He calls me when he needs something to be asked.

"Sorry, can I ask what time is it now?"

I tied my shoelace on the way to my new school, when I heard someone asked me about the time. That's a guy's voice and it sounded so delicate. Maybe he asked me because he saw my big wrist watch on my right wrist.

I looked up to look at him and the first thing I saw was a pair of eyes that were looking at me cutely. I blinked my eyes. I have small eyes too, but I thought his eyes are smaller yet they looked cuter than mine. The second thing that caught my attention was his hair. His hair looked so fluffy, made me wanted to ruffle it. His bang on his forehead made him looked so cool despite his cute eyes that he has. I stood up and we looked then blinked to each other's eyes. I could see him clearly now. He's handsome, not that kind of flower boy type but there's something about his face that I found so charming.

Then I remembered he was just asking about the time. "It's quarter minutes to eight."

He sighed. Sighed of relief. "Thank God, I thought I'm late. Thanks for answering me."

He smiled. His eyes disappeared. That was the most beautiful and genuine smile that people ever gave me. And my heart stopped beating.

He walked away from me and I found myself staring at his back. I didn't know what's wrong with me even the way he walks seemed so mesmerize. I kept looking at his backside when all of sudden he stopped and turned around. I really wanted the ground to swallow me because it's just ashamed to be caught staring at stranger like that.

"Are you going to Namwoon High School?"

I was speechless. Did he just asked me? I looked behind and no one's there. 

"Yes." I finally answered him after assuring myself that he just talked to me.

"By any chance, are you a freshman as well?" He walked back and stop in front of me.

I nodded slowly. Then he smiled again. A very big smile but his eyes still disappeared. Oh God, he's gorgeous.

"Me too. My name is Kim Sunggyu."

"My name is Jung Eunji."

"Let's go to our school together, Jung Eunji."

I nodded happily. I liked the way he called my name with his delicate voice. And as long as on the way to my new school, I couldn't stop smiling and glancing at Sunggyu.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was my first meeting with Kim Sunggyu. It turned out that we were a classmate. But I never talked to him again after our first conversation. He preferred to hang around with the boys and rarely had interaction with the girls in our class. He sat at the corner and I sat at the first row. Even glancing at him during our classes was difficult for me to do. The only thing I could do to look at him (or adore him) was when the school bell rang. I always packed my stuffs longer than any my friends, so I could see Sunggyu, even just a glimpse of his back, when he went out of our classroom.

A month after being a high school student, I got a surprised on one morning. Sunggyu was sitting on my chair. I had no clue why he's sitting there, but deep inside my heart I thanked God because He gave me a chance to talk him. I was about to ask why he was there, when he greeted me first...

"Good morning, Jung Eunji."

I didn't know before that I missed his voice. We talked just once, but it seemed like his voice was kept in my heart all of this time. His greeting was like dew that freshen my morning. He also smiled, the smile that succesfully ruined all my composure. His smile was more shining than the morning sun and it brought warmth into my heart.

"G-good morning, Sunggyu."

"I'm sorry I sit here. I was waiting for you." He stood up and invited me to sit on my own chair.

I lost my sense again. Why did he wait for me? Did I just hear it right? I was sure I didn't make any promise with him.

"Why...why were you waiting for me?"

"I want to ask you about the Math lesson yesterday. Can I?" He sounded hesitant.

I was disappointed and relief at the same time. Disappointed, because I was being delusional earlier and I thought maybe he would ask me to go out. Relief, because at least I wouldn't get a heart attack if he suddenly asked me to go out.

"Sure, I can help. But why me?"

"You're good at Math. You got the highest score in last quiz. I'm worry about tomorrow's test, because I still can't understand some materials. I'll be thankful if you don't mind to help me."

