Tiffany’s PoV

I walk inside our dorm after going to a party for the New Year’s. Not really being in the mood, I left early, completely sober. I feel really exhausted and I somehow end up walking into our dorm. It’s already 3AM, but I am excited to go back to my relatives that have let me stay in their house for the past two weeks. I couldn’t visit my direct family in the states. I was supposed to leave at around 10 in the morning, but I may leave earlier since I won’t be needing to sober up.

But wait, don’t take me wrong, So Nyuh Shi Dae has really grown to be another family, but these girls are special people I see every day. In all honesty, I barely know my relatives here in Korea. I usually spend time with the girls, other idols, or my family. No matter what, my relatives welcome me wholeheartedly. They make me feel as if my holiday visit wasn’t the only one I make in a year. I try to make the best out of every visit and try to get closer to these relatives.

I pick up my extra luggage that I had packed earlier and presents for my aunt, uncle, and my cousins. Before I take a quick nap, I grab a little snack that will suppress my hunger, considering I practically did nothing at the party.

As I close the pantry door, holding some trail mix, a tea bag, and a travel mug, I see, facing the window, a figure who's hugging her knees. A cup of tea was also cast to her side, but I could tell it was probably cold since no more steam seeped out.

Who could possibly already be here the day after New Year’s? And why? And why at this time—although that wouldn’t matter? All of the girls were released on break starting before Christmas and until the second week of January. As far as I know, the only person who even entered the building was Sooyoung before and after her filming of the Midnight Broadcast on Christmas and New Year’s. Who could it be?

I take a closer look at the figure in front of me. Her dark skin, jet black straight hair, and perfect hourglass figure from behind give away her identity. The woman in front of me is no other than my current roommate, Kwon YuRi. Now that solves one half of the problem.

I decided to heat up some water and head over to the figure. I could spare some of my New Year’s with the Black Pearl. I walk up to her. She notices my presence and turns to look at me but looks back to the window. Her facial expression never changed, staring with a blank face. I could tell she was feeling down or heartbroken. I’ve only seen her this thought-provoking twice: once, when SM threatened to drop her from the group and another, when SM forbid her to date someone even though they went through a strong and secret relationship together for a rather long time. What did Lee Soo Man do to this girl now? Forbid her from visiting her family for the rest of our New Year’s break?

I try to lighten the mood. I know things may get pretty ugly soon. “Would you like some more hot water?” I ask with a smile, acting like a waitress.

She gives me a weak smile, handing me her half-filled cup. “Hey, Fany.” Her voice was low and husky.

I pour some water for her, then for me. I take in the pause, bracing myself for what’s to come. “What’s a little lady like you doing here during New Year’s when she should be spending time with her family?” I try to sound as naïve and playful as possible, hopefully not annoying the girl next to me.

Yuri sighs, then a long pause fills the room. There’s slight tension, but I try to ignore it. I give Yuri a sincere look. I know something's really bothering her.

I could tell she was hesitating. There was even a point I could even tell she was going to lie, but she gave me one look in the eyes and then gave a nervous laugh, looking down. “I just came here to think,” she says in defeat, “before the New Year occurred.” I kept looking at her. She was about to become vulnerable and I felt the need to be the one listening to all of this whilst being her rock. “I guess I overthinked into the year.” She gives a weak chuckle.

I brushed her hair while giving her the same smile of sincerity and concern. I didn’t want to see one of my sisters sad in the beginning of the New Year.

“Yul, whatever’s bothering you now, you should let it go now. You don’t want it to reflect it on the year ahead of us. Let it go, in front of me. I’m here to listen.” She turns to look at me. We look into each other’s eyes but no words were spoken for a while. For a while we stare at each other. Yuri’s face wasn’t as bright as it usually is. A frown has been pressed on her face. Her eyes are somewhat bloodshot as if she had cried recently.

She turns her head and smiles a little as if she was contemplating what to feel and say, “Tiffany-eonni,” she faces me again, “Do you think I will find love this year? A love that the president will accept?”

I try not to sound mad but my tone sounded to be both that and taunting, “Yah! You make me all worried that something really important happened and you ask me if you will ever find love?” I take it back, I sounded more upset than I should have.

