How should I say it?

Nichkhun was always by my side, he was never absent and he was my hero, my brother, maybe my lover. But now…How will I be able to live without him? He left me, alone, by myself, below this dark sky, with the cold raindrops in my hair, melting my face, mingling with my tears.

All the people said he decided so, that he did it by himself but I do not think that way. I am sure he could not do it, I trusted him after all.

But now, there is nothing to do. What was done is done.

I am in front of him, well just who he used to be. I can only watch his pale face, with those closed purple eyes and his slim lips smiling like a joker; his dark hair is in its perfect place.

He cannot be dead.

-Victoria, it must be difficult, you were his closest friend, my dear

Even his family came and said apologizes to me…

-I heard it was a suicide – one woman in the farthest corner whispered – What matters he could have? I thought he had have a good life…Poor guy, so young

A suicide, it was the cause of his dead. The detectives said he had an overdose…but no more information was given.

After the funeral I returned home, but the horrible words of that woman did not left my mind. I checked all the post while drinking a glass of wine, nothing interesting till I found what I had been waiting for, another hint about Nichkhun´s dead.

I read half of the letter in a hurry; I could not concentrate my attention in the reading. But I immediately understood he did not commit suicide, he was murdered…by whom? I did not know, neither him by the way.

After that I realized he wanted me to investigate his dead.

-You said the letter was in your house when you arrived home - That man said with a soft voice

-I had told you it was the truth, detective

-Victoria, you already know it was not a suicide…so you are remembering

-Remembering what? What are you talking about?

-Nothing important, Victoria, tell me about your investigation. Did you investigate a little? - The man rolled his eyes and sighed heavily

-Of course, I could not let it pass just like that - I answered in a dry way

That night I could not sleep, it was impossible. I took the keys of my car and went to Nichkhun´s house.

Inside the apartment, all the photos of our youth, when we were in kinder garden, elementary school, high school, even university. Always together, even when his mother died and when my father left my house and went with his horrible lover.

I remember the time of childhood, he was such a weak and tiny kid, and all the other ones bullied him, well, just till I started to defend him. I had to act cool in front of him, it was very tired.

And then, we grew up. He became stronger enough to protect himself and even take care of me.

I was not so intelligent, but he was a genius, really. Good grades, always responsible, the best in the school, and he pretended to be a playboy, but he was very shy with girls. And I was totally the opposite, not smart, bad grades, not so responsible, a troublemaker and since elementary school I have been popular with boys.

-And what else did you find in his apartment? - The man was writting something in a little notebook

-Nothing interesting…

-Tell me, Victoria, did you love him? - He questioned me unexpectedly

But when I left the apartment I met with his neighbor, Erin. She was very showy for my taste, with high heels, a short skirt and luxury jewels…

-What? Are you feeling mad? …Angry?

-Of course not, detective. Just…I do not know

-Did you love him? How did you feel when you saw him with other women? - He insisted

-Erin told me that a woman came here that day and he invited her inside, that he seemed pleased with her visit - I remembered - Could that woman be the murder?

-How was she? Do you remember?

-No, she did not tell me that information. But it is not important, maybe she did not exist. Erin could have used her to cover herself

-So, for you, Erin is the culprit - He sighed

-Yes, it is true

-And what were you doing that night?

-I am sorry; I do not remember…It is strange. There is a white hole in my memory, I cannot remember that specific moment

-How many times have you seen Erin in your life?

-Maybe…three or four but I do not tolerate her

-An the reason is…?

-I am sorry…I… - My head started to hurt badly

-You do not know, right? Do not worry…- the detective said – Finally, are you sure of your declaration?

-Yes, I am sure

-Well, I am done; you can rest for a while, Victoria

And the detective left the room walking as fast as he could.

-Hey doctor! How do you see her? – A man in white questioned him - Does she remember anything?

-She is in the same condition as three years ago. She has been living the same day over and over again, like in a stopped time…

-Which is the reason for her illness? – The man took a sit in the closest bench

-Her mind erased the traumatic time to protect herself…

-Did she really murder two people? She looks very kind and joyful

-Yes, she murdered her boyfriend Nichkhun and his lover Erin when she found out about their betrayal

-Maybe she remembers, even if it is just a little… But if this is the true, she could go to jail

-She is not lying; her mind is trying to let her live as well as possible