Winter 2016

"I was just wondering," the younger woman murmured, "if you ever wanted to make our relationship known."

The older woman leaned into the other, threading her fingers through the other woman's silky hair. She sighed contentedly as she felt arms go around her waist, bringing their bodies closer.

"Why are you asking, darling?"

The older could feel the younger's eyes pan her face searchingly. She knew that she was a pillar in the other woman's life as a sunbae, an unnie, a lover. And she knew that the other woman was sensitive--horribly so. She was so incredibly sensitive and had been so incredibly hesitant to enter their relationship that the older woman did not like to push things, to rush anything. She knew from the beginning that things would take time. So understandably, the fact that the younger woman had asked such a question had been surprising.

The younger smiled wryly. "Yoona and Sooyoung just went public, you know. Yul may go public soon, and Tiff and Bora are bound to be caught on one of their escapades eventually... Soonkyu also just started dating that guy... I have no idea about Taeyeon, though."

The older woman laughed--a bell-like ringing through the still winter morning. "What about Joohyun?"

The younger rolled her eyes. "Does anyone know?"

The older woman laughed once more. She disentangled herself from the warm hold of the other and moved to sit on the frozen ground. It crunched under her when she sat, reminding her that it was still winter, and it was still cold, no matter how warm the other woman made her feel.

"Come sit with me."

The younger woman obeyed instantly. They sat facing each other, breathing steam into each other's faces, wondering if love was enough, wondering if they could deal with the world. They wondered how they could possibly make time for each other in their hectic schedules and how they could respectfully reject wooers. They wondered just how strong they really were.

The younger woman's mouth creased into a smile, and she gently pushed the older woman onto her back, entwining their fingers as she did so. The older woman smiled up at her, and it was as if she was seeing the sun for the first time--her eyes were sparkling, and her face was radiant.

The younger slowly laid her head on the chest of the woman she she loved--the woman who loved her back--and could hear the woman's heart strings plucking that soothing and familiar tune of Sooyeon, Sooyeon, Sooyeon.

"Unnie," she breathed, "Unnie."

"Shh," came the whispered reply, "I'm right here."

***

Kwon Boa had her back towards the taller man who was lazily looking through the clothes in her dressing room. She was looking down at her glass.

(It's just coke, she would say, what do you think it is?)

Scotch today, brandy tomorrow. Vodka was reserved for Saturday.

"Yah, unnie."

"Hm?" the man replied, and looked up at the small woman. Seeing her back turned, the man turned back to what he was doing.

"Unnie," the woman said again, and this time, she sound more desperate and somehow so forlorn that the man laid the dress he was looking at over the rack and went to her.

"What?" he asked softly, tapping her shoulder. He sighed when he noticed how deeply they were slumped.

"I... don't know."

He stared at the back of her head until he realized she was trembling. He put his arms around her neck and his chin on her shoulder. She seemed to relax slightly.

"Look, I don't know what happened to you, and I know that's more than coke that you're drinking, and I know you're sad for some reason, but I think that your blue Vera Wang would look fabulous on me, so I was wondering if I could borrow it?"

Boa gave a short laugh--albeit a shaky one--and the man smiled. She was a close friend of his, possibly because she was one of the few people who didn't piss him off. Or maybe it was just that she wasn't pissed off by him?

She turned. "I think you could rock it, unnie," she murmured as she appraised him, "With different hair, maybe?"

"Of course I would change my hair! Eew, my bangs and a Vera Wang? No thank you."

"Right." She smiled. "Unnie, you have a schedule."

He smiled back. "I know. I was just stopping by to see if your manager was in." He winked.

She rolled her eyes. "Oppa's busy. Don't bother him."

"I know," he purred, "That's why I came to see you instead."

"Kim Heechul, you have a schedule."

The pretty man laughed lightly and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you. And I'll be taking this." He turned and gently eased the dress off the rack and back into its covering. "It'll be in better shape when I return it than it is now."

"I don't doubt that."

"You better not," Heechul smirked as he made his way out the door, holding the dress in one hand and his phone in the other. He shook is phone hand over his shoulder. "Between me. Heedollz69."

"My Between is already taken," she said bluntly, thinking to herself how disturbing Heechul's username was.

He raised and eyebrow. "Is it? So is mine, actually. But aw, we can't make memories?"

Boa deadpanned. "Unnie. Go."

"I'm going, I'm going," he said laughingly, holding the door open with one finger, "But text me, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered as the door closed on him, leaving her more lonely than before, "I'll text you."

As she put the drink on her vanity, sighing, her fingers unconsciously found their way up to her heart, and she almost cried when she felt it whisper Sooyeon, Sooyeon, Sooyeon.

***

"Oh my god, Jessi! I wanna live right here! Can we buy it?"

Jessica stared unblinkingly at the annoying monster known as Tiffany squealing over a cute, pink bungalow equipped with a palm tree and a porch swing. It looked nice, but she just couldn't push herself to even consider a place in the States.

"It's your money," she said indifferently, "I don't really care."

Tiffany rolled her eyes. "You are so totally cold, Jessica."

"I make money by being cold." She pressed her lips together.

"So I've noticed," said Tiffany sarcastically, "But if we ever want to have solo activities in the States, we should--"

"I don't."

"You don't?" Tiffany exclaimed incredulously, "Why not?"

