Forgeting the one you love is... Hard.

It takes time.

It takes time to forget.

But what happens when you forget, without wanting it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

31th December 2012

“Ten minutes left Jjongie.” Our hands entangled as we sat on the rooftop of our house. The skies were clear and dark, just perfect to look at the stars. There were so many of them, yet each single one, was just a bit, different. Just a bit, unique.

“I'll get the wine. Red one, as always?” He genuine smile was more than I ever needed. Just the fact he was still here, after so many years, was enough. Just him, was enough. My eyes got stuck on his lips as he spoke, a bit dreamy I could say. Yes, I got a bit dreamy.

“JinKi, hey, back to earth.” His hand waved in front of my face. With a little smirk in the corner of his mouth, he grinned and went inside. He knew I loved red wine, didn't need to ask. But somehow, he always did.

“Hurry, one minute left.” He took out his paraloid camera and took a picture of us. Us. I liked that word.

We closed out eyes, counting down from twenty. I got mixed up by the numbers, stupid me. At least he was okay. I laughed softly under my breath.

Ten seconds left.

Our eyes were now wide open and staring into each other with love, a bit of passion and a little bit of embarrassment. Just like magic.

“Happy New Year, Jjongie!” I leaned closer with an excited expression plastered to my face and gently gave him a quick kiss on those sweet lips of his. He smiled and without any response yearned for more as he held me in his strong arms while kissing me passionately. I kissed him back, a bit stronger and a bit longer. No one wanted to hold back. Only when we desperately needed air, we broke off and just simply smiled.

“Was that my gift?” A grin grew across his face as he opened the bottle of wine and filled both glasses with the crimson red liquid I loved so much. I wasn't addicted, neither alcoholic, I just loved the way it made me a bit... Happier.

“Is that all I'm getting tonight?” The liquid was flowing in my throat and lingered in my mouth, tasting it with every detail.

My eyes went back to his lips, I wanted them. Now.

“Is that all you though I needed?” JongHyun stood up and jumped up like a little kid getting his new year's money. He took my hand and lifted me in the air, squeezing me into a hug. His placed his hands on my thighs and held me up, carrying me to our bedroom.

My arms entangled his neck and I kissed him like there was no tomorrow. He placed me on the bed and slowly lowered himself until he was sat on me. ing my shirt, one by one, he gripped my wrist and held them above my head as he started kissing my neck. I will never forget this. Tonight was the best day of my life. I think I was in heaven.

 

 

 

 

23rd January 2013

I was going to be late again, .

“Jjongie, I'm sorry, I'll get there as soon as possible.” I run to the train station as fast as my legs allowed me. It was pouring rain, I had not umbrella. I forgot it. Jjongie was at the train station, also without an umbrella, waiting for me for the last twenty minutes in the rain. I forgot what time he was leaving and the stupid traffic. What if my baby gets sick?

“Lee JinKi, where have you been!?” Would it be stupid to guess that he's a tiny, bit angry now? I say nothing, just smile widely. Maybe he'll forgive me?

“Jjongie, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. The traffic and everything. I'll make it up to you. I promise. Now let's go, you might get sick.” I took his hand and tried hard acting at least what I could imagine being cute was, but I ended up being ignored the whole way home.

“Let me make you a cup of tea. Green?” I didn't know why I asked, I knew the answer but somehow, I still did. Sometimesm I just didn't understand myself...

“Uhm.” So Jjong decided not to talk to me, right.

“Jjongie, please don't be like this.” I put the kettle on and sat on his laps, as soon as he sat on the couch. My eyes wandered off to his lips, the urge to kiss him was just like an animal instinct. I didn't feel the need to stop it.

I kissed him, he didn't refuse.

He kissed me back. He broke off only when all the oxygen in his body run out. He panted for a while, smiling with that evil stare of his. Unexpectedly, he took a picture of me with my shocked and probably, very weird expression.

