“Well, it’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don’t make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love him. Nothing can ever change that.”           

This was a quote Taehyung quite liked thus learned by heart. Of course that meant he could relate to it, understand it from another point of view and immediately think of somebody who perfectly fit that description.

Hoseok was strong-willed. Kind hearted to the point people around him would use him and he knew this well, but couldn’t help agreeing to every selfish request that was addressed to him. When he was a child he would give away his toys, even his favorite ones; in elementary school the sweets his mom would give him to bring to school would end up for the upperclassmen; in middle school he would get into trouble for allowing his homework to be copied; in high school he helped a stranger that came to him to start dating the girl he loved for years. When his mom, the only person he was willing to throw away everything for passed away, all his relatives lied to him saying that they can’t let him live with them, but still had the right to take most of the money and house property that was left from her. And he didn't fight that. He wasn’t dense, actually most of the human nature was obvious to him, as if it was a book he had read and reread countless times; yet he would smile brightly and give his breakfast that consisted of one sandwich to the homeless person on his way to school. Why? This is who he was. He wasn't like them – heartless, cruel and emotionless. Smiling felt only natural to him, even when he was supposed to feel like dying.


Taehyung found all this ridiculous. How could a person smile when people mock him for being without parents? When he had to starve for hours because the only breakfast he could afford was now in the tummy of someone who won’t be able to repay him? How come that person never cried? Taehyung knew it all and it made him mad. Mad because back then when they didn’t even know each other Hoseok helped him shoo away some older bullies by giving them his lunch money and receiving few punches, only because Taehyung was too scared to do anything. I mean, why would a stranger risk so much for a stranger? “Are you okay? Do you need any help? I can call the nurse for you.” Why is this person saying this to me when he’s to one bleeding and left without lunch? Why is he able to smile so brightly? All such thoughts ran through his mind back then and ever since he would focus on Hoseok almost robotically, be it when they pass by each other in the school hallway or when they have History class together and Hoseok just had to sit two seats before him. It’s not like Taehyung was a bad guy or had never done anything “good” in his life, but if we have to be honest he was too lazy to do and think of others and their well-being on a daily basis. One day something in Taehyung snapped. It was the first year of high school, the same one both of them were attending.
“D-do you want to be my friend?” Taehyung blurted out one day after school. Hoseok turned around startled a bit by the sudden question. All of Taehyungs courage he had been gathering suddenly drained and his cheeks turned into an unusual pink color. But that was only for the few seconds Hoseok needed to say “Of course, my name is Jung Hoseok. Taehyung, right?” and smile dazzlingly while reaching out his hand for a handshake. He knows my name.

Needless to say they did become friends, best friends as time passed. Taehyung was timid and rarely ever excited for something while Hoseok was a sun-like existence. They completed each other, as most opposites do. They would eat lunch together or Taehyung would sometime go to Hoseok’s part time job to eat a cake or two. Or three. Hoseok never really had close friends before, but he usually treated Taehyung in a way nobody else has ever had. He couldn’t help wondering how could Hoseok appreciate and treat someone so nicely when he doesn't have anyone by his side, who thought him to love and appreciate someone else so well? Taehyung's heart really warmed up for his new friend. In a way, watching him being himself inspired him to try harder and improve what he thought he lacked. Hoseok had a dream of becoming a veterinarian, opening his own clinic later on, and whenever he would mention or talk about it with Taehyung, the latter always found himself completely immersed into it because of the way he talked about his dream. Determination and a little flame would light his eyes and all of that was honey to Taehyungs ears and he more than anyone else believed his friend would accomplish his dreams.

One situation that made Taehyung value their friendship more than anything else was when Hoseok found out about the little scars on his wrists. It happened so fast, accidentally and it was something Taehyung never ever wanted Hoseok to see but it probably was meant to be. At that time he hurt himself he was young, way too sensitive to handle his parents arguing or his mother paying little to no attention to him when at home because of other work that occupied her mind. He tried it few times thinking he would feel better, but he never did so he was wise enough to stop. But the scars were there, reminding him every day of his life that he was strong back then to stop doing it, and he had to continue being strong. He usually hid them with a wristband that nobody that had seen thought it’s something different than a fashion accessory. But Hoseok did see them and the concerned look on his face made Taehyung cringe on the inside and run away. Hoseok was the last person he wanted to know he had been weak before, he was scared he might disappoint him so just ran away and skipped school the next day.

