It all started a few years back, it all started the summer before starting highschool. I remembered perfectly that day. It lingered on my memory just like any small thing that involved the both of us. 

I was casually sitting on the floor of her bedroom and she were sitting next to me, we were watching a movie, I wasn't really paying attention though, I was way more interested in eyeing her intently, her perfect jawline, her cute nose, her luscious hair that fitted perfectly her thin face, her soft-looking lips and most importantly, her eyes, those doe eyes that represented her whole self, pure and beautiful. 

I was so engrossed in my thoughts about how beautiful she was, that I didn't notice that I muttered softly "So pretty..".

"Who? Mila Kunis?" She asked since she heard what I said. 

I blushed crimson red and she chuckled, I thought for a second while looking at the screen, I had no idea which character was that, in fact, the only think I knew about the movie was that it was called 'Friends with benefits' . 

"I'm sorry... I wasn't paying attention unnie, which character is it?" She laughed at my question and looked at me with a teasing glint in her eyes.

"Hyunnie~ she is not a character, that's the name of the actress!" I just lowered my head a little, I was embarassed.

She laughed softly while returning her gaze to the movie. Not much time passed before the movie finally ended, I heard my name being called and I turned around, just to see a shy-looking YoonA, which was something weird. 

"Did you call me, unnie?"  I questioned.

"Yes, Hyunnie..." She laughed nervously before continuing "It's just that.. after watching this movie... I wonder if... you and I, you know... we could be... like that." Like what? What did she mean? I knew I should've paid attention to the movie. 

"Like what unnie?" 

"It's just that... I know you didn't pay attention to the movie, but the title says it all... " I blushed, was my best friend a.k.a. biggest crush ever just suggested what I think she suggested? Is she seriously proposing a Friends with benefits relationship between the both of us? "It's just that... it's not just for the sake of it you know, I mean more as in... protection for both of us" I didn't understand what she meant with that, so I gave her a confused look, indirectly asking for further explanation "Look, think of it like this, if either of us has a boyfriend and we give them our first kiss, if by some reason we breakup and we get hurt, we will feel bad because we gave our first kiss to someone who didn't deserve it, besides, I don't know how to kiss... so this could be like practice" She said, I noticed she was really nervous and I couldn't help but smile, there was no way I was going to refuse this. Why would I? Even if she sees it just like practice, I could use it as a way to make her fall for me! 

I nodded and positioned myself right in front of her, smiling happily. "I understand you unnie and I think it's a great idea!" I leaned closer and pecked her lips, it was a brief touch for a second, yet, that didn't stop my heart from racing rapidly. I was incredibly happy, believing that would be a shortcut to her heart. 

My thoughts were wrong, though. I was on those terms with her during our three years of highschool, but the only one who ended up suffering was me, since she was most of the time busy with her new friends, who were also my friends but... I just really wanted her, thankfully I found new friends too, like SooYoung, who were there for me through most of the times. 

But, every friday, she would say to all of her friends 'no' to every invite they gave her, friday was our day. She would come to my house and we would watch movies, play videogames, do homework or just chat, but all of that would eventually lead us to kiss. 

There was one particular friday I'll never forget during our summer before starting university.

We were chatting normally while walking towards my house, we took off our shoes and left our backpacks next to the stairs, but as we entered my room she closed the door roughly and pinned me against it, kissing me fiercely, I didn't complain and kissed her back inmediatly, wrapping my arms around her neck as I leaned down to kiss her with as much fierceness. I noticed as her hands slowly slipped under my shirt and were caressing my waist, but just for a short while since she started to roam her hands all over my torso. I couldn't contain myself, her light but intense touches working on me like a charm, I bit her lip, a silent request for her to open her lips and let my tongue explore , which did not last long since she decided it was more interesting to fight for dominance, she won. 

After what felt an eternity of kissing, we both leaned out, breathing heavily, she smiled sadly at me then took my hands on hers and led me to the small couch that was on my room, she sat me there and spread my legs with her hands. I blushed and my eyes were wide open, dirty thoughts travelled my mind on what was about to happen. Suddenly, she was sitting between my legs and she moved my long arms so they were wrapping around her waist, I tightened my grip on her waist and positioned my head on her shoulder inhaling her sweet scent. 

"When do you think he'll come?" She asked sweetly, leaning back against me.

"Who is coming, unnie?" I questioned back in barely a whisper.

"The love of my life." She muttered and then hid her face between her hands. I my grip around her waist became stronger as I held her as close as I could to me.

"When you less expect it... he'll come, maybe he has been there all along and you haven't noticed"  I wanted to scream at her at the moment I WANT TO BE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. But I knew I couldn't do that, so I just held her close to me until we both fell asleep.

I continued to play her "Friends ith benefit" game even after we started university, the only difference was that our relationship became more... physical, almost dissapearing our emotional bond. Everytime she needed someone to kiss and touch she'd come to me, nothing more, we moved forward, her visits to my dorm ended with several pieces of clothing laying on the floor, but we never got to 'do it'.