“I knew you would make it up to me. I like getting angry at you, even if I have to act. It always ends well. At least for me.” His laugh filled the room. I stared in disbelief. That little..... I promised myself not to swear. I hit him on the arm playfully. It's not like I was angry or disappointed, rather, I was very happy. He gave me an excuse to kiss him.

The water started boiling, I run to the kitchen. I won't forget you that.

 

 

 

 

14th February 2013.

“It's Valentine's day!” My obvious and loud statement made Jjongie jump a little. He looked at me a bit tired from yesterday's night.

“Let's do what we did yesterday, as my gift, huh?” Leaning over, his lips were getting dangerously close to mine. No, no, no.

“Get away from me, you ert!” I laughed playfully and placed my finger on his lustful lips and closed my eyes in despair of air. I needed to get some very quickly, otherwise I would not be able to hold him anymore.

As quickly as I could, I managed to escape that place of sin and sit on the balcony, closing it behind me. Just in case something comes to his strange mind. Just in case.

Today went quickly, we spent the whole day together. He took me to this new restaurant in town. It was amazing, the food, the place, him. Jjongie in a black suit. With a white tie. Perfect. I was wearing a white suit and a black tie, you could say we looked like newlyweds. And the picture he took of us. Again. I swear he had an obsession with his paraloid camera.

I took him to the gardens, a small place we used to came when we were a bit younger. It was beautiful. All those orchids, roses, lilies. I love it. And Jjongie was happy.

We stood in the rose section, surrounded by all colors of red, pink and even yellow flowers. Jjongie took my hand and held it firmly.

“JinKi yah, or should I say Onew yah, I have in vain struggled to say this to you, but my heart won't allow me this no more. I have to say this, or I might die tomorrow if I don't. I love you.” My heart will break through my chest in no time. After all this years, he, my Jjongie, the kind of person who hates romantic movies and never says those three words, he had said them to me finally. After all those years together, seven it was. He had finally said it. I hugged him tightly, never to let go. I kiss him with all my might and we stood there for quite a while. Just enjoying each other's company.

“Happy V...” My mind went blank, what was today? I, I couldn't remember.

“Happy Va...” How can I forget things like that? Right now?!

“Did you get starstruck by my perfect words of love to you?” Jjongie laughed at me, while I suffered in embarrassment as I felt my cheeks get hotter with every second.

“Yeah, that must have been you.” I lied. I simply, could not remember the word.

 

 

 

 

5th March 2013

“JinKi, hurry up and go.” Oh my god, where is my phone? And money? I opened the drawer only to find my phone, dead. I knew I was meant to charge it yesterday. Anyway, I needed to go. This meeting, so important. I could be getting promoted today.

“Jjongie, where's my wallet? I searched literally everywhere.” I blew my bangs trying to act cute again. Only because he hated when I lose stuff. Both his and mine.

“Don't think this is going to take you anywhere, I'm still annoyed at you for my key ring. You will make up for this, even if you find it. Anyway, there you go, you left it on the couch.” He handed me my blue wallet, full of money. Yes, I was getting richer with everyday. How nice. The happiness didn't want to leave me today. I smiled at my partner and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He blushed. Quite unusual, but it made him look cute.

I waved and run out for the meeting.

Perfectly an hour later, I was at the train station, waiting for my coffee. I was a bit early actually. I guess the train went faster than always.

Got my coffee, so I could go to the... Where was I going to? I stared at the floor, I just couldn't remember where I was heading off too. I'll call Jjong. With a bit of despair and fright, I looked for my phone in every damn pocket. Did I lose it? Only then it came to me, it was at home. Charging.

But then, where was I going?

 

 

 

 

7th April 2013

“This would be perfect, thank you.” I bowed to the cashier, who was kind enough to wrap this small present for me.

I run in excitement to the house, Jjong should be here in an hour. Thankfully, I got everything ready and set. Today was my baby's birthday and I couldn't be more happy. April 8th.