When the doorbell rang Taehyung groaned, dreading getting out of bed, thinking his mom probably forgot something. But it was Hoseok, who had obviously skipped few classes to get here this early, nevermind the pouring rain outside. He was wet, the umbrella not having done its job properly when he was running, messy hair and a worried look on his face.
“Tae, are you feeling alright? You didn’t answer my messages and I got really worried..” and it was visible, the usual smile wasn’t present, it was replaced by its opposite because of Taehyung and he bit his lip, trying not to break down crying.
“But school..”
“Huh? Oh, I warned the teacher I had an emergency case, kinda” he laughed a bit, just contributing to the huge knot in Taehyungs stomach; “I’ve never had such case when a friend of mine is sick before, so I didn’t know what to do, but I couldn’t help coming to visit you, in case you’re too lazy to take care of yourself." he grinned a bit at his friend.
“How can you show your smile to me…I know I disappointed you Hobi, you don’t have to hide it from me.” Taehyung looked at the ground, his heart beating really fast just of the sight of his best friend.
“Disappointed?” Hoseok questioningly whispered but received no answer. He reached out his hand to lift Taehyung’s chin slowly, not removing his hand from there. “Taehyung, please listen to me.” He took a step forward and gently grabbed Taehyungs wrists with his hand. “This is not a disappointment. Scars are not ugly, scars are the sign that you could understand that you should not give up, that you have overcome an obstacle that hurt you and decided to look forward. It’s not something you should hide. You have not disappointed me, rather made me love you even more. A scar is a healing. After injury, a scar is what makes you whole." Everything that Hoseok said sounded like the sweetest lullaby, a medicine for Taehyungs corrupted heat and mind. He then cried and cried on Hoseok’s shoulder, releasing everything he held all those years. Hoseok didn’t say a word, but he was there, he didn’t release the tight grip around his best friend not ever for a second until he was tightly secured under his blankets and asleep. That was the night Taehyung first dreamt of Hoseok and his heart skipped a beat, but for a reason very different from every other.

“Why do you want to become a veterinarian?” ever since they became sophomores, they would spend their lunchtime on the rooftop, where they were now.
“When I was very young, around 6 years old, there was a stray kitten that would usually roam around my neighborhood and we became kind of close after I gave it food few times. Typical right?” he laughed a bit, closing his eyes. “But one day I found it with a broken leg and I was completely useless. I cried for hours, shaking and literally hitting myself to think of something I could do to help. Then I hid in my home where I was safe, healthy because I couldn’t stand watching it being in pain. Then I never saw it again. I know I was young and didn’t know much but I made up my mind back then that I would do anything to repay for my cowardice back then. My love for animals being given.” Taehyung didn’t say anything, mostly because his heart was beating a lot faster than usual and cheeks turning into the traitor pinkish color. Even if I tried explaining the way Hoseok’s words and honesty affected him I can’t. He felt blessed he had Hoseok by his side and he was suddenly terrified that someday they might need to separate from each other, so he just went to him and wrapped his long hands around him tightly, using all of his power almost stopping Hoseoks breath, as if Hoseok would disappear any minute. The latter suddenly broke into laughter by his friends’ kid-like behavior, but he didn’t find that hug weird or uncomfortable, rather he patted the top of Taehyungs head and returned the gesture himself.

Given, Hoseok was nice to everybody whether they deserved it or not, appreciated it or not. But he was even nicer towards his best friend. At first Taehyung thought it’s because he’s his only friend and all of Hoseok’s love was focused on him since he had no one else to share it with. But he couldn’t help feeling all giddy when Hoseok would treat even better than his other acquaintances and would treat him a cake whenever he would get his salary, help him with his studies and agree to hang out whenever he wasn’t working, even though they were together in school all the time. More, Taehyung became conscious of all the little gestures and even the smallest moments of skinship with his best friend. Then he would miss him like crazy when Hoseok would have to take double shifts and even skip school when he can’t afford to pay his rent on time and took extra jobs; he would call him in the weirdest time just to hear his voice before going to sleep; he would get this urges to hug him without a reason and feel like melting every time he would get Hoseok to smile for him. This continued for a long time before he could not lie to himself anymore than he is indeed in love with his best friend. And that realization made him horrified and incredibly scared. Because Hoseok had never shown any signs that he thinks of his best friend for something more than that. What is the most natural response for unrequired love towards someone close? Of course running away from them and avoiding them, etcetera. The first week Taehyung was too busy with his homework, the second he didn’t have enough money to stop by his work for some cake because his mom “cut his allowance”. In reality all he did was fight his feelings and miss Hoseok every second they weren’t together, but he was scared that he might up and ruin everything. Since when did he become so mellow and coward-y? But really, Hoseok wasn’t dense. At first he thought his best friend needed some time for himself, but when Taehyungs lies became blatantly obvious he knew something was off. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt him? All this lasted until an afternoon after school where Hoseok dragged Taehyung to a quieter place, his workplace.
“Why?” the desperate tone in Hoseoks voice made Taehyungs chest tighten painfully because it was the first time he saw him in such a state.
“What do you mean Hobi?”
“What is happening with you the last two weeks? You’ve been avoiding me”
“I’m scared..”
“Something you can’t tell me about? Is it something I’ve done?” Hoseok pleaded, but Taehyung was confused and really didn’t know how to answer all this and face his friend without actually telling the truth.
“I have to go..” he didn’t wait for an answer and just walked away, leaving Hoseok extremely confused and unable to smile it off, for the first time.

