Library Love Online!

c : hanseoul / r : DairyCow 

DC : took 3 hours to complete ;; _ ; good job-io, hanseoul :D

title / 4/5

so if i'm not confused, "Library Love Online!" is the title of both the story and Jaeyeong's blog, yes? well, you get a pat on the back for that c: second, kudos to you for making it not hackneyed, and perfectly original (i love how "library" and "online" are in the same title, which totally got my attention). the reason i deducted a point, however, was because if i were scrolling down the fanfiction list, looking for a good read, i still would have judged it as one of those fic's where the boy and girl meet n' date online . those kinds of plots are a bit too common, so you could clear up that misunderstanding . use your imagination ;)

appearance / 1/5

firstly, when i checked out the story, the poster and background looked like

because of this, i was immediately turned off . maybe you should get another poster + background, or find your old ones and take care of that? second, the lines in your 2nd and 3rd chapter are all mashed up . by that, i mean that there is virtually no space between each line - it's like, 0.1 spaced, making it terribly difficult to read. to fix that, you should copy + paste on a word doc, fix the spacing, and copy + paste back again. (the 1st chapter spacing was perfect, so you should follow that.) however, on your foreword + description , tao DOES look delicious, so i'll give you a point for that. --- no HAHA , i'm just kidding , the extra point is for the fact that you can use gifs & colors and still not hurt your readers' eyes, a skill most authors don't have . mhmm , it makes your f + d look extra pretty <3 ( same for the laundry cartoon and start-off to your chapters , cute . )

foreword + description / 8/10

the description is truly great - i got the idea of the story without TOO much idea . it wasn't too short or too long , which was also convenient for me . plus , the tone of which you described jaeyoung and tao was hilarious ( "now who is this guy right now?!" "he doesn't like mangoes, and loves ..." ) it was clearly cute and light-hearted . BUT - it was a different story for your foreword . now the gifs here were unnecessary , so i didn't really favor them ( - 1 for that ) . also, your "about" includes author, co-author, pairings, etc., which are repetitive, as the reader could find them elsewhere if they wanted to ( another -1 ) . the only thing really needed in your "about" section, was the credits . last note , it was too long for my taste - readers do want to get to the story already, so they usually just skip it - but since that will be fixed if you delete some gifs and extra info , i won't deduct for that .

grammar / 9/10

DESCRIPTION

"It's Noh Jayoung's school-famous blog, of course!" "Here, she gives you advice on how to deal with your boyfriend and or girlfriend in relationships, ..." "Now, who is this guy right now here?!" "He is none other than Huang Zitao! , brother of Jaeyoung's best friend." "He doesn't like mangoes, loves thunderstorms, and (synonym of love) long walks on the beach." "And he isn't fond of teenage girls who blog about how she they know everything about love." 

CHAPTER 1

"Noh Jaeyoung clucked her tongue disapprovingly at the text gray text displayed in front of her." "She knew the answer to his her problem immediately." "She always worked finely when she was drinking her cup of melted, hot mangoes." "Jaeyoung told herself as she she sighed, putting her mug beside her keyboard and stretched stretching her arms forwards ..." "Jaeyoung grinned to herself, seeing the new notifications of new messages about the girl's girls' love lives ..." "She and Jaeyoung has had been best friends ever since middle school." "Now that they are were juniors ..." "Meiji was the shy and smart type, ... , but always forgets forgetting her homework." "She prides prided herself in helping other people's love lives, ..." "She didn't know why she hasn't hadn't thought of it before." "It's It was a win-win situation for her." 

i stopped after chapter 1, because you get the point . your main issues with grammar and language is tense; you switch back and forth from present to past . my corrections here make all of it in the past, and i've also included other tiny details, including puntuation and things like that . otherwise , the language is perfect ! in fact, i even left a few mistakes out , because it actually fit the atmosphere of the light-hearted story ( sometimes, perfect grammar is so uptight . example - Goddess's grammar is far from perfect, yet it makes her story's tone even cuter. ) thumbs up !

pace / 10/10

to be honest, it was pretty hard to tell since you only have three chapters up, but i can tell that this story will have a great pace ! the first chapter , to introduce all characters , the second chapter to develop on them , the third chapter to bring them together , etc.. what else can i say - perfecto .

