"It hurts, Su it hurts"
Yoochun sat by the sea alone, it was almost dawn, he had been up all night, his body tired, he soul drained and his heart aching.
For the past weeks, he has been locked up here shooting his movie, far away from everyone, his family, his friends and Junsu.
As the sun made its way through the horizon, he reflected on the past few years, since JYJ came to life, YooSu started to die and it hurts.
They were both so busy trying hard to make a life past the lost years, hopes and friends but along the way he lost his heart.
Yoochun, setting by the sea at that moment, wondered what brought up those memories, "oh yeah, my brother is accepted as a friend but not me, not so much" he chuckled bitterly remembering how it started.
After the law suit, Junsu made it clear to him.
"Chun, whatever happened these past years was triggered by fan service and I don't see why we need to keep the façade any more"
"but Su, it never was about that to me, I really lo.."
he remembers it clearly now, how Junsu looked him in the eyes saying "Chun, this was a mistake, we got carried away by the media, the fans and the other two love birds hovering around us, you know I don't swing that way, and if I strayed for awhile trust me it is over now" and with that he left.
Months later, Yoochun started sung kyun kwan scandal, there was this scene where he confessed his love promising his lover not to appear in his life in fear of causing people to point fingers at him, after the shooting everyone praised his acting, little did they know, those words hit home, hard.
the night that episode aired, Jaejoong was at his door step in the middle of the night, the moment he opened the door he was engulfed in a warm embrace.
"So this is your secret, you foolish boy, you love him that much" Jae had the most companionate look on his face "I've been there, I'm still there, let me help you Chun".
"I love him so much Jae but he dismissed me like an old jersey, after all those years Jae, I turned to nothing" Yoochun didn't even realize he was crying till he felt Jaejoong's hand wiping his tears.
Ever since that night things changed, the JaeChun couple became more visible, more solid, the fans loved seeing it romantically, they wanted to and who could blame them those two are soul mates after all but it was never about that kind of love, the two of them were merely saving what was left of their hearts.
As years went by, Yoochun simply locked his tweeter account, he couldn't bear following Junsu anymore, every tweet just made it harder for him to breathe, Junsu is the sun and he was a moth whenever he is near him he burned a little more and being who he is, a man who gave all his heart once in love, for him there was no cure and he wanted non.
even with Jaejoong, in the middle, holding on to him, he would give his loved one those longing glances and my they were longing.
Yoochun was withering as a man but his star never shone brighter, he worked so hard as an actor and though he walked away on singing, the only one who knew his reason was Jaejoong, how couldn't he, but hearing the words after their last concert in Tokyo Dome broke his heart.
"Jae, I can't make it anymore, being with him on stage just kills me, I'm willing to give up my voice to spare what is left of my heart,"
Jaejoong held his hand tighter hoping to take the pain away.
"Jae, does it get better?, will it get better?"
After that day, Jaejoong never again nagged Yoochun to sing, his wound wasn't healing ever after four years, and while his loved one was miles at heart away, his soul mate's was there burning him with proximity.
The sun was illuminating the sky by now, so dragging his feet, Yoochun went back to his trailer, thinking deeply.
"I'm glad Jae and YooHwan went to see December, I can't ask them to take sides, can I? but Su, it hurts, hurts so bad."
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Jaejoong had delayed his visit to December as much as he could but his heart hurt, Junsu may have broken Yoochun's heart but he is Su the cute Su, for the past year, they barely had a long chat, both so busy with work and to be honest, Jaejoong feared facing Junsu, he know he won't be able to hold himself from scolding the boy but it is not his place, unless Junsu realizes his own heart it won't work.
Seeing the youngest, Jaejoong couldn't help but feel happy, the boy was as bright as the sun, Yoochun never had a chance.
"Hyung, now you come, I feared you guys won't ever do" Junsu had a little boy's pout no one could resist so Jaejoong smiled.
"sorry Su, you know how busy we all are, but we're ALL here now so are we forgiven?!!"
"ALL!! yes you're forgiven" Junsu's voice was strained, Jaejoong could feel it.
"someone you want not here Su?" Jaejoong was never of cunning nature, not even if he tried but then again Junsu was always dense.
"he is not coming Hyung, he keeps sending flowers but never comes, we're friends, right?!! he should come" Junsu's voice broke uttering the last phrase, this is more than just friendship, Junsu loves Yoochun, the whole world knows it but Junsu can't get himself to admit it, the foolish boy.
"Su, don't you know him at all? try standing in his shoes for a while then tell me if you could come" with those simple words Jaejoong left a dumbfound Junsu.
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Junsu went home that night with heavy heart.
Did his hyung mean what he thought he meant? Did he know that he rejected Yoochun's love? Does he mean that Yoochun is still in love with him?
Those thoughts kept Junsu up all night, he would be a fool to deny the fact that he knows that Yoochun's is avoiding him because of those rejected feelings but more of a fool to deny that ever since the day he rejected Yoochun life was never the same, he missed the greasy man, missed his laughter, missed his voice, missed his love.
He is a good Christian man, right? what happened in the past was fan services went overboard, right? but Yoochun always told him " Love is gender free, Su, never forget that" and he couldn't.
There were days when he wanted to run to the embrace of the owner of those chocolate eyes but damn his pride, no damn his fear of the world, still not right, he feared rejection, he feared the despair he left Yoochun to sink in.
Around sunrise, Junsu had an epiphany "Chunnie loves me and I him, Chunnie won't reject me," a most beautiful smile decorated his tired face but only to fall seconds later as an other epiphany hit him "Chunnie is hurt, he is hurt" the tears reaching his balms laying in his lap made him aware of how hard he is crying but now he is determined, he knows what must be done.
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Yoochun was home finally, he came home at last to get ready for the drama shooting starting in two days, he was tired physically, mentally and emotionally, he went for his music room, to his piano, the one he missed as much as he missed Junsu, playing random notes with no aim nor melody, so engrossed in his music that he failed to hear the first few door bells when he finally opened the door, he was there, his SUN.
"Su, what are you doing here? don't you have a show tomorrow? shouldn't you be resting?" he spoke so fast in a hast, if he wavered his heart will break even more.
"Chun shut up, just shut up" Junsu took an other step inside the house closing the distance between them in an other step, he look the stunned man in the eye.
"Chunnie, it hurts, I'm sorry but it hurts so much"
Before Yoochun could speak a word, a pair of soft lips met his cold ones, tasting them, heating them and all the pain away, after what seemed like forever and only cause they needed air.
Yoochun spoke "Su it doesn't hurt any more."