“Come on! Do it then!” the voice reached your ears and snapped you out of your daydreams about Minhyuk. All day long you had been sort of staring at him, though in a way that you knew he wouldn’t notice. After all, it merely looked like you were staring into nothingness or just feeling a bit sleepy. When in fact, your mind had been going in and out of daydreams about how handsome he looked today. Absentmindedly, your eyes wandered over the sand all of you were sitting in. It was a lovely day and you were glad you listened to your friends when they proposed coming to the beach for today. It hadn’t seemed so tempting at first, knowing you didn’t enjoy swimming in the sea that much. But in the end, you couldn’t resist the temptation of seeing Minhyuk in his swimming trunks. And it surely hadn’t been disappointing.

You enjoyed the sight of the lines of his slightly defined abs, the way the wind blew through his messily-styled hair and most of all; that breathtaking smile that could make your heart skip a beat…. All of him was beautiful to look at, even though you couldn’t actually touch him given the fact he wasn’t your boyfriend, but just a friend. Just a friend… You had been trying to gather enough courage to change that fact, but so far nothing had worked. Besides, it was never the right time. Not to mention it was the typical sort of problem: You didn’t want him to reject you nor risk losing him as a friend. It was hard to imagine a world without Minhyuk’s silly jokes and that beautiful smile of his. No, you really couldn’t risk that. So you went with the only other option you had; daydreaming about him and secretly liking him from afar. Even now, you sat opposite of him in the circle while you and your friends played the all too familiar game: spin the bottle.

“Do it then!” people urged yet again, pulling you out of thoughts and making you aware of the fact that your best friend, Saera, was about to kiss Yonghwa. Surely she must’ve been in 7^th heaven right now, considering he was her crush. And so far, Yonghwa didn’t seem to dislike the idea either. After all, the rule today was; you can refuse, but you’ll have to dive head-first into the cold water of the sea. It wasn’t exactly something to look forward to, but a reasonable option that had swayed you into participating. After all, it wasn’t really your thing to just kiss a whole bunch of random guys, even if you did know a few of them. Well, that just made things more awkward in your opinion. But at the same time you couldn’t ignore the opportunity in this game either: what if you and Minhyuk had to kiss?

It was as if fate had heard the thoughts in your head, making Minhyuk reach forward under loud cheers of his friends. You knew he had been somewhat pushed into doing this too, considering you heard Yonghwa say; ‘you can always avoid by going into the sea’, followed by a firm nod of his. But yes, fate was definitely playing along, making that goddamn bottle stop faster than you had thought it would, pointing straight at you…

‘Oohs’ and ‘aaahs’ reached you from all sides of the circle as you stared at your crush; eyes wide open and your heart hammering in your chest at such a violent pace, you were sure it would leap out of you any second now. “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” the group started, sounding very much like some creepy occult group chanting a spell. Then again, you did feel entranced at the moment at the very thought of feeling his soft lips against yours and his hands on your waist. Unfortunately what you didn’t expect to hear as you stared at him in shock, was his loud and firm ‘No’. Instantly the group was silent, various suspicious glances going his way. They were looks of confusion, surprise, understanding and well,  pure shock. You were one of those last ones. “Minhyuk…” Yonghwa started, as if he had wanted to try and reason with his friend. “No hyung, I don’t plan on kissing her. I’d rather go in the sea.” He continued on, his words delivering an even greater blow to you – one of pain and humiliation. Meanwhile he got up and looked at the cold water with a stubborn look on his face that seemed so unlike him, that for a minute there you weren’t sure if this was the same man you had loved for all those months. How could your kind, smiling Minhyuk suddenly change in such a coldhearted man that rejected someone so cruelly? You knew this option had been added into the game for when you really didn’t want to kiss someone or felt uncomfortable by doing it. But it was the tone in which he did it that was hurting you the most… So harsh. Still, not once before had he seemed to object that seriously to any attention from your side. He had hugged you, kissed your cheeks,.. not once did he cower away from physical contact with you… except for now. Were you suddenly really that revolting to him that a small kiss on the mouth wasn’t even possible?

“By the way, I’m sick of playing this game, so I’m out anyway. “ he continued on in his harsh and cold tone, walking to the water and doing as he was told by jumping into it.  And before you could control yourself, you were doing the same.

The cold water swallowed you whole; enveloping your body with an ice-cold force that pulled you under. In many ways it was a relief to feel this; to feel that there were still things that affected your body this strongly on the outside, when inside you only felt numb. How could he so harshly reject you, though seem so completely unaware of what he had done to you? You couldn’t blame him for not knowing, given the fact you had never told him about your feelings. But it still hurt like a , whether he did it knowingly or not. Rejection. You had feared for it and now you got it. You knew your friendship wouldn’t be the same again, since you would always remember this blow that felt colder than the darkness that pulled you under water. With strong kicks you swam deeper into it, enjoying the little of outlet it offered to you and kept you from breaking down. Here you could hide, here you were safe. Or were you?

