The tumbling sounds of traffic and numbing sensations of chilly air calms racing breaths.

The hands against cold metal and feet dangling slowly in the air, tires his eyes.

He peers at the distant lights, they that are so far away, such a long way down.

He knows that he’ll be there soon.

He doesn’t care anymore.

 “No one said I was worth it.”

 

 

There was nothing wrong with Kyuhyun.

When he smiled, the birds tweeted.

When he spoke, only words of joy seeped out.

When he moved, the wind blew through his hair.

 

Sungmin had sworn to always love him, to care for him and be there for him no matter what.
Kyuhyun couldn’t find it in his heart to resist the belief.

 

 

He shakes his head.

The memories of his own downfall are still so clear, yet so blurry.

 

 

It started with a lower mood than usual.

Then he began finding his features out-of-this-world horrendous.

It had gone so fast, that he hadn’t realized that the last time he told Sungmin he needed to be alone for a while had been two weeks earlier.

He had just accidentally dropped the knife to the floor, when he finally got the courage to slip on his shoes.

 

 

He inhales, and remembers how the air seems to be as numbing today, as it was when he had walked through the empty streets, heading towards his boyfriend’s home.

 

 

It wasn’t like when he’d fall, Sungmin wouldn’t be there.

It couldn’t be that when he’d finally carve up his sleeves, and the scars would be there, Sungmin would ever break his promise.

 

But when he did; when his head shook to the sides, his lips disappeared between his teeth and his glance was discouraging, it felt as if it was the worst betrayal Kyuhyun had ever experienced.

But in the end, he blamed himself.

 

 

He holds his breath as a fallen tear fades in the distance, closing in on the dark ground.

 

 

“It isn’t your fault.”

 

“If he says that, he shouldn’t be your boyfriend.”

 

“He has no reason to say that you pushed him away.”

 

 

His heart beats race when more and more thoughts occupy his mind; from the day the relationship with Sungmin blurred slowly, until this very night.

He searched for help. He tried to fix himself. It was all he wanted.

 

 

“Give me one reason to be stronger.”

“Your whole life. Your family. Your friends.”

 

 

No one told him that a better life was a matter of course.

No one had the urge to take care of him in his darkest moments.

No one said that he was worth it.

 

 

Sungmin-ah, if you would’ve wanted to make me feel better, if you would’ve wanted to be there for me, you would’ve realized that I wasn’t just weak like you said.

If you‘d wanted to help me, you would have put in an effort. You would’ve released the thoughts about everything in the past the moment I said that I needed you more than everything.

If you cared, you would’ve known that I took everything you said by heart.

I couldn’t fix myself without you. I couldn’t push through. But no one realized that.

I’ve been strong far too long to hold on anymore.

But I guess I don’t deserve it.

 

 

Even though the splitter of their vague relationship hasn’t been collected, he feels a sense of relief, knowing it is at least concluded.

The final letter remains clenched within his hand as he slides over the edge and falls through the wind.

 

 

 

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basically this is a short, incoherent piece of feelings. i can't really write these days, i've turned worse and i can't write as long texts and i'm not as interested in anything anymore.. this just came to mind..
i hope you enjoyed it ^-^