The Pain of Living

Three in the morning usually meant being fast asleep.

Haneul, however, was sitting at the table that had once been occupied by herself and her two siblings, but would, soon, only seat one. She gazed sadly at the photo of her entire family – her siblings and her parents and her – and clasped her hands together in prayer.

“Mama, papa, Jiyong… if you guys are up there… if there really is a Heaven, or even an afterlife, please watch over me from there. I know that if you were here, you’d call me stupid for doing something with such a risk… but I need to do this. I’m gonna protect everyone. And I’m gonna make sure that nothing like this ever happens to anyone again. At least, not by this person.”

She took a deep breath, hoping that she wasn’t just shouting her prayers into the void. She hoped that someone in the afterlife could hear her. She bowed her head to the picture, to the dead in the picture.

“And please, make sure Boa is gonna be okay. I don’t want her to suffer anymore, but I know I’ll be the cause of her suffering for a while.”

The lights of the living room flickered on, and Haneul, startled, whirled around. Boa stood in the doorway, her arms crossed and a sad smile on her beautiful face. She looked as if she was holding back tears as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Your thoughts are really loud, Haneul. You know that you can’t keep stuff like this from me, right?” she asked quietly, her smile staying on her face, even though Haneul could tell that she was forcing herself to appear cheerful.

The younger of the two nodded. “I’m sorry that I’m doing this to you, Boa,” she murmured.

Boa shook her head. “I’ll be okay. I always knew that people like us,” she meant psychics, of course, “were never destined to live long. Especially not people who dabbled in death. I knew something like this would happen… just… not this soon.”

The floodgates had broken, and Boa began sobbing. She gripped the doorway for support, but still found herself sinking to her knees as she bawled, mourning for her brother who’d lost his life and for her sister who was about to stare death in the face.

“It’s just… it’s not fair. It’s really not… How can I live without you and Jiyong?!” she demanded, her sobs growing, slurring her speech. “You’re all I have!”

Haneul’s own tears began to fall, knowing that her sister had been trying to stay strong for weeks. Boa had probably known as soon as she saw Haneul during the day that she’d made her decision to face Hyori. Her sister was the strongest woman that Haneul had ever known, and she could only hope that her strength would continue to carry her, even through the tragedy that was about to strike her once again.

Her feet moved on her own, and she knelt down to engulf her older sister in her arms. Haneul could smell Boa’s familiar vanilla scent, the scent that was something she’d taken comfort in most of her life. But this time, all it brought was sadness.

“I don’t want to die,” she confessed through the tears.

“And I don’t want you to die. Isn’t there… isn’t there another way?”

Haneul smiled dryly. “No. It has to be me.” Boa’s arms wrapped around her, like she wasn’t about to let go. If she let go, Haneul would vanish.

“It doesn’t have to.”

“I’m sorry, Boa.”

Boa’s breathing was shallow as she tried to swallow her sobs. She pulled away from the hug, wiping her tears with the sleeve of her pajama shirt. She managed a tearful, yet cheery smile, as she pushed herself to her feet, bringing Haneul with her. She hugged the younger girl one again, burying her face in Haneul’s dark hair.

“Have a good day today,” she muttered into Haneul’s hair. “Come home safe.”

Haneul couldn’t reply, because whatever she said, she’d be lying. She only hugged Boa as tightly as she possibly could.

“I love you, Haneul.”

She bit back tears as she managed to hug her sister just a little bit tighter. “I love you, too, Boa.”

Myungsoo couldn’t sleep that night.

Something in his stomach was telling him that things weren’t right. Something was off. It caused his stomach to knot itself several times over, causing him such discomfort that it hurt if he stopped moving.

Lying on his back was uncomfortable. He couldn’t stop for even a moment. He looked at the clock as he kept tossing and turning in his bed. It was almost five in the morning, and he still hadn’t gotten even a wink of sleep. Everything was bothering him.

Get up, something in his mind whispered to him. Get up, Myungsoo.

He didn’t know why his head was telling him to do something that he didn’t have any reason to do. All he knew was that there was a feeling, deep in his chest, that something very bad was happening.

It’s Haneul, the voice tried again, the urgency growing in its tone. She’s in danger. Don’t you want to protect her, Myungsoo?

It felt like the voice was taunting him.

But it told him that his gut was justified. His worries, the uncomfortable feeling in his chest, were caused by Haneul. Or rather, his worry over Haneul. His worry that something was happening to her, something bad was coming.

“Haneul… is something happening to you?” he murmured, running his hands over his face and through his hair. He wasn’t expecting an answer, and he didn’t need one. He was asking questions about what he already knew.

He didn’t need to wonder whether or not something was happening to her.

She was the one who was staring down the image of death and hatred, and she was doing it for him. Or, even if it wasn’t for him, it was because she cared.

Haneul wasn’t inherently involved. She could’ve gone her whole life ignoring the things Hyori was capable of, and the things she had done. But at a simple request from a ghost that had needed her help had dragged her into this mess, and now, she was stuck caring about people who were on the list of those whom Hyori had named to die.

Myungsoo… she needs you. I know you care about her, and I know she cares about you. And right now, she needs you. She needs someone who cares about her.

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