoon,” I said. But they still didn’t give any response; the man straightened himself up and somehow continued discussing with the other men. How rude.

I jerked a little when a hand came to touch my cheek. Suddenly Taekwoon’s face was inches closer; his face was sad—no, he was crying. I wondered why he was like this. “Taekwoon-ah, why are you crying?” I asked him; I waited for him to answer, but why he didn’t respond me either.

He sobbed, “Hakyeon-ah.” And this moment, he brought his two hands on my cheeks, giving light with his thumbs. “Taekwoon. What’s wrong?” I said again and he’s still ignoring me.

Taekwoon got up so abruptly as one of the man asked him to go with him. He gave a last glance at me before going out the room. What’s happening?

I didn’t notice they’re back, the men in white surrounded me. Where’s Taekwoon?

“Hakyeon-ssi, we’re very sorry to inform you this,” the man who’s closer to me started speaking. “But we need to tell you that…,” I didn’t remember what the doctor said the rest, or did I? But now I was trashing around on the hospital bed. Only a clear statement that kept replaying in my head. Only a statement. It brought tears in my eyes, big lump in my throat, and a heavy pressure in my chest. Taekwoon was restraining me; his hands locked my flailing arms. I couldn’t stop this; I clawed everywhere, shrieking my anger out in silence. I just couldn’t accept it. I couldn’t accept the reason why Taekwoon and those doctors didn’t response me. Because I was talking in my head. Because I had lost my dream. Because I felt like my world’s crumpled down.

“We need to tell you that you’re not be able to talk anymore, Hakyeon-ssi.”

***

**

*

“It’s all my fault.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is, hyung. It all happened because of me.”

“There’s nothing to do with you. It was an accident. Stop blaming yourself, Hyuk-ah.”

“Don’t you see him? He’s completely neglecting me. He’s mad at me, hyung. He won’t talk to me, no, he won’t even look at me.”

“Hyuk-ah, he’s not—”

“He hates me.”

I closed my eyes; feeling the tear slid down to my temple. It streamed down, wetting my ear. What’s this feeling? I couldn’t get rid of this heavy stress in my chest, it’s squeezing my ribcage. I heard my members cry. Taekwoon had told them already. It was hard for me to reconcile the voices that constantly buzzing in my head.

Two days ago, those doctors had to sedate me because they said I had lost control already. I clawed one of their arm, successfully drawing blood on it. And the next thing I remember when I woke up was Hyuk’s crying face and endless plea of apologizes. He was sitting beside me almost half of day, saying hundreds of ‘sorry’. He wouldn’t leave me alone if Hongbin didn’t bring him out by force. And during that time, I was neglecting him, totally ignoring his presence. I still couldn’t palpate what was I intend to do by giving him no attentions. I didn’t realize that I was making him even worse, as though putting all the blame on the youngest.

If only I realized it sooner.

***

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*

All the members visited me everyday, all of them, except Hyuk. And I didn’t really care about him anyway. It’s not like I still had a grudge towards him, but it’s not completely wrong that I had a kind of hostility on him. He’s the one who wanted me to be like this in the first place. I wondered how happy he was to know his wish was fully granted.

I called this hatred. Yes, I had to admit that I hate him. But this false feeling lessened after my members, one by one telling me how Hyuk was doing. And from their stories, I finally found out that Hyuk wasn’t doing well either.

Taekwoon told me that Hyuk locked himself in our manager room. He added, Hyuk was infrequently going out the room. He only met him once in 3 days as he counted. Taekwoon’s face showed worriedness. I took a note on it but I did nothing.

Ken was bringing a pile of comic books yesterday. He said that I might get bored staying at the hospital all day long for the next three weeks. I appreciated him to make funny faces and joke around, but my throat hadn’t fully recovered and it hurt when I laughed. I signaled him to stop. He stopped his dumb acts as seriousness replaced the once facetious face. “Hyung.” He started to speak. “I met Hyuk this morning. He asked me if I was going to hospital and I said yes. And then, he said to me, please tell me if Hakyeon hyung had finally forgiven me.” And I only fell silent.

Ravi came by two days ago. He didn’t bring anything in particular. I liked to hear him talking about how his life’s going or about recent occurrences happened in the dorm and all. I didn’t know why but I noticed he looked so hesitant to say something. Sometimes he would open his mouth to say some points but end up stopping it. “It’s nothing, hyung.”

And when Hongbin came today, Ravi tagged along. He finally told me what’s on his head. The thing he kept on his mind, the thing he’s in doubt to pull out, was clearly spoken. “Hyung, you know,” he began. “It’s about Hyuk.” I stayed still. “I know you were mad at him, weeks ago. But he’s… I don’t know what to say, hyung. He’s…,” Ravi was stuttering, his nose went red, his eyes were glimmered with tears. And I noticed them. “He’s breaking down and I don’t know if he can hold it any longer.”

There’s a pang in my heart, how was Hyuk doing right now? Did he have someone to share his problem with? Did he have someone to lean on to? I guessed I had to quit being so childish, you’ve gone too far Cha Hakyeon. Your members were going through a hard time because of you. The accident had nothing to do with Hyuk or anyone; that accident was a pure accident. Don’t blame on anyone when there’s no one’s fault.

And when Hongbin gave another spoonful of porridge, I refused him. I already lost my appetite.

***

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*

“Annyeong hyung,” Ken’s voice roared throughout the white sterile room. His face was incredibly happy. I smiled at him. Ravi and Hongbin followed behind. Where’s Taekwoon?

“Leo-hyung is in the dorm, doing chores,” Ken somehow read the frown on my face as he gave the answer I need. Hongbin let out a small chuckle.

“Come on, hyung.”