I cheered inside my heart. At least I knew Sunggyu paid attention to my score, even it's obvious because our teachers always announced who got the best score in every quiz or test. But I couldn't help but happy. And I didn't mind at all to help him.

~~~~~~~~~

That Math lesson changed my life forever. After that time, he often asked me about some materials that he found so difficult. Sunggyu unintentionally made me love Math more. I studied Math hard. In case if he asked me about it, I could answer perfectly. That's why sometimes I thought I should thank to the founder of Math, because of his invention I could become close to Sunggyu.

After we found out that our houses were close to each other, he always waited for me in bus stop. We would chat about everything or tease each other on the bus. Sometimes we laughed out loud together and got some death glares from the other passengers who felt annoyed with our laughters. 

Sunggyu often came to my house and vice versa. We studied together a lot. I taught him science and he would teach me English, the only subject in school I was a bit weak. We even closed to each other's parents, especially Sunggyu who seemed more clingy to my mom than me, her real daughter. 

During our free time, if Sunggyu didn't hang out with his boys, he would call and dragged me along to accompany him wherever he wanted to go. Most of the times, Sunggyu and I spent our time in karaoke since we both love singing and I loved listening to Sunggyu's singing voice. He really had talent for singing and I always to become a singer, but he would think I only made fun of his voice. He indeed had a good voice if only he knew it. Other place that we like to visit was street that had many food seller since we were fan of street foods. Delicious foods with cheap price and ate it with Sunggyu, that's one the moments that I would always cherish.

Sunggyu and I were kind of inseparable. Our friends always thought that we were dating since I was the only girl who closed to Sunggyu. But he always denied it by saying I was his long lost twin sister. I would laugh and agree everytime he said that, even in my heart I want more that just a long lost twin sister.

After graduating from our beloved high school, we were accepted at Yonsei University. I was accepted in Science Department and I took Math major. Sunggyu was in English department. Well, I had to thank him for making me a master in Math. We left Busan and went to Seoul together to become college students. My mom also asked Sunggyu to take care of me when we were in Seoul.

Having Sunggyu as my best friend was one of the best things happened to me. Even though, just like the old quote said 'Man and woman can't be just friends' because one of them would fall in love. In our case, I was the friend who fell in love with my best friend. I loved him more day by day and I always knew I only got friendzoned by Sunggyu.

~~~~~~~~~~

He calls me, to tell me he falls in love

"So you live here?" 

I only nodded. I lived in my aunt's house in Seoul, just like my mom and my aunt asked. I wouldn't mind though, since I preferred to live with my family rather than I had to adjust myself again in a dorm. Sunggyu didn't have any relation in Seoul, so he chose to live in college's dorm.

Sunggyu was visiting me that night. We talked a lot in front of my aunt's house, since we didn't meet for about one week. We kept talking about our experience being a college student for about two hours. When Sunggyu was about to leave, a cab was stopped in front of us. My cousin, Chorong, was out of that cab.

"Eunji, why aren't you talking inside the house?"

"My friend wants to talk here and he's about to go though."

"Oh okay then, I'll go inside first."

Chorong and Sunggyu exchanged bow, then my cousin went into her house. After she's out of sight, Sunggyu grabbed my arm and startled me.

"Eunji, who's that?"

"My cousin." I asked while widening my eyes.

"How old is she?"

"Same with us."

"Where is she stydying now?"

"In Yonsei too. Medical student."

"Seriously, why did you never tell me you have a beautiful cousin?"

My jaw dropped. I didn't know how to respond. Three years being my friend, that was the first time I saw Sunggyu interested in a girl and I wasn't happy at all. 

"You...you never asked."

"Ah you're right."

