Created: 7/8/11
Finished: 8/10/11

It is windy, cold and orange. The autumn leaves fall carelessly around them, beautiful and full of promise. They sit on a bench, in the small haven of a park that the company had built for the trainees and the artists, somewhere they could run away to.

She sits down, her legs crossed Indian style; while he has his feet planted on the ground. They both look straight ahead, looking at something that they both want, but is something that isn’t really there, something out of reach.

After a long while of comfortable silence, she reaches for his hand, slow, hesitant. He looks up at the feel of her hand on his and immediately turns his hand to wrap it on hers instead.

All of a sudden, it’s September 2007 again and they’re crashing into each other outside of a random convenience store in Apgujeong-2dong. She fumbles through a string of broken apologetic honorifics, which he stops when she reaches ahjussi. They settle on oppa, despite having established their ages, after he insists again and again that it was normal.

She was Chinese and new and cute and he promised himself that he wasn’t taking advantage of her when he offered to show her around Seoul, which apparently no one had bothered to offer her.

He looks down at her hand in his, warm and seemingly perfect.

“I just can’t believe this is the end,” he starts the conversation.

“It’s still not the end,” she corrects him. “Your hyungs will be back from the army and then you’ll pick up where you left off.”

He snickers. “That’s just something for the fans,” he tells her. “We all know it’s over. I’ve prepared myself for this for a while now so I’m not that sad.” He pauses and meets her eyes. “Actually…I’m kind of glad.”

“You don’t have to pretend in front of me,” she urges him, frowning.

He almost smiles as he remembers the month they spent together, walking around Seoul, sightseeing, eating, laughing and just…being happy. It was around that time he began thinking that that was something he could get used to. Him. Her. Walking, eating, laughing, being happy. Together.

“No,” he insists, shaking his head, grinning like an idiot. “You don’t understand.” He lifts their entwined hands. “I can hold your hand like this now.”

She smiles back at him, small, but it was there. His heart flips and flops.

And he remembers all those little things that makes his heart flip and flop and realizes that it was all her; Song Qian, her long hair, her pretty eyes, her full mouth, the way her eyes crinkle when she smiles and laughs, the way her voice sounds when she talks to him, the way she dances, the way she takes care of people, of him, she, her.

He realizes that he’s pretty sure he’s in love. He then realizes that he’s probably always been in love with her.

But she pulls her hand away and this time it’s her head that’s shaking. “But I can’t,” she counters with a sad sigh. “Hold your hand like this, I mean.”

Memories of November 13, 2007, Tuesday, come rushing back to him. He remembers being tired from practice that day, stressed that he couldn’t get dancing right even after a year of debuting. He remembers the door opening and the annoying chatter of the trainees entering reaching his ears. He remembers looking up and being frozen.

It was Song Qian, attired in gym clothes, ready to train. In SM Entertainment.

It was a memory he’d tried so hard to forget, tried so hard to will never happened.

He watches as she looks up at the trees and their falling leaves. Super Junior may, possibly, be over, but f(x) is just beginning.

Their future of being possibly together still isn’t clear. He isn’t sure if it would ever be clear.

September 1, 2009 was the day that f(x) debuted as Asia’s Pop Dance Group. Song Qian was assigned as the leader.

He thinks about how he held her hand then, squeezing it extra comfortingly for good luck, telling her without words that she was going to be great. Because she was great.

When he let go of her hand, it felt like he was letting go of something more. Her. Him. Walking, eating, laughing, being happy. Together.

She was now f(x)’s Victoria Song and he’s still Super Junior’s Cho Kyuhyun.

That was enough of a reason for letting go.

He blinks and trains his eyes on her instead, willing the reminiscences away. She continues shaking her head as if doing so would shake away the want and need in their hearts.

Cho Kyuhyun, one of her first friends, the one who took her under his wing, under the Kyu-line despite the protests of many, the one she called oppa despite being a year older, the one who sweetly and proudly called her his dongsaeng, the one who took her on walks and food trips when she got too tired and dejected, the one.

She blinks like she was willing herself not to cry. And he wonders if she’s wondering like he is then how such love, such a beautiful feeling, could hurt so much.

“Maybe in another lifetime.” The words are very quiet, almost like it never leaves her lips.

He wants so much to refute her words, to tell her that they could do it. But he knows it would be futile to even try, just like how it had always been futile for the both of them. He decides to understand further, pushes himself to be even more understanding than he had been for the past four years they had been dancing around each other.

He startles her when he moves closer to her without warning. With a bat of an eyelash, his lips are on hers.

They aren’t even able to promise their future. There is no way to see past their current lives.

Maybe.

“Okay,” he whispers through her lips. “Maybe in another lifetime.”

END.


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Author's Notes:
1. Shocker, not a QMi fic. LOL.
2. This idea came out of nowhere after the press conference for SJ's 5jib and with all the KyuToria that's been happening. I couldn't not write it. (But this started out as a KyuSica fic. LOL).
3. This turned out better than I had hoped. I had a completely different direction for this in the beginning, same story, same plot, but different strategy. This was better than my original strategy which was going completely different with the timelines and all.
4. I just feel that, despite them being allowed to date (i.e. Shindong, Leeteuk, Heechul (almost sure 83line is dating but no evidence lol)), it's still hard. For both parties, even if the other one is a non-celebrity. The hiding is taxing and there's just too much at stake for the celebrities. In this case, this has been a dream for both of them somehow and they know their priorities. And it's hard, having to choose. It's sad. :( Depressing.
5. But there's hope, right? :D
6. Comments, suggestions, violent reactions are welcome.
7. Adieu.