Christmas....Christmas is the only one day I was so afraid to reach that day,but also was so excited with enjoyment just knowing that day'll come soon. Christmas .... it has a lot of meaning to me,the feeling it given me never repeated.It had given me so many sadness,happiness,excitement,hurtness,all many good feeling and the worst feeling to accept too, I had got these in christmas day despite being one day in the whole year.In that day,I had lose my only precious person in the world for me.But ... god is not that cruel and mean,he arranged my dead life to be alive again by letting me meet with one person.Though I had lose the person who means a lot to me,I could forget this in the short time and enjoy my life again with the help of this one person.This person come into my meaningless life in Christmas,as my neighbourhood,my best friend,my playmate and my supporter... He was so good to me,for me. He is so beautiful... like an angel...also as pure as a snow.I met him in the christmas and I remember till now how we met . It is...........

December 25,2005

                        That time,it was so cold and fallen snow heavily in Busan.The sound of falling snow water from the leaves to the ground,the sight of foggy and the quiet surrounding,all things happening in that day made me feeling alone in my life.I stood in front of my mom tombstone,kept falling down tears from my eyes.This tear made my cheeks colder and my body shiver cos of coldness but I just couldn't stop.Christmas may be the day which will bring happiness for the other people.But for me,I wanted to remove this day from the calendar.If Christmas doesn't exist,my mom won't have to buy some keychain to hang on the christmas tree so she won't die.If she doesn't die,I also had no need to cry like this now.All things occured because of this christmas day's existence.I hated all the things which became one of the reasons to cause my mom dead.

I kept crying until I decided to come back home because I noticed it was almost three hours I stood here.Had many things to think,I walked alone to home slowly and slowly and stopped my walking when I saw one boy, may be same age with me hanging some keychains on the tree in front of my house.This plant,where did it come from?I had destoryed it and never planted new one since my mom died.Anyway,this tree was one of the reasons for my mom death.So seeing this tree make my blood boiled with anger,without thinking twice,I came to that boy who seemed so happy doing his work.

"Excuse me ,who planted this tree? " He looked back at me when my voice came out from his back and replied with a smile. "Yes,it is me.Why? "

"You?Ah... so let me ask ,who give you permission to plant this?" As I told these,his smile disappeared and replaced with a hurtness on his face.

"No one gave me permission and I never knew I have to ask this.Hmm.. So whom do I have to ask for?I'll tell this person about that.It's ok right?? " he smiled again with his idea though his face showed a little hurtness .

"Yes,it will be ok if it is for the other people.But now,the person u have to ask for permission is me and my answer is no.So please destory this plant in front of my house now. " I said without thinking my words properly.I was out of my control until I saw his tears.

He cried standing in front of me lowering his head without replying any single word to me .It amazed me,even I didn't know what to do at that moment,I just realize I should apologise for my bad words.

"H-hey... why are you crying??" instead of apologising word,only this question came out from my stupid mouth.He looked up at me and seeing his face soaked with tear made me more gulity.

"I.... I just wanna spend my borning time by planting this.My par.. parents went to their friend's party and ... and left me alone at home with maids.I ... I have no expection to make you angry.I am sor-sorry " he explained with sob and I could sense it made him hard even in talking.Heard 'sorry' word from him,I wanted to slap my mouth which spoke these words and my head which never think it should or not before saying.Now,the person who didn't do any wrong said "Sorry" to the one who made mistake.

"I .... No.It is not your false and you don't need to apologise.I said without thinking it can hurt you or not.I am sorry for my stupidness.Forgive me. " I said all these words by using all my strength.I never knew saying sorry to someone that difficult and now I forgot to breath during talking these.Then I heard little giggle in front of me.

"Hmm,why do you laugh?Are you make fun of me? "

"No.. no.It is not like that.But... your apologising looked like if you don't say sorry to me in one minute,I'll beat you... " he said wiping his remained tears with his finger and giggle and I found it was cute.I smiled cos of his words.

"I am not angry and blame you.So how about if we introduce each other now? "

"Okie.but let's have a seat first there. " I pointed to the bench nearby and he follwed like I told.

