New update. 

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ps~ Sorry if it's too boring.

3 months before…..

Kai stared blankly at the long and boring report in front of him. He had been read reading the same pages for about several times and the meaning still had not made any appearance. He let out and exasperated sigh and snapped the report closed. He knew he wouldn’t get much work done tonight. Too many things were playing inside his mind and for him to give some thought about his work; he couldn’t find any way to do it. Not today anyway.

Kai looked up as the door to the study opened and a young woman walked in. Her presence didn’t surprise him. His wife, Choi Jinri or Sulli like everyone called her, would often make her appearance while he was working to offer him some midnight snack.

Kai gazed at her. There was a part of him that was thankful that she was his wife. However, there was a much larger part of him that regretted and agonized over the fact that his wife, the woman he was to share his whole life with, couldn’t have been someone else.

Kai immediately killed that thought. No, it wasn’t Sulli’s fault that they were trapped in this marriage. Nor was it his fault. He really didn’t have anyone to blame. If he had to place blame, he could only blame Heaven for having him born as who he was.

The heir of the Kim’s Corporation.

Kai bit back a sigh as Sulli cocked an eyebrow at his melancholic expression. But she didn’t comment. She knew all too well what was going on in his mind every time he set his eyes on her and was reminded who she was… to him. She set down the teacup that she was holding in her hands and walked behind his chair, chin rested on top of his head as her fingers massaged the pain that had settled in his neck and shoulders from sitting in the same position for a long time. Kai couldn’t help but to marvel at how they could be in this position, a position which onlookers might take as intimate and yet still had completely platonic feeling towards each other.

“At least this year, Grandma is not here to remind us about what today is anymore.” Sulli said. Though like the rest of the family, Kai had felt enormous grief at his grandmother’s passing away five months ago, there was a part of him that was selfishly relieved. Indeed like Sulli had said, grandma was no longer here to bring up unpleasant subjects of conversation and remind him of the days that he longed to forget but couldn’t.

Sulli sighed audibly above him and asked, “What plans do you have for tonight?” Sulli asked sarcastically.

“How about no plan at all? How’s that sound to you?” Kai asked back.

“Marvelous! Perfecto! You just saved me the trouble of lying to anyone about how I spent the night during my wedding anniversary.” Sulli said, a sneer just audible in her tone.

Kai smiled wryly. No, they could from now on spend all their nights however they wanted and never have to be afraid about anyone interrogating them anymore. He knew his grandmother meant well, but it didn’t comfort Kai that he should be reminded so constantly of what he had lost.

Kai tried not to think about Krystal.

Krystal Jung Soojung.

The name that once brought a smile to his face was now only reminded him of the pain he was suffering constantly in his heart. He had tried desperately to forget her but forgetting her was as impossible as counting stars in the sky. He found out, after he’d tried that he didn’t even want to forget her. Of course, not thinking of her today was impossible, like it was every day. The day that was supposed to be the anniversary to the happiest day of his life was marred by a loss Kai knew he would never get over.

He knew grandma never liked Krystal. But he didn’t think grandma’s disapproval would have led to this. The last thing he knew before he was swept into this whirlwind was that he was happily looking forward to his marriage to the love of his life. Then, his grandma abruptly and bluntly told him that she was not approving the marriage. The marriage was not to take place. Instead, grandma had chosen Sulli, the daughter of one of the shareholders in Kim’s Corporation as his bride.

Looking back now, he knew they were all taken by surprise, him, Krystal and even his father, Kim Jongkook. Who would have thought that grandma of all people, one who everyone viewed as the most loving and kind-hearted person would resort to blackmail? Kai thought sarcastically. Yet she had done it. Grandma had blackmailed both him and Krystal into agreeing to end their engagement and Kai to marry Sulli.

Not long after they returned from a trip in Jeju, Krystal had found out the truth behind her father’s imprisonment that had led him to commit suicide and how it was his father who became the reason for it. The truth had shaken both Kai and Krystal, but she had, after having time to think about it, accepted the fact and realized she couldn’t possibly stop loving either Kai or Jongkook even if she tried. How could she? Jongkook was the only father she had ever known. No matter what mistake he had made in the past, she would accept it. After all hadn’t the strings of fate brought them all together in the first place? If Jongkook had been the one to deprive Krystal of her family, he was also the one to give Krystal the family she had then, and the man she loved.