She flinched a smirk with a face that showed disappointment and regret. I guess I should not have assaulted her with assumptions first. Maybe her parents are forcing her to marry this year. Maybe this is something that has been bothering her this past year. “Yul, I’m sorry.” She gives another weak assuring smile that shows she forgives me. “Yuri-ah, you shouldn’t worry about this,” I move to face her. She carries a weary, sad face and bites her lip. She must be on the verge of tears. The poor girl must have had this thought bothering her for an abundant amount of time. I feel like my presence is not helping her at all. I hold her hands and try to muster up some encouraging words without breaking down, “I am so sure that you can find a man that will want to spend all his time with you. And of course Lee Soo Man should accept this man! There are many good-looking men that want to court you, Yuri! Many men, worthy of being your boyfriend. Maybe in the past he wanted you to focus on your career, but now, you’ve accomplished many achievements all by yourself and have grown to be this strong, y woman!” I see her smile. I was making myself jealous at how I’ve been one to notice everything about this girl, whereas no one seemed to do the same for me. Wait. What am I thinking? I shouldn’t be selfish. No bad thoughts for the New Year. Anyways, back to Yuri. “He knows you deserve a man who wants to give you all his love and attention. And you know Yuri,” By this point she no longer had a sad stature. She looked intently at me, “you’re beautiful the way you are. Men would do anything to be with you. Look for the sincerity in their hearts that they will love you for you, not Yuri, the Black Pearl from Girls’ Generation, but Kwon Yu Ri, the most kind, lovable, passionate, and talented woman he could ever find.” She smiled. “Well, for your future knowledge you are only ours and the SONE’s Black Pearl. Even if your husband is a SONE you can’t be his Black Pearl.” I leave a cheeky grin listening to her laugh. The brightness hasn’t entirely come back.

“Thanks, Fany.” She looks at the window. I know she probably wanted to ponder at what I just expressed to her, but I know something else is bothering Yuri. I stand up, but only to sit next to the girl.

“I’m not leaving until your feelings are fully expressed,” She gives an unsatisfied glare, her smile leaving.

She sighs again, “It’s really nothing. I just don’t want to be lonely,” she takes in a shaky breath, “I don’t want to be lonely for the upcoming year.”

I lean my head on her should. I wanted to cry for the girl in front of me. She should never ever feel this way. I mean, the members do tend to feel like this, but not on an important day like this, not to this extent. “Yul, I’m not saying you should only settle for this, but don’t forget we are still going to be here for you. I’m not doubting a boy may come along your path, but you can’t forget about us,” now it was my turn to cry. Bad thoughts were coming in again. Yuri rubbed the tears off my cheeks. Aish. This isn’t working. I’m supposed to be the one comforting her.

She smiles again, “I don’t think I would ever forget you guys. Even when I’m married I’m a bit worried all I’m going to ever think about is 9 of us.” She chuckles staring off into space again. “I have this feeling that when I’m thinking about my kids, I’ll think about you guys. What is going to be their names, hobbies, personalities? I know memories will just begin to rush in.” She smiles. “I’ve already thought about what would happen if I had a daughter addicted to pink like you, or a boy who is really obedient, or a shikshin daughter, or a boy who wants to sleep all the time.” This time I laugh. “Sorry, I’ve put a lot of thought into this,” she grins widely as well.

“Then why are you feeling this, Yul?”

“I don’t really know.” I’m not convinced.

“Yuri-ah,” I try to sound playful but it comes out more desperate, “Don’t forget, that for the past 7 years, we’ve all been able to survive without love in our life. Well, everyone except Hyo, Soo, and Yoon—.” Then everything seemed to click.

My realization left the room with an awkward silence. “Yeah, I think you’ve finally put one and one together.” She gave a pitiful smile while her tears finally seeped out.

I went to hug her. She leaned in and cried, covering her face with her hands. I know that was the final straw before she became fully vulnerable to me. The waterworks flowed and her sobs were significantly heard through the dorm. I was afraid that someone outside could hear us. I tried not to cry for my dear friend and the pain she was going through. Everyone knew those two were stuck together like glue. Even though Yoona and Seung Gi may have been secretly dating for four months already, we were so packed with schedules that she spent little time with her special somebody. At first, she spent most of her little free time with Yuri even when Yoona started dating SeungGi. For the past 7 years, Yoona and Yuri always spent free time with each other. But towards December she spent most of her free time with him. The dorm felt empty, but it was something we had to get used to.

Obviously, this would be something hard for Yuri to get over.

When Yoona was gone for shooting her CFs or dramas, the feeling was different. We know she was spending time for her career. Now, she’s spending her precious time with her man, not us.

Not Yuri either.

Yuri calmed down and started speaking with this certain sparkle in her eyes and a reminiscent tone in her voice. “Ever since we debuted, Yoona and I had this small, unofficial tradition that we would spend the last day of our vacation together. It was as if we renewed our friendship. We ate like pigs for a promising, good health. We shopped for hours in hope for good fashion for the year.” Suddenly the sparkle in her eyes were lost. “But, this year, we’re not following our tradition. Her family wanted to celebrate the news of an official couple for the new year with Seungi Gi.” Tears stained her cheek again. “I know I shouldn’t feel so bitter or jealous about the matter but—.”

I shush her. “I understand, you don’t need to speak any more.” For a while, you could only hear her sobs. “Did you even mention to stop and tell her that she’s skipping out?” I try to cheer her up. I know it's not the best thing to say, but it was the only thing I could honestly think of.