"you start first. "

"Ok.Hmm.. I am Minki,Choi Minki.I am 10 years old and I live there. " he said pointing the house beside mine.

"Oh ! so you are my neighbourhood? "

"Yes,you right.So how about you? "

"Hmm...My name is Hwang Minhyun and I am 10 years old too.As you know, that's my house and I live alone there. " I started introducing myself looking at him to see how he react when I said I live alone and saw he smiled until he heard  'alone' part.

"Hmm?Alone?You live alone in this big house??" his suprising face expression was so cute,his jaw was a little open,his raise eyebrow and his voice was a little high and I couldn't help but laughed.

"You should look at yourself... it is that suprising? "

"Of course.I never heard and seen the child with your age live alone like this. " he said with some hand gesture.

"Ha ha.. ok.ok.I just tease you.I have dad but he is always busy with his works and so I have to live with my aunty.Now she used to back to her hometown every christmas and I am living alone here recently. "

"Oh ! But where is your mom? "

"My mom?? She was die two years ago. " I didn't know why I said this,normally,I never answered to the people who asked about my mom.But now it is different,I hoped Minki'll became the one I can trust.

"Ah,I m sorry " he apologise to me as second time showing his sorrowful face and eyes.

"It's ok.Ah~~~ why today is so cool like this? " I said my arms with my hands in order to change this unpleasant conversation and honestly it is cold too but the thing I never expected had happened.He took my frozen hands and rubbed with his palms to give warmth and also use his mouth's warmth.No words came out from my mouth and didn't pull back my hands too just watched him with widen eyes.

"Why?you said you are so cold now right?I just make you feel less cold " he said without looking at me still focus on his works to my hands. " Here... it is warmer than before.But outside is so cool now. Hmm... do you want to invite me to your house? "

He asked looking at me of course I coudn't say no.So finally,we entered to my house.We talked some radom things,played some games,watched some movies and also had dinner together.It was so fun and unforgetable christmas for me.He stayed in my house until one call came from his parents to tell him to back home.

December 25,2006

"Minhyun... Minhyun-ah... " I felt small shake on my shoulder and I grumbled.

"Minhyun-ah, get up.hurry... " I opened my eyes slowly knowing who is this voice owner.Bingo !That's Minki.

"Uhm... Why Minki? " I got up and rubbed my eyes slowly.

"What "why" ?Do you forget today is what day? " he said pouting his lips cutely.Ah... this kid is so childish.I pinched his cheeks lightly.

"Of course not,I remember today is christmas but we used to meet at night right?So what's the matter? "

"No.Today we'll go to somewhere having fun.Yay !!! you will come along with me right?huh?right?~~ " his begging style is already tied me,who can say "no" when this cutie whine like this?

"haha... Ok.ok... as your wish,Minki. "

"Yay !! That's my Minhyunnie.... So start prepare now.I'll wait you at downstair.Ok?Go..go.. " he pushed me to batheroom before go out from my room.

That day,we had really fun.We went to amusement park,had some funny and scary riding,entered ghost house,whenever he felt scary,cling on me like a child.I understand he had no idea what he was doing but my heart beat thousand fast for a mile,I don't know what it mean too.Minki,he is my best friend,like my brother,but one part of mine can't agree this.What is wrong with me??However,he is my best friend.Yes,Minhyun.you must remember it.

                                       
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We were friendly more and more,I also found him as my supporter because he was always there with me whenever I felt happy or sad.We had passed three christmas day together so it meaned it has been three years we became friends.For me,He was like a drug,I was really addicted in him day by day that I couldn't live without his laughter,his smile,his talking voice,his existence.His completement was really perfect for the loner like me and our friendship was so perfect too. But......all the facts happening between us became the reasons to end our friendship.At the fourth christmas day,we met in my house like before.We talked,played games,watched TV,exchanged our presents,all... all the things we did were like before.But unlike was......  

"Minhyun-ah,I... I like you. " these were the words which came out from his mouth hestiately also made me happy for a moment but I can't let our pure friendship be dyed with colour like this.He always amazed me with his sudden action and words,but now was really really shocked me more than suprise.