Krystal, Taeyeon, Kai, Jonghyun, and Yonghwa had agreed to throw all caution to the wind and told the truth about Krystal’s real identity. Jongkook had been greatly shocked to the fact that Krystal had impersonated as his daughter and Yoona, his real own flesh and blood out of wedlock had passed away due to cancer when she was in the same orphanage as Krystal. He even had personally gone through the case regarding Yonghwa’s and Krystal’s father bribing issue and had saw that he had been misled to charge him based on false report. Yet, he was touched that both Yonghwa and Krystal were ready to let the mistake go, both for their own happiness. Jongkook had long seen that Krystal was too much in love with Kai to ever let his mistake to come between their futures. Now, even Yonghwa and Seohyun were in a relationship. If he had been responsible for taking away their proper childhood, Jongkook vowed he would do everything to ensure their happiness and marriage to their love ones.

Everyone involved had agreed not to tell grandma about the truth of the Jung family, however, the spy network in the Kim household was dense. The truth got back to grandma. Kai would never imagined grandma to use her favorite granddaughter, her own Seohyun, as a blackmail material over him and Krystal. Grandma had given him and Krystal a choice. She wouldn’t charge neither Krystal nor Yonghwa with sabotaging the Kim’s Corporation (Yonghwa did bribed and took several of the Kim’s projects with underhand methods, he was even prepared to kidnap Jongkook) if Krystal and Kai were to break off their engagement and Kai were to marry Sulli. If they did this, she would continue to accept Krystal as the Kim’s granddaughter and let Yonghwa marry Seohyun. Kai had thought that the part about Yonghwa marrying Seohyun was added as an afterthought, to strengthen the bargain. If they didn’t agree to this, Yonghwa would be charged with bribery and even with enough strategy, Yonghwa wouldn’t escape imprisonment for a long time. Grandma knew she had enough power in the court, being she had too many connections in the high society, not even Jongkook could save him if she decided to use all of her trump cards.

Kai remembered the terrible dilemma he had been at that time. A choice between his and Krystal’s happiness against her brother’s life. Never before had Kai been more sure that he would leave everything he had to be with Krystal at that moment. He, Krystal, Yonghwa and Seohyun had all planned their escape but in the end they gave up their plans as they knew that grandma would find them no matter where they hide in the world. And the biggest calamity would be upon Jonghyun and Taeyeon. Kai knew grandma well enough to know that he couldn’t call that she was bluffing. She wasn’t. Grandma wouldn’t hesitate to hurt Jonghyun and even his sister, Taeyeon, to punish Kai if he didn’t do what she demanded. Never had Kai felt so much hatred for his grandma.

Yet never before had he understood why his grandma made such decisions. He wasn’t as childish as not to see there was a deep belief that this was all for his best interest under all grandma’s threats and plans. She wanted him to take the throne for the Kim’s Corporation and not let anyone who wasn’t in the Kim’s bloodline to touch the family’s wealth. Taeyeon may be his sister but she wasn’t suit enough to run Kim’s Corporation by herself. Her life had been devoted for her passion for fashion and the world of entertainment. Jonghyun was more than capable to hold the rein to the company but he wasn’t a Kim. He was a Lee. But, nevertheless Kai couldn’t appreciate such care, not when he never had his eyes on the family’s company.

Yet, through everything, it had been Krystal who convinced Kai, Yonghwa and Seohyun to all follow grandma’s set up. She had somehow managed to talk Kai into accepting grandma’s plan, leaving her alone to endure the heart break.

As soon as they agreed to the plan, Yonghwa’s and Seohyun’s wedding had taken place first. Then, Kai and Sulli had married. His wedding day, the day he had imagined just months before to be the happiest days of his life, was a big nightmare, a nightmare he knew he couldn’t wake up from.

He had only met Sulli once before their wedding before grandma came up with this elaborate plan. At that time, he had liked her; of course only as a friend; she and Krystal seemed to be drawn to each other. He knew, under other circumstances, the two young women would have been the best of friends.