He laughed. He let go of my hand but I felt like he took my heart then broke it into pieces. I wasn't ready to see Sunggyu got interested to my cousin.

~~~~~~~~~~~

My cell phone rang, but I ignored it.

It rang again. I kept ignoring it.

It rang again for the third time. I grabbed it harshly and Sunggyu's name was in my screen phone. I squinted my eyes to look at the clock on the wall. It was 2 AM. Damn, what was he thinking calling me at this hour? Didn't he know I just could sleep one hour ago because I kept thinking about him?

I picked his call and...

"Jung Eunji!!!"

He called my name. His voice sounded relief because finally I picked his call and suddenly I didn't feel mad at all. His voice was still magical for me.

"Eunji, you have to help me you know that?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Help you what?"

"I think I'm going crazy."

"I know that. Only crazy person who calls at this hour."

"I can't get her out of my head."

I was speechless. I know what he meant and I wasn't ready to hear it.

"I think I'm falling in love with your cousin. It's crazy, isn't it? I just met her, barely in a minute, but she's already giving me this impact. Help me, Eunji."

For the first time ever, I wanted him to stop talking. I always loved everytime Sunggyu told me something because it was always interesting, but not this one. Not with all his feelings he felt for my cousin. Not about other girl.

"Please introduce me to her. Please, Eunji. You're my hope." He seemed desperate.

"Eunji, are you still there?"

I was still silent.

"Eunji? Jung Eunji?"

"I'm still here." 

"So you will help me, won't you?"

It was't the first time he asked for my help but never in imagination he would asked me to matchmaking him. For worst, matchmaking him with my own cousin. It hurt, it really was.

"Jung Eunji?"

Stop! Stop calling my name like that! Didn't you know I love you? Why were you doing this to me?

I really wanted to say that I loved him more than anything.

"Eunji? Hello?"

"Sunggyu, actually I...." I paused.

"Hmm what?"

"I....I will help you."

I heard he cheered over there. "Thank you so much, Eunji. I know I always count on you..."

I hung up his call. I couldn't hold my tears anymore.

Kim Sunggyu, my dearest best friend, made me cry that night.

~~~~~~~~~

Did you know what is the real definition of stupid? Stupid is Jung Eunji.

Yes, I was the stupidest person ever existed in the world.

Sunggyu came again the next day. This time he insisted to have a talk inside the house. He kept pleading to be introduced to my cousin. As always I couldn’t reject Sunggyu’s request if he asked me with his cute puppy eyes. I knew my heart was breaking again when I saw Sunggyu smiled coyly after shaking hands with Chorong.

After that night, Sunggyu came almost every day. My aunt and Chorong kept  asking and teasing me if Sunggyu was my boyfriend, as much as I wanted to say yes I had to say no for that question. If only they knew the actual intention of Sunggyu’s visit every night was for seeing Chorong, not just talking to me.

Sunggyu came up with an idea to be closer to Chorong. He planned to invite Chorong to go strolling around with us. I didn’t know why I stupidly said yes to help him.

I was the one who forced Chorong to join us with the reason we’re Busan people and needed a guide to help us know more about Seoul. At first Chorong seemed mind to go, because she thought she would bother our dating. Sunggyu would explain to her that we’re just friends and kept begging her to go with us. I thought Sunggyu’s puppy eyes effect also worked on Chorong since like finally she agreed to be our ‘guide’ in Seoul.

And there the awkwardness was. I was like being the third wheel every time we went out. Sunggyu, would always have a way to make a move to catch my cousin’s heart. He opened the cab’s door or café’s for her. He brought her belongings after shopping. He sang a romantic song heart fully when we went to karaoke while looking at her. He would pull a chair for her when she was about to sit. He asked me to sit at the corner then Chorong sat between us when we watched movie in theater. And the part that I couldn’t handle was the way Sunggyu adored Chorong here and there. His fall-in-love-face was really perfect and I could only hope the look he gave to Chorong was for me.

One day, I went home from my college a bit late. My aunt asked why I didn’t come back with Chorong. I was just shrugged since I even didn’t see her anymore that day after having breakfast together in the morning. Then my aunt said Chorong was out with Sunggyu and she thought I went with them as well. I ran to my bedroom after that. The tears came out again from my eyes. I still didn’t want to accept the fact that Sunggyu and Chorong finally stop inviting me to go out with them.

