He loved the way the sunrays broke when they fell through the trees. It was another reason why this was one of his favourite spots. Another one was, that it never in all the years he had been coming here rained when he walked this path. It felt like all Angels were smiling above him. Whenever he walked that sandy way lined by trees left and right that lead to their meeting point he felt a bit like coming home. It was like all his day to day worries stayed behind inside his locked car on the parking ground a little further down.

When they first met here Hyukjae would never have thought that he’d grow to like the place this much. It was too far away from the city, too far away from his everyday life. Almost in the middle of nowhere. But Donghae liked it and that was it.

He had been coming here for years now. It was the twelfth year and he was starting to loose count once or twice. But it didn’t really matter anyway how long it has been. This was a constant. This was where he and Donghae met every once in a while when he had enough time to escape from the city life. It wasn’t nearly as often as he liked but Donghae had insisted that some things should come first.

And whatever Donghae suggested, Hyukjae agreed to. It had always been this way.

He turned around a corner onto a path with a few benches. Donghae was at his usual spot and Hyukjae smiled brightly at him when he noticed him.

“You are later than usual.” Donghae’s voice was soft. There was no accusation in it.

“I know, the traffic on the way here was hell.” He explained and Donghae nodded. “Yeah, there was a large car accident a few hours back, at least that’s what I heard.” Hyukjae nodded as he sat down on the bench next to the other. Of course Donghae had heard. Whatever people’s perception about him sometimes was, he always had paid much more attention to certain things than Hyukjae ever had.

“Did you have to wait a long time?” He asked. Donghae was always here before Hyukjae arrived. He never really knew how early the other got here before him.

“Nah,” Donghae said. “I kept myself busy.”

“Alright, alright, don’t drown me in the complex details of your personal life!” Hyukjae said half jokingly and Donghae made some sort of apologetic noise.

“Well, talk about personal life, how is yours?”

This was familiar to him. Donghae would dodge any talk about him and ask Hyukjae questions about his life, his friends, his work… He didn’t mind. Donghae was here after all.

“It’s going well. My studio really got going. I am a lot busier than last time we met.” He couldn’t hide sounding proud when he talked about his work. It had been a long and sometimes hard way to get his career as a dance instructor going in a way that paid well enough to live from it. But he managed. “Kyuhyun told me to say hi when I go and see you.” There was a smile in Donghae’s voice when he answered: “Tell him I said hi too.”

Hyukjae grinned at him. “You know, you could tell him yourself once in a while.” He suggested. “Everyone is still talking about you from time to time, and I always get made into the messenger.” He wasn’t really complaining but he regretted his playful words the moment he heard Donghae’s sigh.

“I know.” Donghae’s voice was heavy. “But you know I really can’t.” He sounded a little regretful at than but Hyukjae knew he had come to terms with this a long time ago. Now it was his turn to sound sad.

“I know Donghae. And I am fine with this most of the time, you know that, right?” He didn’t need to look to know Donghae was nodding. “But there are moment when I hate all of this.” He said that a little to forceful and he heard the other man gasp slightly next to him. He just broke their one big, unspoken rule. The didn’t talk about the circumstances. Not anymore. They met, they enjoyed each others company and then they parted ways again.

“Look, I don’t want to upset you,” Hyukjae said a bit calmer. “I love my life. I love working and I have great friends. But there are moments when I hate it all so much. Do you know that last week there was a letter in the mail for you? Addressed to you, as if you were still living there with me.”

Donghae sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, Hyukkie. I really am.”

Hyukjae felt an arm around his shoulder, holding him. Comforting him.

“I know. It’s not your fault that there is still some company that didn’t get the memo that you moved away.”

Donghae chuckled. Probably at his choice of words. Moved away sounded incredibly casual. “Well, I haven’t lived in Seoul for almost 13 years now, they are kind of really slow, huh?”

Hyukjae had to smile at that. “Yes, they are.” He felt the arm grab him tighter and for a moment he was content.

“So, what else is new?” Donghae went back to ask questions. This was something he knew. Something he could do easily.

“Well, Ryeowook's mother died and it has been a hard couple of months for him.” Hyukjae remembered standing with his friend at his mothers funeral, trying to comfort him.

He felt Donghae nodding next to him.

“Yes, I heard about that.” His voice sounded sad and Hyukjae didn’t ask where he heard it from. Donghae always knew about things and whenever he asked how he never got a real answer out of him.

“I wish I could have been there for him.” Donghae sighed again. “Like he was there for me back then.” Hyukjae shook his head.

“Don’t feel bad about it Hae, I am sure he knows.”

This was their thing. They comforted each other. They had always done so. They sat and talked for hours. About Hyukjae’s life in Seoul, about their friends, about future plans and most of all about how much they missed each other sometimes.

After a particularly bad joke about Hyukjae’s work habits they were both still laughing when Hyukjae asked the question that had been on his mind for a long time.

“Will you ever start telling me where you are going? What you are doing? I mean, I talked about my life for 2 hours straight by now.” His voice still had a hint of humor in it that was overshadowed by his curiosity. Donghae looked very somber for a moment. “I could.” He started. And Hyukjae was almost getting his hopes for a real answer up but he knew Donghae. He had known him almost all his life and he could see the smirk in his face forming before it actually did.

“I could,” he repeated. “But then I’d have to make sure you wouldn’t tell a soul about it.”

It would have sounded almost threatening if the smile in Donghae’s face didn’t even grow wider at his words.

Hyukjae burst out laughing. “That has got to be the cheesiest thing you’ve said in quite a long while! It sounds like bad movie dialogue.”