However, no matter how hard Kai had tried, he soon found out that he couldn’t hate Sulli or help liking her. There was no doubt that Sulli was a very intelligent, beautiful and accomplished young woman, in other words, everything a man could possibly hope for in a wife. Yet their relationship was that of a very platonic friendship, where both of them were aware that they didn’t love each other and both were forced into this marriage.

Yet, somehow, Kai had felt that Sulli was at least lucky. Sulli at least knew the person that held her heart was no longer alive. She didn’t have anything to look over her shoulders to. Krystal… Kai closed his eyes as he remembered how the morning after his wedding night (a night which he and Sulli had spent sitting on opposite sides of the room, neither able to get any sleep of peace of mind) he came to her room only to find his sister, Taeyeon in tears and told him that Krystal had disappeared during the night.

She had left a letter for him, in which she explained she couldn’t possibly stay and face him as a married man and she wasn’t his wife. Kai couldn’t blame her for leaving. No, he had half expected her departure. He knew Krystal had been deeply hurt by his grandma’s plans, more than she ever told him. The looks she gave him were more than enough to tell him of the heartbreak she must have been going through. The very same heartbreak he still suffered from today, three years after the night she left.

Jongkook had conducted a search for Krystal, despite them protesting that it would do Krystal more harm than good to drag her back to Seoul, having to face Kai and grandma again. However, the search was in vain. No trace of Krystal had been found and eventually, after almost a year, Jongkook had given up, feeling guilty that he had been powerless to regain his adopted daughter, to stop the agony his son and daughter were going through in losing Krystal.

Kai couldn’t blame his father. He had done everything he could. He knew grandma would have her way when she set her mind to it. Yet he felt guilty that all this drama that didn’t involve Taeyeon and Jonghyun directly had put a gloom over their wedding a year after his own. They didn’t deserve this turmoil before their wedding. And now, when he looked at them, Kai couldn’t contain the jealousy he felt at their happiness. That glow of bliss that surrounded Jonghyun and Taeyeon should have been theirs as well, his and Krystal’s.

He knew there was always a shadow over Yonghwa’s and Seohyun’s marriag, and he felt guilty for being part of it. He knew that they were also feeling guilty for the state of his marriage. He had found it extremely hard to congratulate either his brother in law or Yonghwa when Taeyeon and Seohyun announced their pregnancies. He had sat with both Jonghyun and Yonghwa throughout the birth of their respective children, wishing he was in their situation, knowing he might never understand the agitation they were going through, never knowing what it was like to be a father.

Kai considered Sulli. It wasn’t her fault. She was as much a victim as he was in this marriage. A victim of her family’s ambition for power, for wealth. She was forced into this as he was. Yet these three years, she had been his comfort. She had listened to him pouring his heart out to her one night, taken in every detail about everything that went on between him and Krystal. She had him pour his frustrations, his pain and heartbreak out to her. And she had understood. She didn’t judge him but comforted him. As cold and aloof as Sulli appeared on the outside, Kai had come to see that she possessed a big heart, a heart that she had lost to love, but could still offer him friendship.

Together, they had deflected every attempt on grandma’s side to persuade them to consummate their marriage and have children. It had always been grandma who threw not so subtle hints at them on this subject, something that only reminded both of them too clearly of what they lost. They both knew neither of them wanted this marriage. If they had to live together, they would be friends. But they would not consummate this marriage not when neither of them felt the inclination nor the passion to do so.

Kai knew Sulli had taught herself to lock up her feeling and passion deep inside her heart and put on a mask of serenity. It was her defense against her family’s berating the man she loved, the only way she knew how to stop herself from hurting. It had taken him a while for Sulli to confide to him, but Kai eventually found out that Sulli was in love with another man, named Choi Minho, who ironically was his friend from college. Minho wasn’t a man of a high status, he was an ordinary man with no wealth to back him up. Sulli’s father, one of the wealthiest men in Korea, had always set his heart on marrying her well; no lower than an heir to a corporation. She, the beloved daughter of the Choi’s family, could hardly be allowed to marry a poor man like Minhi, in her father’s opinion. After a failed attempt to elope, Minho was involved in a tragic car accident in which Sulli had suspected her father was behind of it. It had taken Kai, Taeyeon and Seohyun a good long time before they could get Sulli to see a point in life again and to show more on her face than a cold passivity.

