Chapter 27: Comfort

Somehow Eunji had managed to convince her to attend a counselling session. Apparently she needed help.

Naeun however thought it was a waste of time.

She spent the morning listening listening to a droning counsellor trying to invade her thought of mind.

She didn't want to deal with her "grief". She was not upset. Nor did she want to talk about it. What was there to even talk about? After a pointless session with a stranger trying to press her for her intimate thoughts, she walked out of the counselling room and resorted to walking aimlessly around the hospital. Eunji needed some rest from fretting over her and she needed to clear her mind and get some exercise.

As she strolled through the halls unaffacted by the vacant stares of the patients and queer looks from the nurses. She passed through a sector of the hospital, decorated with pastel illustrations, a cry of a newborn echoing from  somewhere. She caught s glimpse of something and walked to it hesitantly. The nursery room.

It was some cruel fate that she was led here of all places.

There were rows upon rows of babies, swaddled in pink or blue depending on their gender. All sleeping peacefully, their breathings feather-soft and their faces flushed a lively pink.

A sharp pang hit her heart.

The ache was definitely there but somehow she didn't feel a thing. As if she was being suppressed she felt her hands tremble slightly before landing on her stomache. It was flat, it didn't change at all and she felt sorry for the life that was in her. If only she knew.

"Mianhe" she whispered as she looked at the infants all bundled up with love.

But still no tears came.

And she wondered why.

Finding herself suddenly tired and mentally drained; she trudged back to her room where Eunji would be waiting. When she finally did arrive at her room Eunji was folding her clothes as she changed into a fresh pair.

"How was counselling?" she asked. Naeun frowned but didn't want to argue with her.

"Fine" she answered not wanting to elaborate further.

Eunji sighed, she obviously the outcome of that.

"You can talk to me if you want"

"I know. Just not yet"

Naeun spent the rest of the midday eating lunch with Eunji, which was a bowl of porridge and fruit salad. Eunji tried her best to spark a conversation with her best friend but the younger only gave non-answers and occasionally shrugged her shoulders uninterested.

She was sipping her water when a duo barged into her room with a loud squeal, making her choke on her water in the process.

"Naeunnie!"

Oh god.

Next thing she knew she was being tutted over a bunch of hyper beagles.

"Chanyeol, Baekhyun stop torturing the poor girl" Kai warned them walking in with a boquet in his hand followed by a girl with straight black hair and sweet smile, carrying a basket of fruit.

"Oh Annyeonhaseyo" Naeun smiled at the stranger.

"Annyeonghaseyo, I'm sorry for intruding. Taeyeon imnida"

"Nice to meet you. Are you Jongin's girlfriend?"

Chanyeol and Eunji sniggered whilst Baekhyun grinned from ear-to-ear before swinging his hands around the girls shoulders.

"Ani. She's my girlfriend" he proudly answered. Kai merely rolled his eyes, Eunji restrained herself from laughing out loud, whilst Taeyeon facepalmed herself.

Naeuns eyes looked at them quizzically and tilted her head in a bird-like manner before spouting out the first words that came to her mind.

"Congratulations?"

The whole room bursted into laughter whilst Baekhyun pouted and whined about being teased to his girlfriend who just ignored him.

"Your wedding boquet really worked" Chanyeol guffawed before clamping a hand over his mouth in shock, earning an elbowing from Eunji and a pointed look from Jongin. They were probably trying to avoid anything Taemin-related.

Kai coughed at the awkward atmosphere trying to ease the silence.

"Speaking of boquets, here. These are for you" he handed her a boquet of pure white roses that were almost identical to the ones she had as her wedding boquet. She pushed the thought away.

"Thank you Jongin-ah. These are lovely" she smiled, touchung the delicate petals. The other seem to let out a breath of relief before they started to chat in a more relaxed mood, along with the occasional teases of the Byun-Tae couple aswell as everyone sporadically fretting over Naeun. Not that she minded, she enjoyed talking to them and laughing after a long period of depression.

The sun was close to setting when someone knocked on the door.

Startled, Naeun turned to look at the door. Part of her secretly wishing it would be Taemin but when the door opened it revealed to be Suho. He brought a bowl of pears, which he knew she liked.

"Hey guys, thought I'd visit" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He joined them for a few minutes, engaging in the conversation.

The Byun-Tae couple excused themselves first for a date, which sent a round of hoots throughout the room. Baekhyun became red with chargrin and Taeyeon had to drag him away from strangling Chanyeol. Naeun giggle, they were such a cute couple.

"Visiting times are almost over guys" Kai glanced at his watch.

Somehow her heart faltered at the words.

"You ready Eunji?" Suho asked.

"Don't tell me you two are going for a date too" Chanyeol said earning a mock punch from Suho, surprisingly Eunji's cheeks were flushed a light pink.

"Ani, he's taking me to get some stuff for tonight. I'll be back, kureu Naeunnie?" she brushed him off and hugged Naeun.

"Let him treat you to dinner tonight okay?" she whispered inbetween the hug. Eunji pulled away immediately, blushing a deeper colour and struggling to get her words out.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Naeun nodded and in response Eunji took a deep breath before taking Suho's hand.

"Let's go"

"B-Bye Naeun" Suho stuttered suprised by Eunji's sudden straighforwardness, before walking out with Eunji's hand tugging his own.

Chanyeol laughed and winked at Naeun understanding what she did.

"Son Naeun you little matchmaker you" Chanyeol teased.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Naeun shrugged innocently.

"I have to go now, be sure to set me up too" he smiled and soon left. Leaving Kai and her alone in the room.