They kept going out together without me. Sunggyu and Chorong sometimes asked me to join them. I politely refused and said I had a lot of tasks. Sunggyu thought I did it for him, so that he would have time together only with Chorong. He just didn’t know I did it for myself. I didn’t want to ruin my life by seeing they glanced at each other secretly. Moreover I knew, their invitation for me was just sweet words in their mouths.

~~~~~~~~~

He calls me to ask what she likes.

“Jung Eunji.”

I was surprised when I saw Sunggyu stood and waited for me in front of my class. He also smiled. The thing that I always missed from him.

“What are you doing here?” I acted coolly though God knew my heart was jumping excitedly.

“Let’s watching movie with me!”

“Eh? Why all of sudden?”

Sunggyu pouted his lips. “Don’t you miss walking around with me?”

I wasn’t only missing walk around with you, Kim Sunggyu. I missed every moment I spent with you only. I missed everything about you.

I agreed to go with him. That’s for sure. That was the times I’ve been waiting for since he’s kind of forget me after becoming close to Chorong.

We watched a comedy romantic movie and I found Sunggyu’s laugh was more amusing than the movie itself. I didn’t pay attention to the movie since I was busy glancing at him and adoring his laughter. It’s been so long I didn’t sit right next to him in the theater, since my throne was taken by Chorong, so I had to treasure the moment. I didn’t care with the movie, Sunggyu was the main actor in my own movie and his laugh was the real comedy which brought laughter to me.

“What do you want to do after this?” Sunggyu asked me when we walked out from theater.

“I have no clue, you decide please.”

“Hmmm alright. So I guess you have to help me then.” He smiled naughtily to me.

Suddenly I regretted my decision earlier. I shouldn’t let Sunggyu to decide what we should do. I was kind of trauma hearing the word ‘help’ from him. I was afraid he would ask me to help something related to Chorong.

“Chorong’s birthday is tomorrow. I want to give her something. Do you know what she likes? Please help me to choose a gift for her.”

I was right. I couldn’t help myself but to think the real intention Sunggyu wanted to watch movie with me wasn’t because he missed me but he needed me to pick a gift for my cousin. I didn’t know how he knew her birth date and I didn’t want to know how. I was jealous because at my last birthday he only called to greet me without any gift. Sad true story.

“Please, Jung Eunji!” Those puppy eyes again.

I didn’t know which was right, I was indeed stupid or I was too kind, but the next thing I did I was walking into doll store.

“Do you mean I shall give her a doll? Does she like a doll?”

“Every girl likes getting a doll!”

“Really? Have you received one from a guy before?”

I hoped I could get one from you, Sunggyu. “No. But that’s most every girl’s dream. Well, I guess like that.”

“But here’s so much doll. What shall I buy? Oh this one is cool. Pororo!” Sunggyu took one Pororo doll and showed it to me. “Does she like Pororo?”

No. I was the one who liked Pororo. “No. She likes hello kitty.”

“Hello Kitty?”

“Yes, this way.”

I dragged him to the rack full with Sanrio’s dolls. They all looked so cute. I sighed because Chorong would get one of these cute stuffs for her birthday present, moreover it would be given by Sunggyu.

“So this is Hello Kitty? How cute just like Chorong!” He giggled. “Which one?”

“Buy this one!” I pointed at a hello kitty which was wearing a pink ribbon.

“I was about to pick this too. We always have same taste. Wait, I’ll pay it first” Sunggyu took the doll then went to cashier.

I stared at his back and said to my self, ‘What’s the use of having the same taste if we haven’t had the same feelings?’ Then I hurriedly wiped my tear.

~~~~~~

He calls me to tell me I’m his best friend.

The next day, I was just walked out of my classroom, suddenly.....

“JUNG EUNJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I turned around, well not only me, my friends and some people who were happened being there, also turned around to look at Sunggyu, who ran towards me and squealed my name.

“Eunji!”

He kept screaming my name while running. When he’s in front of me, he pulled me into his embrace. “I love you, Jung Eunji.”

I widened my eyes. What was wrong with him? Did he just realize that I was the one all of this time?

He let go of me then cupped my face. “Jung Eunji, you are the best of the best friend I ever had.”

My smile disappeared. His words reminded me that I have to stop being delusional.

 “Chorong and I are officially dating! If it’s not because of your helps, we wouldn’t be like this. Ah  I’m dating your cousin now, Eunji, and we will be real family.”

His eyes were shining. He beamed. He was so happy. As long as I knew him, I never saw he was happier than this before.  He also talked about family which meant he was serious with his relationship.

I wanted to say something but my brain refused it. Instead, my eyes were teary. But I couldn’t show it in front of Sunggyu.

