Lifeless. Yes, that’s what Jiyong was.

Hopeless. Everything seemed hopeless for him. Nobody could bring back what was his and he hated the fact that he was at blame. It was his fault that she isn’t here anymore. If Jiyong was able to control time, he would turn back those two months ago, in that night. If only he came a few minutes before, he could have saved her.

Nothing seemed the same now. The sunlight wouldn’t light his room through the window, the breeze wouldn’t tickle his skin like it used to be, the cheeky smile wouldn’t greet him in the morning, accompied with a pair of soft lips. Jiyong could say he felt dead.

As he walked down the street, with a face which was pale as flour and no drop of emotion, clutching at the bouchet of flowers, he would think of all the moments she spent with his love. The days where she would drag him around the mall, placing a hat on his head from the shop and taking photos, or the nights where the rain was pouring outside and all he would do was to hold her close and kiss her neck, whispering soft loveable words into her ear, which she would return with a melodic giggle.

Jiyong thought about taking his life. Many times.

Was it worth it? For her, hell yeah it was. What would be life without the one who colours it and makes it beautiful for you to keep on?

As he would look into the mirror at his dead expression, eyes red and puffy from crying and face wet, a blade above his wrists, few specific words would ring through his head.

“It’s not your fault. Stay strong, Jiyong. Promise me you will be happy. If you are, then I am”

The last words Jiyong heard before her eyes closed and her head dropped in his lap, the blood rushing out of her stomach, leaving a puddle on the floor.

Jiyong screamed. He cried in his girlfriend’s arms and begged for her to come back. He hit the floor next to her lifeless body. He kissed her lips hoping she would open her eyes and wrap her frail arms around his neck.

They took her life away, and if only he was there to save her…

He took few more steps before arriving in front of her grave.

“Sandara Park, 12-11-1984 – 7-12-2017” it read. Jiyong traced the cold rock with his thumb, before dropping onto his knees. The tears came right away. He placed the bouchet at the bottom of the gravestone, tears wetting the ground.

“My dear Dara…If only I was there to save you..” He said lowly between long sobs. He didn’t care about staying here for hours, crying his heart out and talking with her, he didn’t care about anything anymore. Jiyong could almost imagine her beautiful face, her pretty mouth whispering soft words which always helped him stop being sad when something happened. He could almost hug her, nuzzle his face into the crook of her neck, inhale her vanilla scent she always had. But now, nothing else mattered to him. .

Finally, getting the power to raise his heavy body from the ground, he took one last look at the flowers, the name, the gravestone, then forced himself to turn around and walk away. It was the most hardest thing in his life, to see his girlfriend die in front of him.

On his way home, as he passed the playground close to his apartment, he thought about something. He knew it was crazy, but he had to. He wanted to reunite with the girl. His steps got bigger and soon he was running up the stairs to the door. Opening the unlocked door (he wouldn't have cared if someone came and stole stuff, anyway), he went into the bathroom.

Jiyong opened the cupboard where he usually kept medicine, bandages and more. He got out different bottles of pills and placed them in the sink. A tear run down his cheek as he looked once more in the mirror, for the last time before he would leave.

He looked up at the ceiling, wondering if he would ever be forgiven for this. His family sure was going to be missing him, his friends. But he knew Dara was the one and he would never meet someone else like her. He loved her way too much and was going to give anything just to be with her again. Even his life.

As he grabbed the first bottle, his hands shaking, he unscrewed the cap and threw it somewhere. He put some pills in his hand and then raised it to his mouth, swallowing them. They were small, giving him the chance to swallow more. He looked over in the room as the pills were taking their effect on him. He felt the dizziness, the weird sensation of throwing up.

As he was holding the last bottle, suddenly his body stopped working. His legs went numb, Jiyong collapsing on the cold surface of the floor. Eeverything was blurry. He saw flashing images of his family. Of friends. Of Dara. Of everything that was happy to him.

Then everythink went black.

And Jiyong felt once again the pair of familiar arms wrap around his body.

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:(

:(((((

Sorry if it made you cry (I don't think it did but I did cry)

I just had to! I wanted to finally write a sad story. I changed GD's death from a car accident to the pill suicide.

Hope you liked the story and I don't think any of you will cry, it's pretty crappy anyway.. I have to get better in that.

Thanks for reading, my dear lemons.

Sam out!