"I like you,Minhyun.Can you accept my love? " this time was more firmer than the first time.

"Hmm... Minki,what thoughts were going in your head?We are both guys.We... we can't fall in love.I think you are something wrong,Minki.We are still young too.It'll be better you forget about this. " I whispered but enough to hear him my voice.After said this,I felt some weird feeling,something bad... it is.. regret?

"I don't care about gender,I just know I love you.I love you now, and I'll love you forever and never changed.So pls stop saying non-scene words.Just answer me you can accept me or not. " he said seriously.I took a breath and rejected his love with only " I am sorry" word.

"I... I understand now.I am such a fool who thought you will love me like I do,you will protect me with your love like I do,you will become one person I trust and love the most.But.... but all are just a thought ,never became real.You hate me right?huh? Ok... from now,I'll try to forget you,I'll try not to love you.In my life,the person named Hwang Minhyun won't exist anymore... ! " he yelled at me breaking into tears,ran out from my house.

"Minki... Wait !! " I stopped him with my words but of course,he didn't come back to me.I cried too,seeing his crying make my heart hurt.This was the second time I made him crying like this.His words were like a knife which stabbed my heart ,but now more hurt than physical pain.I passed this remained christmas night by crying alone.

The thing I haven't known from the first time was this will be our last meeting.He moved to somewhere I didn't know,now it has been three months he left me.The days I passed without him was like a hell for me,these days were too difficult to stay.The time when he confessed to me,I rejected him because I wasn't sure about my feeling but now I know clearly. He is my life.........


December 25,2013

                          The feeling of sun's warmth flashed to my face through the window as I still lie at my bed,got up to open the door of window the fresh and cold air greeted me. Though the feeling of living at Seoul and Busan was a little different,their air is fresh as ever.It has been about 2 year I moved to Seoul in order to work for my career;as an author and now I m pretty famous too with my romantic writing.My fans and the people who enjoyed my books might think that I m lucky guy in love but that was totally wrong. Because till now,I can't find Minki the one I love;actually whenever I wrote one book,I based my true feeling on Minki which I couldn't show to him and that's why my story pierced till to the heart of readers,I invested my whole heart to get these experiences.

I glanced at the photostand which put proudly on my writing table beside the bed.There is Minki who smiled so beautiful in the photo,looked like the smile directed to me but that was no way.This photo was one of his christmas gifts to me,he also have taken my photo too.I miss the times which I spend together with him and if I have time machine to turn back my times,I would like to change everything.The time when he confess to me instead of rejecting his love to me,I would accept it happily and pass our rest time as a lover.I would manage our love life to be beatiful like my story plot.But... now everything is just a fake,our friendship was pretty but the one who destoryed it is me. Many times were expired and now reached again to Christams day,always waited with a hope Minki might come back to me but now for this year christmas,I wanna give up because my heart is really tired for waiting him.

"Merry Christmas,Minki... " a singel tear come out from my eyes as I whispered his name rubbing his face in a photo.I never failed in crying and murmuring his name everyday because my heart long for him that much but I couldn't do any good things for it which want only Minki.The other people washed their face with water as soon as they get up from their sleeping but for me,my face always touches with tears first instead of water.

I put the photostand at its original place and directed to bathroom to wash my face with water and have bathe.I m about to put on my clothes,heard the knock from the outside of the door and his voice.

"Minhyun,are you wake up? "

"Ah.. yes JR,now I m preparing for my cloth. " I replied him putting on my shirt.

"Ok,Then go down to have breakfast when you finish.it's ready. "

"I'll... " I said flatly but smiled with the thought of that boy's kindness on me.JR,the one who helped me a lot since I started drop my feet on the ground of Seoul.He is son of my father's friend but he acted me like his own brother and also working under same company with me;he is as an editor while I am author.He also know about Minki a little because I have told him before but never seen Minki's face.

I went down like he told before when I finished and saw he sat at the table;waiting for me.

"Good morning,JR.Merry christmas ! " I greeted him and he smiled at me warmly.