“C-congrats, Sunggyu.”

I ran away. Sunggyu didn’t allow seeing my tears. I couldn’t ruin his perfect moment with these stupid tears. I knew he must be confused with my attitude earlier, but that’s better than he knew my one sided love.

~~~~~~~~~~

6 years later

“Okay class, don’t forget your homework and see you tomorrow.”

I waited for my students to walk out of the classroom while I packed my stuffs. I am now a teacher, in my old high school. After graduating from Yonsei University three years ago, I decided to back to my hometown. Luckily, my high school was in need a new teacher. I applied as teacher here,  they thought I was qualified so they hired me.

I walked out from the school to the bus stop while enjoying the scenery of autumn. How I loved seeing the leaves fell. Autumn’s color is always beautiful for me.

“Jung Eunji seonsaengnim!”

I was frozen. That voice. It couldn’t be him? But…I knew that voice by heart. I turned around slowly and he was there. Standing, waving, and smiling at me.

Autumn seemed warmer because of his shining smile.

“Sunggyu?”

“Surprise!!!”

“Is this really you?”

“Am I being more handsome until you can’t recognize me anymore?”

“It’s been long time since we met so I have to assure myself I’m not dreaming.”

“It’s me, Eunji.”

Then he hugged me. Not that tight nor that long, but enough to make me feel the sensation of feeling that I stopped having again after I avoided him. It wasn’t right at all, my poor heart still weakened because of Sunggyu.

“Look at you now, you’re a pretty teacher. I knew you would be a good teacher when you taught me Math during our high school time.”

We laughed. Ah memory. High school time would always be my favorite era. Because Sunggyu was there. And having Sunggyu here made me missing those times more.

“How long we haven’t met?” Sunggyu opened the conversation when we sat at the bus stop. The bus stop we used to be together waiting for our bus.

“The last meeting was in our graduation.”

“God, that’s too long. You haven’t come to send me to the army. You also didn’t come when I was back last year.”

“I sent you a long message to wish you good luck. And sorry, when you’re back and threw a party here I was going to a summer camp with my students.”

“I knew. I was disappointed you weren’t there. Ah I also forgot when the last time we talked a lot like this.”

I only smiled bitterly. I even forgot when the last time we had a long conversation was. One month after Sunggyu and Chorong officially dating, I decided to move out from my aunt’s house. I made excuses because I needed place nearer to my college, I didn’t want to wake anyone up every time I went home late, and I wanted to try to live alone. All of those are nonsense reasons, because the main reason was I was so tired seeing Sunggyu’s and Chorong’s lovey dovey. I also joined many organizations in my college. I kept myself being busy so I could avoid Sunggyu completely. That’s why Sunggyu and I practically weren't that close anymore when we were at college. We exchanged text sometimes but only for saying hi and stuffs like that. After graduating, I was back to Busan and Sunggyu got enlisted. He decided worked as public service worker in Seoul after being discharged.

Some guys tried to hook up with me but it never worked. It’s not like I didn’t give a chance to other guy to steal my heart, but I always thought it wasn’t fair if I dated someone but my heart still long for  someone else . I should blame Sunggyu because of it.

“Why are you coming here?”

“You haven’t heard?”

“Heard what?”

“I’m married next month.”

I knew sooner or later this day would come. The day when I had to let go of Sunggyu for real. I thought I would be ready when I received a wedding invitation from him. Well, it’s not as worst as before but still it felt like a knife just hit my heart.

I tried to smile. “Congratulations. I didn’t know I haven’t met your mother these days.”

“That’s why I’m here. To tell our high school friends about it. I really hope they will come to my happy day.”

“Some of them aren’t living here anymore.”

“I know, but some of them also still. I can send a wedding invitation instead, but I preferred to tell them straightly. I miss them. I miss Busan. I miss autumn here.”

“You don’t miss me?” I .

“I miss you the most, Eunji!”

I miss you more, Sunggyu. But I know I couldn’t tell it.

“Eunji, I have last request to you.”

“What?”

“Not my request actually, but mine and Chorong’s. Would you be her bridesmaid? Pretty please!”

I couldn’t believe his puppy eyes haven’t changed at all. I wasn’t surprised anymore when my head nodded instantly. Sunggyu’s puppy eyes was like my weakness.

“Jung Eunji, I miss having street foods with you. Let’s get them now! How?”

He gave a big smile. It’s like the first big smile he gave me when he found out that I was his schoolmate at our first meeting. As always, I said yes to his request.