Would it be really selfish of Taehyung to try and talk to his friend again after ditching him and not talking to him once during the past week? A lot. But he felt the need to apologize or else those nightmares he was having every night of the hurt face Hoseok had back then would never leave. It was all him and his selfishness that ruined the usual routine they had for so long and he was the one to try fix things up, because after all Hoseok wouldn’t wait for him forever, right?

It was almost 10pm on a school night but he knew Hoseok was awake. He rang to bell of the familiar small apartment Hoseok was living in alone, where Taehyung used to crash at a lot when he wanted to avoid his family, and of course Hoseok was always there for him. He sincerely hoped he was there now too, because he didn’t think he would have the power to come over again. His heart was beating insanely fast, palms were sweating, his mind was blurry and he completely forgot all of the lines he had tried to memorize; in one word he was scared. What expression would Hoseok have when their eyes meet, would he even want to talk to him?
“Taehyung!” Hoseok almost jumped out of his door and straddled him, repeating “Thank God you’re safe” multiple times. Taehyung was completely baffled because he imagined hundreds of possible scenarios but what was happening now was not anything close to them. Hoseok released his tight grip only to take Taehyungs face and lift it so their eyes meet, “Do not do that again. Please, you are the person, I care the most in this world, you're my best friend and if you run away and turn off your phone again I really won’t be able to deal with it. Talk to me, please..”

They walked inside but Taehyung didn’t move further than the shoe shelf next to the door. He took a deep breath and looked directly into Hoseoks full of concern eyes for the first time and started.
“Before you appeared in my life it was all grey, repetitive and surely...boring. But you kept appearing before my eyes, always, always portraying that side of you I thought wasn’t possible for the human nature. You were hurt, but you kept smiling; you weren’t appreciated by anyone but you kept trying; you didn’t own anything to anyone but you kept giving away all you had. I really couldn’t understand at all why would you do this when you don’t benefit from it? Watching you from afar made me mad and frustrated at times but it also made me realize how selfish and unappreciative I was. At some point I realized I didn’t want to keep watching you from afar but rather I craved to get to know you better. What gave you the power to always smile, to live this way and not feel tired of it? I was curious about all of it. And asking you to be my friend was the best decision I have ever made. There isnt a day I'm thankful for your existence beside mine, but things changed.” He stopped for a second, really fighting the urge to avert his gaze, ”Hobi, I see you differently now and no matter how much I try to overlook and ignore it, it always comes back without а warning. I love you Jung Hoseok, it’s a feeling a lot stronger than one towards a friend and I’m really sorry for being selfish again. I realize how all this is unfair to you coming from your own best friend and I deserve you to hate me. I should leave now, but I more than anything wished I could tell you all this so you stop blaming yourself. Thank you for listening Hobi.” Taehyung turned away and opened to front door and left without looking back, he could only take a glimpse at Hoseok’s face beforehand, which had an unreadable expression. He ran to the buildings exit until a certain voice made him halt. He turned around to see a panting Hoseok, with a serious look on his face. Ah, so Taehyung made him lose his smile again.
“Thank you for telling me your feelings Tae.. Truthfully it’s all too new to me so please give me a little time, okay? I will properly think about this before answering. See you at school tomorrow, right?” He flashed a beaming smile at his friend again and left for his apartment. Taehyung felt his power leaving him so just squatted down, unable to fully recover from everything that happened but the wave of relief that Hoseok wasn’t disgusted by his feelings was something that saved his sanity for a little longer.

