Violet

When I told Kai I’m going back with my heli after the barbecue end I swear I heard him heave a sigh of disappointment and his mood change straight away after that. Now we’re in his car, on our way to one of the school in the area because that’s where the helicopter will land, on the school’s field. I look at my watch and notice it’s already 09.45 p.m. The heli should be there already.

Kai didn’t talk to me at all since we ride his car. I don’t know, maybe he’s upset about that fact I didn’t tell him before I made my mind about not going back with him first. That’s the thing about Kai, he likes to be in control. He likes to know everything that’s going on between us, he likes to decides on where to go or what we’ll do, he got upset when I didn’t reply his text messages or pick up his call. He got upset when he’s being ignored. But I have no time to negotiate this with him anymore, I’m tired, I’m worn out, and if he’s upset about this, I guess he just have to put up with this, it’s not going to be long before we separate after all, I guess.

When we reach the school’s compound, I see the heli is already landed on the school’s field, I see the pilot, he’s the same usual pilot that always flies my family and me around. Kai stops his car and pulls his handbrake. I don’t know what to do, do I say goodbye? Do I say thank you?

“Violet?” He starts first when I’m too busy to think of something to say.

“Huh?” I reply, completely startled by this.

“What is it, really?” He asks and I frown at the question.

“What what?” I ask back.

“Why are you mad at me?” He asks and I mentally scoff when I hear this, me? Mad at him? Is it not him that is not talking to me this whole time?
“I’m not mad at you.” I tell him and he heave a sigh. He takes few second to compose himself and then when he’s ready, he turn his whole body to face me.

“I don’t know what’s going on in your mind, Violet, it’s driving me crazy. You ignored me when I tried to stop you from going on the jetski with Kris even when you know the sea water will harm you. You didn’t talk to me at all tonight and suddenly you tell me you’re going back without me. Did I did something wrong? You were okay around me before you went to the market.” Kai asks.

I’m driving him crazy? No, it’s the other way round, Kai. It’s you, it’s you who’s driving me crazy. And yes, everything you do is wrong, you’re a liar, and you’re a jerk, but that’s not it, the worst part of all is that you always make it look like you care, but truth is I’m just a game. I know that I’m not being entirely honest with him too, but I don’t sweettalk and being clingy to him every second, I didn’t work so hard to make it look real when I know it doesn’t.

“No, it’s nothing. It’s really nothing, I’m just so tired and worn out, then I dropped into the water, it ruined all my mood.” I lie again.

“Yeahh apparently it ruined all your mood only when you’re around me. I saw you talking to the boys and Kim at the barbecue, you were okay with them, you even talked to Kris while he’s the one who drop you into the water.” Kai says.

“Kai, Kris didn’t mean it, it was an accident. He said his sorry already.” I try to reason with him but second after that I regret it, because now he looks even angrier.

“Of course when Kris did something wrong, it’s okay as long as he apologize. I don’t even know what I did wrong and you just refuse to talk to me.” He says with his eyes widen.

“Well I’m talking to you now, am I?” I defend myself and he opens his mouth to say something but then closes it again. He then heave a sigh and closes his eyes in defeat.

“I’m sorry………I don’t know what it was that I did, but I’m sorry.” Kai says and then he turn his head away from me to stare at his steering. It’s crazy, it’s crazy how sincere he sounds right now and I swear if I stay any longer in this car I might end up believing him. I unbuckle my seatbelt and then I lean in to him and kiss his left cheek, I see his eyes close when I kiss him and then I hold his other cheek with my hand.

“I’m sorry too.” I whisper to his ear and then I walk out from the car. That’s when I finally get to breath again.

Sunday seems all blurry to me. I stay in my bed most of the time, one because I’m physically tired due to the trip to Busan, and second, because I’m mentally tired thinking about Kai. The only thing I remember about Sunday is Kai’s text message saying that he and t