I was helplessly in love with her but I wasn't stupid enough to give my first time to her, not until I knew she'd feel love, not just lust.

One night, while I was reading I heard a knock on my dorm room. As soon as I heard the knock I knew it was her, but it wasn't as strong as her normal knocks.

"Come in." I said loudly enough for her to listen to me. She opened the door, she looked serious. I stood up and approached her, before I could say or do anything she stopped me.

"We need to talk." Was all she said, and it really was all she needed to say for me to understand that was the end for 'us'.

She said that we needed to stop, that she had met a guy... whose name I don't even remember - and I seriously don't want to remember it -, they were dating at the moment, but two weeks after that I recieved the call of an overly excited YoonA. He had asked her to be his girlfriend, the worst part was that she gladly accepted and called me inmediatly (which was strange since we barely talked to each other at the time), as if showing me in the most cruel way how I would never be able to have her.

I ran away from my dorm room to the only place I knew I'd be safe in, SooYoung's dorm. I knocked hurriedly as I felt my tears were about to fall, I didn't even realize it was nearly 1 a.m. 

"What are you doing here?" She said when she opened the door, I didn't even answer since I just threw myself at her, wrapping my arms around her tiny waist and buried my face in her neck, finaly letting my tears fall.

SooYoung just closed the door before wrapping her arms securely around me. When I managed to calm down a bit she made me look at her, questioning me with her eyes, wondering silently what was wrong with me.

For the first time, I opened myself to her I explained her everything about YoonA and I, she just hugged me tighter, then led me to her bed where we both laid, facing each other, she brought me closer to her body, I just wrapped my arms around her waist and rest my head against her chest, I fell asleep as I listened to the fast pace of her beating heart.

Days, weeks even months passed by until YoonA broke up with him. And when her relationship was at it's worst, my relationship with SooYoung was at it's best.

One day SooYoung and I were walking around the campus, holding hands as we both laughed from random things she blurted. I seriously felt attacted to her, she was so sweet and caring towards, always supporting me and trying to make me smile, but there was someting that stopped me from actually trying something with her... YoonA. 

Was it wrong to still love her even if she broke my heart? 

We went to a small cafeteria that was inside the campus, chatting happily about everything and anything, when the waiter brought our coffees to the table, we stopped talking for a moment to thank him. After he went away from the table, I noticed she was glaring at him, which surprised me.

"Do you know him, unnie?" I asked curiously.

"No" She answered coldly.

"What's wrong?" I questioned while reaching out for her hand, she just sighed and smiled sadly.

"You didn't notice, did you?"  I gave her a confused look, which made her chuckle and her smile returned to the normal lively smile. "I guess you didn't." 

"Tell me, unnie" I whined softly, unconciously using aegyo, I noticed she blushed slightly.

"It's just that... he was flirting with you..." She said quietly, looking at anything but me. 

"And..?" 

"Are you seriously that dense?" She asked finally returning her gaze towards me, I just stared at her, not really what was going on.

SooYoung looked as if she was having a debate with herself, she then looked around as if searching for something. A smile appeared on her face as she turned towards me and leaned forward stealing an inocent peck from my lips. I just blushed. 

"I really like you SeoHyun" She said, still close to me.

"I like you too, unnie" I said and her smile grew wider. "But... I still love her unnie"

Her smile faltered, but her eyes turned determined as she stared deeply into my eyes.

"I will make my best so you can fall in love with, so you can finally get over her" Her hands cupped my face and her thumbs were gently rubbing my cheeks. "Be my girlfriend?" 

My heart went crazy at the moment and I felt an enormous amount of blood rush to my cheeks, causing me to blush a bright red. 

"Let me think about it, the next time we see each other I'll give you an answer" It was exam week, so she knew I'd just stay in my dorm and study until exams were over, she sighed and nodded.

...

A few days later I was on my dorm, preparing myself for the exam I had the next, when I heard a knock on my door. It was oddly familiar, too familiar. I stood up and quickly opened the door, only to find YoonA with red and puffy eyes staring at me. I moved a little, knowing she'd come in the moment I did that and closed the door right after, not noticing I didn't locked it.

After a few minutes of awkward standing and uncomfortable silence, she pulled me in for a hug, I obliged and hugged back, even if I knew that was going to end bad, mainly for me.

Her grip was strong and even if she wasn't sobbing or spilling tears, I knew she wanted to. I was impossible not to, I knew her better than anyone.

"He broke up with me" She whispered softly. I leaned away from her hug, and gave her an understanding look. "Want to know why?" 

"Only if you want to tell me." I said, moving some strands of hair away from her beautiful face.

"It's because we saw you and SooYoung the other day, you know...when she kissed you" I blushed at her mentioning it, but I didn't fully understand why would that cause their breakup. "I got so jealous that she kissed you, that I was about to stand up and make a scene then and there" she laughed bitterly. "He stopped me and he asked me what was wrong, when I said 'She's kissing my girl' he got mad and left, but only broke up with me until today". 

