"WTF GO CHU JANG. WTF WAS THAT FOR?" My future husband was howling in rage, rolling all over the floor in pain. I wasn't surprised. Last time I kicked a building out of rage, and I actually broke the walls. I caught the CEO cheating on his wife red handed. She paid me to watch him for the next 3 months. Let's just say that I managed to get the CEO to donate some million dollars or so to the hospital that I sent a couple dozen women off to...
"GO CHU JANG. GET THE FU--THE PAIN!" I kicked him again, only this time I decided that I wanted to kick his ribs. Haha. Did I mention that my parents were debating whether or not to send me to a mental hospital due to my sadistic tendencies? Hee.
I turned around to look at Taemin, wondering what he was 'go-ing' about. Were they having a hundred meter dash? I wanted to join. I was amazingly fast at running--it only takes me a whopping 3 hrs to run 100 m.
Unfortunately I didn't get the chance to. The world went black before my eyes as my head hit the floor with a loud thud.
Oh man. I feel bad for Go Chu Jang--it's the second time someone's knocked her out cold today. Poor girl might have a couple of fractures in her skull by the end of today. But I must say, violent tendencies are very satisfying. Even for me, Korea's cutest, most adorable and supposedly most 'innocent' maknae....anyone who's watched our home videos would know better...Minho hyung~~
Shit, man. Girl kicks hard. Really hard. I'm not sure whether or not I'll be able to do anything dirty to Key anymore. This sucks. Here I am, rolling on the floor in pain, and Key is off at the mall buying couple rings with Onew. WITH ONEW. What the hell is this? Key? It's JONGKey, man, not ONKey. On key? That's not even a name. That's just describing someone's singing abilities. Wait. On Key? Onew on Key? OMG NO. #*(KJS*(#@(*#(* --twitches-- What if Onew is doing something pervy to Key? My Key? ONEW ON TOP OF MY KEY?!!? --faints from anger and twitching--
Huh. Obviously Jonghyun still likes me. But he won't admit it? Dumbass. You do realize that I am Shinee's Almighty Key? Key word being 'almighty'. If you mess with me, Kim Jonghyun, your life isn't going to go too smoothly. Even if you are the sexiest, hottest, most perfect guy on the planet.
"Key..? Where did you want to go for couple rings? Swarovski, maybe? Their crystals are quite pretty..unless you want me to get you a 4 carat diamond...." Onew seemed like he wanted to get on one knee. Not quite yet, bud. I'm still with Jonghyun.
"Hm? Uh...let's go to that new store that just opened a few weeks ago? That one where girls go to all the time to buy excessively girly rings for their boyfriends? You know, the one that pretty much only sells pink and frilly things?"
"...that sounds more like a lingerie store.....not that I would mind seeing you in lingerie..." Onew squeezed my hand and shifted closer to me. I backed away. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I like ɦогɳy men, but the only ɦогɳy man I like is Jonghyun.
"What? No, not the lingerie store. That one, you know, that one. That--" I looked around and pointed at a random store that seemed like it sold rings. "-one."
"Ok!" Onew started skipping happily towards the store, dragging me along with him. Ugh. Where on earth did he get all his energy from? Oh right. FRIED CHICKEN. They should make energy drinks out of fried chicken, seeing as Onew, otherwise known as the man that only eats chicken, is more hyper than anyone else in the world. Just look at him. Now he's climbing onto the display case, leaving greasy fingerprints on the once clean glass. He reminds me of a crossbreed between Spiderman and a monkey. Haha. He's a spidermonkey.
"Key! Come on! Let's check out those couple rings." He hopped off the glass and pounced onto me, pushing me down onto the floor. There was suddenly a loud blaring.
"STOP RIGHT THERE. THIS IS THE MALL. NO 19+ SCENES ALLOWED."
Thanks lady. Now everyone's staring at us, and judging by the gasping and gawking, our crazed stalker fangirls have recognized us. SHIT. Now they're going to think that Onew and I are together. NO NO NO. Must not let them think that.
"I'M NOT WITH ONEW," I belted at the top of my voice," WE'RE JUST LOOKING FOR COUPLE RINGS!"
"I knew it! I knew it! It's OnKey!" Some highschool giggled like a maniac. Geez; wasn't she listening? Didn't I just say that I wasn't with Onew?
"Key..." Onew looked hurt. Sorry bud. Desperate times call for desperate measures. "You do realize that our fangirls are going to chase us and hunt us down and do a whole bunch of inappropiate things to us now that you just drew attention to us..."
Right. How did I forget that? Shinee fangirls, both noonas and dongsaengs, are hardcore. Hah. Blame it on our parents--it's not our fault that we're so good looking. Me, in particular. And Jonghyun too.
"Hurry up, Key! You waiting to be killed or something?"
I turned to look at our crazed fangirls, all of which had glowing eyes and drooling mouths. They looked like demons. Shit. If a demon bit me, it would take all the healthy glow out of my flawless skin. I turned to grab Onew's hand.
And we ran like there was no tomorrow. Unfortunately the fangirls were faster--why did all our fangirls have Maseratis? Life was so unfair.
What the hell? Fangirls have sadistic tendencies too? Why am I tied up? And where's Onew? OMG WHERE'S MY SHIRT?
"Right here." The fangirl seemed to be able to read my mind.
"Why is it...off? In a pile? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME TO CLEAN THAT THING? I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO YOU KNOW. LIKE CHECK OUT JONGHYUN. " I struggled against the ropes, but my efforts were futile. All I got was rope burn. Ouch.
"Well, it's off because..." she leaned in closer, pratically sitting on my lap. Yech. I want Jonghyun, man, not you. I turned my head away and attempted to knee her. She smirked and got off of me. Then she got on her knees and started howling.
" GO BE WITH JONGHYUN OPPA. PLEASE. NO ONE CARES ABOUT ONEW. PLEASE, DON'T BREAK JONGHYUN OPPA'S HEART!"
What? What does that have to do with my shirt?
Aw, poor Onew. Anyone want to see Key with his shirt off? Lol, jkjk. I sound like a perv.