"Just one more hit and then we're through

'Cause you could never love me back

Cut every tie I have to you

'Cause your love's a ing drag

But I need it so bad"

-Panic At The Disco - "Nicotine" - 

Ryeowook was honest with him.

Ryeowook didn’t stay for the night but they cuddled for a long time before Ryeowook sternly pulled back and stood by the bed, telling him about the date he was about to have with Kyuhyun in two days.

Sungmin did accompany Ryeowook to the door and even got a small kiss on the cheek and a squeeze of a hand but still, Sungmin felt kind of empty, he wasn’t even sure if he had smiled at Ryeowook when he had closed the door. It felt like he had lost more than he had gained in one night.

Sungmin wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel.

Betrayal? He wasn’t happy, that was sure but he wasn’t sure if he was feeling betrayed. He had always known somewhere deep down that Kyuhyun would always be there but this kind of situation made everything so real, so true and hurtful. He had believed it was only him to have a change with Ryeowook to be more than just friends but then again, maybe it had been naïve of him to think that Kyuhyun wouldn’t want to climb the steps from being the best friend to be a lover.

Hurt? Sungmin didn’t know when the hurt had started and if it was never going to stop but then again Ryeowook had been honest with him about this date thing. He was hurt, yes, but hadn’t he been all along, from the beginning? So it wasn’t a new feeling. This new feeling… Sungmin was feeling something, but he wasn’t sure what it was.

And the talk with Hyukjae hadn’t made anything better. It made him feel worse and Hyukjae’s angry words were in his head, taunting him with doubt and regrets but he couldn’t go back anymore. He had walked out on Hyukjae in order to be with Ryeowook, who was going on a date with Kyuhyun in order to be with Sungmin.

Or that was what Sungmin wanted to believe in.

He had assumed that Ryeowook would leave them alone for those two days. He kind of did but he only avoided Kyuhyun, it seemed. Although Sungmin didn’t know if they communicated outside the apartment but Ryeowook would always pop up or call when Kyuhyun was out of the house. It was nothing out of ordinary, Ryeowook called just to chat, he would come around and want to watch some movies or he would want Sungmin to try some new recipe.

It was like always.

Sungmin’s own words hunted his mind

 I’m fine what we, you and me, have now.

Sungmin didn’t want to pinpoint the feeling but at times like that it felt like it all was just dullness to it all and readiness to give up.

But on the other hand, he had been so happy on the date with Ryeowook. He wanted to feel that feeling again, he wanted Ryeowook and maybe he just had to accept the fact that before he could have Ryeowook, there was nothing he could do about the date he was going to have with Kyuhyun.

Which was actually a blatant lie.

***

Kyuhyun was angry. He was always kind of angry these days. He hated those two days between Sungmin's and his dates. Ryeowook was almost avoiding him, Kyuhyun learned later (after eavesdropping Sungmin) that those two had hung around during those two days. Why, that’s the question Kyuhyun couldn’t figure out the answer to.

It wasn’t like Ryeowook couldn’t be in contact with Sungmin but at this situation it felt like cheating but then again, they weren’t exclusive (as Ryeowook’s yell hunted his mind, reminding) but Kyuhyun still felt betrayed.

Everything about this situation was fiery and ready to burst into flames.

He didn’t know if he should feel insulted when Ryeowook actually on the day of their date visited his work place to ask if he was going to show up to their date. He could have flipped and start an argument but the look on Ryeowook’s face had been something Kyuhyun had never seen before. It was like Ryeowook had been more than ready to walk out from there with a negative answer.

So of course he said he was going to show up, what did Ryeowook took him for? If nothing else, they were still best friends and Kyuhyun wasn’t going to go back on his words and Ryeowook’s words reminded that it was up to him to make them something more if he truly wanted.

And he wanted.

He wanted to be happy again.

Ryeowook by his side.

***

He offered to give Ryeowook a ride to the restaurant he is meeting with Kyuhyun. The ride is mostly silent and now, when Ryeowook is already out of the car, Sungmin opens his mouth.

“Ryeowook.”

Ryeowook turns and stops the door from closing, waiting.

Sungmin knows he is an , he knows it’s the most improper time but to be honest, this whole situation between the three of them had been a mess of improper confessions and yells.

“I’m not fine with what we, you and me, have.”

***

Kyuhyun took Ryeowook out to have a piknik. The restaurant they met up was just the place he reserved the take away food. He took Ryeowok to the nice park, and even thou it’s a bit chilly, there’s an open concert held and Kyuhyun loved how Ryeowook’s eyes widen and his smile grew when he recognized a song played. He loved to look how excited Ryeowook was and he couldn’t but smile along.

All the little things about Ryeowook made him smile and reminded him how much he loved his best friend.

After the dinner, they walked around and talked about everything else but Sungmin and their stupid lives. They didn’t hold hands but Kyuhyun was more than tempted to take a hold of Ryeowook’s hand every time their hands brushed against each other.