She hiccupped before she talked. I felt bad for making her go through this, but she needs this to move on. “She told me upfront and apologized that she was going to miss out. She tried to redeem herself, saying that our thing was unofficial anyways. I didn’t want to be a bad friend and stop her. She’s happier with him.”

“Don’t think like that!” I scold her, “You know that you are irreplaceable to Yoona! All of us are irreplaceable with each other!” I few tears skidded their way down my cheeks. Why is she thinking like this? I try to joke with her and hide my tears. “Yah, bad moods in the beginning of the year with result in bad year.”

Her sobs seemed to calm down and she chuckles another time. Her sudden mood swings are starting to scare me. I can’t tell whether to joke or dramatize with her. “I don’t even know why I should be crying over this. I should be happy for Yoona. Not sulk over the situation because we can’t hang out anymore.”

“Yul, it’s okay to feel this way.” She looks a bit confused. “This may be at a different point of view, but when I left my family to be a part of SNSD not only did my father disapprove, but I knew my older sister and brother were going to miss me too. My eonni called me once, saying she hated me." I almost choke up from the memory, "She hated me because I left her with a mad father who now pressures her to be the daughter I couldn’t be. I knew my brother was going through some of the torture, too. In time, our relationship healed. I thought my family was mad at me. Well, they were, but they were able to accept my fate. At times, they’re still bitter about it since I never visit or call often, but I know that I should try to make the best with what I have. Now, my sister realized it wasn't hate she was feeling, but anger. Our relationship has completely healed now. These feelings of denial, regret, and hatred are only felt in the beginning. Don’t worry. Everything will get better in time.” I shoot her a reassuring, gentle smile. “Don’t think about it too much. I bet Yoona also feels guilty about this. She knows she’s missing this.”

She took a deep breath in and she smiled into space. I think a huge weight came off her shoulder. A huge weight came off mine too. I never told this to anyone, and I think Yuri knows this, too. Silence filled the air again. We sipped our forgotten tea. She began to speak again.

“Also, I needed to tell this to someone,” I gave her all ears, putting down my mug, “I saw my oppa yesterday,” the glint in her eyes came back. She doesn’t usually talk about her family. “He’s getting married.”

I was taken aback by the random message she told me. I tried to take in as much meaning as it could have. Does she have a bad relationship with her brother? Is she not happy about his engagement? Does she not like the bride? She spoke up and cleared the confusion. “It’s also kind of why I feel eager to find a boyfriend this year.” I her arm. She seems to be stuck in a rut already early in the year. “But I don’t know. I kind of really want to focus with Girls’ Generation and acting, but I kind of also have this empty feeling in my heart.”

I caress the girl’s head to my shoulder. “I understand you. I may not have any experience with boys besides watching dramas, but I know how you feel. I, myself, want to find a worthy man, but I’m not sure if I can find that someone. I wanted to get married before I’m 30, but I know that’s not happening,” we both chuckled now, “but, there is that gap that’s just wanting to be filled. I just try to distract myself from trying to force myself to fill it. I know that if you force a relationship, it will result with a bad ending.”

We smile at each other for a long time. I realize an hour has already passed.

She stands up and holds her hand out to pull me up. I could tell she was exhausted from the emotions that must have been passing through her the past few hours. She picks up her purse then slings her arm around my shoulder, “Thanks, Tiffany.”

I follow her lead and we walk out of the dorm together, her arm still hung around my shoulder. I felt accomplished. The New Year may have brought complications already, but they were easily solved.

Before we part, we were face-to-face with one other. “Listen, Yul,” her eyes are locked on mine, making me nervous, “I know I can’t replace Yoona, but let’s hang out this Saturday. Hopefully it'll distract you if you’re still down. Maybe we could go boy hunting,” I tease.

She laughs, holding her elbow and looking at the floor, “I think I’d like that,” she says looking up to me.

We give each other one final hug.

“You should get back to your family.” I breathe out.

“Yeah, they kind of don’t know I’m here.” I look at her with bewilderment and playfully flick her forehead. I almost forgot that it’s still morning so she could have easily sneaked out.

She tightens the hug. I wanted to loosen her grip, but I know she needs this. “Thanks, Fany.” Now it was my turn to tighten the grip. “Happy New Years, Stephanie Hwang.”

I close my eyes, wanting to hold onto this one lasting memory of our friendship. “Happy New Years, Kwon Yuri.”

 

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Yeah, so... That's my fic for the New Year... x] Pretty angsty, but I promise I have better things is store! It was actually supposed to be written in Sooyoung's PoV, but the day before I was going to post the story, it was announced/confirmed that she has a boyfriend... So I had to re-edit some things... Maybe you might notice. maybe not. I'm also disregarding any rumors of Yuri being in a relationship and for the story's sake, Tiffany has never had a boyfriend either, mmkay~? Hope you guys enjoyed it! Cheers to a New Year! Hwaiting!