You felt the forceful pull of the water again and it’s pressure as the waves pushed you under and under again. Coming up seemed impossible, since each time it’s force slammed you under again. There was this vague awareness of a breathless feeling inside of your body; and only now you realized it wasn’t because of the aching you felt inside your heart. This was real. The realization was enough to have you snap your head to the side in panic; you were sure the surface was right here, wasn’t it? You hadn’t gone that deep just yet.. You couldn’t be that deep down already… Where was it? You felt nothing but dirt and water beneath your feet; useless kicks into emptiness. Only mere seconds ago the surface had seemed so nearby, but now you found yourself staring up and down; darkness all around you as the force of the water made your body flow around in circles again. Pain…

Cold water filled your nostrils as your legs kicked into the nothingness beneath you. Chocking and gagging on nothing,  you wanted to scream, yell,  flap your arms, paddle… anything that would help you get out of this, but all you heard was the clear rumble of the water around you as it surrounded you.  It was as if you were locked in a box. All of this incredible pressure choking you lungs that were screaming for air…It was starting to get impossible to take…fighting seemed useless , your muscles no longer able to contract or to fight back in order to regain freedom. No…Life dimmed around you as your eyes closed, as if death itself had found you ; ready to pull you into the darkness with him as your body relaxed… There was this moment of serenity as the sea claimed you as their own.

“_____-ah? ______-ah.” There was this voice…Somewhere. Far away.. You were sure it was only in your mind and it was beckoning you to follow the light at the end of the tunnel? Was it? Yes, maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea, right? Harsh pressure, cold air,.. How were you still able to feel such humane things when you were clearly stepping away from that life. How could you feel – warmth. A soft pressure of something that pulled on the edge of your consciousness. It taunted you; making vivid and lively images pop into your mind. Tempting images…Minhyuk, Saera, Yonghwa… All of your friend’s faces made their way into your head. As if the mere touch of that softness brought them all back to you. It made you want all of that back…A sudden flash of pain went through you as something coursed through you… Was that air? Air… The thought of it was enough make the light at the end of the tunnel fade, being replaced by a bright red shot of …sunlight. Gasping, gagging, painful deep breaths; all of it came together as you regained consciousness and water spluttered everywhere.

“Oh god she’s awake! Oh my god ______!” you heard Saera gasp for air before her warm arms wrapped around you. Everything was painful inside of you, but this small act of genuine happiness had you feel warmer inside. Blinking rapidly a few times; your eyes slow, but steadily started to refocus on the environment around you. Minhyuk.. He was hovering close to you, resting on his knees as he looked at you with a look of worry you recognized. It was the same look he had on his face that time you fell down the stairs. Only now, you could see his hands shake violently, making your forehead wrinkle. “W-what’s wrong?” you mumbled, looking at him while still holding Saera. Talking was painful, making it feel as if you had swallowed sand paper. “What’s wrong? You nearly drowned!” he retorted, voice cracking lightly as he spoke those last words. “Luckily, Minhyuk knew how to give CPR. He saved you Saera! Right out of the water and then out here.” Your best friend mumbled, moving slightly aside so Yonghwa could join you. Dazed, you looked at Minhyuk again. Only now you seemed to truly grasp what had happened; it had been him. That softness you felt  when everything had been pitch black. That sweetness that had given you the will to fight again when you were so close to giving up completely.. It was his. Your eyes dropped to his lips. “You kissed me? I..I thought you didn’t want to kiss me..” you muttered, confused and still hurt from the pain you felt inside, because of him. However, it was somewhat a relief to be able to feel something, even if it meant that your heart skipped a beat at the sight of his smile.

“Such a silly little girl.” He joked, knowing he could always get under your skin as he said that. But there was something new visible in his eyes… Unfortunately, you could do nothing more but have your eyes narrow at him at the moment. “You’re right, I didn’t want to kiss you…. Not then at least. It just…wasn’t the good time. ” He revealed, obviously still bothered by what had happened. Logically, he wasn’t too blame and you planned on repeating that a lot if he kept acting guilty about that. “It was such a ridiculous game. I really didn’t want our first kiss to be like that.” He continued, making you feel breathless – the good kind – all of a sudden. “Granted, this is far from ideal too. But it will do.” He said, flashing you that brilliant smile before he leaned in to press a small, warm kiss to your lips. It felt as if your skin caught on fire, even if he pulled away way too soon. He certainly knew how to make a girl feel better. “Let’s get you to a doctor now.” He smiled, reaching to pick you up in his arms, bridal style. “But I…Kiss..” you brought out, stuck in a daze once more. “No worries, you’ll get plenty of them in the future. Just please, don’t ever participate in that stupid game ever again.”