They ended up at the cocktail bar, where the barista knew Kyuhyun and wine was theirs to drink. They got snacks and soon Kyuhyun had a giggling Ryeowook in the booth, laughing his mouth wide, a grape in one hand and crackers with cheese on a plate.

And Kyuhyun couldn’t but fall more when Ryeowook leaned closer, his hand sliding along his arm and Ryeowook snorted stupidly, trying to explain something Kyuhyun had long ago forgotten to pay attention to.

They aren’t drunk (not at least from the wine, Kyuhyun could say if asked) but Ryeowook is tipsier than Kyuhyun.

He is clingy when he is tipsy and Kyuhyun didn’t mind that their booth was hidden in the shadows of the bar.

***

Ryeowook sits so close, side to side and when he turns his head Kyuhyun can almost feel the puffs of his breathe against his skin.

He could kiss Ryeowook so easily.

So easily.

Kyuhyun lifts his hand to back of Ryeowook’s head. He lets his fingers play with his hair, not really noticing how Ryeowook had stopped talking, and then, he slides the hand down to Ryeowook’s neck and the shorter male gulps, his eyes never leaving Kyuhyun’s.

Kyuhyun holds still, a firm hold of Ryeowook’s neck, before after a moment or two of searching, he pulls gently and Ryeowook’s lets himself being pulled and they kiss, mouths half open, ready to have more.

Ryeowook’s hands are on his hair, gripping almost too tightly but Kyuhyun doesn’t care because he pulls Ryeowook close, close on his lap, his hands going up and down on Ryeowook’s back, making the other one moan in his mouth.  His body arches, and Kyuhyun slips his hand inside Ryeowook’s shirt.

Kyuhyun could have heard it all wrong but in the end even if their names end with the same letter, it’s still different syllables. Ryeowook tenses in his arms and Kyuhyun pulls back, his fingers tapping the skin. It takes only one look at Ryeowook to know he had in fact heard him right.

It was almost a night without Sungmin.

Ryeowook is pale, it looks like he is ready to vomit but Kyuhyun knows it’s nothing like that. Ryeowook looks horrified and Kyuhyun’s bites his teeth together as he lets go of Ryeowook. Ryeowook curses, he curses silently under his breath and Kyuhyun wants to laugh.

“You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?”

He tries not to sound too judging, too hurt and bitter but the pain in Ryeowook’s eyes tell him how badly he fails. Ryeowook doesn’t deny but he doesn’t say anything at all. He just sits there, leaning back a little, and breaths in and out, in and out, his chest rising and falling. 

And Kyuhyun hates it how silent Ryeowook is, he hates everything about Ryeowook right now and words starts bubbling out of his mouth before he really can think about it. He thinks the phrase “waste of my time” provokes Ryeowook as the older man’s eyes snap at him and soon Kyuhyun had a glass full of red wine on his shirt.

***

Sungmin hated that night. He hated it with passion. The drive back home was horrible. Ryeowook hadn’t said anything, just smiled his stupid fake smile at him and closed the door. He had watched how those two had emerged from the restaurant, a picnic basket with them, Kyuhyun smiling like a fool in love and Ryeowook grinning up at him.

Sungmin had driven home, fearing he had made the biggest mistake of his life. Maybe he really didn’t have any changes against Kyuhyun. He had waited and waited Kyuhyun to be home at some point during the night but it started to look like the younger one was staying and anything couldn’t have ruined their date.

Sungmin felt repulsed and he couldn’t sleep. He was middle of going through the cabinets for some late night snacks when he suddenly heard the door. Sungmin froze and waited but no steps were heard after the close of the door and he moved silently to the doorway to peak at his roommate.

Kyuhyun looked horrible. His shirt was stained with something, his hair was out of place but other ways, he looked okay. Sungmin knew otherwise. When the younger man took a notice of him, his gaze was seething and searching for something. Sungmin tried to keep his cool, he tried not to breathe too heavily (too excitedly) because of somehow ruined date.

 Sungmin was the first one to break the silence between them.

He didn’t ask about the date, he never could so instead he said:

“What happens tomorrow? What happens now?”

Kyuhyun laughed. A humorless laughter filled the room and Sungmin felt sort of eerie because of it. Kyuhyun snapped his mouth shut suddenly and shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

***

Kyuhyun didn’t know if everything happened during their date (the slip of a name, his nasty words, yells after that) had made it all to escalate like this but maybe it was the best solution. He couldn’t help but wonder (fear) what Ryeowook had been doing during the rest of the night, considering he was still wearing same clothes and his eyes were red and swollen.

It was something he couldn’t dwell on, since here they both were (Sungmin still in his pajamas), hunted down by Ryeowook, who had cornered them both in their own apartment too early in the morning, ready lash out on them. 

_____________________________

I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but life got busy with summer job starting and everything else summer brings. 

Also next chapter is going to be heavily from Ryeowook's point of view since this one lacks it. And I'm not entirely pleased with how this chapter turned out but I hope it's still somewhat entertaining and readable. 

Thank you for all of your comments! ;w;