"Morning and Merry Christmas too,Minhyun.Here,let's have our breakfast " I sat down and took a piece of sandwish to my mouth as I heard phone ringtone of JR.

"Hello ... Yeah,Merry Christmas.but...Who are you? - Oh ! Ren ! " I almost drop the sandwish in my hands with a shock when he shouted this one name.Aish,this kid.... Going to get heartattck cos of you.

"Wow... daebaek !So will you come to my office today? - I'll wait you,Ren.Okie,See you soon.Byeeeee~~~ " I shooked my head as JR whine like a child.Who is he talking with?His girlfriend?

"Who it is? "

"Err... it is Ren.Nothing " he didn't answer my question exactly.Jr... he must be hide something from me.But I didn't put any question anymore just try to finish my breakfast.

At office,

I am just writing down the plot which appear on my brain but JR is different;he kept walking forth and back and seems like he is so excited,I really disappointed to see him like this now.

"Ya ! What is wrong with you?I can't concerntrate on my work anymore.Are you that much excitement to see that person,huh? " I scold him putting down my pen and sib a coffee on my table.

"Of course.I am so excited now.I haven't seen him even for two years because he went to America for his studying and now he came back.How can I calm down now?Ah,why he late? " he murmured and looked for something in his drawer,I shooked my head.Ok.I'll let you win,JR.

"Minhyun,please edit it instead me. " he threw one file to me from the table in front of mine and I catched but unfortunately,only ended with touching coffee cup and spacing out the coffee all over the table.I gave him a death glare but he just smiled at me like a fool.I took some tissue and cleaned my table and step out from the office room to clean my hands.I cleaned my hands with some tissue but still sticky.

"Aish.. JR,you are an idiot ! " I just said high pitch in whispering to myself and before I know,I bump against with someone who came from the coner and I fall down,beside me this person's purse fall down opening.I just gazed at this because it had fallen in my sight but shocked what I saw in this purse.The photo with two person smiling and hugging tightly each other,but... there two were.... Me and Minki?

"Ah... I am sorry.I haven't seen your - " This voice... this voice is Minki's .I looked at him as he stopped his talking in midst and saw one blond haired guy,Minki.... he is totally change now,his hair,his style,his figure,all everything he had before had changed,but one thing... one thing just remain normally,it is his beautiful brown eyes.He looked at me shockly and I could sense he remembered me now because his face became hard,No... his face has no expression which made my mouth shut with sadness.He hated me that much?

Without saying anywords to me,just picked his fallen purse and left me alone again.Before I have imagine.If I meet with Minki,I'll beg him for my previous mistakes and confess that I love him too.But in real,I couldn't say anything by meeting with him face to face.and it was just too sudden too.I just watched his leaving figure and got up to go on my work instead of following him.

Why did he come here?May be he has some business... His looks is feminie but more beautiful than before.I was on the way to office but all my thoughts are filled by Minki.I opened the door and welcome some laughters inside the office. "Ah... seems like JR's guest arrived " I stepped into the office but stopped when I saw the sight in front of mine.

Minki,he is talking and laughing with JR who hugged Ren from back.What is this view?Should I... should I leave them alone now?

"Oh !Minhyun... What are you doing there?Come here.I'll introduce you with Ren. " JR called me who stood like a status at the door way releasing Minki from his hug because he noticed my arrival.So the one Ren he meant before is Minki?But which relation is between them?

"Minhyun ? " I just came back reality from my thoughts cos JR called me again.I smiled at him and move forward to stand beside him.

"Ren.It is Minhyun.Minhyun,he is Ren who I meant before. " I looked at Minki nervously but with a suprise,he offered me his hands;I took this carefully.

"Nice to meet you " he shaked my hands slowly.It was awkward moment for me to introduce like this because we both did it before right?JR who seems so happy just watched at us without knowing anything.Poor JR...

He acted me like we are strangers.I don't like this,I wanna solve this problem by telling all everything honestly.But I had no chance to do that except letting him to do what he like. I returnd to my place and start do my unfinished works but more look like I pretent to do this because my ears and mind are at their conversation at all.