Donghae’s eyebrows shot up s if to challenge that. “Do they actually still use that ty line in movies?” He looked like he tried to remember something. “You know, I haven’t seen a movie in like forever. I am a bit out of the loop there.”

Hyukjae was still chuckling at that. “Well, clearly you have no idea how to spend your free time doing something fun.” He concluded. His laughter subsided as he saw Donghae’s soft expression. “I am here with you, aren’t I?” He couldn’t help but smile at Donghae’s words. “Like I said Hae,: cheesy!” Donghae scoffed at him, but he was still smiling. “Oh come on, you love my cheesiness. “ Hyukjae couldn't even playfully disagree with that.

“I do. I love everything about you.” He said in a voice that had not even a hint of their earlier playfulness left.

“I know, me too.” Donghae whispered. And just like that they were back to being content together.  

The sunlight was almost gone my now. The world got visibly darker around them and Hyukjae dreaded this moment every time.Donghae had said many years ago that it would probably get easier in time but for Hyukjae it never did. And he knew for certain that it didn’t get any easier for Donghae as well. Restless he stood up and stretched his back. He had arrived at a time in his life when sitting on a bench for hours was now something he noticed in his back when he got up and he groaned slightly.

“How come I feel like getting old already and every time I see you you look like you came straight out of a photograph from 15 years ago?” He complained.

Donghae laughed quietly at that as he got up too. Hyukjae could swear he saw a tint of red on his cheeks. “I got older just as much, you just choose not to see that.”

An eye roll and a “Pfft!” was all Hyukjae answered to that before he looked at the darkening sky. “I should get on my way.” He murmured. Donghae nodded again. He was just opening his mouth to to say his usual goodbye when something in Hyukjae seemed to snap.

“You know, you promised me that it would get easier over time.” He said almost accusingly. Donghae looked shocked for a moment before he seemed to concentrate on the ground before him. Doing that thing he always did when Hyukjae got emotional. He distanced himself. But the other man was not finished yet. “Tell me, did you actually believe that when you said that to me?”

Donghae didn’t look up but he shook his head almost unnoticeably. “Did it get easier for you then?” The accusation in Hyukjae’s voice was still there. This time Donghae looked up but their eyes didn’t meet. He looked decidedly past him.

“Yes, it did.” He said in a strained voice.

“Liar!” Hyukjae hissed back and Donghae’s eyes snapped to him. The look of shock in his face was almost comical.

“I know you are lying, Hae. I know you think I’d worry even more about you if you let me see how sad you actually are.” Donghae opened his mouth but no sound made it out. But Hyukjae was determined to break through to him this time. “I know you cry every time I leave here. I know, ok? So stop pretending that you are always fine.” His hand reached out towards Donghae’s cheek.

Donghae seemed as if he wanted to deny everything. “You can’t know!” He insisted. Then, a little softer: “How do you know this?”

Hyukjae smiled a sad smile and stepped closer. “Because whenever I leave it starts to rain.”

Donghae looked at him as if he’d never seen him before. “I…, that’s not…” But Hyukjae stopped him with a shake of his head. “It’s ok. I cry too sometimes.” And with that he pulled the other close into his arms and held him as tightly as he could. For a while none of them said a word. The only sounds around them were a few birds and the sound of breathing.

“You know,” Hyukjae was whispering near Donghae’s ear “Sometimes I can’t wait till that time when we’ll meet again and know there will be no more saying goodbye at the end of the afternoon.” Donghae sighed in his arms. “That will still take quite some time, Hyukkie. You know that, right?” When Hyukjae didn’t answer immediately Donghae’s voice got more urgent. “Right? Your are not planning on doing something stupid again, are you?” At hearing the fear in Donghae’s voice he hummed quietly under his breath. “No, don’t worry, we have a deal, right?” But Donghae was still skeptical. And Hyukjae couldn’t really blame him. He did it before. Back then, right after Donghae left. When he thought that he would never see him again. He did something really stupid. But that was all in the past now. Now Donghae was still there. At least from time to time. And in the end, when they’d be together again the time apart will not even matter anymore. Donghae seemed to sense that there was no danger of him doing something stupid and he relaxed again. “You should really go if you want to make it into the city before midnight.” He murmured.

Hyukjae tilted his head back and let out a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Donghae smiled at him. “I’ll see you in a few months?” Hyukjae pulled a face at that. “Yeah, a few months.” He agreed. he leaned forward and closed the gap between their mouths. It was a slow kiss, without any hurry in it. Donghae’s lips were ice cold and Hyukjae noticed for the first time how cold it had gotten around them, now that the sun was almost gone.

They parted and smiled at each other. Both with much less tension than earlier.

Hyukjae leaned forward again to give Donghae a last light peck on his cold lips. “Goodbye.” But this time it was Donghae’s time to stop him. “Goodbye? We don’t say goodbye, remember? We say: See you later!” He felt a warm feeling going through his heart at those words and he nodded as he let go of Donghae and turned around back onto the path. “You’re right. See you later.” He called over his shoulder and walked down the path he came on earlier without daring to look back. He noticed a long time ago that he wasn’t able to leave at all if he looked back. He walked the whole path back, now no longer appreciating the dark trees around him so much. Somehow this place only ever felt got to him when he was arriving, never when he was leaving.

As he stepped through the gate that had the parking lot on the other side he noticed the first drops of rain on his hand. For a few moments he stood absolutely still as he looked at the now dark sky. If he concentrated hard he felt like he could still hear the whisper of Donghae’s voice in the wind. “I know.” He sighed as he finally stepped through the cemetery gate and towards his car. “I know. See you later!”