He’s known Hyukjae for as long as he could remember.

They lived in the same neighborhood, and as children, they attended the same pre-school and kindergarten, where Donghae hogged all the colors of the rainbow and left only the white crayon available for other kids to use, while Hyukjae played with his friends on the swings, the slides, the sandbox, the monkey bars, etc.

In elementary, they also attended the same school, although they only really became classmates during second, third and fifth grade, and even then, they never really talked. They knew each other, of course—it couldn’t be helped as their parents were good friends and often hosted get-togethers with one another’s families. Donghae and Hyukjae had to share multiple dinners together where they would greet each other out of politeness and expectations of the parents. But outside of that, there wasn’t really anything.

Acquaintances? Sure.

Friends? Nah, not really.

In middle school, one of the most crucial eras of a young boy’s development, they attended different schools. Donghae was in an all-boys school, where he made friends and enemies, a secret boyfriend, a not-so-secret boyfriend, and eventually two ex-boyfriends (who were both complete s, but he’ll get to that later), while Hyukjae was … somewhere, Donghae himself wasn’t really sure. There were far more important things than knowing Hyukjae’s whereabouts back then.

He just overheard his parents one day talking about how Hyukjae’s family is doing great in Seoul, and Donghae simply blinked, hand continuing to draw steady lines across white sheet as he tried to recreate on paper the Gundam robot he saw on tv earlier. It wasn’t that he’s eavesdropping, it’s just one of those instances where they talked too loudly and he couldn’t help but hear.

But he finally learned that Hyukjae was in Seoul.

Still, there were more important things to think about, such as his drawing.

-

It isn’t until sophomore year of high school that the thought of Hyukjae crosses his mind once again, and it’s only because he happened to see a Lee Hyukjae listed next to his name on the classroom seat plan. Donghae thinks it must be someone with the same name, because the Hyukjae he is acquainted with is in Seoul, and if he’d returned already, he would’ve known because his parents would be talking about it and he can’t avoid hearing it with the way they speak so loudly.

Apparently, he did avoid hearing it, what with his new obsession with music and his earplugs stuck in his ears all the time, he didn’t hear anything the previous night when his mother chatted animatedly to his father about Hyukjae’s family being back. When he got to his room, he proceeded to let his speakers blare loudly, thus allowing him to avoid hearing his mother’s reminder for him to be friendly with Hyukjae and accompany him everywhere. He figures it must’ve been one of those instances where he nodded and said yes even though he didn’t really understand anything.

And so when a new student becomes introduced to class that day, Donghae couldn’t help but widen his eyes in his surprise.

Because although it’s been, what, four years? Since he last saw Hyukjae, he still didn’t change that much, except that he’s taller (Donghae has grown taller too) and has a deeper voice, more muscles and defined features, and now looks like an expensive city boy compared to everyone else in the classroom.

Donghae tries to tell himself there is no use ogling his good looks (since when was he this good-looking anyway?) because he doubts Hyukjae even has the same ual orientation as he does. Plus, there’s that pledge … but again, he’ll get to that later.

The teacher makes Hyukjae sit next to Donghae, as indicated on the seat plan, and he flashes a small, awkward smile.

Hyukjae smiles back.

-

They still don’t really talk. Except for the occasional questions about yesterday’s homework or today’s quiz or tomorrow’s activities, they don’t really have anything else to talk about.

Hyukjae is nice, Donghae thinks.

He’s become friends with pretty much everybody, has his own place on the Table for Popular Students in the cafeteria, gives everyone friendly smiles and greetings, Donghae included. He’s instantly recruited into the soccer team, and other clubs still try to recruit him even though students can only really have one or two extracurricular activity. Everyone—and by this, it means everyone, as in classmates, kids from other classes, upperclassmen, lowerclassmen, teachers, literally everyone—likes Hyukjae. He’s the Seoul boy, the one who sounds different when he talks, knows things that everyone else doesn’t. The one who is somehow better than everybody when it comes to everything simply because he’s from Seoul.

And then Hyukjae explains that he came from here too and only spent middle school and his first year of high school in the city before coming back to Mokpo. Somehow, that fact only made people like him even more.

Donghae, at first, didn’t really understand the craze. Sure, he finds Hyukjae handsome. Charming. Kind of hot. No, really hot. Extremely attractive. But that’s all there is to it. He’s nice, smart and excels in certain subjects, good at soccer, friendly… but that’s about it. Donghae is sure he’s just like every other popular guy, who has a girlfriend somewhere in the neighboring all-girls school, or in Hyukjae’s case, in Seoul. He’s just like every other popular guy, who hangs out with his fellow popular guys, goes to parties and gets drunk every now and then. Popular guys who have no time for nobodies like Donghae.

Most especially, a gay nobody like Donghae.

It’s no secret. His past relationship (the not-so-secret one) from middle school was known by every single kid in town. It was something passed to one another through hushed whispers, notes exchanged during class. They all knew about Donghae.

