POV Kim Jongin

I try to find you, who I can't see

I wake up in this snowy morning lazily and head to the kitchen waiting for you sweet smile to greet me while you prepare breakfast but as soon as I see you with a soft wind you vanish from my sight.

Try to hear you, who I can't hear

I close my eyes and my mind is soon filled with the your sweet humming while you set up the breakfast table and as those big-wide eyes look at me and my bed face your happy laughter fills this room as the sound of your voice makes me feel warm "Good Morning, Jonginnie" you smile brightly at me. But as soon I open my eyes to look at the cruel reality I feel like everything is so empty no hums, no laughs, no greets just sillence and emptiness.

Than I start to see things I

couldn't see, hear things I couldn't hear

As I sit on the table with just a cup of coffee and I look at the door I see you leaving me. That makes me think 'If I wasn't blind and saw your aching heart... If I wasn't deaf to your cries...You would still be by my side' I move to our room and I can still smell you the scent is so sweet and addicting. My tears start to fall soundly, only if you could listen right now, only if you can see right now this pain and tears of regret and longing but even if you did I don't deserve you and I know you wouldn't come and held the hand that let go of yours. 

Because after you left, I received

a power I didn't have before

After a long day of work I look at my gold watch and see it's almost 9pm but I'm not in a rush to go home it's not like you are there to greet me anymore, now I valorize the times you made a effort stay up until late at night just to welcome me home, now I know how good it is your embrace after a long day of work... I look around at this huge office but it's empty like me, I don't wanna go home and be filled with memories of our love the love I didn't cherish. Anain Nin said once that:  “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” Our love died like that from my errors and the wounds I caused you and because you were exhausted, exhausted because you fought alone for our love. Like people say you only give the right value when you lose it, I lost you and now I know I can't live without that without you I'm just a corpse of what I was when you were by my side and I love you more then anything. 

The selfish me, who 

always knew only himself

The heartless me, who 

didn't even know your heart

Even I can't believe that

I change like this 

Your love keeps

moving me 

As I enter our empty house and look around all seems so sad, I drag my feet to the couch and hear a little muffle bark as a little ball of fur jumps on top of me "Hey Taeminnie how was your day?"  This little puppy I got myself 3 days ago makes me feel warmer in this cold house, a play with Taemin for a little bit "Kyungsoo was right, he always were, having a puppy is great..." 
 

*Flashback* 
"Jonginnie!" I hyped Kyungsoo runs to me as soon as I step inside the house "Hi Kyungie" he smiles brightly at me and takes my things "How was your day?" he looked at me smilling "Tiring... Why are you so hyped? It's 23pm Kyunsoo." he looked at me with bright eyes "Can we get a puppy?" I looked at him and at the time I was harsh and I regret that deeply "Why do you want a puppy? Do you know how to raise a puppy? Do you think we have time for a puppy?" he looked at me with his wide sad eyes "Jongin... I just feel lonely and we always said we would get a puppy remember?" he hugged me and I push him a little bit "No Kyungsoo I don't have time for a puppy you either and I'm tired this conversation ends here!" I start to clim the stairs "Jonginnie I made dinner-" I look at his small figure and turn my back again on him "I ate at the office."
*End of the flashback*

Just by thinking about it,
I can fill the
world up with you
Because each snowflake
is your each tear drop

The one thing I can’t do
is bring you to me
I wish I didn’t have this
useless power anymore

Now I lay on our bed with Taeminnie rolled up next to me and look at the ceilling as I pay his little head and I think about you "I miss you Kyungie..." 