"Minhyun.I'll go outside with Ren now.Do you wanna come along with us? " Jr said taking his materials and Minki looked at me sharply as he waited my answer. "You don't want me to go with you right?If you don't want,I won't do,Minki."

"Hmm?Err... uhm... no.Just go by you guys.I wanna finish my works today "

"Ok... So I'll go now. See you.Bye ! "  they left leaving me alone in the room.Seems like JR like Minki and Minki like him too??I feel  like I wanna cry now but I can't without knowing anything exactly.Yes,I need to know Minki love me still now or not?I took a breathe then tried to work.

After may be 30 minutes,one massage came from JR and I checked.

From JR,

Minhyun... don't wait for me today,just go back first by yourself and I have some good news to tell you~~~ :D but not now.at home. :P Ok?Byeeee~~~~~

 I pressed some keys to reply him so simple with  "ok "  words.Today I am not in good mood so decided to come back home though I have some works to do.I took a taxi to go back home,I don't know but I really wanna come back as fast as I can now.But in midst of coming back home,saw mini toy store for Christmas.I asked the driver to wait me for a little while and bought a little bear,holding "I love you" heart shape in his hand.I smiled cos it is totally cute and it was dedicated for Minki.When I arrived at my home,took out key to open door but it looked like already opened by someone,who is inside the house?With curious,I peek inside the house,saw JR sitting on sofa.

"I am home. " without knowing someone was with him,I just greeted him lazily.But that someone is Minki who sitting beside JR holding their hands.What the heck ?

"Oh !Are you arrive?Come here.Today I have good new.Hmm... by mean of,I got the most precious christmas present from Ren. " he said sincerely with his wide smile looking at Minki with loveful eyes.I took a seat.

"What is it? " I asked with a smile but who know I am so worry now. "pls... pls don't tell me what I think... pls..."

"Today,Ren accepted my love !!I have waited this so long and now I got in this christmas day.so happy.. right Ren? "

"Of course " finally all become like I worry and he smirked at me while agree with JR.What mean this smirk directed to me?

"Congratulation JR.You are so lucky guy and... and you looks perfect with Mi-Ren " yes... he is not Minki who I know before anymore.Now he is Ren who hated me and in addition, JR's lover.Now Ren is inside the JR's arms.Seeing this view,my heart... it felt so hurt,if I stay here a little longer,I can't tell what bad things will happen.So...

"Hmm... I wanna rest now.Be happy with your time " I stood up and run out from this place as fast as I can without giving just a glance and entered to my own room.

What the hell is happening here?What is wrong between us??! Christmas... Is the day just to take the one who I love from me?Why can't give me one chance to correct my mistake?Why??!! I took a bear which for Ren from my bag.

"Sorry little bear... your owner is not me.but the real owner can't accept you now too.Because.... cos he found one person to love more than you and me.So pity right?We are same life.... " I broke into tears.... Minki,he revenge me but he is more creul than me.Though I reject his love,I never find my new love because all my love is only for him.But he is unlike me.My tears falling down much even don't know when it'll stop.

"Who tell I find one person to love more than you? " I felt my streaming tears almost stopped from eyes when heard this voice,looked back only to see Minki at the entrance smiling.He walked toward me and sat on my bed beside me.

"Min-minki " I whispered his name and he smiled at me so warmly as a replied then he wiped my tears with his thumbs carefully.

"Don't cry.It makes my heart hurt " his face and his voice were so soft now,also his eyes showed sorrowful.His heart hurt?Is he mean real in his word?

"What do you mean? " I asked with husky voice cos of crying before He smiled at me.

"I mean is.... I love you Minhyun. " I widen my eyes with his words.He accepted JR's love right?No,it is sure here is something wrong.

"I don't get what you mean.So how about JR? "

"JR?He is my friend. " he acted like innocent child,replying this answer.Friend?Is he playing with me?

"Just friend?What do you mean?Before JR said that you accepted his love right? " I am really complex now.

"Pabo " he said giggling..

"What ? "

"haha... you are just catched in Minki's trap.hmm.... After we went out from office,headed to the nearby coffee shop to ask JR about you and he said to me all about you. "

"Hmm?About what?"

