To : The only one I loved and I ever did Im Yoona

There are many things I wanted to tell you , I listed them all before the start of 2014 and was planning to confess to you on the first day of 2014 . I guess out of 19 times I tried to confess to you , there won't be a time you will be able to hear what I had been keeping inside me for years .

Ever since SNSD debuted , I thought Jessica was the prettiest girl I had ever met . She is like the only girl in my eyes . Somehow when I'm with Jessica and you , I would display my silliness instantly . Probably the reason why I am Pabo oppa to her . As time flies , I realize something wasn't right . I wasn't acting silly because of Jessica , I wasn't jealous because male idols were surrounding her … she wasn't the girl that could made my heart race faster than ever . All this while it was you that I had fallen for . At first I was denying badly .. I was lying to myself , telling myself it couldn't be . Sadly my mind told me yea but my heart replied no . I didn't chose you , my heart did . Remember when you first came to me and introduced yourself , I felt like I was lost . When you hit me playfully as you laugh at my silliness , I realize Jessica wasn't around at all because all I could see is you .

I never thought I would be like this , a guy who chickens out in love . I was never like this before you existed . Seeing you getting along with the other male artists doesn't makes me jealous , instead I would blame myself for being timid . I remember how you used to look at me with that beautiful pair of eyes , I could only find myself lost in your eyes . Yoong , did it hurt when you dropped from heaven ?

Everyone else around you seems to be the best candidate for you . They were all strong and capable … they were better than me . All along they had been choosing you as their ideal type and would like to be with you , while I just pass every single question about my ideal type . I was afraid , afraid that if I were to be honest , my fans would hurt you & you might be annoyed . I'm afraid you would disappear whenever you see me . As much as I wanted you to accept my love , I couldn't be selfish .. I just want to see you smile . That smile that would make my world peaceful and safe .

Yoona yah , remember how you would breakdown in front of me because everything was stressing you out . I was dumbfounded , my heart was breaking but I was thankful because you chose to cry when you are with me . My shoulder will always be available for you to cry on but you have to promise me to be happy at all times . Seeing you succeeding as actress Im Yoona makes me proud , uri yoona has grown up . How I wish I can debut as an actor too .

Winter reminds me of you . Winter reminds me that you should be warm . Every single day during winter , I would ask myself ..

“ Is yoongie freezing ? Is there anyone that would keep her warm and happy ? “

It makes me crazy whenever I think about you . Why am I even thinking about this , I am not her boyfriend .. this reply struck me hard . I realize I need to be with you . I need to be with you so that I could knit you a scarf and a pair of glove so that your hands and neck wouldn't freeze when you head out . I need to be with you because winter is lonely , I just want to cuddle you with my warm body , the warmness from all the love you had gave me . When you are hungry , I want to cook for you & feed you your favorite food .

Any of this wouldn't happen anymore . It felt as good as a dream . Now you have Seunggi to be with you .. You have him to keep you warm and loved . Yoona yah , can I continue with my dream and imaginations ? I just want to see you , I want to hold on to you till the end of time .

Loving you makes it hard for me to fall in love with other girls . I tried … I tried several times but none of them gave me the feelings you gave me . I find myself hurting them instead .. “ Lets break up , I'm sorry “ , that was the worst sentence I used to every single girls I dated when my heart didn't gave up on you . Please tell me what to do yoong . Even if I were to reborn , I will still choose you , no matter how many years it takes , being hurt and lonely is fine because I love you . I was never lonely because I kept you deep in my heart yoong . The only one I need , the only one that I ever kept loving forever its you yoona .

Right now seeing you smile whenever you are with Seunggi , it sure does hurts but at least you are happy . I am happy when you are happy , if it wasn't you I wouldn't had understand the meaning of happiness . If there are times he can't make you happy , I will always be there for you … anything for you yoona . My broad shoulders will always be there for you to lie on , my ears will always be listening to you and my heart will always be for you .

You disappear while I was hugging you in my dreams , tears flowed and soaked my pillow . I thought it was just a dream … but the next morning it happened . I cried and I cant seems to forget you , I kept following the memories .. it is almost impossible to forget you . If you love me more yoong .. I will always be there for you even though you had found your perfect boyfriend .

From that idiot that will always be waiting for you with love ,

Ryeowook