How are you? It’s been awhile. It’s snowing again. I didn’t realize the other 3 season has past. Remember last year? We welcomed winter with a warming heart. That’s because we met on a typical winter day. Do you still remember?

It was almost the end of 2010. Another November came and greeted you. You decided to take a stroll around town in that extremely cold weather. You didn’t bring your mittens and you wore such thin clothes. Did you think it was still summer? I forgot. You hated winter and you missed summer badly. You wanted to rebel that day so you acted as if it was July. Until you came to a point you can’t ignore the cold. Freezing. Your legs. They were red. Your fingers.. You could have break them.

No one is ever alive in Seoul in the morning, right. Especially on a Saturday morning. They were all sleeping. But you look like a single soul roaming the town alone. And that’s when you collapsed. Fortunately, I was alive at that time too. Don’t ask me why would I wake up early in the morning on a lazy Saturday morning. I just like to breathe in the fresh winter air.. and was hoping I meet my destiny. But then you collapsed at the bus station in Chungmuro. Don’t you think you were lucky I was passing by that time? I think you are.

Skip the whole lovey dovey thing. We know what we went through. And another winter came. Surprised. You were welcoming it. Probably because you found just the right warm guy to spend it with. Kekeke. How funny we only meet in winter. I couldn’t found you in any other season, neither could you, even if we wanted too. We’re just not meant to be if it’s not winter.

Whatever happened to you on other days? Whatever happened to me in other months? We don’t really know. Did you cheat on me? I wouldn’t know. Did you fell for someone else while I was away? I’m not even gonna guess. But you do know I didn’t look at other girls, don’t you? I always thought our relationship is sweet and special. Even if it’s cold, you’re my warmth. I’m your hope to survive winter. Although, it would probably be better if you actually cared about your health.

It could have been better if you told me the truth. You’re so stubborn. And you put me in a lot of pain too. Another snowflake fell to the ground. The closer we are to the ending. Asthma. Were you trying to fasten your death or you just wanted to proof that you’re strong enough to take on the cold by wearing those thin outfits when we first met? You don’t really have any problem with other seasons, just winter. We don’t really meet up on other seasons, just in winter. You gave me a lot of warm memories by letting yourself cold. You warmed my heart by letting your body freeze. If I knew about it, I wouldn’t play with you in the snow a lot. I would have let you stay indoors and make you some warm coco or coffee. Light up the fireplace and even cuddle you with a thick blanket. But even if I did, you would still drag me out into the winter to play, wouldn’t you? Why? Because I love snow and you loved me.

How are you feeling now? You fainted and never woke up. Are you still in the hospital? It was snowing again today. For the first time, I felt lonely walking down the streets here with all these snow around me. I didn’t shiver but I felt my heart sank into the deepest winter sea. Promise me something, dear. Don’t ever risk your life for such a selfish reason of mine. Don’t danger yourself just because I love it. And don’t go near winter again for the sake of your health. Winter can be cruel, and so can I. By the time you wake up, maybe winter has long gone and so am I. I’m too selfish and too cold for your warm heart. But I will forever love you my winter angel. Take care, beautiful.

-Yi Fan