Donghae, the gay freak.

That’s what his ex-boyfriend said. The ex-boyfriend who promised him the moon and the stars and made love to him for one night before dumping his sorry and spreading sick rumors about him.

And then there was the other ex-boyfriend, the secret relationship that came first, who stood by all of this and didn’t say a thing despite the fact that he knew those rumors were nothing but bull.

Ah, such s.

Thanks to them, Donghae lost all of his friends, and no one dared to approach him again, fearing that he might seduce them and convert them into becoming homouals.

What a ing joke.

He doesn’t really care anymore though. Gone were the tears and the nights of utter vulnerability and sadness. He’s gotten used to it, steeled his heart and his mind from all the taunts and insults and grown immune to every little harsh word they spat at him. He pledged to himself he will get out of this piece of crap town, graduate high school with flying colors, and prove to each and every single bastard that his being gay is no disease and that he’s still better than all of them combined. And then he’s going to move away, where no one knows of him and his so-called bad history, and find someone who would accept him as he is.

He learned to roll his eyes blatantly when someone insulted him, learned to fight back and raise middle fingers towards s and even mockingly threaten them to dare approach him or else he’ll spread his gayness onto them. And upon seeing him not giving a anymore, everyone else stopped caring too.

Now, they no longer talked about him. He simply did not exist. And Donghae was very much fine with that.

Until Hyukjae.

-

Hyukjae is nice to him.

Hyukjae talks to him. It started with the school stuff, but eventually, three months into the school year, he’s begun talking to him about other things.

It was during Korean history, one of the most boring subjects in their entire curriculum. The teacher is an old widow in her sixties, and although she’s often nice and sweet and understanding and considerate to her students, there’s just something about her voice that lulls the entire class into a sleepy daze. It doesn’t help that her class is scheduled after lunch, when everyone’s tummies are full and no one’s really in the mood for some mundane lecture about Joseon dynasty.

Donghae is trying to stifle his yawn beneath his palm, while his other hand is busy scrawling notes illegibly across a fresh notebook page when it happens.

It takes him a while to notice the small pad of post-its slid onto his desk from his left. When he does, he gapes and blinks at it in surprise before turning his gaze towards the boy sitting next to him—Lee Hyukjae.

Hyukjae shrugs and smiles, one of those close-lipped smiles that still somewhat radiates brightness, and Donghae purses his lips before turning his eyes back towards the note.

Hi.

Donghae stares at it for a moment, not realizing his mouth has dropped open slightly, before frowning and taking the small pad into his hand, sending Hyukjae a suspicious glance as he scribbles messily below his greeting.

Hi?

He returns the note, keeping his suddenly alert gaze to the board and letting his eyes scan the lectures about previous kings written on the blackboard. He looks down again when he sees the pad returned to his desk.

Can you not use a black pen? It’s kinda boring.

His brows furrow, and he once again takes a quick, mildly offended glance towards Hyukjae. The months-older boy isn’t looking at him, simply staring at the board as he had been earlier, although there is a small smile playing on his plump lips.

I don’t have any other pen. Deal with it.

He passes it back and frowns, finding the situation weird. What is up with Lee Hyukjae suddenly talking to him through notes? And even telling him he’s being boring with his black pen? Honestly, Donghae wouldn’t be surprised at all if this was some kind of ridiculous bet set up by Hyukjae’s soccer teammates. It’s those guys who used to taunt Donghae on a daily basis, and this kind of thing is totally not beyond them.

Use this then.

Donghae’s frown deepens when the note is passed to him along with a pen with orange ink. Reluctantly, he takes the pen and writes a reply.

Okay. This is weird.

He hears a slight chuckle as Hyukjae reads his answer.

Why? What’s weird is that we’ve known each other ever since we were, I don’t know, in diapers? And we’ve never even had a decent conversation. Don’t you find that weird?

It is weird. But that’s exactly what makes this entire thing weirder. We haven’t been talking since who knows when. Why start now?

Why not start now?

Because. It’s weird. Seriously why are you doing this?

Am I not allowed to pass you notes? Everyone does it.

Why would you pass me notes? I’m not in your circle of friends.

At this point, they’re already moving to the next page.

So what? You know my mom and dad. You’ve been to my house and I’ve been to yours. I’d say you know more about me than my circle of friends do.

Still not a valid reason for you to pass me notes.

Oh come on, who needs reasons to do things like this?

I do.

Okay… well right now, I’m doing this because this class is boring as hell. Aren’t you bored?

There are other things you can do with your multi-colored pens when you’re bored. Doodling for example. But yes, I’m bored out of my wits too.

Come to think of it, you used to hog all of the crayons when we were in kindergarten. But now you only have a black pen?

Donghae raises his brows, taking a quick sideway glance at the boy next to him before going to the next page and writing his answer.