And tonight, the night of their third wedding anniversary, they both knew the last thing on either of their mind right now was celebration. Their wedding anniversary had always been a day of pain for Kai, who only was reminded of Krystal’s departure and a time of deep sorrow for Sulli because the day reminded her of what she could have had, had she’d been born into a different family. Both their miseries on this day had made it strangely comforting time for both of them, when they could just sympathize with each other and forget the fact that they were actually married in the first place.

They had both retired to sit on the couch on the opposite side of his work desk.

“I saw your father today. He was in a very odd mood. Do you know what he’s on about?” Kai asked.

“Hhmm? Oh, he’s just annoyed that there are rumors that Appa reconsidering his will, especially the clause about the heir to the company.” Sulli answered.

“Oh! I’m glad that appa is considering.” Kai said.

Sulli laughed. “Do you realize the irony of the situation? We married so that grandma could have the hope of you being the heir someday and now the whole reason appa is not making you the heir was because Jonghyun oppa is doing a lot better in managing the company. We’re supposed to be upset that appa’s considering to take you off the roll of the heir but we’re both rejoicing in it instead. My father would throw a fit if he knew how much we’re not disturbed by this news.”

Kai said mockingly, “Some people around here need to get a life and realize the world doesn’t revolve around who would take the reign on the company.”

“What if appa still keeps you on?” Sulli asked. “It’s not impossible you know. You are his son after all. Jonghyun oppa is just a son in law. He even had his own family business to take care of.”

“I think appa knows that if it’s given to me, I will take it, perhaps not with joy like Jonghyun hyung but with responsibilities that the job is due. It’s just… Appa must know there were too many times I let my feelings get into my head and impair my judgments. And I don’t think the board will agree if I become the heir instead of Jonghyun hyung.”

Sulli hesitated. “If only I wasn’t in the picture, you and Krystal would be having the time of your life. You both were the perfect couple. You complement each other out. She’s stubborn enough to endure your own stubbornness. But I hardly think you and I would have made such a good husband and wife team.”

“How would you know?” The sudden change of topic puzzled Kai. Sulli hardly ever spoke of Krystal as he hardly spoke of Minho, seeing as those were sore subjects for both of them. “You only saw us together once before this whole heartless, mindless thingy started up and our lives get totally turned upside down.

“I saw enough to see that there couldn’t have been a better match to found anywhere. I’m only sorry that grandma never…” Here, Sulli broke off, sighing.

“Let’s drop this subject okay. You and I, we both know this isn’t a subject that we could just talk freely.” Kai said, dismissing the Krystal talk.

“If you say so….” Sulli agreed.

“But, I have a sneaking feeling who appa would choose as his successor if Jonghyun hyung declined to be the heir.” Kai told Sulli.

“Who?”

“My brother…”Kai shrugged.

“No, really? I thought he’d be my brother.” Sulli said sarcastically.

“Well, technically he’s your brother as well. He’s my step brother. Oh Sehun. He and I were very close, well when he was still in Korea, at least. He is the same age as me so; we’re more like best friends than brothers. Sehun had always been interested in studying abroad. When he secretly applied for a placement in universities in England, appa was pissed off as he didn’t consult it with him first. But omma, Taeyeon noona and I begged appa to let him go because we knew Sehun’s interest. Back then, I was pretty sure Sehun would take over the company as he showed more passion in business in comparison to me. He would definitely be the heir if grandma didn’t stick to the rule that only the person with the Kim’s blood in his vein could be one. But now grandma is no longer here and appa’s calling him back. I think appa’s going to make it official soon that Sehun going to be in the company, to see how he copes. Anyway, appa received an email from Sehun that he’s coming back.”

“Oh, so the person in the family portrait was Sehun. I always wondered what happened to him. I mean, I’ve met most of your relatives and no one seems to ever talk about him, so I never asked.”

“I think it’s more because he’s been away for so long. Sure, omma, appa, noona and I missed him but that brat was too busy galloping all around the world to think about home. I’ll be glad to see him again though. We were really close but then again, it’s been what… six or seven years since we last met one another. So, I’ll have to see how that’s drawn us apart.”

“Well, it shouldn’t have. Why should it? I don’t think neither of you would have changed in essence.”

“Perhaps.”

Thanks to dysareliana, iwannalivefortoday, thisgirlrlab and HoneyCates for commenting.

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