‘Tomorrow’ came painfully slowly. At 5am Taehyung gave up trying to fall asleep or calm down his still racing heartbeat. But for the first time he wasn’t thinking of anything, his mind was blank or just too confused to form any proper thoughts. At 6 his phone suddenly lit up his dark room because of a message he received. “Can you come down? I’m infront of your house.” It’s like he knew Taehyung was awake. He felt uneasy thinking of the reason Hoseok had to show up this early when school wasn’t in two hours but he did his best to put a hoodie on and successfully go outside without waking his parents up. Hoseok was there, shifting from one feet to another to warm himself and he didn’t even see Taehyung coming.
“Is it okay so early? I know you have work today and you need your sleep..”
“The only thing I need right now is to be able to face my best friend properly. I wish you would listen to what I have to say Tae, even though I have any idea what am I going to. But for one thing I’m sure is that your words made me think a lot and to be honest maybe at first I thought that because I never had any other close friends before, my feelings for you were only natural. To be close to you and spend time with you, to value and treasure your opinion, to think about ways to make you happy and deserve your smile. But then again i kmnow that’s only towards you Kim Taehyung, the only person I wish to stay close to me forever, the only one I let myself get attached to, unlike other people that just come and go from my life. That is love, right?” by the time he finished his cheeks were red and his smile was a soft and a shy one. Taehyung was shaking a bit so Hoseok followed what his heart told him to do stepped forward to place his hand on his cheeks, closing some of the distance between them. “Can I?” he softly whispered. Taehyung could only close his eyes but that was enough for Hoseok. No distance was left between them as their lips clumsily met.

They now fully completed each other. But life never stopped and they soon became preoccupied with exams, college preparations, work and being with each other, but not as much as they wished. They kept rediscovering new aspects of the other in now a slightly different light, but before lovers they remained best friends. The last day of high school came too fast for their liking. Taehyungs grades were above average but he still didn’t have a clear dream or resolution he could follow so he was stressing with choosing a university. Hoseok would usually help him search for majors and close-by affordable unis or just talk to him about his own dream, which were really of the biggest help for Taehyung. But he knew it would be fine because he had him.


The first summer vacation after they finished high school was a one that changed both of them a lot. Hoseok received a scholarship enough to cover his tuition in the university he always dreamt of secretly, which was in Australia. Many days after the letter came he dwelled on how to tell Taehyung he had to be away for almost three years and frankly he was afraid of completely accepting his desired offer at all because he needed Taehyung as much as the latter did and they’ve never been apart from each other more than two-three weeks at most.

The night he told him Taehyung cried like a baby. They didn’t meet for a while even though Hoseok had less than a week until departing but he didn’t mind. Both needed some time to get accustomed to the thought. They didn’t meet even the night before his flight.

“Hobi!” Taehyung screamed not minding the heaps of people there, waiting for their flight. Hoseok smiled, because he was sure from the beginning he would come.
“Be it three or four years I can wait. Whenever you talked about your dreams I always felt inspired and even excited to find my own. I still haven’t, but the look in your eyes and the eagerness of your voice are always infront of my eyes, reminding me how much you’ve always wanted it. Go, Hobi, and enjoy it to the fullest. I will miss you everyday, but I do not want you here anywhere near the next few years okay? I will wait for you on this exact same post, with the same exact feelings.” He was still kind of out of breath and sweating from all the running around until he found Hoseok, but his words and feelings were conveyed perfectly. Their last kiss was bittersweet, yet enough to make both of them endure the following years of distance.

“Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”

Another quote Taehyung knew by heart. Hoseok was that person that had seen his worse flaws and imperfections, yet accepted him and loved him nevertheless. He closed the old diary he found a while ago where he used write down little thoughts of his and anything he liked when Hoseok was away, and slipped back in bed for another hour of sleep, tangling his limbs with the other, to prepare for a day full of his soulmate, currently resting on that same bed and back from Australia for good.


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A/N Those just 4k words took me more than 13 hours to write and i still can't get this fully satisfied feeling from it. Does it feel rushed/unclear? Please do tell me if it does!
Thank you for reading ♥

The first quote:
“Well, it’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don’t make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love him. Nothing can ever change that.”        
is from Dawson's creek

And the second one:
“Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”
is from Marc Hack

Also this "A scar is a healing. After injury, a scar is what makes you whole." which Hoseok said is also a part of a quote:
“Scars are not injuries, Tanner Sack. A scar is a healing. After injury, a scar is what makes you whole.”
by China Miéville