Birthday cake, check. Candles, check. Gift, check. Amazingly tasty food made by me, check. Actually, my friends, KiBum and KyungSoo made this for me, but Jjongie doesn't need to know all the details.

I heard the door open and my breath became unsteady and quick. He was home. I was ready to jump out and shout.

3. 2. 1

“Happy Birthday Jjongie!” He stood, confused and dazed. I backed away. Did I do something wrong?

“JinKi... My birthday is tomorrow. Today is 7th April.” Shoot. What?! I felt like being punched, all this preparation. How could I get it wrong? I was just a bit busy there days, a bit too stressed I guesses.

“I'm sorry, I was a bit busy, must have confused.” I let my head fell and looking at the floor, I smiled and closed myself in the bathroom. Jjongie tried to talk to me, ask if I was okay. But I just sat there on the floor. It's just stress, just too much work.

But I knew I was lying to myself. From some months, I started to forget things.

I started to remember a bit less.

 

 

 

 

25th May 2013

This day has come again. Our 8th anniversary. It's actually hard to belive we've been together for so long. It's even harder to believe we only had three real fights with each other. It was nice to know someone loved me. Nice to know I loved him too.

Today, we decided to go to Jeju Island. To have some fun, to play around a bit. It was hot and steamy. It ended up as always. In bed.

We went to the hotel room, I wanted to change into more comfortable clothes. He stared at my body. I wanted his lips. He wanted me. I kissed him over and over. He gave me a night in heaven again. We ended up in bed. As always.

On the next day, we had to head back home.

We were near our place. I was walking in front of him. My mind went blank. I didn't know where I was. I stopped.

“JinKi, you ok?”

“Yes, yes, sure. Go ahead.” Because I don't know where I'm going.

Because I forgot where our home is.

 

 

 

 

19th June 2013

“Jjon-” I walked out of the shop, only to see him flirting with some guy. They hugged each other. He gave him a kiss on the cheek.

I wanted to run and punch the life out of that kid. He was young. As I learned later, his name was TaeMin. Apparently, he was just a friend. Apparently, I was going talking nonsense. Apparently, I overreacted.

“Onew, please. Stop this. I love you, you know it. Don't be like that, he's nothing. Just a friend of mine.” I knew it, I knew it Jjongie. I wasn't mad. I wasn't sad either. I was confused, suspicious, depressed, fearful and anxious. I wasn't myself. He gave me a kiss. I smiled.

“I'm sorry Jjongie, I didn't mean to be like this. I don't know what's happening. Actually I already forgot why I got mad at you in first place. Don't worry.” The problem was, I really didn't remember why I was angry at him.

I really, had no idea.

 

 

 

 

2nd July 2013

Since quite a while, normal activities were getting abnormally hard to do. I couldn't remember the names of usual thing like furniture or the characters in my favorite anime. I got lost easily, I lost thing easily. I confused my days, sometimes months. Since a while, I forgot a lot of things.

 

 

 

 

22nd August 2013

“Jjongie, I'll pay for this, don't worry.” Stupid, left his wallet at home. I was going to pay anyway, so at least he won't argue that I spend too much money on him.

I glanced at him and cough him staring at me intensively. A smile grew on my face. I'll never forget that embarrassed smile of his right now.

We went to all kinds of shops today. Clothes, shoes, books, food. It was so fun! I can't wait to go home and make him dress in all those clothes, it annoys him when I tell him to try them on. Oh well, I paid, he'll bear it.

Whilist walking down the hall, as it had to happen sooner or later, I sliped. All the bags were on the floor and I was a bit dumbfounded by the situation. He called someone's name I was familiar with, but couldn't recognize it just enough to remember the person it belonged to.

“JinKi!”

“Jjongie, who's JinKi?”

 

 

 

 

29th September 2013

I decided to visit the hospital. Without Jjongie, he would get too much worried and I would have to explain. I had a meeting at nine in the morning so he would be at work and not bother me with uncomfortable questions.