~~~~~~

I found my heaven when I was walking around while eating street foods with Sunggyu. I felt like I was throwing back into my teenage days.

We laughed along and chat about everything. That’s Sunggyu that I miss.  Sunggyu who only had Jung Eunji as his only girl friend. Sunggyu who wasn’t mad in love with Eunji’s cousin. Sunggyu who always thought fish cake was the best of amongst street foods.

“We haven’t had chocolate ice cream. I haven’t seen any ice cream parlor.” I told Sunggyu.

“Ah you’re right. Did all the ice cream parlors close during autumn?”

“It can be like that.”

“Eunji, there is one there!” Sunggyu pointed across the street.

“It’s over there, forget it then.”

“Hey our street foods time won’t be complete without ice cream. Wait here, I’ll buy for us.”

“Don’t be too long.”

I kept seeing Sunggyu crossing the street with two other people and a little girl. Sunggyu and two people already arrived across the street, but the little girl was left and fell on the middle of the street, right when the traffic light turned into green. Sunggyu automatically went back to help that little girl. He helped her to stand up but that girl seemed couldn’t walk. A car with high speed was walking fast toward Sunggyu’s and the girl’s direction. Sunggyu tried to carry her but the car was nearer. So he pushed the girl toward the pavement and made himself fell on the zebra cross. He tried to stand up but the car was faster than his movement.

Everything became slow motion for me.   From Sunggyu who’s trying to help the girl until the car hit his body and made it flew a few meters. All I heard was screaming from all the people who also witnessed this, but my lips even couldn’t move. Tears running down from my eyes without I realized it.

I walked like a drunken person toward Sunggyu’s body which was surrounded by many people. I pushed away some of them to give me a way. I fell on the street when I saw blood all over Sunggyu’s body.

“Sunggyu…Sunggyu….”

I pulled his head and hugged it. He still breathed.

“Sunggyu, ambulance will come soon. Please hold on! Please I beg you!”

He reached my hand and tried to hold it. His hand was so cold. “Eun….ji…”

“I’m here, Sunggyu. I’m here!”

Please don’t leave me like this, Sunggyu.

“Eunji.” His voice was getting weaker. “Eun..ji..please tell Chorong that I love…her.”

His grip on my hand was loosened. His body was getting colder. His eyes closed tightly. And he stopped breathing.

I cried out. I cried harder and harder while hugging his body tighter. I didn’t know which one was made me cry harder, Sunggyu who’s died on my embrace or the fact that even on his last breath I was never on his mind.

~~~~~~~~

I was standing in front of Sunggyu’s graveyard. His body was buried few minutes ago. There were still also Sunggyu’s families, my cousin Chorong and her parents.

Chorong was crying like mad. She was faint many times after knowing that Sunggyu was no longer on this world.

Meanwhile, I stared at Sunggyu’s graveyard expressionless. I thought my tears already drained. Even though I cried no one would pity me. They would pity and consoled Park Chorong, Sunggyu’s bride-to-be, not Jung Eunji who was only Sunggyu’s long lost twin sister.

I moved closer to Chorong and sat next to her. “In his last breathing, he asked me to tell you that he loves you so much.”

Chorong turned to look at me then she hugged me tightly and cried more. I hugged her back and suddenly I cried again, harder than I have ever cried before.

In the end, both Chorong and I hadn’t a happy ending with Sunggyu. But we surely had a happy story with him. Chorong would always have all the romantic stories she had with Sunggyu after six years together with him. I would always have the story of Sunggyu’s teenage life with me.

I knew I promised to not cry again and willing to let him go, but I let myself to cry for the last one. Then I would never remember this ending again and would only remember all the precious stories I made with Kim Sunggyu.