"I should get going" he said but she reached out for his hand, shocking him, they had never had direct contact like that.

"He's not coming is he?" her voice was low, almost a whisper. He swallowed a lump in his throat before patting her head sadly. He didn't have an answer to her question.

"I don't know Naeun-ah. He's very disraught at the moment"

"I understand, thank you for coming Jongin. Have a safe trip back" she smiled weakly.

Jongin left with a heavy heart.

His best friend sure screwed up this time.

She was twiddling with her tubes, there was only one left attached to her. It didn't hurt as much as it did before and her wrists were less swollen thankfully.

The door opened and she thought it was a nurse to check up in her or something.

But it wasn't.

"Hi"

Naeun stared at the man blankly until she actually opened .

"What are you doing here?"

"I brought you some flowers. Thought it might brighten your day" he shrugged, shyly placing a boquet of happy aura sunflowers on the table. Her favourite.

"You remebered. Thank you Myungsoo"

"Ofcourse I remember" he whispered, but Naeun heard him loud and clear.

"I thought visiting hours are over"

"They are, but I pulled some strings to visit you. My dad's college friends with the hospital director. I just wanted to make sure you were okay"

"Why would'nt I be?" Naeun said blasely.

"Well.. you seem different"

"You know it's not your fault right?" Naeun changed the subject immediately.

"It partly is. I shouldn't have forced myself on you like that. It was reckless and stupid and I'm sorry even though I know that means nothing now" he hung his head low not daring to meet her eyes, lest he falls apart. She reached out and touched his cheek gently.

"You know I still love you" she spoke soflty.

"As a friend" he whispered dejectedly, taking her hand on his cheek and kissing her fingers.

"As a friend" she repeated whilst nodding her head. He sat next to her and tugged at her hand.

"Are you okay?"

"I told you-"

"Don't lie to me Naeun.I've known you since we were five"

"I'm fine.Really" she tried to ensure him but he was not fooled so easily.

"Eunji told me you walked out of counselling and that..you're pushing aside your feelings"

"My feelings are intact"

"Are they?"

"Myungsoo I'm fine. I just don't want to talk about it"

"About what? About your baby?" Myungsoo was testing her, she knew that.

"Yes. I don't want to talk about the baby" she stayed quite for awhile not meeting his eyes.

"Eunji said you haven't cried since then" he broke the silence.

"Not crying does not mean I'm not sad"

"But I know you. Remember when you cried when you dropped your ice cream? You were such a crybaby back then"

"I was not.."

"So why are you holding back?"

Those words knocked down her walls.

She struggled to find her words and looked around for a bit, alarmed that she had been holding back.

"I-I...Because I can't bare to see Eunji sad or Taemin dissapointed. I hold back because I don't want to cry everytime I lay down and sleep. Even though I feel like breaking down everytime I see a baby. I can't. I won't" Her eyes were watery by now, but she hastily wiped her tears.

"Naeun, it's okay to cry"

"Everything is just soo messed up. I don't even think I can face Taemin..."

Myungsoo's arms instinctively wrapped around her frail body pulling her into a hug.

"No one blames you for the miscariage" he tried to soothe her.

"But I do" she confessed.

And that was when the floodgates opened and she began sobbing at his chest. She gripped his shirt tightly, clinging into him like a child. As if he were the only thing she had left. Tears streaked down her cheeks whilst he her hair softly, tightening his grip on her and letting her sink into him.

Part of his heart was crushed seeing her suffer soo much. Even if she didn't love him back the way he did. She was still someone he held dear to his heart.

Seeing her soo broken and reduced to tears, it hurt him deeply.

He loved her, that wouldn't change.

They stayed like that for awhile, Letting her cry on him. He was fine with just the fact that she was dependant on him, that he comforted her. Even if it was nothing more than friendship.

"I'm sorry I got your shirt all wet" She sniffled whilst rubbing her red eyes.

"It's okay" he patted her head.

"Thank you for coming Myung" she smiled tucking her fringe behind her ear.

"No problem Eunnie" he chuckled, she still remebered their kiddy nicknames for each other. It was only of sentimental value for him now.

He placed one last kiss to her forehead. A chaste one which marked their bond.

The last time he would ever kiss her.

He knew he had to let her go.

Taemin fisted a bunch of sunflowers in his hand in remorse. Or was it rage?

He had no idea, he was using all his strenght to restrain himself. Yet there was another feeling that took over him.

Regret.

He wished he was the one in there she clung on soo desperately. The one she could cry on. But he was not.

Not anymore.

A sigh escaped his lips and he turned away. It hurt to see her in the arms of another man.

Yet he was to blame wasn't he?

He had hurt her soo much.

Turning around and walking away from the scene the bunch of sunflowers fell from his hand, falling lifelessly onto the floor having lost all meaning.

A/N:

Hey guys.

I've just had the most intense 2 weeks of my life trying to finish my case studies.

On the night before the deadline i stayed up really late until midnight rewriting my history essay when the TV blared the news about MH17. I was shocked obviously, nor did I sleep that night.

There have been a lot of tragedies happening around the world lately and I can't but feel sad about it.

My condolences to everyone who lost someone precious to them on that flight. I still can't come to terms with the amount of children that have died on that flight and also the amount of children whos lives are still being threatened in gaza aswell as all over the world.

I can only imagine a mothers grief after losing her child.

So guys please, it doesnt matter what your belief, religion, race or nationality you are, lets take some time to reflect on our lives.

I am thankful I am still alive.

#JusticeforMH17

#PrayforGaza

Stay safe everyone.