Part One Theme Songs:

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The rain never seems to stop.

I lift a finger, touching the window surface gently. It's so cold it sends a small shiver up my arm. On the outside, it's frosted and beautiful. The sky is crying heavily and it's tears are presenting me with a sensual rain dance.

I sigh softly, watching my breath fog up the glass. The windowseat is cold although I have a thick blanket wrapped around me as I stare at my phone; waiting for that one miracle. It never comes and I hug my knees, a dull ache settling in my heart. Please, please, please.

Park Sang Hyun, I whisper to myself in my head, why are you doing this to me?

Thunder had kept his promise for the first month and a half. He called me every day for the first three weeks. After that, he had called every two days or so...and after that he didn't seem to have time for me at all. The last call I had gotten was a week ago and it barely lasted two minutes. I kept telling myself that Thunder was on tour, he was busy and tired...I shouldn't be the clingy, annoying girlfriend that bugged him to keep in contact with me.

He has more important things to do.

I glance at the calendar hanging silently on the wall.

Just over forty days left.

Please be okay for me, Sang Hyun.

Please.

+ + +

Thunder

+ + +

I stare at my phone in silent contemplation.

Should I? Or should I not?

I stare at her picture on the screen, tracing her features, her name, the curve of her lips. Finally, I let my phone drop to the ground with a clatter. I can't do this. I can't do this to her.

I bury my face in my hands and let out a strangled, anguished cry. Lifting my fist, I give the mirrored wall a powerful punch, watching the blood steadily seeping down my knuckles.

<< FLASHBACK >>

I stood silently in front of the manager, eyes matching evenly on his. Our second consecutive concert in Singapore had just finished.

"Cheondoong-ah," The manager started smoothly, folding his hands in front of him. "I'm not going to ramble. I'll get to the point - I want you to stop calling that girlfriend of yours. It's distracting you and diverting your attention from the tour...and from everything else."

I was a bit taken aback. I thought the conversation was going to be a lot more serious. I contemplated what he said. It was true...I thought of _____ every day and it took up most of my mind.

I blinked and frowned, "Then I'll call her less. Every two or three days."

"I don't think I explained myself clearly enough," He replied, standing up and walking around the table.

"What do you - "

"I want you to break up with her."

I froze. My eyes turned glassy, unmoving and unblinking. There was a tense silence.

"I'm sorry," I finally said dully. "But your request is impossible. I'm not going to leave ______ for anything. You can do anything you want to me and kick me out of MBLAQ, but I'm not breaking up with ______."

I moved to the door, determined that the conversation is over.

I heard his footsteps stop.

"You are burdening her."

That one sentence halted me.

"You are young. You might think at this age that love lasts forever and longer, but I've lived twice as long as you have, Cheondoong. In the real world, love doesn't exist. It's one of those fairytale things people dream of that never come true." He paused.

Giving a long, defeated sigh, he started talking in a reminiscing tone.

"I... had three lovers; each one I fell hard and fast for. But there was one woman...I knew she was the one. I loved her more than anything; I was like you, I would've sacrificed anything for her. But our circumstances and family issues at that time meant I couldn't give up my career to be with her. I was always on tour, always away. But she waited. She waited even to the last days of her life."

I didn't turn. My half raised hand that had been reaching for the doorknob dropped slowly to my side. I didn't know where this was heading, but uncertainty hung over my head like a heavy raincloud.

"She had developed a brain tumour and only had a few months to live. She didn't tell me. She didn't want me to worry and give up my job," Manager's voice broke, changing into a bitter tone. "I didn't find out until I was called to her deathbed. I never should've kept her by my side. She didn't get a proper chance to love or be loved; she never got to experience happiness fully. If...I hadn't been so selfish, she could have felt at least some proper happiness... before she left this world."

I stared at the ground.

"Why are you telling me this?" My voice was hard.

I heard him come closer, his heavy palm resting on my shoulder.

"If you really love her...If you want her to be happy...let her go."

"My situation is different from yours," I managed through frozen lips. "It's not the same. I'll go back to her...I won't leave her."

"I want what's good for you," His voice was full of emotion. "I don't want you to end up like me."

I didn't speak. In one swift motion, I took hold of the doorknob and swung open the wooden frame. I didn't want to listen anymore.

"Park Sang Hyun. Don't burden her. Set her free."

<< END OF FLASHBACK>>

I love you _____. That's why I'm letting you go.

Mianhe.

+ + +

Seven days left.

Seven days before Thunder can finally come back.

No phone calls at all. No texts. No letters. No email.

I touch the picture of him gently, his face. The bittersweet last meeting between us seems to be a far away memory now. I miss him so much I can't even breathe. I count stars every night, thinking of him; his sweet smile, his deep eyes, his voice, the way he hugs me. I want it all back.

I swallow back a lump that had risen in my throat and cradle my phone. I just needed to hear his voice. All I wanted was to hear that he was okay - that we were okay. Just one word.

My fingers shake as I dial his number. One call would be alright wouldn't it?

I hit the 'call' button with a flutter of anxiety wrestling in the pit of my stomach.

One ring.

Two rings.

Please pick up.

Three rings.

Four rings.

"MBLAQ Thunder speaking."

My heart stops. His voice, his voice, his voice.

"Sang Hyun?" I whisper into the phone.

Silence.

...

"_____." He states my name with dull indifference.

I swallow, "How have you been?"

"Good...you?"

"Fine," I play with the pillow on my lap. His voice sounds the same...but different. I didn't know what to say, it had never been this awkward before. "Have you been eating on time?"

He shifted on the other end, "Yes."

"That's good."

"...Look, ____, I need to go."

"O-oh," I stammer, blinking. "Okay. Take care of yourself..."

I take a deep breath, "Saranghaeyo."

Another pause.

"...Saranghae," He finally replied quietly, hanging up.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I close my phone slowly. I feel like something has changed.

I feel like I don't know anymore. 

Author's Note:

Wasn't that WAY too dramatic? D:

To be honest, I don't think I've written this first part very well. I just couldn't get into 'sad' mode xD

Please give leave this lonely author a comment (yes, playing the pity card >:D)

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Thank you for reading!