…I love you so so so so much. Please don’t forget that you are my world, my everything. I know it’s hard for us right now but I know we’ll be ok. I love you.

She remembered what he said to her that one night as if she was able to record that conversation to repeat whenever she wanted to. It had been half a year since she was able to see him, only resorting to phone calls, messages, and video calls. For all those times she persevered because she knew how much he wanted this and that she was willing to sacrifice because he was worth it.

The daily communication turned into a weekly thing, then to a couple of times a month, and ended up being as random as it could. She didn’t complain, she knows he was busy. The fact that every time she looks him up over the internet or on TV, she sees schedules over schedules. At least she has an idea as to why they don’t get to talk that much anymore. She tries her best to keep herself busy with school and her part time job. Something to divert her attention to instead of sulking and being lonely.

And a year has passed since she last saw him. She heard from the news that his group won award after award. Somehow she thought that now that they have proven themselves to the world, he’d finally get a bit more freedom.

In that same year she had also graduated. She wanted to tell him the good news, but he wasn’t able to answer her calls. She didn’t bother to send a message since it was the type of news that you just announce via a message. She marched on stage and received her diploma surrounded by her family and friends, but somehow she still felt empty— because that one person who she wanted to be there was nowhere to be found.

She still continued with her part time job, although she could finally start looking for a permanent one. Because she still wanted to do something before she pours her time in the real world. However, after earning and saving as much as she could, she finely let go of her part time job. Now that she has enough, if her boyfriend cannot be there to be with her, maybe it’s time for her to be there for him.

After asking for her parents’ permission, she immediately booked a flight to Korea. Glad that she kept the message wherein he told her the address of where he was staying (and confirming from a few crazy fans over the internet that it’s still the same place), she grabbed a cab and provided the driver the address hoping to surprise him.

Once there, she knocked lightly on the door, keeping a lookout that no one sees her and makes a big deal out of her presence. It’s not like their relationship was out in the open. She knew that no one could know about them even if they have been together for so long. It was just another one of the sacrifices she had to because she loved him.

Again, she knocked with a bit more force but no one seemed to answer. She tried the door knob and was surprised that door opened when she turned the knob. She smiled thinking that luck was on her side. She tried every door she could open, hoping to find her boyfriend or at least the members who could speak the same language so they could help her.

Every door she tried where empty and she had one left. She could hear faint noises so she was sure that someone was inside it. She knocked lightly and it didn’t seem to have been heard. Like what she did on the front door, she turned the knob and peered inside.

She smiled when the person she saw that was inside the room was none other than her boyfriend. Her eyes lit up and her heart swelled. After more than a year of only seeing him thru a screen, he was finally in front of her. Tears of happiness were dripping from her eyes, but sadly her happiness was cut short when from the blanket that was covering her, what she thought was sleeping, boyfriend emerged this girl. Apparently, his eyes were closed not because he was resting.

With a smile on his lips, he slowly opened his eyes and like something was nagging him, his gaze turned to the door instead of the girl who just pleasured him a moment ago. His eyes went wide when he saw her. Immediately his heart broke the moment he realized the situation he was in.

She bowed down and spoke as soft as a whisper, tears flowing nonstop. “Please accept my apologies, Yixing. I did not mean to disturb you. I’ll be on my way.”

She ran out after that, hailing the first cab she could find and telling the driver to rush out not wanting for him to catch up.

He rushed out of the bed tried to find an article of clothing to make him at least look decent although he already knew that even if he covered himself, decent was not something to be associated with him. All he could see was the back of her head inside the cab that went off faster than he could follow.

He went back inside, hoping to that he could call her and find out where she is. He wanted to explain everything to her, but what was there to say? He knew the repercussions of his actions and he knew that it will bite him back hard. But he didn’t expect for it to hurt as much as what he was feeling.

He loved her— that much he knew. But his carnal needs got the best of him. His girl on the side, she knew about his relationship and said that it didn’t matter, that she knew that they were never going to be anything but what they are— the instruments to assist when they both the need to scratch the itch. And yet she hoped that they could be something more.