 characters /  14/20

you handle the character development pretty well, too ! i didn't know too much about any of the 3 characters throughtout these 3 chapters , but i can tell you are slowly building up on them . plus, the touch of mystery around tao ( lots of love notes, but no girlfriends ? ) is yet to be revealed , so it keeps the reader in anticipation . i don't think you need TOO much character depth in this story anyways , since it's not very serious . NOTE : i very much love how tao and jaeyoung are SIMILAR, NOT DIFFERENT . most authors love to play with the idea of "opposites attract," so it's refreshing to see a change for once . your characters are both arrogant, witty, and awesome !

and while the idea of your characters as a whole is great , i sadly have to pluck off a few points for each individual . they do not interest me particularly , they do not have your own spice mixed upon them . a completely different author could have come up with exactly the same kind of person . i'm not saying arrogance, love-guru-ness, forgetfulness, any of that is unoriginal, obviously they need to have personality - i'm saying that your take on them is ( no offense >< ). anything that differentiates jaeyoung from all the other arrogant love-guru's in the fanfiction world ? anything that distinguishes meiji from the other shy and smart, but forgetful type in the authors' world ? anything that makes tao seem different from the stereotypical tao in our minds ? ( example : habits ? appearance-wise such as moles, scars ? speaking style ? ) 

and URGH . sorry , but the fact that you included "loves long walks on the beach" in your description got to me - it was pretty unoriginal . everyone knows the real life tao loves walks on the beach , it's our image of him . why not give him a quirk from your own imagination ?

i see you have a little bit of that spice hidden inside you /wink/ for example , i have never heard of the name meiji before . that name simply made me like her immediately , since it made her somewhat unique already . for another example , i like how jaeyoung likes mangoes ( although i see, tao doesn't . are you trying to pull an "opposites attract" thing here -_- ) yup. to sum it up , play your own twist on the character . you don't have to make the character's personality something completely new, JUST MAKE THE CHARACTER YOUR OWN . 

if you're still confused , look up Not Intended's Baekhyun . he's sassy , sarcastic , and laid-back - a character we've all seen a million times before - but he's also "casual" and has a fashion for boxers, weird T-shirts, or cardigans . he also has a dog named nugget . yep , when i think of this baekhyun , i will ALWAYS think of the damned dog as well . there is no other baekhyun like him in the fanfiction universe . it adds to his whole image .

lastly, to finish off this extremely long point about character development , make your characters seem like real people . no person you know ONLY has a personality, right ? your friends aren't ONLY funny , nice , or pretty . they have their own things that are unique to them , things that make them human .

do this , and your characters won't be good - they'll be amazing .

plot / 15/20

nice ! the plot seems relatively interesting , because it's the kind of story where the boy starts off disliking the girl and then - boom, change . everyone loves those kinds of stories . now , i wouldn't say it's very creative , because if i can just categorize it like i just did , you clearly have something missing . a hate-love relationship like that appears in 90 % of fanfiction; i'm not saying it's bad or good that yours is the same . just try to not have this story end up like all those hate-love stories ( which is, slowly they get to know each other, and somehow fall in love ). i suggest you do something different; if you can't possibly think of a different turn-out , what you can do is have meiji make the story more interesting . maybe she gets humiliated, because tao doesn't actually change jaeyoung . maybe she doesn't really want tao to end up with jae , and breaks up their blooming relationship later . you can use meiji to not have your story turn out cliche ( like seasoning c: kind of like the character thing up there . )

by the way, the essence of your story was a bit cliche , but your setting wasn't . i've seen those kinds of situations a few times before , but not much , so that was good enough .

p.s. actually , i thought of how to make your setting even more creative, and then i thought of making tao the love guru :D ( gay! ) i bet if you do that, your readers will laugh . if you like this idea , you can make tao have his own blog later and beating jae in the number of followers or something xD THAT will be interesting .

overall enjoyment / 19/20

i enjoyed this very much ! i was expecting some amateur author to request here , since this is a amateur request shop xD but no ! you're an expert author , this is an expert story , i'm surprised you're not in the top 100 authors of AFF . the story was good, it just wasn't great . a point deducted, because i can't see myself remembering the plot after a while, which is not a good sign . so you can take the amateur tips i gave you and if they work , cool ! THEN your readers will remember your fanfic and look forward to it. 

i even subscribed o u o

TOTAL / 80/100