So this night, starless and pretty painful. The words impacted on me quite hard and one again, it woke me up, it reminded me. Love is not for something disgusting like me. I only hurt. Hurt people and hurt myself. It's not meant for someone like me. Love. It hurts. To actually know that you can't love and absolutely don't deserve to be loved. Because I'm like a bee. I become defensive and want to protect myself. But in the end, I hurt others and I die myself. That's usually the cycle for me. I know, I hurt too many people. And many people have hurt me too. I should Stay away, from people, So that they wouldn't get hurt. Because if I get hurt myself, I am fine, I am Okay. Because I'm like, dead. But others aren't like me. They don't deserve to be hurt, they don't deserve to get used to pain. No they don't. So people have to Stay away from me and I have to Stay away from people. Even when I try to protect people close to me, I hurt them. I'm useless, to people. I very well want to be invisible. No one can see me and So I've got no one close to me, no one who would talk to me and So no ne can hurt me. And I can't hurt anyone. Life is So hard. Love is So hard. It's hard to love, I don't know how to love. And That's Why, I cannot love and shouldn't love. People around me will replace me with someone else eventually. And it's really going to be fine. Because I will only be a shadow. A shadow that's secretly caring. A shadow is something that follows people around. Almost like an angel. It disappears in darkness But never abandoning it's owner. That's how I am suppose to be. And even if people actual notices their shadow, they'll somehow forget about it. Yea. That's right. Someone that is easily forgotten. I have to be like that. Even if it hurts. To be forgotten, to be a shadow, to not be able to love. It's for the best. It's the best for everyone else. Tears come and go. But I guess the pain still Stays there. Sometimes it May be coated by flowers, by sunlight,by leaves or by snow. But in the end, someone's going to rip open that wound and then it's gonna bleed again. Like how it is now. But Hopefully, the pain will slowly disappear because it numbs. Like how the water dripping from the roofs have to brace the cold. the end, it freezes and becomes an icicle..The water don't feel cold anymore. Because it already turned cold. And it's frozen. It's numbed. I have to apologize to people who I've hurt. To my sisters, my family, my crush, and my first love. I swear, I won't hurt any of you anymore. And I won't hurt other people anymore. As long as people don't approach me, people leave me alone, people don't Stay, people leave me, people forget me, people replace me, I would never hurt them. It's wrong for me to love. It's wrong for me to hurt. It's even more wrong for people to get hurt by me when I love them. I've wronged too much and I've hurt too much. It's time for everything to stop. So from now on, people shall leave me. Replace me. Forget me. Stop loving me. Stop caring for me. Only treat me as an acquaintance that would be willing to lend a listening ear. If people all do what I said, Maybe, Just Maybe, I can continue to go back loving them. But that would take a long time I guess. But people should know I still will secretly love them and care for them. Just that they shouldn't be able to see it Because of the love would be buried. I would be buried. Buried So deep in their heart they won't find me even if they die. And I'm sorry they still have to bury me in their hearts Because that's really the only way I can still love and care for them. Or Maybe not. Because I will still love and care for people who don't and won't remember me. I'm sorry for this drabble of rant. I do not want anyone to be sad after reading this . No you shouldn't be. Because I'm not worth it. Subscribers, I still love you all. But Because you're not So close to me That's Why I can love you all. But love relationship, would never ever exist in my life ever again. Silent readers, I love you all too. Sorry for my love and pain I gave, Proudtobeab2uty