I stared at her completely and utterly suprised, she laughed at my expression and carassed my left cheek, her eyes got teary again. 

"I was really dumb, right?"

"What do you mean?" I questioned back, still surprised by her previous confession.

"I had you... I knew you liked me, it was so obvious... I could feel it... and still, I just went and dated some " She sighed "Now it's too late... you're with her." 

My mouth was slightly agape, as I couldn't help but wonder... she knew I like her... she knew it... but still played with me and my feelings.

"I am not with her" I stated. Her eyes shone brightly, as if some kind of miracle just happened. "At least not yet." Her eyes went blank again. "Did you seriously think I would wait forever?" I asked, I choked slightly on my words as I felt a weird lump on my throat, I leaned away from her, releasing myself from her embrace. "If you knew all along I liked you... why did you do that? You were just playing with my feelings... and now you come here, as if I'm your second option, as if I am a toy, a toy that is only yours to play with... because you no longer have a boyfriend" 

"No, SeoHyun... you got it wrong, I... I wasn't playing, I just...."

"Save it, YoonA. I don't want to hear it". I looked at her sternly, I felt my tears falling. "I didn't like you though..." YoonA looked at me confused. "I loved you and I still do.. even if you broke my heart several times already..." 

She held my hands in hers, pulling me closer to herself. "We can try... I'm sure I'll get to like you back soon enough..." she almost pleaded.

"No" I answered, taking hands away from her. "SooYoung asked me to be her girlfriend that day... I said I'd think about it... and after hearing this... I'm sure I have to accept." I sighed. "I choose the safe option, the option in which I know she likes me, not just some try out in which you would leave me as soon as another guy appears on your life." 

YoonA was about to answer when the door suddenly swang open, revealing SooYoung, who had a bag in her hands, which I supposed were some snacks and with a tray with coffee for both of us. As she noticed YoonA's presence she frowned.

"What is she doing here?" SooYoung asked as she placed what she had in her hands on the table. 

"I should be asking you the same thing" Retorted YoonA, standing right in front of her daringly.

They both glared at each other and I had no idea what I could do... I breathed in, knowing right now I had to choose... YoonA or SooYoung, I knew there was going to be a heart broken tonight.... and I knew whose it was.

"YoonA... my girlfriend can enter my dorm room whenever she pleases." I said as I stood next to SooYoung, holding her hand. She looked at me, surprise and happiness were very clear in her eyes.

YoonA on the contrary looked as if she was about to cry... I felt the urge to hug her and tell her it was gonna be okay, but I brushed it off. 

"Seems like I was too late..." Said YoonA while smiling bitterly, she left the room right after that.

SooYoung and I didn't last long, even if we really liked each other and all, we both felt during our relationship that it was mainly sisterly/friendly love, there were not actually romantic feelings between us. We both were wrong.

I have to admit, those three months with her were good, it helped us grow our bond. 

Four months after our breakup, more or less, she asked me to meet the girl she was crushing on, some small and cute girl named Sunny. She asked me for aproval. It was kind of funny and weird, I just hope she never tells Sunny that she asked her ex girlfriend for aproval to become her girlfriend.

So now... here I as, six months after my breakup with SooYoung. I was sitting on a bench in a park, supposedly reading a self-improvement book, while I actually thought about how unlucky I truly was when it came to love.

"Mind if I sit here?" I heard someone ask. I turned towards the source of the voice, I gasped at the sight. It was YoonA.

"Go ahead" I said patting the spot next to me.

She sat down and an awkward silence filled the air. I acted as if I was actually reading, even if the only thing I could really think about right now, was how YoonA kept eyeing me intently.

"Stop acting, I know you're not reading" She said, I looked at her and she showed me one of her infamous alligator smile. My heart flustered at the sight, but I tried to keep my cool.

"You know, Hyunnie..." She said calmly, I blushed as I heard my old nickname and she looked at me, her eyes showed emotions I've never seen before, it was so strong that I got lost in it. It's force pulled me right in, and I knew I was going to be trapped for a long while.

"She came." She stated.

"Who are you talking about, unnie?" I asked, not recalling the fact that she mentioned someone was coming.

"The love of my life... in fact, she was always there, I was just too blind to notice it." Her hands made their way around my waist, bringing me closer to her body. "It's always been you, SeoHyun, I'm sorry it took me so long to realize."

I was shocked, she just confessed that she loved me, how could I not be be shocked?

"I'm sorry for everything... and I'm sorry I told you just now, not right after you broke up with SooYoung" She leaned in and kissed my cheek lovingly. "I just wanted you to heal from the break up... and I wanted you to move on, so I could take a shot and make you fall for me again." She smiled sweetly "What do you say?"

I smiled, I could feel the sincereness in her voice and I could sense her love towards me through her eyes. I had actually forgiven her for everything that happened between us months ago.

I pecked her lips quickly, "I never fell out". I whispered as I leaned in for a more passionate kiss, leaving my book beside me as I wrapped my arms around her neck.

"Thank god." was the muffled pair of words that escaped her lips as we kissed on that bench.