The selfish me, who
always knew only myself
The heartless me, who
didn’t even know your heart
Even I can’t believe that
I changed like this
Your love keeps
moving me

I stop time and go back to you
I open your page in
my book of memories
I am there inside,

I am with you

A very small and weak
person, your love
Has changed everything,
all of my life,
all of the world

I didn’t know how
thankful your love was
I thought it would
stop once it ended
But every day,
I’m fixing myself to want you
I think my love
will endlessly continue

I stop time (oh now I will)
and go back to you
Again today, I open your
page in my book of memories
I am there inside,

inside that winter

I try to find you, who I can’t see
I try to hear you, who I can’t hear

It's almost Christmas Eve and it's the time of buying presents when you got someone to give them to I pick up Taemin and put him inside of my jacket because it's a cold day and I don't want to leave him alone in the house "Let's go for a walk, neh?" I walk to this little square "Let's find a pet store and buy you one of those little jackets so you won't be cold" I enter the shop and set Taemin down to look at the merch of the store when I turn around again he isn't there anymore "Taemin... Lady did you see my puppy?" I ask to the store owner and she shakes her  head I looked everywhere in the store and then outside that's when I see that familiar figure hugging another man and my heart breaks, I should've know that an amazing being like you wouldn't stay alone that they would take you completely from me as soon as they could...

POV  Do Kyungsoo

I stand in the bus stop  waiting for my brother and his husband, who many years have passed since Suho has been away? Too many I think... He didn't even met Jongin. I looked at the bus stopping in front of me and wait to see my big brother, as Suho walks out of the bus he sweps me into a hug "My little dongsaeng his a fully grown man now, but he still so squishy!" he says almost suffocating me "Y-yah Suho!" I hit his arms "Suho you're suffocating him loose up the hug a bit, angel!" Yixing hits the back of his head and he pouts but looses the hug and I feel a tiny pull on my pants as I look down there's the cutest puppy I ever seen I push Suho, Yixing pulls him to help him with the bags and bend down towards the puppy and pat his head "Hi buddy are you lost?" he gives me a little cute bark as an answer and then runs of to someone as I look up I see him there with tears in his eyes and we look at eachother for a bit and he quickly looks down looking broken and he picks the little puppy and turns around walking away. "YAH KIM JONGIN!" he looks suurprised at me "Who gave you the right to just ignore me?" I move towards him and he just stands there with the puppy inside his jacket with just his little head out "Kyungie..." I smile at him I missed him... but he left me with no choice "Merry Christmas!" he nodded "Merry Christmas..." "Are you going home now? Or do we have time for coffee?" he looked up "Yeah... Is your new boyfriend coming too?" What new boyfriend? He looks at Suho waving at me this guy is really stupid but let's play a bit "Who? Suho? No he'll go home he needs to prepare the house for Christmas tomorrow." "You both living together now?" "Yes, where else would he go?" he looks down at his warm coffee with just bought for a street seller "Hum... I need to go back to the house" He says sounding broken "Already wouldn't you like to meet Suho first?" he shakes his head "No... maybe another time. Merry Christmas Soo! Thank You for the coffee!" I smile brightly at him the only one I ever love and the one I know loves me the most he was always so easy to read, my little Jonginnie is back not the one with power and a company to run but my little cute Jonginnie who would love me the most in every way possible and that filled my heart with warmth and I smiled brightly watching him leave, this is a bit mean but I'll let him suffer just a little bit more. 

POV Kim Jongin

I drive home after a long day at the office, it's Christmas Eve and I'm spending alone with Taemin, they were right when they say dog is man's bestfriend. My heart still hurts badly but I guess it's my fault... I get out of the car trying to figure out where did I put my keys and as I look up I see our house fully lighted with Christmas lights and people walking inside and little barks. 

"What the hell?! I love Taeminnie to death but that dog is no good protecting the house..." My head is suddenly hit by a snow ball "Yah!" I look at the person who throw it and he smiles brightly at me "You make me wait even on Christmas Eve you little brat!" I smile back at him as he comes near and hugs me "Kyungie..." he looks up at me smiling "Welcome home honey! My brother and his husband are waiting for us to eat." I hug him back "You're back!" he poked my belly "Yes I am. I never planned to stay away for too long, just until my Jonginnie was back and now he is!" I look at him and peck him on the lips "The Jonginnie that love me the most in every way possible" I hug him close to my chest "This is my Christmas Miracle then?" he nods "This is our Miracle of December" we kissed again and I feel a little tug on my pants and we both look down "Taemin...".