"hmm.... about you don't have lover till now but you have the one who you love and you waited him till now.And,the one you love is the guy named Minki " he smiled with a tease and I blushed.

"But I couldn't accept his words easily,So I just test you.hihi... "

"Ah,so that is all your idea?JR told before were all lies? Good.Ah... I just waste my tears.So do you believe now? "  

"Yes,I believe you now... without remain. " he face moved towards me a little as he told these words almost whispering now our face are so near that I can feel his breathing on my face.He looked at me so tensely then he came near and near to me till our lips touched.It was my first kiss and I was so happy that my first kiss is with Minki.May be after three seconds we parted for needed air,we looked at each other smiling.

"So don't you hate me right Minki ? " he lips loosen from the smile into a pout as I asked this.

"Stupid.Do you think I'll kiss the one I hate?I never hated you.No,I tried to but just couldn't.Because this crazy Minki gave all his love to the stupid person like you. " he hugged me from the back and put his chin on my shoulder.When he said this,I felt really sorry for my stupidness.

"I am sorry,Minki.Yes,like you told,I am stupid person... really stupid.But from now,I'll protect and love you forever.I promise in christmas day.Please believe me this time. " I said grabbing his hand and looking his eyes directly.

"I believe you,Minhyun.Like I have told,I believe you without any remain.Oh ! This bear is for me? " he changed the direction of conversation immediately but I know he just didn't wanna talk about before.He said taking the bear from my arms and hugged it tightly.

"Yeah.... it's for you.My gift for christmas.Do you like it? "

"Yes... I like it a lot " he looks really happy now and I m happy too.Then I spread my palm his front and he looked at me confusely.

"What is this for? "

"I have given you a present.Where is your present for me? " I said with a pout pretending I mad at him and he giggle.

"My present?Here " he kissed me again,Aish... this kid is more naughty now but I love it. I accept him happily and then I felt he moved his lips against with mine,and his one hand was on the back of my neck to deepen the kiss while  one of my hands were on his waist and the other helded his face.I poked his lower lips with my tongue for entrance and without hesitately he opened his mouth then we battle for dominance.But as a suprise, he won.Damn it !He is a good kisser.

After a while,we needed air so we apart.

"I love you,Choi Minki. "

"But I hate you,Hwang Minhyun "

"Why? "

"Because... you took my heart away. " he replied me smiling and I peek his lips then I laid on the bed don't wanna to continue our working because I know myself well.Soon I'll lose my self.Minki looked at me weirdly but I just smiled at him and patted my arms in order to lay him on my arms,he followed and laid down on my arms and buried his face in my chest. Feel so warm in this cool christmas day.

"Minki." I called him as I his blonde hair softly.

"Hmm? "

"I... will you marry me? " He immediately looked up at me.

"Do you really mean it? "

"Of course.I meant it.I love you so much,Minki.I can't lose you.you know? " I held and caress his face.

"I love you too,Minhyun.I'll die if I lose you next time.But about marry,it is too early for us right? " I sighed.Yes,he right.

"Are you sad?I am sorry but I promise when we get enough age,I'll marry with you because you are my life. " I felt butterflies in my stomach seeing his loveful eyes and warm voice, I love this guys so much.

"I am happy Minki.Merry christmas. "

"Merry christmas too.I love you,Minhyun. "

"I love you too,Minki " we pressed our lips again.I don't know when we'll stop but kissing make our frozen lips warm.Then we heard some cough at the door way and we startled.It is JR.We got up hurrily and i pouted at him while Minki looked down shyly.

"hihi... Should I leave now?" JR stretched his neck and chuckled.

"You?I'll kill you "

"Omo ! Scary~~ haha.. " I laughed along with JR while pulling Minki into my arms and he laugh with us too.This year christmas bring for me the most precious thing,the happiness. Christmas is the miracle thing for me.I love christmas and hope Minki'll feel same with me....

                                                                                                     ~ ~ ~ THE END ~ ~ ~

MinRen so cute right?? hihi... I am really sorry for my grammer errors.Pls understand me... and once again,Merry christmas all my lovely readers~~~ ^^