“Your name Sir?” I stared blankly at the man behind the desk.

“Ah, my name, sorry. I'm... Lee JinKi.” I shook my head with hesitation, but it came back to me. My name. Lee JinKi.

“Well, Mr. Lee. I've done a lot of tests. Those news aren't going to be very positive, I'm afraid. You, Mr. Lee, have dementia, or should I say Alzhaimer's disease. During the course of the disease, the chemistry and structure of the brain changes, leading to the death of brain cells. Symptoms of dementia include loss of memory, confusion and problems with speech and understanding. You have it all. I'm afraid, we can't do anything about it. Mr. Lee, you will forget everything and everyone. Including yourself.” That was a hit, a hard hit in my chest, in my heart. It hurt. I was young, I was still healthy.

“But, I don't understand, I'm only 24? Isn't it a bit too early for Alzhaimer's disease?” With the last hope, I wished he said it was a mistake.

“I'm afraid, that it is possible, and it has been happening. Rarely, but it occurs within young people. Unlucky, one of them was you.

He didn't make a mistake.

 

 

 

 

14th November 2013

“JinKi, why are you sticking sticky notes everywhere with some random names of things? Why would you stick a note on the clock saying it's a clock? JinKi, are you going crazy?” He laughed at me and I laughed with him. Unfortunately, this wasn't a joke. I needed this to help me remember.

I felt tears in my eyes. I shook that feeling off rather quickly. I wanted to be near Jjongie, I held his hand and led him to the bedroom. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to sit and do nothing.

We managed to lay on the bed for hours without a word, just like that. Simply. He looked at me, I looked at him. I stared at him, without a real reason. I just wanted to remember his perfect face features. Those big, dark eyes with that intense sensation of ripping your soul every time they looked at you. Those full pink lips that felt like cherries. Those hair I ruffled everyday, because it felt so soft and smooth. The body that made me feel like heaven was here. And it was, right here.

Heaven was laying just next to me.

In my arms.

 

 

 

 

30th October 2013

Jjongie entered the bedroom with just a towel plotted around his hips. I my lips in despair. I couldn't take it. Both mentally and physically.

My eyes took in every detail of his body. That little scar he had on his stomach, since when he was a kid. The birth mark in a shape of a star, just beneath his collarbone.

He casually sat next to me. Still in the towel. He put his arms around me and hugged me tightly. He was so warm. The heat was radiating from him. Good, I was cold.

I glanced into his eyes, when he kissed me. I lost it. I kissed him back, he took off my shirt and jeans. He kissed my neck and my collar bones.

I just gave up and lost myself in his kisses and moves.

 

 

 

1st December 2013

I woke up as a strange voice called my name.

“JinKi, are you awake?” I opened my eyes, only to realise someone was in my bed. I was .

I panicked and got up from the bed, covering myself with the sheets.

“What's happening?” I breathed heavily as the pain in my head wouldn't leave. He walked towards me and run his hand through my neck all the way to my thigh. I wanted to scream.

“STOP!” He jumped and took a step back immediately.

“JinKi, what's wrong?” Why am I here? Did he me? I want to die.

“Go away!” I shouted. He moved closer and gave me a kiss, smiling. I held my hand to his face and slapped him so hard my own fingers felt it.

“JinKi, did I do something wrong? JinKi, baby, I love you...” His voice was frightened and felt like giving up. I was scared. What is he talking about? Is he crazy? Did I get by this man?!

“Go away. I don't love you. I DON'T KNOW YOU!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

From that day on, JinKi didn't remember him.

JongHyun cried himself to sleep.

JongHyun watched his pictures of old JinKi.

JongHyun took care of him, as a stranger.

JongHyun waited for the day when he will remember him again.

But JinKi never did.

And JongHyun couldn't stop loving him.

Because JongHyun didn't forget...