She shrugged. She knew the real reason, the reason that no one else knew. She knew where she would be, right now, if Mr. Mr. hadn't been the world phenomenon of 2014, getting 17 million views only three hours after its release. It had almost forced them to go on tour--a world tour--but after selling out nine consecutive nights at Madison Square Garden, the company had changed its tune.

SM had wanted them to promote solely in North and South America for two full years.

It was when Jessica looked at the newly revised contract that now bound them for eight years, the contract that she had signed along with the rest of the girls simply because the rest of the girls had signed it, that she realized she wouldn't be in Korea. She wouldn't be in Korea at all for two whole years.

She had cried that night surrounded by the people she loved, but not the person she loved, and when Tiffany asked her why, she said boys, and when Taeyeon asked her why, she said friends, and Yoona asked her why, she said her life, and when Yuri asked her why, she said nothing at all.

And then she had stopped crying and asked Hyoyeon for vodka, who told her that she couldn't have it, they had a red eye flight the next day. And she had said oh, come on, it's Saturday, so Hyoyeon opened the fridge and told her she would have it iced. And she said thanks as the blonde handed it to her and sat on the couch and cried over it, glaring when Sooyoung tried to lighten the atmosphere by asking if she was trying to make a martini.

A hand waved in front of her face. She blinked.

"Stop spacing out, Jessi." The eye-smiling girl's face swam strangely in front of her.

"I'm not."

"You are," said Tiffany, exasperated, "You are all the time. But you never tell me why."

"I'm like this all the time. It's normal." She closed her eyes.

"No, it's not," Tiffany rebutted, "You've been like this since we left Korea. Do you have an oppa there or something?"

"No," Jessica muttered, "I don't." And then, "What about Bora? Don't you miss her?"

Tiffany pouted. "Of course I do. But I'll see her later. She's just a friend."

"Your friend with benefits."

Tiffany rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Jessica chose to say nothing in response. She gently took Tiffany's hand in hers and pulled her back to the waiting van. "Tiff."

"What?"

She made a face. "Do we have a minibar at the hotel? Because if we do, I want scotch."

***

It was winter again. Two years had passed. It was cold, and although not as cold as it had been two years ago, the frozen ground still crunched under Jessica's feet as she made her way carefully to where she last felt love's comforting arms around her. She had just gotten back to Korea, a few hours ago, really, and had immediately run away from everyone. Her phone was off--she was unreachable.

It was like they had never left. There was a dip in the ground that shouldn't have been there, right in the place where she knew unnie's back had pressed into the hard earth, the night that they didn't kiss and simply chose to feel each other's presence by knowing that the other was there. There was a dip in the ground where Jessica could trace the contours of unnie's body with her eyes and wondered if she had been here after Jessica had left, if she had been to this spot.

She shivered as a wintery breath blew from the north to encapsulate her in a cocoon of intangible ice--she should've taken the time to dress properly.

She shivered again, more violently, this time, and jumped slightly when she felt a warm weight settle on her shoulders. It was a blanket and she could feel it beating strongly, as if it had a heart--Sooyeon, Sooyeon, Sooyeon...!

Before she turned, tears streaming down her face, she caught a whiff of cherry blossoms, and she knew this was home.

And there was the woman. Immaculate and ageless as ever, looking at her like nobody looks at her--with a glow that stemmed from somewhere untouchable. And when she brought her cold fingertips up to caress the woman's face, they were trembling.

"Unnie..."

And the woman smiled and folded her into an embrace that felt like they had never been separated.

"Shh... I'm right here."

***

Tiffany rolled onto her back, staring up at Taeyeon's phone. She had purposefully invaded Jessica's bed--but who wouldn't when their friend was smoking hot and they could cuddle them all they wanted? It was the novelty.

Taeyeon had come over after the morning radio show she had hosted to find Tiffany climbing into bed with a disgruntled Jessica, wearing degraded Armani skinny jeans and a dress-like, Line ski hoodie.

"You would kill our stylist if she saw you like that, Fany." Taeyeon had been very quick to point this out.

"I know." The girl's smile was blinding. Jessica turned away from her. It was too early.

Taeyeon looked at Jessica--a third serious, a third concerned, a third something else entirely that Jessica couldn't really place. But she didn't try to understand. Taeyeon could be unplaceable like that.

"Hi, Jessica."

"Hi, Taengoo."

Taeyeon walked over to sit on the bed next to where Jessica lay prone. She sighed and handed her phone to Tiffany, who squealed and immediately opened Instagram.

There was a silence for the next few minutes--a comfortable silence, however.

When Tiffany choked and started coughing, they knew something was wrong. "Boa-sunbaenim..." the girl wheezed, and Jessica immediately sat up.

"Boa-unnie?"

Taeyeon raised an eyebrow at Jessica, as if to ask, unnie? but the now sitting girl ignored her and scooted over to Tiffany. She was surprised when she saw her own face on the screen, and felt like crying when she understood.

She remembered what unnie had said, that it was her favorite picture of her--she looked like a princess. A carefree, gorgeous princess. And she could hear the cold workings of Taeyeon's phone humming, she could feel her own heart humming as she read the caption out loud.

Sooyeon, it hummed, she loves you, she loves you.

I know she does, and I love her too, Jessica screamed back, and her heart swelled. But all Taeyeon and Tiffany heard were the words that Kwon Boa herself had typed into her phone, softly repeated from Jessica's lips.

"내 사랑... 내 세상 #수연."