The weather was turning cold signifying the start of autumn. The leaves are turning into shades of red, yellow and orange and they are falling, falling and falling...
 

Much like the condition of my heart now. Rock bottom low.

I used to be a happy go lucky person, always bright and cheerful. I have the warmth of my family members – my parents and my younger brother. I have the love of the man I adore. I have a great career as a photo journalist. I go places, I see things and I always come home to him. You said you love me and will cherish me for as long as I live. You promised to hold me when I feel sad, hug me when I am confused and laugh with me when I am happy. You ensured me that you are all mine to keep. You guaranteed that your heart belongs to me and only me. You suggested that we live together because you can’t go a day without seeing or touching me. I was so blinded by your love and I pledged the same.

Kyuhyun and I lived together and have a pleasant year of blissful joy, just the two of us. Then we broke the news about us to my parents and they flipped. I was verbally abused and ultimately disowned. I cried so hard. I hugged you tightly as you are the only one I have left to cherish. The scornful & hurtful words from my parents left a big impression on you, a big bad impression. From then on, you were different. You started distancing yourself from me. You even looked at me with distaste. You began to loathe my presence. You refused to touch me and you even brushed my hand away whenever I initiated a touch. I confronted you one day and you said that everything was fine.

By and by, I could feel your hatred for me and you started to stay out just to get away from me, a few days in a row. I cooked your favourite dishes and waited for your return. I even slept on the couch so that I wouldn’t miss you when you come home. And when you do come home, you smell different. You looked well fed and I knew that somebody other than myself has been taking good care of you. So you have been sharing your heart with someone else. Should I laugh or should I cry? I finally admitted that you are not mine to keep any more.

Do you regret us, Kyuhyun? My heart screamed.

Here I am, looking out the window of our apartment without actually seeing anything, one hand clutching at our photograph, reminiscing our happy times together. You had torn the picture into four but I had pieced and stuck them back together. I will keep it if you don’t want it simply because I still love you.

Come back to me, Kyuhyun. My heart screamed again.

The lock to the door of our apartment clicked opened and I spun around to see you walking in. You didn’t bother closing the door. I put on a brilliant smile and started towards you. Without sparing even a glance at me, you walked passed me towards our bedroom and pulled out an empty suitcase. In went your clothes and personal belongings, things that you needed and left those that were of no importance to you (me?). I stood grounded at the door to our bedroom and watched you swiftly throwing item after item into the suitcase. I knew what was happening. I realised we have come to an end of our relationship. You are cutting yourself clean from me. I am not needed any more, no longer loved, a piece of trash to be thrown away. But I want the explanation from you that was long overdue.

I ran to where you were standing at our shared wardrobe and pulled at your arm, effectively spinning you around to face me so I could ask you what the you think you were doing.

“Sungmin, just let me go, okay.” You said with disinterest. “We are over and I have found someone new.”

What happen to the Min that you always called me?

“So you are making the decision for me as well? I don’t have a say in this? What made you stop loving me?” I screamed at him.

“Listen Sungmin, I was straight before. I went gay for you. I am now straight again. That should summarise everything you need to know.” Kyuhyun heaved a deep sigh as if his strength had depleted just by uttering the few short sentences.

“That’s not fair! Why did you lead me on for so long and then suddenly come back here wielding a knife and slashed my heart into minute pieces. We could have talked about this months back. I would have understood….” I staggered two steps back and covered my hands to my face. I was crying so hard now.

“Come on, Sungmin, you couldn’t have loved me that deeply. I was just experimenting with you. I want to have a taste of a gay life before I finally settle down for a good girl as a wife, have kids and grow old with her, not you. It was never you. I originally intended to stay with you longer but your nasty parents have to kill my interest prematurely. That’s just too bad.” Kyuhyun shrugged his shoulders as if this was the least of his worry. “Get over it, Sungmin.” He smirked.

I can’t get over it, at least not now. Tears were streaming down my cheeks like rivers. I reached over to grab his hand and placed it onto my chest where my heart is. “Did you ever love me, actually love me?” I asked softly as I sobbed miserably, my face fear strickened with his impending answer.

“Honestly? I thought I did but your parents opened my eyes.” Kyuhyun said and look at me with an expressionless face.

“Stop blaming everything on my parents! You chose to toy with me! Your empty promises sent me to hell!” I tried to make a grab for his shirt collar but he was quicker. He gave me a strong shove before I could hold on to anything and before I knew it, I fell hard on my next to the bed.

“Pest.” He grumbled and brushed his hands on his shirt before resuming his packing.

“Kyu baby, are you done packing? Need my help?”asked a female voice as she walked into my bedroom in her red high heels on my plush carpet. She spared a glance at me still sitting on the ground, sneered and rolled her eyes away. “Loser.” She muttered.

“Honey, why did you come into this filthy room? You should have just waited outside.” Kyuhyun said to her sweetly. “Come here, baby.” Kyuhyun stretched out a hand to grab hold of her waist and pulled her towards him. They were plastered together chest to chest with Kyuhyun leaning down to kiss her on her glistening red lips.

“No!” I screamed.

“CUT!”

“Good take! That’s all for the day everyone. Thank you and have a good night’s rest. See you all tomorrow.” The director shouted to everyone on the filming set. The crew knew better to leave us alone.

Kyuhyun swiftly disengage from the female lead and rushed over to me. Victoria staggered a little but regained her balance when she grabbed hold of the wardrobe’s door. She let out an audible sigh of relief and then took off her killer heels to walk barefoot.

“Baby, come back to me.” Kyuhyun said soothingly into my ears to pull me back to the real world. He helped me stood up and engulfed me in a gentle yet firm hug while I was still sobbing away albeit with lesser intensity. He pressed my head into the crook of his neck all the while rubbing my back tenderly and whispering I love yous to calm me totally not minding my tears wetting the front of his shirt. I hugged him back tightly.

“I love you too, Kyu, so much.”I hiccupped as I gripped the back of his shirt tightly in my fists and buried my face on his shoulder.

“Ohh, I love you two.” Victoria cooed while looking on at our display of affection for each other. She has such a dreamy look in her eyes.

Many people envied us, both male and female. Our love for each other was strong and very real and well known in the Korean entertainment industry. As actors, both Kyuhyun and I have portrayed many different types of characters. This being the worst so far. Why? Because in this movie, we played ourselves using our true names. The only difference was that it was scripted with a bitter ending. Everything felt so real, the breakup, the heartache, the agony, the pain. It was challenging yet demoralising to play out roles contrasting to what we have in real life because the scripted scenes just seemed undeniably realistic and the possibility of it actually happening in reality is painfully stark. However, Kyuhyun is always there to pull me out of my scripted character, to separate the real and unreal. I was protected in his warmth.

I trust my Kyuhyun. With all my heart.

++++++++

One cannot take love for granted. It takes two hands to clap. Don’t underestimate external influences. Seal the relationship with the three golden words – I Love You. (I know, I know, told you it’s cliché.)

~ ~ ~ ~ THE ~ END ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~