She continued on and let him use her, if this was the only way that he could be hers. She had no ill feelings towards his girlfriend; she had no right to hate her because she knows that she’s the one that’s interfering. She knows that she was the one at fault.

To her, even if her attempts to make her his were futile, she held on dreaming that one day he would choose her instead.

A few years had passed after that day. He tried to find his girlfriend but he never did. He had no idea that she decided to study abroad, to be away from him, afraid that he might find her if she stayed in her homeland. She was thankful that her parents understood that she needed to be on her own, although they had really know idea what had happened, only that she and Yixing had broken up.

She tried her best to be ok. It was hard and yet it took a shorter time that what she expected. Maybe because unwittingly, she knew that her grasp on him was already slipping and she was slowly letting go even before she found out about his infidelity. And she had finally come to terms that even if she gave up, she had loved as best as she could.

Yixing tried to cut of ties with his lover and he was successful for a year and yet after that their paths crossed again. She still held on the hope that he would finally see her more than just a buddy. She knew that she was being absolutely stupid for still holding on, for wanting something that was never hers in the first place. But you really dictate how you feel? She was in love with him and she was in too

“Yixing,” she calls out to him after another night of detached passion. “I just want you to know that I will always, always be here for you.”

He just looked at her with sad eyes and went out the door. She knows that he will come back, like the many times he did. She only hoped that one day she’ll look at her the way she looked at him. Not like he was disgusted with her every time after they used each other’s bodies.

One fateful day, he, together with his group, had a concert in another country. He was just walking around, spending a few quiet hours for himself when he saw a familiar face. The face that he wanted to see for so long.

He waved at her and she smiled back. His heart swelled due to the happiness he was feeling right at that moment. Maybe now he can make things right.

At a small café they stayed, glad that they seem to be the only people there aside from the staff. They sat by the window, both looking at the people passing by as they sipped their drinks, a comfortable yet awkward silence surrounding them.

She decided to break the ice and asked him how he’s been. He told her about the group’s success and what they have been doing for the past couple of years. Every information was new to her as she stopped following his life behind the screen since there was no longer a point to do so.

She was surprised when she grasped her hand while his thumb was skimming her skin. She didn’t bother to take her hand away, instead she faced him and gave him a smile. “How is she, Yixing?” she asked him earning a shocked expression from him. He knew who she was talking about and yet he had no idea why she had any idea that he was still seeing her from time to time.

He could not respond. How could he? All he could feel was guilt, for both parties.

“Maybe it’s time for you to stop playing with her emotions and just let yourself fall for her.” She light-heartedly tells him.

“But I don’t love her!” he cried out. “Not the way I love you.”

“You’ll learn Yixing.” She breathed out as she took her hand away from him. “I know you’ll learn to love her— the same way I learned how to let you go. Slowly. Let’s not make it more complicated and ask for another chance.”

“But I want you!” he tells her as his tears cloud his vision. “I want another chance with you. Please give that chance to me. I’m begging you.”

She could only look sadly at him, knowing that she could never give him what he was asking for. She had done everything that she could and she knew that enough was enough.

“I once read somewhere that if you were asked to choose between two people—choose the second one, because if the first one was all you needed then there wouldn’t be any reason to have a second choice.”

She stood up and sat beside him. Her hands cupped his face as she tried her best to wipe away his never ending tears from falling.

 “If I was worth it, Xing— if I was worth the hurt and the pain— then you wouldn’t have looked the other way. But I wasn’t and you did. I loved you Yixing and I sacrificed and patiently waited until I could. But now I’ve accepted the fact that I wasn’t worth the fight. So let go, Xing. I’ve let you go even if it hurt.”

She stood up after giving him a final kiss. “You’ll be ok.” She assures him. “Trust me.”

And with that she was out the door and from his life. He didn’t know how he will ever be ok but her on the other hand, finally felt free and she knew that she really was fine even without him.

You know how people see Yixing as this angel? Well I wanted to make something out of character from that one; hence, I have Yixing for this one because I could see him promising forever (although it breaks my heart to portray him as someone who couldn't keep his peen in his pants.)

Oh well.