The trip to the dorm was full of laughter. Ken blabbered about a funny incident he met yesterday and Ravi couldn’t stop laughing. Hongbin had to warn Ken to stay focus on the road and stop making jokes. I twitched the corner of my mouth, forming a smile.

The thought in my head couldn’t stop me from putting another smiles. I can’t wait to see you, Hyuk-ah. Wait for me.

***

**

*

“The press conference held by Jellyfish Entertainment on Sunday, confirmed that the South Korean idol group, VIXX, which is currently taking their break, is assuredly disbanded. The representative of Jellyfish Ent. explained due to the lack of members and the disability of one fellow member, they came up to the decision of disbanding. The five members left are still in trauma in the lost to one of their member. And as the conclusion, the representative stated there’s no hope in holding VIXX as idol group anymore—“

CLICK.

I cried. The image of bloodied Hyuk was still lingered in my head. I could still remember the fresh memories back there where Hyuk’s body was sprawled on the floor with the blood everywhere. I could still see the scene when Ravi shook maknae’s body only to get no response; when Taekwoon frantically called 119; when Hongbin pressed his hand on the huge slash on Hyuk’s neck to stop the bleeding; and when Ken came to me as my legs gave up. And in the end, the memory told me that Hyuk’s no longer alive. He’s already gone.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream my lungs out. I wanted to tear my life apart. I wanted to kill myself. You’re a murderer, Cha Hakyeon! Look what you’ve done. You killed your own member. Are you happy now that Hyuk’s gone? You’ve got your revenge.

I ran my fingers through my hair, grabbing a handful of it and pull it out in agony. This resent feeling wouldn’t leave me alone. I didn’t know what I was thinking. The voices in my head kept on howling; they called me ‘murderer’ over and over. I was already fed up with this. The queasiness feeling that followed after was the worst. The anger that trailed with it was the hardest to handle.

I was tossing around, screaming in silence; grabbing anything in reach and throwing it away. I angrily flipped the table, roughly ripped the cushion. I wasn’t in clear mind as I dragged my body to the kitchen, looking for something to vent out my anger. And there it was, shining brightly in the middle of the counter; reflecting the sunlight that peered through the curtain. The sparkling thing guided my hands slowly, allowing them to touch its shimmering surface. I took a hold of its handle, choking back my breath as I observed the smooth part which was glistening with freckles of sunrays.

And I saw myself; the reflection showed my bloodshot eyes, eye bags hanging down below, and my chapped lips. Is this me?

My mind was too preoccupied with the lustrous yet sharp-edged object as I jerked my body at the sudden tap on my shoulder. I turned around, losing the direction and control of my hand as I aimed the knife at the figure before me.

“Ha—Hakyeon-ah.”

The next thing I saw was red. The knife’s somehow embedded into the body and Taekwoon’s face came into view in a flash before darkness took over me.

***

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*

“Hyung?” A voice rang into my ear, a figure slowly approaching me.

He walked in steady step and ended up sitting in the edge of the bed, facing me. “How are you doing?” he asked. His eyes were all glassy. Do I know this guy?

“The nurse said you’ve been doing fine,” he smiled. Wait, he’s somewhat familiar. Who is he?

I stared at his handsome face, well-styled hair, and good clothes. His voice was melodious as well. Is he a singer?

“Hyung,” he called me once again. “You know, Taekwoon hyung is awake.” I jerked a little. That name. It brought vague memories to me. But why do I feel cold now?

“It’s been a year, right? He’s finally awake. We almost lose our hope back then.” I didn’t know what he’s talking about. Can you do a brief introduction?

He abruptly grabbed my hands, cupping mine with his pair of warm hands. I looked down, this feeling was too familiar.

“I’ll bring the others here. Maybe not now or tomorrow, I have to ask them first,” he smiled again, showing off his dimples. A name appeared in my head. Hongbin.

“You have to stay healthy, okay. We will be visiting you more frequently. I will invite Taekwoon hyung too. I know he’s missing you so much now.” I didn’t do much, only staring at him and looking out the window. He gripped my hands firmly before letting them go. He stood up and said farewell, going out and closing the door.

It was silence. My mind was blank. What was just happening? Did Hongbin just visit me?

And soon enough I realized I was in a hospital gown. I yanked my shirt slowly, turning my head as I tried to read the words written on it, Dongjak Mental Hospital.

***

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*

“Hyung. Hakyeon hyung, please look at me.”

I don’t want.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s all my fault.”

Good, you know your mistake.

“But I don’t really mean it, hyung. I don’t know this would happen.”

What do you mean, Hyuk? You were sincerely hoping God would grant your wish.

“I don’t want this to happen, not like this."

I wonder how happy you are right now.

“Hyung, can you just look at me?”

No, I hate seeing your face.

“Please, don’t ignore me like this.”

Serves you right.

“What—what can I do for you, hyung, uh? What do you want me to do?”

Don’t know. Go away from me and never come back, maybe?

“Hakyeon-hyung.”

Don’t call my name. I won’t answer—no, I can’t.

“I know you will say ‘sorry’ won’t solve anything. It won’t bring your voice back.”

You know me so well.

“Should I do the same? Should I cut my neck and slash my vocal cord?”

Do it if you dare.

"Alright. But just keep your promise, okay. That you’ll forgive me. And we’ll be like what we used to be.”

…

But what actually happened, the cut was too deep. Hyuk not only lost his voice, but he also lost his soul.

THE END

 A/N: Yeay! Finished! *shielding from flying bricks*

Okay! It's not Hyuk's fault or Hakyeon's, it's truly my fault for making their life miserable than ever.

I hope the update won't let you down. I know I'm such a fail ㅠㅠ

What do you think about the chapter kkk? Mind to leave comments? Thank you for reading^^